JK Rowling Is A Wizard

by Alex C. McDonald

  “Yeah probably is, but she’s remembered. Ha ha, this is my opportunity,” said Jasper, pulling out one of those really expensive Canon cameras from his Hagrid rucksack.

  “Opportunity? But you’ve seen JK Rowling tons of times,” I said.

  “Not like this,” said Jasper. “Look, Sean, it actually is good to see you, but why don’t we save that apology for another time.”

  Then, off Jasper bounded. A small Hagrid racing past the long queue. What was he talking about? I mean if JK Rowling really was there, what was the desperation to see her? I had met her several times at book signings with Jasper. Was he really that desperate to meet her again?

  I pitied him. I guess it is a bit sad really, watching a grown man run after a children’s author dressed as a children’s character, in some kind of pathetic hero worship. Although, he is the one that appears to be doing quite well for himself and following his dream, while I’m the sad loser who got fired today and had the girl he fancied pinched from right under his nose.

  Wait a minute, I think I’m the pathetic one.

  “Erm, Lilly, sorry to be so rude, but I think I’m going to go after my old friend,” I said.

  “Yes, Sean, you should. This could be part of your life destiny,” said Lilly in her very hippy fashion.

  “Right, yes, perhaps you’re right,” I said. “Jasper wait!”

  Chapter 5

  She’s A Witch

  I raced past the crowd, trying to keep an eye on the ducking and weaving Hagrid. The annoyed fans were dispersing and I was losing sight.

  “Excuse me,” I said to a few people. “Sorry……Could I just get through?”

  Until suddenly, I saw Jasper dart around a corner. Dammit, I may have lost him. I jogged to the corner and looked down the street, he was gone. Wow, was he quick to have cleared this street. He must have been working out too, which made me feel even more insecure about more own fitness level.

  I decided to keep jogging down the street in the hope of seeing him. Although, I was beginning to feel a bit stupid about the whole thing. Maybe this wasn’t meant to be after all?

  I think I was following some kind of hope anyway. Nothing like having salt thrown on the wound after a day of getting fired, losing out on the girl I’ve fancied and then meeting your old best friend and then discovering that he’s rich off your dream.

  “To hell with this world!” I yelled.

  “Sean?” It was Jasper, poking his head out from an alleyway.

  “Jasper?”

  Jasper then motioned me over to him, placing a finger over his mouth to indicate to me to be quiet. What was going on?

  I poked my head around the corner and saw that Jasper was hiding behind a large garbage bin. Though it was dark, further down the alleyway, to my absolute astonishment, was none other than the great wordsmith herself.

  “Is that JK Rowling down there?” I whispered, a little uncertain due to the darkness.

  “Ssh,” said Jasper. “Yes, it is and be very quiet, I’ve been working on this for over a year.”

  Carefully, Jasper aimed his camera out towards JK Rowling and began recording.

  “What’s going on? What have you been working on?” I whispered.

  “She’s remembering,” said Jasper.

  “Remembering what?”

  “Just watch,” said Jasper.

  As I looked intently down the dark alley at my former hero, who had crafted the great epic that I had once loved so much, my heart began to flutter a little as I was certain she took out a wand from the inside of her coat. She studied it for a while as if finding something she had long lost. She ran her index finger across its jagged edges and seemed to be muttering something to herself, as if trying to remember the answer to some difficult puzzle. She then held the wand up above her head.

  “Lumos!” commanded JK Rowling. I waited in sheer anticipation, what in the world was I witnessing? It took but a couple of seconds before the tip of the wand began to glow. The light started ever so softly, and grew until it lit up the dark alley.

  “Merlin’s beard!” I exclaimed in a whisper. ‘Merlin’s Beard’ is of course what the characters in the Harry Potter books would say instead of ‘good grief’ or ‘Oh My God’. I hadn’t used that phrase in years, but it felt suitably fitting in this extraordinary moment.

  “Merlin’s beard indeed,” replied Jasper smiling. He had captured the whole thing on film.

  “Reeeooooow!” went the screech of a black cat behind us, scaring the living daylights out of us.

  “Who’s there?” said JK Rowling.

  “Oh no! We’ve been found, we’ve got to get out of here?” said Japer. I looked at the black cat.

  “Is it Professor McGonagall? Is she here too?” I said in a mixture of panic, fear, excitement and a real desire for Jasper to yes.

  “No, you blithering idiot, but wizards and witches yes, and we’ve got to get out of here before they obliviate us and destroy this video we’ve just got,” said Jasper. “Come on!”

  “Obliviate us? You mean wipe our memory clean?” I said, but Jasper was already racing off down the street.

  “Who are you?” said JK Rowling who was walking up the alley. A thunderous blast smashed into the wall just above me that had been fired from the street. Bricks came flying off the wall, but luckily all missed me.

  “Did you get them?” I heard voices saying from the street.

  “No,” said another.

  “It’s your damn magical object, well and truly inaccurate!”

  I had no idea whose voices they were, but I knew one thing, I needed to get out of there immediately.

  “I’m a big fan, Ms. Rowling, but I really must be off,” I said. “Huh, you’re a wizard. How about that?”

  I then turned and ran.

  “A witch, young man, I’m a witch, if I were a wizard I’d be male,” called out JK Rowling, but I couldn’t stop and chat (as much as I desperately wanted to), because my life was in danger and it was exhilarating!

  Despite the imminent danger, I couldn’t help but smile, as I ran as fast as I could after my childhood friend Jasper. This feeling inside of me was incredible, my whole body buzzed with warmth and happiness. Hairs all over my body stood on end as a fuzzy, wonderful energy flowed over me. It was like a grown man discovering that Santa Claus was actually real and connecting with a magic that I hadn’t felt for a very, very long time. It was the magic of childhood.

  I laughed in joy as I turned around the corner, following Jasper, who was still dressed as Hagrid, albeit with his beard falling off. He whistled to hail a black cab that was driving by.

  “Quick, Sean get in the cab!” said Jasper, who also had a huge beaming smile spread across his face. We both clambered into the back of the black cab.

  “Where are you two off to? Hogwarts?” said the taxi driver sarcastically, looking Jasper up and down. Another blast with the furiousness and power of the one before flew across the bow of the cab. Surprisingly, the taxi driver was looking at us waiting for instructions and completely missed it. We didn’t though and Jasper quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of cash and threw a few notes at the cab driver.

  “We don’t care where, just go, go. Now!” shouted Jasper.

  “All right, all right, hang on. We’ll get going,” said the taxi driver. Off he took.

  “Faster, faster!” shouted Jasper. Two figures suddenly jumped in front of the cab, the driver quickly swerved, narrowly missing the shadowy figures.

  “Blimey! What’s going on? Are you two in some sort of trouble?” said the driver as he put his foot on the accelerator and sped off down the road, sensing the urgency of the situation. “Do I need to call the police?”

  Jasper quickly threw him another 10 pound note.

  “Your discretion is preferable, just a snooker bet that went sour,” said Jasper quickly and smartly.

  “A snooker bet, ‘ey?” said the driver.

  “Yeah.”

  “In that
costume?”

  “Yes.”

  The driver rolled his eyes, there wasn’t much more to ask. I desperately wanted to talk about what had happened, but I remembered what Jasper had said just before he ran after JK Rowling outside the bookstore. Had he been working on this for over a year? Has he (And me) discovered an actual wizarding world?

  I had so many questions, but Jasper put his finger to his mouth to indicate to me to stay quiet. I felt he would tell me all, but for now we couldn’t say anything in front of the taxi driver.

  “So where should I drop you off then?” said the taxi driver.

  “Soho,” said Jasper, then he looked at me. “That’s where my apartment is.”

  Soho, bloody frickin’ Soho! How has he managed to afford to buy an apartment in Soho!

  Chapter 6

  The Ultimate Fanboy Collection

  “I can’t believe what just happened!” I said, finally able to talk as we got out of the taxi onto the bustling streets of Soho.

  “Settle down, Sean. We’re not in cover yet,” said Jasper, pulling out his asthma inhaler, shaking it and then taking a deep breath out of it. “Come on, we’ll talk inside.”

  I followed Jasper through the street to an entrance for an apartment block. We then went up a couple of flights of stairs. I could hardly hold in everything I wanted to say, it was incredible. I had just seen JK Rowling actually perform magic and was then chased through London by what I think were wizards!

  I was so happy when he opened the door so that I could finally begin to talk, but when he did I could no longer speak a word because of what I saw.

  Jasper’s trendy and expensive apartment in Soho, was chock full of mountains of Harry Potter merchandise, to the point where if you weren’t into Potter you would find it a little creepy. Shelves were full of Harry Potter books and toys, boxes were stacked high on top of each other that were labelled with different Harry Potter merchandise (Such as 2004 HP toys), Harry Potter themed ornaments hung from the ceiling. There was barely a piece of normal furniture in his apartment, because there wasn’t any room for it.

  “This is a lot of Harry Potter merchandise you have here, Jasper,” I said taking a signed copy of ‘The Prisoner of Azkaban’ off a shelf.

  “Yes, I thought you’d like it,” replied Jasper, who had rummaged around all of his stuff and pulled out a laptop and began booting it up. “Stupid things not charged. Where’s the power cord for my computer?”

  “Are all of these books signed copies?” I said.

  “Yes, a lot of them are, or copies owned by celebrities. They fetch a decent price. I have Emma Watson’s copy of ‘Chamber of Secrets’ there if you fancy buying it,” said Jasper.

  “Oh yeah? How much?”

  “Well you’re an old friend, so I could give it to you for five hundred pounds,” said Jasper.

  “Erm, no thanks,” I said. I was beginning to see how he bought an apartment in Soho.

  “So there’s a lot of stuff here, Jasper. A bit uncomfortable living, have you ever thought of getting a storage unit or something,” I said.

  “Well actually, funny you should ask. I’m hoping to sign a lease soon to open up an actual retail shop dedicated to Harry Potter,” said Jasper, putting the computer down and enjoying my line of questioning. It seemed Jasper hadn’t changed much since I last saw him, he still enjoyed talking about his favourite topic, himself. I didn’t mind this time, because I was actually interested.

  “Oh, isn’t that like Harry Potter studios though?”

  “Good question, but no. This will have the unique twist that has made my website a hit with Potter fans. Only really good and special items will appear in the shop, which will attract the purist fans and those with money to spend,” said Jasper.

  “Right. So you’ll move all of this over there then?”

  “Most of it, yes. But not all of it will appear in the store front. Just like those signed books you were looking through, I only have one or two at a time for sale on my website, makes it come across rarer,” said Jasper. “Actually, I might actually be on the lookout to hire a manager to help run the store. You know, someone who has a lot of knowledge about Harry Potter.”

  “Are you offering me a job?”

  “I might be, if you’re interested,” said Jasper. I was about to answer the question, when something caught my eye. In the centre of his lounge room was a glass case.

  “Is that what I think it is?” I said. Jasper grinned and nodded. I darted over to it and looked down, amazed to see the rarest and possibly one of the most valuable Harry Potter collector’s items on the market. A handwritten copy of ‘The Tales of Beedle the Bard’. JK Rowling had handwritten 7 copies and distributed them to friends. In 2007, one of the copies had sold for 1.95 million pounds!

  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” said Jasper as we both were almost drooling over the valuable manuscript.

  “How-how did you get it? And my God, Jasper. How much bloody money have you got?” I said.

  “Well, technically, this is a copy,” said Jasper.

  “What? A copy?”

  “Yes, I made the copy. I’m competing with Sotheby’s for the right to sell a copy for a client of mine. The real one is locked away in a bank vault,” said Jasper.

  “Hang on. So firstly, you copied the manuscript of Beedle the Bard?” I said.

  “Word-for-word. All 6,000 words of it and illustrations.”

  “That’s dedication.”

  “I could have spent hours with that manuscript.”

  “I think you’re a bit bonkers Jasper. It must have taken you ages.”

  “You know me, I’ve always been a bit on the weird side, but it seems to have served me well up to now,” said Jasper.

  “It certainly has,” I said and then looked behind me. I had missed a wall when I had walked into his apartment and now saw it. I stood up and inspected it with curiosity.

  It was like a wall dedicated to solving a crime at a police station. There were loads of articles and photographs pinned up about JK Rowling, with strings linking some, and tons of post-it-notes stuck all over the wall with little notes.

  “It’s pretty incredible, isn’t it,” said Jasper, placing a hand on my shoulder. “She’s actually a witch.”

  “Is it actually real, Jasper, because I really, really want it to be?” I said.

  “I’ve been working on this for over a year now, Sean. Tonight, with you, we witnessed magic. JK Rowling making magic from a spell. Then we were chased by two wizards,” said Jasper.

  “Why were they chasing us?”

  “They were protecting her,” said Jasper, pointing to a picture of JK Rowling.

  “Protecting her, from what?”

  “I can’t be 100% sure, but I have a theory. Somehow, I believe, Rowling put a memory charm on herself, which caused her to completely forget her magical world power. However, the memories still reside in her mind somewhere and sometimes her mind finds those lost memories and she remembers the truth. The truth that she is a witch with magical powers,” said Jasper.

  “So why are they protecting her? Other witches and wizards, I mean.”

  “Who knows? I’ve just got the best evidence I’ve ever had tonight and I need to upload to my blog for evidence and from there I can build on it more.”

  “This seems really dangerous, Jasper. I mean how much harm were those two wizards trying to do to us tonight?”

  “You’re right, Sean, it is dangerous and I think they’ve been following me for a while now, but I can’t give up now, I just can’t. All this merchandise is great and I love that I’ve been able to carve out a career for myself working somehow with Harry Potter, but the truth of all this is nothing compared to finding out that the Harry Potter world is actually real,” said Jasper.

  “How deep does this go?” I said. “I mean, is platform 9 and ¾ real? Diagon alley?” I then gasped in excitement. “Hogwarts? Jasper is Hogwarts real?”

  “Calm down, Sean. I know you’re
excited, I was too when I first began noticing anomalies in JK Rowling’s movements. It became evident to me when she attended a lunch event in London and that same day appeared at an event in New York. Okay, granted time difference and plane flights could maybe just make it all fine, but who can get through airport security that quickly? But tonight, tonight Sean, is when I have gotten my stone-cold evidence and the whole world is going to see it.”

  Suddenly, the power went out.

  “Oh, bugger. They’ve found us,” said Jasper.

  “Who? The wizards?” I said, panicking.

  “Yes, the wizards. We need to get out of here,” said Jasper.

  Jasper began rummaging around in the dark and then pulled out a small suitcase from the piles of merchandise.

  “I packed this suitcase a few months back when I first suspected that wizards were following me. Come on, we need to get out of London.” Jasper whipped up his camera and ran for the front door.

  “Out of London? But, my life is here,” I said meekly.

  “Well, Sean, tonight you entered into a whole new life. One which I have no idea how far down the rabbit hole we actually are. Plus, I think those wizards may kill us,” said Jasper.

  “Kill us?” I replied.

  “Yes,” said Jasper. He opened his door about to dart out, but there in front of him stood an angry looking fellow in a long black-trench coat. He had scruffy messy hair, deep brown eyes and an unshaven face on pale white skin. He looked up and smiled evilly, aiming a peculiar weapon of choice at Jasper, a curved PVC plumbing pipe.

  “Hand over the camera,” said the man.

  “Er, why?” said Jasper.

  “Stupefy!” said the man. Out shot a bolt of light from the curved pipe and it flew across the room, narrowly missing Jasper’s face. It hit a replica of the erised mirror from Harry Potter then flew right back at its producer, smashing into his abdomen.

  The presumed wizard then smiled stupidly and his eyes rolled back, before he collapsed to the ground with a thump. Jasper and I peered at the man.

  “Merlin’s Beard, Jasper! Did he just stupefy himself?” I said.