“I didn’t really say anything before . . .”
“You didn’t have to, Ana. I could sense your feelings. Remember, I’m a healer too.”
Ana shook her head. “Right, of course. Well, I like the guys. They’re my friends. They’re good people.”
Lifen turned her face to watch an eagle glide across the air currents outside. “This isn’t what you came to discuss, is it?”
“Not really. First, I want to thank you for bringing me into your home and for teaching me. I know you have other students who aren’t like me and it’s not just a one-on-one education like Chance had, but I’m anxious to learn more about healing. This is why I came here—to be able to save a shifter from the sickness.”
Her mentor didn’t appear surprised or agitated. She simply stared out at the rugged landscape. Ana wasn’t sure if she’d even heard her because of her lack of reaction, until she spoke. “I knew you would come to me, and I’ve known what your purpose is. You always wished to save him and I’ve always wished more for you. It must be clear to you that I don’t think very highly of shapeshifters. They’re simply men with more power, which I have learned in my lifetime isn’t a benefit to anyone but themselves.”
“What happened?” Ana asked. “Who hurt you so bad?” She hoped her mentor wouldn’t shut down about her past, like previous inquiries.
“I once loved a man as much as you love your Chance. It was a very long time ago. So long ago, it almost feels like a dream. I was a handmaiden to the princess of my kingdom. I was proud of my duties and did my job with pride. It was a tumultuous time, wars were common between the kingdoms and the Mongolians were a rising force under Genghis Khan’s control.”
Lifen’s face soured at the mention of the famous ruler and Ana noticed her hands clench. History wasn’t her strong suit, but she knew if Lifen was alive that long ago, she had to be at least the eight hundred years the guys had guessed.
“The emperor submitted to Khan’s reign and our territory became his vassal state. The princess was offered to Genghis, although she was not pleased with his manner, but she knew her duty to her father and her people. During this time, I met Batukhan. He was a young courier in the Mongolian army and very handsome, although I would not have paid him any notice if I had not discovered his secret. It took him quite by surprise, the fact that he was a shapeshifter. He seemed so innocent and kind, and my heart was pierced with love.” Lifen’s face softened and her eyes welled with moisture. The happy expression changed Lifen’s face so much, Ana recognized an inner light that she hadn’t seen before.
“Batukhan would visit me when he brought messages to the city and our appreciation for each other grew. I would sneak away with him and he’d show me new animal forms he’d learned. His favorite was the blue wolf because of its importance to the Mongols as a symbol of good luck. As his powers grew, so did his rank in the army. I would see him less and less and then he simply changed. I recall him describing a strange burst of light after he killed an enemy soldier and the voice that echoed in his head. No longer sweet and patient, he was self-important and had no time for an innocent handmaiden. On his last visit I begged him to run away with me. We could have had a simple life together away from the destruction. We could have been happy.” A tear curled down Lifen’s cheek and the light that reflected in her eyes moments earlier flickered out. Lifen’s voice turned cold as she continued, “The emperor had offended Khan and war was coming. I thought if we could live a common life in the mountains away from everything he could become the man I had fallen in love with again, but I was wrong.”
Lifen’s pain was palpable. Maybe it was Ana’s healing abilities that made her sensitive to her mentor’s agony, but Ana had to hold back her tears. She knew that feeling. So many times Ana had yearned to get away, to simply be with Chance instead of worrying about what trouble would come around the next corner.
A vein in Lifen’s forehead grew pronounced and a fire burned in her narrowed eyes. “Genghis Khan was so maddened by the emperor that he went from city to city. My people were killed without remorse. Hundreds of thousands of Tangut voices were silenced. I have known no other so evil, and pray I never meet his equal.” Lifen covered her face for a moment, regaining composure, and said through her pale, long fingers, “We hoped it was over. Khan had destroyed our army and had conquered the capital. The emperor was in peace talks with the Mongols, but they had other plans. My fear at the sound of Mongol soldiers killing people in the palace turned to relief when I ran into the Princess’s chambers and saw the blue wolf. I thought Batukhan had come to save me, but then I saw Chaka’s limp body and the blood that stained his jaw. I begged him not to kill me, but he didn’t listen. He turned on me like I had never meant anything to him and tore my chest apart with his claws. After the pain stopped, I was at peace. My spirit was free and winding through the forest in the morning light, but without warning, I was forced back into my body. I awoke to find death all around. Batukhan lay beside me, still as anything, and the poor princess was barely recognizable. I thought he had killed himself and didn’t stop to notice my wounds were gone. The only thing I could think of was to save myself. So I escaped the palace and city.” The emotion that had bubbled up now submerged to glassy stillness, and Lifen stared at her cupped hands.
Her story was tragic. Ana couldn’t imagine the agony of knowing the love of your life had killed you. Although that didn’t explain how she’d come back to life. “Wait, but he killed you and healed you? That’s how you were turned into a shapeshifter and healer? But how is that possible if he didn’t die?”
“It took some time for me to piece it together. Too late, he must have realized what he had done and tried to save me. Somehow, he didn’t kill himself doing it, but he must have come as close as you can to death. That is the only way he could have planted enough of his power within me to make me what I am. After everything I went through, I lost sight of my peaceful upbringing, and all I could think about was stopping such a violent creature as Genghis Khan. Knowledge of his weakness for a beautiful face and the curve of a waist was well known, and I used it to my advantage. I hid a dagger on my thigh and went to his camp, offering myself to him. He didn’t expect my kiss to produce a wound in his gut, and I didn’t expect to live beyond the attack, but with the rush of adrenaline, I shifted for the first time. His screams drew his bodyguards into the tent, swords drawn, but they didn’t find an attacker, only a blue wolf. I rushed through the camp, frightened and unsure of what was happening. At the outskirts I spotted him, Batukhan. When I ran into him I shifted into human form. He must have thought he was looking at a ghost. I never expected to see him again. I thought he, too, was as good as dead. He claimed not to recall what happened at the palace, but I reminded him of his deceit and shame. Even though he brought me back to life, his actions were unforgivable and I made it clear I never wanted to see him again.”
No wonder Lifen felt the way she did about shapeshifters. Ana had been unprepared for what she’d just heard. It was hard to imagine Chance ever hurting her, although she guessed Lifen never would have imagined it either. Despite everything, it only showed how important it was to help Chance. She had to help him, because who else would?
Ana touched Lifen’s hand. “I’m so sorry, Lifen. I can’t imagine the pain you’ve been through. I’m curious though—how did you learn to cure the shapeshifter sickness?”
“I learned about the sickness from another healer I met later in my travels. She taught me how to remove the foreign imprint of another’s personality from its host. Since it requires cooperation from the shifter, I haven’t had the opportunity to do it many times. Men don’t like accepting help from a woman.”
Ana hesitated before asking the question. “What about Batukhan? Sounds like he got the sickness. Did you ever track him down to help him out?”
“He did as I asked of him and has stayed away, at least out of eyesight. I’ve smelled his scent a few times and can only guess he checks in. I cannot forgive h
is actions.”
How could she get Lifen to understand when her experiences had made such deep scars? Could she understand Ana’s feelings, or was she too jaded from her own experiences?
Ana took a deep breath before venturing to say what she was thinking and put in as much emotion as she could. “He hurt you and I can understand your anger, but Chance hasn’t hurt me. He’s only ever tried to protect me from harm. I know he has the sickness and when I see him again he may be a different person, but if I don’t do everything I can for him like he’s done for me, then I don’t deserve to have the powers he gave me.”
Lifen blinked at Ana, studying her for some time before responding. “You are surprisingly wise for a youngling. I know my experiences do not mirror your own, so I can understand your need to help. Because of this, I will do what I can to help you, but you must understand how dangerous it is to attempt this form of healing. Like I have said, the shifter cannot fight you, or you risk losing part of yourself in the process. I know you haven’t worked with internal injuries and sicknesses yet, so I suppose we can focus on that next. You must be able to see them as clearly as you can see a cut on the arm. This is important for untangling the psyche—you have to see the energy that doesn’t belong.”
Ana couldn’t contain her gratitude and awkwardly reached out to hug Lifen. “Thank you, Lifen! Thank you so much! Can we start now?”
Lifen broke into a smile and actually laughed. “Okay, it happens that I got a call about a sickly fox found wandering beside the highway. I was going to go pick it up this afternoon. You can help me look it over when I get back.”
Ana jumped up and offered her hand to Lifen. She lifted her off the floor and gave her a proper embrace. “Thank you so much.”
The wait had been worth it.
Ana hadn’t been allowed into the therapy room, although there had never been the need. This was the first call Lifen had received about an animal that required rehabilitation since she’d arrived there. It was a small, unpainted space and unlike any veterinary practice. There was no need for medical devices or drugs when a healer treated the animals. The only thing that seemed to fit the setting was the metallic table at the center of the room.
Lifen stood beside a medium-sized dog carrier on the table’s metal surface. Ana could see a tuft of fur in the shadows between the bars of the door. Her mentor unlatched it and waved Ana over.
“She’s really not feeling well so it’s safe to leave this open, but I closed the door to the room. I expect she’ll have a rapid recovery after you’re through with her. We don’t want her running out to where the boys are practicing.”
Ana was tempted to touch the frightened animal, to feel the fox’s soft fur, but she refrained. She didn’t want to scare the creature any more than it already was. It couldn’t even stand on its feet. It just lay panting on the towel laid underneath it.
“Alright, Ana. It is time to go into a meditative state. Let yourself become sensitive to the energy around you and connect with the mapping of the fox.”
Ana used her meditation training and took a deep breath to clear her thoughts. Her butter-yellow core lit up at attention and it flowed throughout her body like her circulatory system. The now familiar energy motes began to glow around her, and then she focused on the sick animal. Blue lines slowly ignited, crisscrossing over its form.
“Seeing beyond the skin of an animal will become second nature to you,” Lifen said, “but first you must learn how to do it. Seeing its mapping is the first step. The second step is looking beyond its shape to see its energy. I know you’ve already begun to see energy in others, but there’s more to it than just light. If you allow yourself to focus long enough you should begin to see a pattern and shady spots within the glow. The dark spots signify unhealthy energy and this is what I want you to look for now.”
She tried not to let Lifen’s instructions distract her from concentrating on the fox. Ana stared at the creature until her vision blurred. The glow from its energy overpowered the blue lines and soon that was all she could see. Minutes passed by, and she tried avoiding looking at Lifen, not wanting the added pressure. The longer she studied the mammal’s radiance, the more uncertain she became about the pattern. Was it really there, or was she seeing things?
Ana blinked and refocused her eyes. Similar to pictures she’d seen of salt magnified, tiny crystal blocks pieced together to make an energy pattern. It was something she hadn’t been able to see on the surface, but that presented itself upon closer inspection, like seeing your own fingerprint close up. The small crystals created their own pattern within the light, an organic puzzle found in nature. Beautiful and unique.
“I see the pattern,” she whispered, afraid to move her attention from the fox, not wanting to lose it.
“Very good. Inconsistencies in the pattern represent issues within. If you scan the entire body of the fox for a break in the rhythm, you should see a shadow or a change in the light.”
Ana did as her mentor said and traced her eyes across the animal’s body, like a human X-ray machine. When she got to the animal’s chest cavity, the crystalline pattern became irregular and jagged. Ana focused closer and saw that the glow of energy did indeed obscure. She reached out her hand and placed it over the fox’s rib cage. Its fur was just as soft as she had imagined. The animal lifted its muzzle off the blanket to glance at her. After locking eyes with Ana, it lay back down and gave a shuddering gasp.
“I can see you found the location of the animal’s sickness,” Lifen said. “The cells are irregular from a cancerous growth. I have hundreds of years’ experience treating many sicknesses and injuries. It will take you time to learn. It is always important to know what is wrong before you act because of energy requirements. The cut you healed on my arm was a beginner’s ability and did not require you to see within my energy makeup because we knew it was a topical wound. You sent energy into my body and aided it to stich up the cells. Injuries and sicknesses that require more energy for healing, beyond a simple regeneration, make more demands on you. It is also necessary to know the proper mapping of the creature you’re healing—knowing human form is second nature to you, but with other animals you need to know the mapping to restore them to health. Then, you must connect yourself with the power around you so it doesn’t pull everything directly from your own reserve. And finally, you have to know how to cut off the siphon. If you feel yourself growing weak, you must shut down the transfer. Just like shapeshifting, being able to heal takes practice. Your abilities will improve the stronger you grow with age and strength. Connect with the power around you before reaching out to the fox. Visualize the proper mapping of the animal. You know fox form, so you know what it should look like. Allow the flow to begin. If you get tired, disconnect. Otherwise, you will know when the creature is healed because the pull will slow significantly.”
For whatever reason, Ana withdrew her hand from the animal’s body, sensing she’d be able to work better from a distance. Instead of studying the fox, she allowed herself to become aware of the swirling energy around her and pulled it inward. When she felt confident, she pushed a fingerling of power out, its yellow light sparkling and shimmering. After a little effort, it connected with the fox.
Calling upon the mapping she’d used to shapeshift into the same animal, she overlaid it onto the sick creature and her power filtered out to do its job. The pace of the flow was much quicker than when she’d healed Lifen. It surprised her and left her breathless, disoriented.
“Focus, Ana. Don’t give too much of your own energy, but pull from around you . . .”
Ana fought to regain control. She reached out to the energy that swirled up from the floor to the ceiling, like a lifeline. It helped slow the stream and she pulled as hard as she could to compensate for her own loss of power. She was growing weak and tired as though she were being bled out, but she didn’t want to give up. It had taken a lot to get Lifen to agree to teach her more healing skills. She was determined to do this, although sh
e could tell she was losing far more than she was taking in. One step forward, two steps back.
Her lips were numb and her fingers cold. She teetered on her feet, and she fell forward against the table.
“Disengage! Disengage—can you hear me?”
Lifen’s voice echoed in her ears. All she wanted to do was close her eyes and go to sleep, but something stopped her. Instead, she went inward, focusing on her core, which was dim and slow to respond. As though she were pulling in a life raft, she withdrew her connection from the fox, and when their energies broke free from each other, she was able to take in a lungful of oxygen.
“Did I do it?” She panted with her face against the cold metal table.
“You are reckless. I was tempted to stop you, but it is best you understand your own limits.”
“You didn’t answer me . . .”
“You nearly did.”
Ana’s heartbeat echoed in her ears. Her body was physically exhausted, as if she’d just run up and down the mountainside and then got leveled by a bus. Now hearing she’d put that much effort out and still hadn’t healed the poor sickly fox, she was crushed.
“Can I try it again?” Ana drew herself up onto her elbows and looked at Lifen.
Lifen gave her a quizzical expression and lifted her hand over the animal. Ana sensed a flow of energy between her mentor and the fox and choked back her tears. She should have been able to do it. If she’d tried harder, then Lifen wouldn’t have had to finish the job.
“You are too weak right now. You need to recover before you try another healing like this again.”
Ana couldn’t look Lifen in the eye; she was so ashamed of herself. Her mentor might not be disappointed with her, but she was. After her insistence to have more training, she fell short of completing the task.
She didn’t really know what to expect when it came to healing—what she’d done so far was nothing compared to what she had just tried. This had been so much harder. She thought of Chance and how he’d saved her life. She could see just how easily a shapeshifter might die attempting it, and that scared her.
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