JK Rowling Is A Wizard

by Alex C. McDonald

  The search engine was fast and suddenly there she was, my heart fluttered as I saw her profile picture. I clicked on it further. University of Glasgow, PHD in Celtic Studies. Oh my God, there she was. Just like I remembered. She wasn’t the awkward, podgy looking Beryl that was my friend in high school. She was slim and didn’t wear glasses. There was no way in the world that I could have imagined this.

  “I knew it,” I said out loud. “I’m not mad, except I’m talking out loud to myself, which I heard once is the first sign of madness. But I’m right. I’ve got to get to her.”

  I closed down the computer, I grabbed my dad’s keys and silently opened the door and went straight to his car. I started it up and drove. Drove all night, to Scotland.

  The drive felt so familiar as if I had done this kind of desperation drive before. Though the last time I was sat in the passenger seat and Beryl had been driving.

  “I knew it, this was all true,” I said to myself over and over again.

  I arrived really early in Scotland, so I grabbed some coffee and a quick snooze in the car before I began seeing life appear on the university’s campus. I began asking students directions to where a Professor of Celtic Studies might be and they directed me through the campus.

  The beautiful architecture in this old campus was lost on me, though I could think of it as Hogwartish. Normally, I would appreciate its majesty, but I needed to see Beryl. I ran to the building where Celtic Studies was housed and almost fell over as I opened the door and there right in front of me was Doctor Beryl Winters, PHD. She looked at me, confused.

  “Sean?” she said. I was gob-smacked she remembered my name.

  She looked exactly as I had remembered. Lost all the weight from her childhood, stunning hair, lovely smile. She was drop dead gorgeous. I didn’t know what to say, it was so life affirming to see her look exactly the way I had supposedly been imagining her. I was right, I was right.

  “Beryl,” I said finally. “Thank God you’re alive.”

  “Oh, yes, are you okay, Sean?” said Beryl. I think she was indicating to me that we shouldn’t talk here in public as people were beginning to give us looks.

  “Ah, yes, you’re right. We shouldn’t talk here, we should find a better place,” I said taking her hand. “They might be watching. Do you know somewhere we can be out of earshot?”

  “Sean, let go of me,” said Beryl wriggling her hand out of mine. “Look, I don’t know who you think you are, but you’re acting crazy. I mean, we haven’t seen each other in like two years and before that it was just after high school when I left for here. So really, in all the years that we left school I’ve only seen you once!”

  “What? Two years, no we’ve seen each other a lot since then,” I said. Beryl looked around and then grabbed me by the sleeve and pulled me to the side of the path to speak to me more subtlety.

  “Look, Sean, this is really inappropriate that you are here. This is my place of work,” said Beryl.

  “I know Beryl, but this is important,” I said. “You know it is.”

  “Um, okay, Sean I had heard that you were having a little trouble, I mean when we met two years ago in that pub in Hampsteadshire the conversation did get a bit far-fetched,” said Beryl.

  “Far-fetched? What do you mean?” I said.

  “I mean, you got pretty drunk and of course, being us, the conversation turned to Harry Potter, but you started talking about how magic could be real and how amazing it would be to actually be wizards,” said Beryl.

  “Right?” I said.

  “Yes, well that conversation does sound harmless enough, but you were going on and on and on about it. You got quite drunk, I had to call you a taxi. I was just down in Hampsteadshire for a few days to visit my brother. I came back to Scotland the next day after and honestly felt like I had moved on from our friendship so I never reached out again,” said Beryl.

  “What? Come on Beryl, you said the spell. That night in London, I heard you whisper it,” I said.

  “I beg your pardon, spell?” said Beryl.

  “Yes, Finite Incantatem,” I said.

  “Finite Incantatem?”

  “Yes, it’s a counter spell,” I said.

  “I know what the spell is, Sean. What are you talking about, that I said it?” said Beryl.

  “You did, Beryl. Just before Rowling, Radcliffe, Grint and Watson tried to obliviate us on Downing Street. Come on, you must remember?” I said. I stared deeply into Beryl’s eyes. I saw a sorrowful look grow on Beryl’s face.

  “Look, Sean, you need to get help. This is not what you think it is,” said Beryl.

  “Oh come on, Beryl? Are you kidding me? We’ve spent the last two years together, falling in love. Long nights of passion. We were conquering the world together. Just the two of us. We were on the cusp of being able to really help the world once and for all. Just the two of us. Beryl, I love you,” I said. Beryl gasped a little and then shook her head.

  “Look, Sean, you’re obviously going through a really rough time, but this is not real,” said Beryl.

  “No, no, they got to you. They got to you,” I said.

  “No, Sean, no one got to me. I am really so very sorry, Sean, this obviously seems so very real to you, but its not. Look, we shared something together when we were kids, I mean you were the one that basically taught me how to read, but that was a long time ago now, I’ve moved on. I’m engaged,” said Beryl holding up her left hand.

  “What? Engaged?” I said.

  “Yes, I got engaged like three weeks ago to someone I do love, very dearly,” said Beryl taking out her phone. “This is him.”

  She flicked through a few photographs. It made my stomach churn and it made me feel a little dizzy. I looked at all these photographs of Beryl with this other man. They looked happy. Pictures of them at events, restaurants, pubs and on holiday.

  “You said you didn’t want to marry me? You said you wanted to take over the world with me, show the world the benefits of magic,” I said.

  “Pardon, Sean?” said Beryl.

  “This is too much for me,” I said stumbling a little, as I felt a little faint.

  “Careful Sean,” said Beryl, grabbing hold of me to steady me.

  “I loved you, I mean I still love you. Don’t you remember anything,” I said looking deep into her eyes. Beryl shook her head.

  “I don’t understand what you’re talking about, Sean,” said Beryl. “Magic and taking over the world. It sounds a bit crazy.”

  I shunned her away and took a couple of steps down the path. I staggered a little, the exhaustion of not having properly slept the night before and this devastating news. A daunting thought passed over me, something that Doctor Brown had been earnestly trying to convince me of and something which I lied that I agreed with him about, just so I could get released.

  “Oh fuck,” I said. “I’ve completely made everything up in my head.”

  “Are you okay, Sean?” said Beryl. “Look, I have a lecture this morning, but maybe we can catch up afterwards to talk. You seem distressed. Or perhaps I can call someone for you?”

  I didn’t answer though, I couldn’t. I couldn’t even turn around and look at Beryl, I just walked away and then ran. I had to run. Run far away from Beryl. I ran right out of the university campus, but not knowing where to run to I just went back to my dad’s car and sat in the driver’s seat staring out the window at nothing in particular. I felt vacant inside.

  I let out a loud scream and banged hard on the steering wheel in frustration. What the hell? Seriously. Am I actually bloody mad? Have I imagined this?

  I was startled by a phone ringing. I looked down on the floor and saw my dad’s mobile phone. He must have left it in his car. I picked it up and saw that it was my mother calling. I slid the answer button across and then held the phone to my ear.

  “Sean? Sean?” said my mum, but I couldn’t answer. Tears started rolling down my cheeks, the tears then turned into sobs. “Sean, is that you? Are you okay? Where
are you? Please say something.”

  “Yes, Mum, it’s me, it’s Sean,” I said through sobs.

  “What’s going on dear? Are you okay? Where are you?” said Mum.

  “Scotland, Mum, I’m in Scotland,” I said.

  “Scotland! What are you doing in Scotland?” said Mum.

  “I’m in Glasgow. I had to see Beryl, Mum, I had to know that what everyone was telling me was right. That I truly had gone mad,” I said.

  “What happened?” said Mum.

  “She remembered nothing, Mum, she knew nothing about the magic or the past two years. In fact, she’s engaged to get married. She never wanted to marry,” I said.

  “It’s okay, Sean, it’s okay, but now you know. Dad and I are still here for you though,” said Mum.

  “I know, I know. I want to come home now,” I said. “This is hard, but I want to move on.”

  Chapter 31

  Moving On

  Time went by. I must have stayed in bed for about month after I got back to Hampsteadshire from Scotland. Doctor Brown visited me almost daily.

  Then, one day I got out of bed and went for a walk, and then another walk. Until I began jogging every day and Doctor Brown’s visits became less and less frequent.

  I saw a job for a small food delivery company that was looking for someone to help on a van. I got the job. It didn’t pay much, but it was something. I was up at 3 every morning, delivering food to restaurants, schools and various other places.

  After a few months of doing that job, I stopped seeing Doctor Brown as he noted remarkable improvement. I was feeling good and decided to move out to a small flat, to get my own space.

  Though there was an itch in me, an itch that many people feel, I wanted more than being a delivery man. It was on one occasion when my boss called me at 10am when I had just finished my rounds to let me know that a delivery to a local primary school had been incorrect and that I needed to go and amend the order. I had no problem with doing this, so after a quick stop off at the warehouse I drove off towards the school.

  Normally, any delivery I made to schools was well before any teachers or children arrive at school, so it was an interesting experience stepping into a school that was alive. I had not been to a school with students in it since I finished high school.

  As I wheeled my delivery through the corridors of the Primary School, I noticed children sat out on desks trying their hardest to read to parent volunteers, I spotted a teacher holding a book up to a class of young people reading out loud to them, I saw a class browsing the shelves of the school library looking for their next read and that itch that I had suddenly felt scratched.

  I remembered how I had helped Beryl learn to read and how satisfying that experience had been.

  That night my parents had me over for dinner.

  “I think I want to be a Primary School Teacher,” I said.

  “That sounds nice, son,” said Dad.

  “What a good idea,” said Mum.

  And that was that. I found a course where I could study my Postgraduate Course in Education and I was away. I thoroughly enjoyed the course. I learned about different learning styles, the newest trends in education, and spent many weeks being taught how to actually teach by teachers at schools. It was one of the best years of my life, I suddenly felt like I had a purpose.

  After graduating, I was placed at a local school teaching year 4. I grew as an educator and began to feel something that many people crave, happiness.

  After two years of teaching at the local school, I began to feel like a move was on the cards and though I still wanted to teach, I felt London was calling. I found it easy to secure a job in one of the boroughs of London teaching year 3. I began the job with enthusiasm and was happy to be back in the capital, as the big city life suited me.

  At night, I enjoyed just walking the streets by myself, like I had once done in my own make-believe world. I would chuckle to myself as I almost felt like I could remember the micro details of the city as if I had seen them before when I was running DA finances. This was all just a passing memory though, as I never wanted to end up back in that hospital on prescription medication again.

  Years had passed now, and there was nothing that was going to take me back to that dark place again. I was a teacher and was proud of it.

  “Sean?” said an Australian voice on a packed tube train one day. “Sean Morris?”

  I turned around to see a well-dressed woman squeezing through other commuters to get to me.

  “Lilly?” I said. It was my ex-roommate from years ago when I was still working in finance.

  “Yeah, it’s me. Wow, I can’t believe it’s you,” said Lilly, hugging me.

  “I’m surprised to see you too. I mean, wow, look at you,” I said.

  “I know, I’ve dropped the hippy look for a boardroom look,” said Lilly.

  “Wow, really?” I said. “What boardroom?”

  “Well, it’s a non-profit organization, where we help start-ups that are looking to assist impoverished people by getting them jobs in the IT industry,” said Lilly.

  “Oh, okay. So like they give these people a job and train them up?” I said.

  “Well kind of, but it’s mainly we say we’ll fund you, if you give this impoverished person a job. So a small percentage of the funding goes to the salary of the impoverished person,” said Lilly.

  “Oh, and so how long does the job last for?” I said.

  “Oh you know, about a month,” said Lilly.

  “So what happens to the so-called impoverished person?” I said.

  “Well right now they usually go back to being impoverished,” said Lilly.

  “And so then the start-up just takes the rest of your organization’s money?” I said.

  “Yeah, basically,” said Lilly. “We’re still working out the kinks.”

  “Of course, yeah,” I said.

  “Anyway, enough about me. What about you? I mean the last time I saw you was at the JK Rowling signing that we all took you too. Do you remember?” said Lilly.

  “The JK Rowling signing? That actually happened?” I said.

  “Yeah, if I remember correctly you were really down because you had lost your job and lost a girl you were really into,” said Lilly.

  “Oh yeah, that’s right. Did we even get in to JK Rowling?” I said.

  “No, remember she totally bailed, but that didn’t stop you and your friend from chasing after her and trying to see her,” said Lilly.

  “My friend?” I said.

  “Yeah, some friend of yours from high school. You two ran after her. You were dedicated fans,” said Lilly laughing.

  “Yeah, wow, so that night actually happened,” I said.

  “Yeah, totally,” said Lilly. “After that night I never saw you again. Did you ever see JK Rowling?”

  “Er, no actually, I didn’t,” I said. At least I thought I didn’t. I could feel a small panic building inside of me. It wasn’t real, it wasn’t real. I said to myself a few times.

  “Oh, that’s a shame,” said Lilly. “So what are you up to now?”

  “I’m certainly not a wizard, if that’s what you’re asking,” I said, smiling nervously.

  “Oh, well, no I’m not actually. A wizard, hey?” said Lilly.

  “No, not a wizard. I am not a wizard. I’m a Primary School Teacher actually,” I said.

  “No way, that’s so cool. So you teach kids to read and stuff?” said Lilly.

  “Yeah, basically,” I said. The train stopped at Westminster Station.

  “Oh, this is my stop,” said Lilly.

  “Westminster Station?” I said.

  “Yeah, I get to go to Downing Street to talk to some politicians about start-ups,” said Lilly.

  “Downing Street, hey?” I said.

  “Hey, look me up on Instagram, we should catch up,” said Lilly darting off the train. A shiver went up my spine when she said Downing Street. Flashbacks cycled through my mind of that faithful night on Downing
Street that I had completely imagined.

  Also, adding to a growing panic was that Lilly had just confirmed that an event that I thought I had completely made up in my head had actually happened. What exactly happened after that though? Lilly wasn’t a witness to what may have conspired after I had gone running off with Jasper.

  “No, stop it,” I said out loud to myself as if commanding my mind to not go down this path again. I received a number of side glances from fellow commuters, who must have thought I was crazy. I stepped off the train a few stops down the track and began climbing the staircase to the streets of London. I needed to walk all of this off.

  I felt like running back to Westminster and talking to Lilly more about that night, but what use would it do? She would only be able to tell me exactly what she had just said.

  A brand new Bently pulled up next to me. The driver stepped out and opened the back door. A man dressed in an expensive suit and wearing sunglasses stepped out of the car. He was talking on his phone, didn’t see me and so bumped right into me dropping his phone.

  “Hey, watch where you’re going,” said the man.

  “Oh sorry,” I said politely, though it clearly was not my fault, it was his. He picked up his phone from the ground.

  “You know, I’m a very busy man and I don’t need idiots like you breaking my phone when I’m on an important call,” said the man, picking up his broken phone.

  “Gary?” I said.

  “Pardon? Do I know you?” said Gary rudely. “Are you one of these pricks following me around begging me for a job? Well, let me tell you something, I will never give you a job, not now, not ever. In fact, because you’ve broken my phone I’m going to make sure you never get a job in this city at all.”

  “You have no idea who I am, do you?” I said. Gary took off his sunglasses and looked me up and down.

  “You’re a prick, that’s who you are,” said Gary pointing his finger at me. “You know, I hate people like you coming up and begging me for a job.”

  “I’m not asking for a job,” I said, smiling. This was all kind of humourous for me, because seeing Gary confirmed to me one thing, I did not kill him. Also, seeing the fact that he has clearly become rich and successful off my tip and he doesn’t remember who I am.