Rocking the Cowboy

by Skylar M. Cates

  There was a silence.

  “Do we have to be?” Remy sounded hurt.

  Jed cursed softly. Somehow he had put that haunted look back into Remy’s eyes.

  He wanted to comfort him. Kiss him. Not hurt him.

  But Jed was afraid of trusting in it. Afraid he’d be the one left hurting. He’d regret letting Remy into his bed only to have him walk away without a glance. Jed knew better than anybody how having people he cared about walk away hurt. A friendship with Remy he could handle. Anything more? No.

  “Well,” Remy said, “this sucks.”

  Remy ran a hand over his buzzed hair and then frowned, as if missing his famous blond locks. For the first time, Jed considered what it must be like for him, way out here with no awards or adoration, no work that he was used to, not much of anything that he would be familiar with. Not to mention the bucketload of misplaced guilt he carried about Athens. None of that was Remy’s fault, yet he seemed to blame himself. Jed took a deep breath. Whatever else happened tonight, he didn’t want Remy to go away feeling guilty.

  “There’s more I want to say, to get you to understand why Buddy isn’t a small problem. And to make you understand that this isn’t your fault. It goes far back. I craved Buddy’s attention growing up, but wanting him around only left me frustrated. He made promises that he never kept. Baseball games. Barbeques. He was nowhere to be found. Also I wasn’t a creative person. Things are black or white to me. The truth is we didn’t get each other. Whenever we spent time as father and son, we both went away bitterly disappointed. I do remember the time you came to the ranch. I would sneak over to where Buddy and you would be, hear you sing for him and see his face when you did. I—nothing had ever made him look at me that way, and I realized nothing would.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry. While I was following you around with my big crush, you must have hated me.”

  “No,” Jed said quickly. “I never felt like that. You were only a kid. And I could see you were lonely. But that summer? I decided to stop caring. If I stopped caring about Buddy, he couldn’t keep disappointing me. You get hurt enough by the same person over and over, eventually you learn to protect yourself. That’s what I did. So if I were to be with you, and he is a big part of your career, your life—”

  Remy raised his hands, interrupting, “But all that is far away from here. It doesn’t have to mix.”

  There was a long pause.

  Remy sighed. “Okay, I get you. I won’t try and convince you how to feel about Buddy. I get he betrayed you. And maybe when you see me, you can’t get past it.”

  “You won’t try and defend him?”

  “Buddy’s been good to me for a long time now, so I’m loyal to him. But yeah, I would never tell somebody how to feel about their own family. And from the story you told me, you have more than enough reasons for keeping him at arm’s length.”

  Remy’s sudden understanding only made it harder to not grab him for a third time. Jed had never been so torn. There were still a hundred reasons to say no. But damn, Jed really wanted to say yes.

  “I’m heading to my room. All this honesty is exhausting for a Hollywood type like me.” He leaned forward and gave Jed a soft kiss on his cheek. “See you in the morning.”

  As he turned away, everything in Jed protested, even as he stood still.

  Don’t go.

  Remy turned slowly, as if he’d heard Jed’s silent plea.

  “What about polo horses?”

  “Huh?” Jed blinked, unable to focus on Remy’s actual words.

  “You mentioned that the rodeo wasn’t paying as much as it used to for your horses. And it just occurred to me… lots of money in polo. I went to a few matches in Wellington, Florida, near my mom’s place. Big business. Somebody has to breed those horses, right? A rancher, I suppose. Like you. And I know a few people who have kids into the sport. Like Bruce, his daughter and some others.”

  “Bruce?”

  “Springsteen,” Remy admitted with a sheepish look. “I could make some calls….”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “It’s a favor, not charity. You did enough for me lately. And I really believe you would be good at it, with the people and the ponies.”

  Jed wanted to protest. How would Remy know that? It was silly to claim Jed would be good with any of it. He was aware of Remy waiting for Jed to answer. And Jed was even more aware of that same small part of him that wanted to say yes.

  But that was ridiculous, wasn’t it?

  “Just a thought. I was hoping to help solve your problem. But you’re not taking my help, are you? You won’t take a chance and step out of your comfort zone?”

  “I can’t see it working out. I want to see it, but I can’t.” Jed swallowed the bitter taste of his cowardliness and regret. They both knew the conversation went beyond polo ponies.

  “Look, I appreciate it.” Jed felt compelled to keep speaking. Mostly to explain, but also… ’cause he didn’t want to let Remy go just yet. “But can you see me with even more Hollywood types? I’ve been doing so great with having you here. Can you really see me making small talk with more starlets? I don’t even like regular people.”

  Remy smiled at that. “I guess not.”

  That smile. Those lips. Why am I turning him down again?

  Remy’s eyes were lit with warmth, and that was what called to Jed the most. He longed to have warmth in his life. Even if it could only be temporary.

  “But thanks for the suggestion.” Jed leaned against the door frame. “I appreciate the idea.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Jed shook his head. “Did you really have a crush on me all those years ago?”

  “Is that so surprising?” Remy asked.

  It was. Jed knew he wasn’t horrible-looking, but he was too serious, and he’d never been a flirt.

  “I send out negative energy more than positive.” Jed tried to shrug it off, but he felt his cheeks color.

  Remy squeezed his hand. “Not true. The fact that you see yourself that way? That’s what hurts you. Despite all the stuff with Buddy, despite that tough-guy exterior you have, your energy is not negative. I feel it. It’s the energy of an honest person, a good person.”

  “Do you mean that?” Jed asked in a hoarse whisper.

  Remy, still holding his hand, nodded.

  Something loosened inside him then, as if a hard knot had been released. He was so tired of thinking and doing the right thing. He’d had a lifetime of that. Being with Remy still seemed like an unwise move for dozens of reasons, and yet… standing there, Jed couldn’t seem to care about one.

  Maybe life wasn’t about always worrying over the future. Maybe he could simply feel.

  Before he even knew what he was doing, he began to kiss Remy. Again. Because he couldn’t resist. He no longer wanted to try. He could be responsible and sensible tomorrow.

  Remy made a surprised noise, but he didn’t push Jed away. He didn’t accuse him, fairly, of more mixed signals. Didn’t say anything. Remy just kissed him back.

  Silencing the last doubts from his mind, Jed deepened the kiss, and the taste of Remy’s mouth had his heart swaying, as if a melody had begun.

  Chapter Nine

  OH, Jesus, his tongue was so hot. The taste of Jed so good. The next thing Remy knew, Jed was swooping him up into his arms and marching them to his bedroom. Remy didn’t care if it was a little bridal. Jed fumbled for his bedroom door since the whole time they kept on kissing. Jed squeezed his ass, and Remy withheld a moan.

  “God, you’re driving me insane.”

  “Good.”

  Jed tossed him onto his bed like Remy weighed nothing. He placed his palms on either side of Remy in a push-up position, with Remy under him. Then Jed was kissing him hard, devouring him.

  All Remy could do was hang on to Jed’s shoulders and kiss him. He wanted this. Remy liked the way Jed manhandled him, was unafraid to be bold and strong. It surprised Remy how very much he liked that.

&nb
sp; Jed sucked and nipped at his mouth, his neck, his ear. He sucked at a spot at his throat that Remy hadn’t even known was sensitive. But as Jed traced his tongue there, Remy let out a small cry.

  Jed stared down at him, his expression heated, before devouring Remy’s mouth all over again. And a weird rush of gratitude came over Remy. This was meant to be. This was right. All the rest of the issues between them—Buddy, their differences, their futures—fell away.

  Jed’s hesitation was gone as he touched Remy with confidence. Did a part of Jed feel it too? Their connection? He must. Their chemistry was undeniable.

  Remy’s entire body was flushed when he pulled away. They had only kissed, but his dick was like iron. He couldn’t wait for Jed to touch him roughly again, to bite him, fuck him.

  Already Remy felt like a panting, fucking mess. Jed was still above him, holding his weight up with his arms. He was so goddamn strong. Remy imagined he would be strong when he thrust into him too. His ass clenched at the thought, and his balls tightened.

  Jed pushed himself off the mattress to a sit, his weight now at his heels. His eyes flared with emotion, a bright, burning blue.

  He went to turn off the light, but Remy shook his head.

  “I want to see you.” And he wanted Jed to see him. Wanted that intense look on him the whole time.

  Jed bit his lip, then nodded.

  He’s nervous too.

  Jed was such a puzzle. Bossy and manhandling him one second, almost shy the next.

  It was a lethal combination. One that got Remy off.

  Jed stripped off his clothes with Remy watching. Remy stared—and fuck yeah, Jed was chiseled—the massive wall of his chest, his strong broad shoulders, toned biceps.

  “Nice.”

  “Now you,” Jed ordered.

  Remy quickly obliged, pulling off clothes and tossing them aside. Naked, he let Jed’s gaze take him in. Remy wasn’t modest. He wasn’t as muscular as Jed, but he had good definition, especially in his abs. And for a guy his size, Remy knew he was hung.

  “You like?” he asked Jed, propping up on one elbow.

  “Don’t dislike,” Jed drawled. “Are we really gonna do this?”

  “Hell yes.”

  They smiled at each other.

  Slowly Jed approached him on the bed again, moving like a hunter might. And damn, Remy felt like prey. His heartbeat sped up a little. Jed had barely started with him, but Remy’s balls had tightened to the point of pain.

  Jed crawled on top, anchoring Remy to him, easily taking control. Remy slid his hands down Jed’s solid back. They kissed, not sweetly, their lips pushing hard at each other. Jed’s taste was already what Remy craved. He liked everything about the way Jed kissed. He sucked on Remy’s tongue perfectly, somehow rough and gentle at the same time.

  He pulled away, panting hard. Jed’s eyes were open wide, with a wild expression in them.

  “This is crazy. And… I want you. Bad.”

  The need in his voice had Remy’s cock swelling even more. God, if he didn’t calm down, he might come before Jed even touched his dick.

  He could only slide his arms around Jed and pull him in for another earth-shattering kiss. Sweet Christ, he wanted Jed. Badly.

  Remy gripped Jed’s shoulders and tipped his head back, allowing Jed to take small nips again at his neck. Then Remy gasped as Jed sucked the spot where his throat was so vulnerable. He’d never had a guy bother with this part before. Remy’s toes curled as Jed didn’t release him. He was devouring the delicate skin of Remy’s neck, no doubt leaving his mark. Who knew his neck was so fucking sensitive? Usually at this point Remy was pushing his partner to the main event. Usually he was a bitchy, bossy bottom.

  But not with Jed. He wanted to be flirtatious and easy. Make his usual teasing remark like Speed up, cowboy, I wanna ride. Or some such nonsense that would make it all light and fun.

  But it wasn’t light. It was intense. By the time Jed finally released the suction on his neck, Remy was shaking, all his thoughts scattering, his normal words deserting him. He arched his hips, wanting to touch, and Remy cried out when Jed responded by grasping their cocks together in his callused fingers. The entire time Jed rutted against him, he kept his gaze right on Remy’s. He watched him.

  Remy licked his lips. He felt like their eyes were already fucking. Jed’s gaze locked on his. The hunger in his expression, the heat.

  Remy’s lips parted. He let out a sharp cry that he barely recognized as his own. Remy worked his hips in a rhythm that matched Jed’s strokes, increasing the friction. He could have this. He wanted this with Jed. His mind flashed on the first moment he’d ever seen Jed. Even then his heart had known this was a person meant to be important in his life. He pushed, so his ass was off the bed, his upper torso touching Jed’s.

  “Is this what you want?” Jed asked. “Tell me this is good, that you like it.”

  “Touch me! Yeah, yeah…. Just like that!”

  Jed grunted and held the small of Remy’s back with one hand, his fingers splayed out, while Jed’s other hand kept pumping their cocks in a steady torture. Remy moaned. He couldn’t take this much more. He pounded on Jed’s shoulders to signal as much. Sensations rushed through him, sweat soaking his skin. Muffled cries formed at his lips. Jed handled Remy’s body like he already understood how to take Remy to a place he needed to go.

  “I’m going to—” Remy muffled the rest of his words. He wanted to plead and beg, but all he could do was shudder.

  “I got you, darlin’.” Jed’s gentle smile and unexpected endearment was his undoing.

  Remy convulsed as pleasure raced through his balls to his cock. He shot his load all over Jed’s hand. Remy could barely breathe; it was so good all he could take were shallow gasps.

  Jed let out this long, satisfied noise as he finished. He collapsed down, pushing Remy into the mattress with his larger body. Remy ran a hand down his back as Jed went limp.

  Remy had little aftershocks from the release. It had been that strong. Jed hadn’t even screwed him, but Remy felt like he had. Jed had sure taken him apart.

  Jed pressed a kiss on his lips. And then he drew away and stared at Remy, their bodies pressed together. Jed touched the side of Remy’s mouth, and he stared for a long time.

  Remy smiled.

  Then Jed smiled, slowly, widely, and the empty space inside Remy’s heart jumped to be filled.

  “Stay here,” Jed commanded, but softly. It was what Remy had come to like best about him. Jed was tough on the outside but thoughtful and sweet underneath. “Want me to get a washcloth?” Jed asked now, proving it.

  “I don’t mind being sticky, but clean is good.”

  Remy was still floating on his orgasm. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d been like this. If ever? Had all the others been with him or been fucking Remy Sean, pop idol?

  His stomach dipped slightly. All too well, Remy knew the answer.

  Jed rubbed a warm washcloth on their cocks, and Remy’s twitched slightly.

  “Keep doing that and round two is coming fast.”

  “Promises, promises.” He put the washcloth aside and gathered Remy to him. “I didn’t expect this. I wanted it but didn’t expect it,” Jed whispered in his ear.

  As Jed spooned him, Remy realized he’d never expected this either.

  He’d never felt protected with a lover. Not once. Never felt it meant much. He’d stopped trying somewhere along the line to have it mean anything at all. Jed held him, and Jed’s arms felt right as he drifted off.

  And the most amazing thing? Remy slept. He fucking slept.

  Chapter Ten

  EVERYONE adored Remy, on stage and off, but he was here. Everybody wanted him, but he had chosen to be with Jed.

  Oh, Jed hadn’t gone off the deep end. He knew the man he cradled in his arms wasn’t going to stay. How could he? Remy was a star, meant for the bright lights of the music scene, while Jed was part of his land. Once Remy recovered from what happened in Athens and found
his music again, he’d be gone. Nothing had changed. But as he held Remy and stroked his cheek with the back of his hand, Jed allowed himself to feel less lonely. To feel chosen, even if for a moment.

  Remy had been asleep for a few hours, but Jed hadn’t slept more than in small patches. He didn’t want the night to end and reality to begin. He didn’t want to get on with his work. Didn’t want the hours to steal this happiness from him.

  He nuzzled the side of Remy’s neck, mouthing the faint mark he’d left. When Remy only stirred a little, Jed slid lower to drag his tongue over Remy’s chest. He licked one of Remy’s pink nipples, laving it until it firmed.

  Remy moaned. “Keep going.”

  Jed did. He grazed the nipple with his teeth. Not hard, just enough to make Remy gasp.

  Jed looked at him. He was so beautiful. His dark eyes flashed, and his lips were quivering a little. The moans Remy made were in that amazing voice, all honey and fire. Jed got off on Remy’s reactions. He wanted to keep doing things to Remy’s delicious body. He wanted to taste him everywhere, be inside him.

  “I want to fuck you,” Jed said, his words simple but his tone low.

  “Yes, please,” Remy said, a light filling his expression. He flipped onto his stomach, and then he gripped the headboard. His skin was golden all over, even his ass. Jed had no idea if it was genetics or if Remy suntanned in the nude, maybe both, but he was exquisite.

  Jed swallowed hard. “I want it to be good.”

  Jed was no virgin, but neither was he a rock star. A little of his doubt must have crept out in his voice, because Remy turned his head to meet Jed’s gaze. “It already is good. I needed this so much. I’ve felt empty for so long, and being with you… it’s good.”

  “It can’t be forever. Or even for much longer.” Jed’s heart wailed in immediate protest to his gruff words. Against reason, he wanted to dream about Remy forever in his bed.

  Remy smiled, a little sadly. “But it can be just for us, special and real. And when the rest of the world fucks us over, we can have this memory.”

  Jed bent his head and kissed Remy’s nape. He still had his hands on the headboard, making his back muscles tense. He glided his tongue down Remy’s spine. Oh God, that ass. Jed ignored it for a moment, because as soon as he spread Remy’s asscheeks, he’d be lost. He kissed Remy’s thighs, felt the muscles quiver.