There were ten unanswered messages in his voicemail from Aiyana alone and another five from Ben. He could guess what they said, and he didn’t feel like hearing it. At no point had he felt like getting back in touch with reality. It seemed so far away from his world now. What was he supposed to say anyway?
When he neared home, he could see his shiny black truck beside the shed, but his parent’s cars were gone. Perfect. He’d expected his dad wouldn’t be there but wasn’t sure if his mom would be at the hospital or not. This way he wouldn’t have to answer any questions. Maybe he’d leave a note for them.
Chance pulled the spare key out and let himself in. The familiar aroma welcomed him as he stepped through the threshold. Nothing had changed since he’d left.
He leapt upstairs to his room. His mom clearly hadn’t contained herself in his absence: the bed was made and there wasn’t a piece of dirty clothing in sight. Unlike how he’d left it. He emptied his bag on the bed and picked out the necessary items, like his wallet, passport and the remaining gold coins he hadn’t cashed out that Niyol had left him. He hid all but one in his sock drawer and put it back in his bag.
If he was going north, then he’d need warm clothing. He pulled out jeans, long sleeve shirts and a sweatshirt, as well as fresh socks and underwear. It had been nearly three years since he’d discovered he was a shapeshifter. Since then, in an evolution, he’d become less and less susceptible to the cold. He didn’t need the clothing so much to stay warm as he needed them to fit in to his environment. Not many oddballs walking around in shorts in fifteen degree temperatures.
When he was done packing he went to his desk, pulled out a piece of paper and jotted down a quick note to his parents letting them know he was fine, but heading out to track down Ana. They’d been separated and he needed to make things right between them. He placed the letter on top of his dirty clothing just as he heard tires on the gravel driveway outside. Chance peered out his window and saw his mom’s sedan driving up to the house.
He pulled on his backpack and waited for the sound of her coming up the front steps. Chance looked downstairs from the crack in his door and watched her come inside. Aiyana’s hair was braided down her back as usual, and she was humming to herself. Taking him completely by surprise, he felt her energy, crackling just below the surface. Nothing strong like a true shifter, but significantly more than the average person.
He supposed it made sense. She was, after all, his mom and Niyol’s daughter. Before he killed Markus he hadn’t been able to sense other’s powers, but now . . .
A hunger awakened in him that he hadn’t felt since Batukhan had stopped him back in Mexico. She can give you the power you need to become truly great. It’s not much, but it will help. She would want this for you.
Aiyana moved through the entry and disappeared in the direction of the kitchen. Chance opened his door and stood on the landing, listening to the radio that was turned on downstairs. Just as his foot touched the first step, a soft rattling noise came from inside his grandfather’s room.
His curiosity got the better of him. Aiyana wasn’t going anywhere. He could take a minute to check and see what it was. Chance soundlessly turned the knob and walked in, shutting the door behind him. His eyes combed the space. Everything was just as it was after he’d passed away. The bed was made and everything was in its place.
Movement at the window drew his attention. A bird was flapping awkwardly at the glass and pecking at the wood. He may not have thought more about it except that the animal had a huge amount of energy radiating from its body. A shapeshifter.
Chance approached the window and stared at the creature. From Niyol’s desk, he picked up a letter opener and then lifted the latch, letting in the blue bird. He held the dull knife in front of him and watched it land on his grandfather’s bed. It tucked its wings to its body and a few stray feathers struck out on one side.
The feathers disappeared quickly as the bird augmented and grew into a fleshy human. Batukhan adjusted himself and used a blanket as a cover.
“Why are you here?” Chance whispered. “I thought I made it clear that I didn’t want to stick with you any longer.”
“I don’t think it is best for you to come home and be around your loved ones yet. Not until the voices are removed.”
Chance lifted the letter opener. “I don’t trust you. I won’t be herded like cattle for the slaughter.”
Batukhan blinked. “I don’t trust you either right now. I never finished telling you my story. I think now is the best time. Have a seat and I’ll tell you my sad tale.”
Without moving his eyes from him, Chance quietly pulled out the chair from Niyol’s desk and sat down.
“I told you that I was a soldier in Genghis Khan’s army and that I started out as a messenger. Lifen knew of my shapeshifting abilities and she was the only one who knew my secret. Well, my abilities gave me the opportunity to excel through the ranks of the army. No one was faster than I at delivering messages. When I gave important information to Khan about opposing armies’ attack plans, something I came by when flying overhead, I quickly became a valued secret soldier. I could sneak anywhere undetected and execute enemies, something I was used for on a regular basis. I often took the form of the blue wolf when taking lives or the eagle when traveling. My new position kept me from visiting Lifen, and years would go by between visits.” Batukhan’s arms flexed as he spoke and his expression turned bitter. The hardened edge Chance had detected upon their first meeting was made more prominent now.
“On one unfortunate mission I met another shapeshifter and I barely escaped with my life, although he wasn’t so lucky. When I killed him, I took his power and from then on I heard the echo of his voice wherever I went. I was a changed person. I enjoyed things I never used to. I grew self-important and pleasured in the company of beautiful women in the cities I visited.” Batukhan stared Chance in the eye and paused. “When I returned to the capitol of Western Xia, I stopped to see Lifen only out of habit. It was clear she was saddened by the changes she saw in me, but I did not care because I was drunk with power. She begged me to run away with her, to live a simple life in the hills, away from warfare and temptation. But I didn’t have the strength of character to listen to her. I was selfish and greedy. My love for her was outshone by what I thought was more important—political power, my value to Khan and the wealth of women, money and drink. To remember it now, it gives me pain.”
Batukhan stopped to rub the top of his head and the muscles in his neck pulled tight. The lines of his face seemed to deepen and his eyes were lined with guilt. The sound of the radio downstairs thumped through the floor and he continued to speak softly. “Pain is necessary for growth. If you can learn from my mistakes, then you must listen to me now.”
Chance thought he might actually jump up and grab him, but he settled in his spot on the bed and wrung his hands together. “It had been over ten years since I’d met and fallen in love with Lifen. Many things changed in that time. Western Xia broke their alliance with Mongolia, questioning their military might. They infuriated Genghis Khan, who swore the annihilation of their people. It took him years, but he destroyed garrisons and cities until he reached the capital and watched his enemy’s army destroyed. Satisfied with Xia’s defeat, Khan left the summer heat to oversee a campaign against the neighboring kingdom. At the time, I had been sent ahead to check on the enemy’s forces. When I returned, I discovered his plans for murdering Xia’s emperor and family. Khan had already stopped just short of genocide, and he wouldn’t be pleased until he saw them wiped out. I was ordered to join the other forces who’d been sent to ransack the palace, but when I hesitated, I was threatened with hot silver poured in my eyes before dying a slow death.
“The whole way to the city, I was tormented about what to do. I knew that deep down I still loved Lifen, but I didn’t want to disappoint Genghis. I flew as fast as I could to the capital to hide her from Khan’s soldiers, or maybe it was to carry out my orders and to save m
yself from my master’s fury. I only remember glimpses from when I arrived at the palace. I can recall Lifen’s bloody, clawed up body and her still heart. After reaching my energy out to save her, I was a razor’s edge from death, but that is all I know. Whatever happened left a hole in my memory and my powers. I’ve never been able to fully transform into an animal since then—you may have noticed my limp.” Batukhan grabbed his leg. It appeared the weight of the world was held in his heart and displayed on the lines of his face.
Chance recalled Batukhan’s animal forms never seeming quite right. “Yeah, I noticed. But you obviously healed Lifen. You made her into a shifter healer, or did that come later?”
“I made her what she is. But I’m not proud of it. For a long time, I thought she’d died that day. My compatriots found my body and brought me back to the closest Mongolian encampment where I took months to heal. My misery kept me from healing. I returned to Genghis’s war party, feeling lost and confused. It was there that I saw her again, and in those moments, time slowed and I thought she was a ghost. When she saw me, I realized she was real and I was so happy, but she made it very clear she never wanted to see me again. She claimed I’d killed the Princess Chaka, herself and countless others in blue wolf form, one of my favorite shapes for taking lives. Even though I’d brought her back to life, it was inconsequential. The damage was done. She disappeared and I realized what I’d become. I went in search of a healer who could free me from the personality that was trapped in my head. I vowed to earn atonement for the people I’d hurt and the pain I’d caused in my youth. I may never gain penance, but I won’t stop trying. I tell you this, Chance, because you are at a crossroad. I know your situation, because I’ve lived it. I know you love your Ana, like I love Lifen. Do not make the same choices I did. You must protect her and your family from yourself until you are healed. You do not want Ana’s blood on your hands.” Batukhan held his hands out and Chance could almost imagine them covered with red.
Listen, Chance.
Niyol’s soft whisper swept through Chance’s thoughts and his heartbeat quickened. He stared at Batukhan’s face and saw only honesty reflected back at him. Chance pinched his eyes shut.
Don’t listen to him. He only wants to toy with you before he kills you. Never trust another shifter.
The same voice Chance had grown so accustomed to argued back. Only problem was, he didn’t want Ana’s blood on his hands, or his mother’s. He recalled what he’d been tempted to do just before Batukhan had distracted him and his stomach turned in disgust. Too many personalities were at war in his head and he just wanted it to end. He wanted peace and quiet. Chance turned the letter opener in his hands and stared at its gleaming point. There was one thing he could do to end it definitely. He could silence all of the voices now.
I won’t let you.
“Okay,” he whispered. “Help me, but help me fast. I can’t take any more of this. I’d rather be dead than risk hurting anyone. Do you understand?”
Chance opened his eyes and Batukhan was staring at him.
Batukhan gave a nod. “I do. Then we must get moving. We should not be too far from our destination. Drop your bag out the window and we’ll fly down. My pack is just below.”
When they were safe outside and preparing to leave, Batukhan held his hand out to Chance. “Your phone. It is best I hold onto it for now. So you’re not tempted.”
Without thinking, Chance reached into his backpack, pulled it out and dropped it into Batukhan’s palm. Maybe he was more himself than he’d been in a long time, but when he thought about Ana and her striking green eyes, he had a sinking feeling, like he’d never see her again.
And if he remained this way, he hoped he wouldn’t.
Chapter 20
Ana held the phone to her ear and had to sit on the bed when her knees weakened. The voice she’d only recently heard in her dreams was on the other side of the line. It had been over a month since she’d last been with him. When he’d looked at her with a frightening hunger and flew away over the green canopy of the Yucatán.
Her heart squeezed tight in her chest and skipped a beat. He wanted to see her. She could have jumped for joy, but instead a tear traced down her cheek. Ana put her phone on the bed and held her towel to her chest. Drops of water fell from her hair and tapped on the blanket.
The shower had warmed her after the cold adventure outside with the others. She’d been so happy about completing the team challenge for Lifen. Jordan and Derek had volunteered to make lunch if Ryan and Ana would clean up. She hadn’t even expected Chance to call her. Not now. Not after so much time had passed. What had changed?
As tempted as she was to return his call immediately, she thought twice. Maybe she should run it by the guys first. She trusted their opinions, although she wasn’t so sure about mentioning it to Lifen. So, she dried her hair as fast as she could and pulled on her clothes. She half ran, half glided down the hallway in her slippers with her phone in her hand.
Ana found the guys in the dining room eating. A plate of food sat untouched next to Jordan’s seat. She flopped down in her spot and said in an excited whisper, “Guys, I just got a message from Chance!”
All three of them exchanged a wide-eyed glance before looking at her. Derek was the first to respond. “What did he say?”
“He said that he’s back home and that he misses me and wants to see me.”
Then it was Ryan’s turn. “You didn’t call him back, did you?”
“No, not yet. I thought I’d run it by you first.” Ana fidgeted her hands.
“He didn’t mention his . . . condition, did he?” Jordan asked in his logical, analytical manner.
They all studied her in silence, waiting for her response. Ana’s heart fell into her stomach. Maybe if she’d roomed with a house full of teen girls they would have given her the response she was looking for instead of the gloom and doom treatment.
“No,” she said.
Derek reached out and touched her arm. “Hey, I think it’s great he’s not dead ‘n all. That’s good news.”
Ryan sighed and put his food down. His wet blond hair hung into his eyes and she could see that he didn’t want to say anything. “I’d love to joke around right now, and tell you that it’s pathetic to make up a boyfriend, but c’mon. You came here for a reason, right? You were just talking about needing to learn how to help the guy. I don’t know a lot about the sickness, but everything I’ve heard isn’t good. Maybe your luck’s better than mine—sunshine and daisies, but you’ve gotta be real. He could hurt you.”
“Good thing we accomplished the team challenge today,” Derek said. “Lifen’s happy, so you should go ask her about what you need to know. If you wanna see your boyfriend, you’d better know what you’re doing.”
Ana let their words sink in. As much as she wanted to argue with them, to tell them they didn’t know Chance, she had to concede that maybe she didn’t either. Not anymore. He’d sounded very much like the man she’d fallen in love with, but how could she gauge anything off of a short message? Maybe they were right. But if they were, then she needed Lifen’s help.
She stood up and pushed away from the table. “You’re right. I’m going to talk with her now.”
Derek waved her back. “Sit down.”
“Don’t you think you should eat first, Ana?” Jordan wiped his mouth with a napkin.
Ana’s stomach gurgled and she realized just how hungry she was after a long morning of activity and excitement. She sat down and picked up her sandwich.
“Okay,” Jordan said, “when you go to talk with Lifen you want to be humble and appreciative. You want to show respect and be patient. If you’re anxious she’s going to send you to the meditation room.”
Ryan snorted. “Quick, Derek, make some crib notes. He’s sharing his wisdom.”
“Shut up, man,” Jordan said. “I’m trying to help her.”
Ryan’s and Derek’s eyes widened in surprise. Ana started laughing and the guys joined in.
Jordan’s cheeks reddened and Ana patted his shoulder. “I like this side of you, Jordan, and thanks for the advice. I appreciate it.”
Ana ate quickly. When she got up to take the dishes into the kitchen, Derek chased her off.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “We’ll take care of it. You go do your thing—good luck.”
“Thanks!” She felt like giving all of them hugs but thought they’d get weirded out by it, so she turned down the hallway and tried calming herself down. She could feel her heart beating in her throat and her palms were sweaty.
You can do this, Ana. Just don’t get impatient. Be honest.
Lifen would be in one of two places at this time of day. She didn’t usually eat breakfast or lunch with them because she often meditated quietly by herself. Ana peered into the meditation room and, finding it empty, went to the end of the hallway to Lifen’s bedroom door. She breathed out slowly and knocked.
“Lifen? May I come in?”
A minute passed, and Ana knocked again. She heard movement behind the door before it opened.
“Hello, Ana. I was just up in my lookout room meditating.”
“It’s a nice day for it. The sun’s out—bet the skiers are on the slopes in Banff.”
“Yes, I imagine they are. Is there something I can do for you?”
Ana looked Lifen in the eye and answered, “Can I talk to you?”
Her mentor opened the door all the way and welcomed her inside. “Why don’t we go up to the lookout?”
Ana followed her through her room to the stairwell that led up to the glass room. She pulled a cushion to the center of the space and sat down cross-legged besides Lifen. It was almost too bright from the sun illuminating the snow outside, but she didn’t mind. It fooled the senses enough to make her forget it was winter.
“Your arrival here has been good for the boys. I have seen positive change in them. Even though at the beginning you were concerned Jordan and Ryan didn’t like you.”
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