The Perfect Indulgence

by Isabel Sharpe

  Chris nodded sympathetically, feeling strangely lit up. She didn’t think Zac had ever said that many sentences to her at once, and she was pretty sure he’d never shared that much about his life before. Maybe she hadn’t given him the opportunity? “That’s a lot to cope with.”

  “Nah. He’s family. He got a bad deal growing up. My mom died when he was really young. Pretty much a baby.”

  “Oh, my God, I’m sorry. That must have been devastating.” Chris pressed her lips together, aching inside. A bad deal, he’d called it? Typical Zac understatement, undoubtedly representing a hell of a lot of pain, and not only Luke’s.

  “So Luke is here now. As soon as he finds a job, I hope he’ll settle, maybe go back to school at some point if he can get in anywhere around here. But he needs to do some growing up first.”

  “He’s still pretty young.”

  Zac didn’t respond, which surprised her until it hit her that if his mom died when he was a teenager, he’d undoubtedly had to grow up a lot quicker than Luke.

  Her heart started a slow sympathy melt.

  No. She was not going to allow herself to get soft on Zac. It was really late at night—or really early in the morning—and she was exhausted and therefore a little giddy and vulnerable, and he was an undeniably large, warm, sexy presence beside her in the cool air on the deserted beach, spilling out his heart in a way he never had before.

  Breathe in, breathe out.

  “Now tell me how your last few months have been.”

  “Oh.” She speared another of the sweet, juicy papaya pieces, wishing the fruit was this fresh and flavorful back east. “I’ve had a really great time.”

  “Guys been asking you out every hour on the hour?”

  “No! That was really weird.” She laughed, feeling herself blush in the darkness. “Most of the time I was feeling my way through changes at Slow Pour.”

  “I like what you did. You got rid of some of the clutter without sacrificing the comfort or quirky feel of the place.”

  “Thanks.” She was surprised he’d noticed, though given how well he could read her feelings, she probably shouldn’t be. That was so different from the men she knew. Her father could probably pick up on a hint of sadness if one of the three women in his family was writhing and sobbing on the floor at his feet, but other than that... “And I took a few weeks of classes at the Peace, Love and Joy Center, trying to unblock myself, surrender to a deeper consciousness, and become freer and less stressed.”

  “Ah.”

  She frowned. “Are you making fun of me?”

  “Me?” He sat up to unwrap a bar of chocolate and broke off a row. “Why would I do that?”

  “Because you think I’m spouting New Age crap.”

  “No.” He handed her the squares of chocolate. “I think the idea that you have to fix something about you is crap.”

  “I’m not trying to fix anything—I’m uncovering the real me. You must think it’s possible to change or you wouldn’t have brought Luke here.”

  “Luke is trying to change his perspective and his circumstances. Not who he is.”

  Chris bristled. “I’m not even sure who I am. The real me has been blocked my whole life, and I’m only just getting at her. You can’t claim to know her and what she needs better than I do.”

  “No, of course not.”

  Chris struggled to relax. Darn it, Zac had gotten to her again. “All I know is that I have felt charged up and mildly panicked my whole life, and now I feel I can be free of that. How can that be wrong?”

  “It’s not. I’m sorry, Chris. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful. If this program is making life better for you, that’s a good thing.”

  Chris waited, a piece of chocolate held so close to her mouth that her salivary glands activated. Was he really as sincere as he sounded, or was he making fun of her again?

  He seemed calm.

  Yeah, big surprise.

  She ate the chocolate, feeling oddly cheated by his surrender, which was crazy. The last thing she needed was more arguing.

  “Okay, so now we’ve discussed our evenings and what we’ve done for the past few months.” Zac shifted on the blanket. “I get to ask. Are you going to see Gus again? Are you going to have dinner with Bodie?”

  Chris frowned. “Why do you want to know?”

  “Jeez, Chris.” Zac exhaled impatiently. “Why do you think?”

  Another one of those pesky thrills chased around her body. Was he saying he was interested? Jealous, maybe? Stop. At the center she’d identified this crazy-making habit of projecting her own thoughts onto other people and had sworn to avoid it, even if it meant putting herself in awkward or potentially vulnerable situations. From now on, communication had to be honest and clean, always. “Why don’t you tell me?”

  “Okay, I will.” He wrapped his arms around his knees. “Because Gus is interested only in surfing and himself and Bodie is interested only in surfing and himself, plus getting laid as often as possible. Gus will treat you like crap because he doesn’t know any better, and Bodie will treat you like crap because at heart he’s a misogynist.”

  Chris straightened, annoyed by his response. He sounded like a big brother trying to keep his naive little sister from dating the school bad boy. “I’m not planning to marry either of them.”

  “Good.” Her response clearly annoyed him, too. “You’ll get along fine, then.”

  Chris retreated into silence, totally aggravated by the tension that had ruined the mood of their evening. And aggravated that she was aggravated because she’d spent so many months deliciously calm. Who cared what Zac thought of her love life? He was—

  Stop again. Another old pattern—coming up with an outraged defense to distract herself from the truth. Truth always needed admitting and facing, no matter how hard.

  Okay. Truth time. Zac’s big-brother answer to her charged question had pricked her ego. Deep down she’d wanted him to say he was jealous of her dating other men. Because...

  Because...

  Because she was attracted to him.

  The minute she admitted the truth, she felt the aggravation draining away, giving her a moment of relief before it was replaced by the almost worse panic of vulnerability.

  Why hadn’t he stayed in Connecticut?

  Okay. He’d asked his hard question, now she got to ask hers. “It’s my turn. Do you ever get upset? Behave badly? Go nuts over something?”

  “Nah.” He sent her a grin. “I’m pretty even-keeled. Not a talent—I was born that way.”

  “Yeah, not me.”

  “No kidding.” His smile and the offer of more excellent chocolate took any insult out of the words.

  “You wait.” She let the dark richness spread over her tongue. “By the time I go back to New York I’ll be just like you.”

  “I hope not.”

  She wrinkled her forehead. “Why?”

  “Because I’m not gay.”

  “What?” Then what he meant hit her and she broke out in giggles. “That was terrible.”

  “Yeah?” He got to his feet, towering over her in the darkness. “C’mon, I’ll walk you home.”

  She scrambled to her feet. “No, no, you don’t need to do that.”

  “Yes. I do.” He stared down at her, hands on his hips. “I need to make sure you get home safely.”

  What could she say to that? She helped him pack up the picnic things and insisted on carrying the blanket.

  They walked back to Eva’s house in comfortable silence. Then what had been a friendly stroll suddenly turned into what seemed like the awkward end of a first date.

  Breathe, Chris. It’s only awkward in your head. Be in the moment.

  “Thanks for walking with me.” She handed him the blanket, wishing it was broad daylight so she wouldn’t have to speak in such an intimate whisper. The stillness around them made her feel as if they were the only two people left in the world.

  “You’re welcome. I hope...” He stood looking down a
t her. Chris started to take a defensive step back, then made herself stay put and listen to whatever else he was about to say without judgment or dread, trying to calm her hyper pulse. “I hope we can do this again.”

  Her immediate panicked response was to say absolutely not. Because otherwise, well, something bad might happen.

  Like...

  Sigh. She’d take the middle road.

  “You want to do what again?” She sent him a sly look. “Meet by chance on the beach at one in the morning?”

  “Exactly, yes.”

  “It could happen.” Chris forced a laugh, relieved that he hadn’t pressed further, and then, all of a sudden, she felt...disappointed.

  Argh! How was she supposed to follow her true inner voice if the little brat kept changing its mind?

  Okay, truth time—she was disappointed. But as she’d realized earlier, it was late and dark and the air was cool and soft and smelled ocean wonderful. They were both tired, and having opened up to each other a little down on the beach, they’d created the prime conditions for feelings that might not hold up. Yes, Chris had promised herself to live in the moment, but that didn’t include doing something she knew she’d regret the next day.

  “Good night, Zac.” Her voice came out husky and low in spite of her having made an effort to pitch it up high and hearty.

  “Good night, Chris.”

  Thank goodness he turned to go. Because being this close to the enticing outline of his solid masculine body, those feelings that might not hold up were becoming pretty strong. What’s more, they had apparently rooted her to the spot, because she stayed put, watching him walk away, feeling hollow and wistful.

  Lord. This battle with herself was ridiculous. She knew what she needed to do: get back into the house right now and put him out of her mind.

  Zac stopped. He placed the blanket and the cooler on the ground, stood absolutely still for a breath-holding second, then turned back abruptly and she was busted, caught staring hungrily after him. Luckily it was too dark for him to see her hunger, but he didn’t need X-ray glasses to notice she hadn’t moved.

  He started walking purposefully back toward her.

  She panicked. “What are you doing?”

  “What do you think?”

  “No.” She put up a hand, warding him off, backing away, not even bothering to tune in to her inner voice. This was fight-or-flight time. “No, you—”

  There were few things in the world sexier than being grabbed close for a kiss by a man you desperately wanted to kiss you. As soon as his mouth touched hers, she could do nothing but admit that to herself. Because it was screamingly obvious, even if the feeling only lasted for tonight, that Zac was the most desirable man in the universe and she wanted him with every fiber of her being.

  Then the hottest kiss of her life was over. He pulled back and they were left staring at each other with, she suspected, identical stunned expressions on their faces.

  Then his hand shot out and pulled off her ball cap. Her hair tumbled down in a wavy mess around her face.

  She couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. No wig. No faking now.

  “I thought so. Now I’ll really go. Good night, Chris.”

  “Good night, Zac. Thanks for a lovely chat and for the delicious food.”

  That was what her brain wanted to say. Polite, in control and friendly, as if she barely noticed he’d kissed her. As if kissing like that was all in a day’s work for a pair of good buddies. As if his taking off her hat to release her natural hair hadn’t felt as if he was undressing her.

  But all that came out her mouth, on a long, heartfelt sigh, was, “Mmm.”

  Zac picked up his gear and continued down the street. He didn’t glance back, but she didn’t need to see his face to know he was wearing an infuriatingly smug smile.

  4

  BODIE UNZIPPED HIS wet suit and picked up his board, aware that women on the beach were checking him out. He didn’t blame them. It was a beautiful, unusually warm February day, and he was a beautiful man.

  He swerved to pass a couple of babes, flexing his pecs for maximum definition.

  Damn. They were talking to each other and barely spared him a glance!

  He should head to Slow Pour later this afternoon, right before the store closed. That Chris chick looked at him as if he was chocolate. He could probably get some from her. He really needed to get laid.

  * * *

  GUS UNZIPPED HIS wet suit and picked up his board, aware that women on the beach were checking him out, which never failed to amaze him since he’d grown up a skinny dork. But hey, he’d worked hard; he deserved to flaunt his Greek-god physique now.

  Behold, most excellent ladies. He strode past them, puffing up his chest.

  Damn. They didn’t seem impressed. Oh, well.

  He should head to Slow Pour for some Suja Juice and to talk to Chris later this afternoon, around closing time. He knew after their date playing pool that she was totally out of his league. Hell, he’d known that as soon as he first saw her last fall. But a guy could still dream.

  * * *

  ZAC UNZIPPED HIS wet suit and picked up his board. He didn’t surf often, but the rush usually cleared his head, and after last night it sure as hell needed clearing.

  “Yum.” A woman called out admiringly from the blanket she shared with her friend as he walked past.

  Zac nodded, wanting to roll his eyes. Yeah, she’d say the same about a rib-eye steak.

  He should head to Slow Pour later this afternoon for an espresso and to talk to Chris. He was anxious to see her reaction when she saw him today. Last night, that kiss... Man. They’d definitely gotten to a new place, but if his mess of a head was any indication, he wasn’t sure what that place was, or if he wanted to be there. Or if Chris did. Seeing her today might help straighten him out where the ocean, sunshine and breezes had failed.

  * * *

  “HAVE A GREAT AFTERNOON, Chris. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Summer hugged her temporary boss, curious as to what had happened to her the previous evening. Yesterday she’d been her new weirdly blank self, but when she came in for her afternoon shift today, she was sparking energy—except when she caught herself, which was about every five minutes. Then she’d hold still, breathe in, breathe out, relax her shoulders and get on with what she was doing until she forgot and got nutsy again. It would be funny, except people in distress weren’t generally amusing. And watching someone try to fight who she was...that was just weird.

  Whatever Chris was going through, Summer hoped she found peace. Maybe with Zac. If Summer had to give up that dream to anyone, Chris was her first choice. Zac and Eva had been perfect for each other, except there was no sizzle between them.

  Outside the wonderful coffee-smelling interior of Slow Pour the air was chilly, though the sun had burned off the morning fog. Summer had walked the three miles to work. Her roommate had borrowed her car last night and hadn’t been back by the time Summer had to leave in the morning. So annoying, especially since once Summer realized Janine wasn’t back, she’d had to rush crazily through her morning routine so she’d have time to walk to Slow Pour in the early morning fog.

  Now that the sun was out, she was actually looking forward to the walk home, and she set out at a brisk pace, gleefully imagining all the housework she’d demand Janine do in penance for not returning the car. Maybe she could finally get her roommate to clear her unread magazines off the coffee table and pick up the discarded clothes in her room.

  “I said, ‘Hey.’”

  Summer yelped and whirled around to find Luke hanging out the driver’s-side window of Zac’s blue Prius. Those hybrids were so quiet she hadn’t heard him pull up next to her with Tori Amos streaming through her earbuds.

  “Jeez, Luke.” She put a hand to her hammering heart. “You scared me.”

  “Sorry.” He checked the road behind him for cars, then swung those amazing blue eyes back at her, sun glinting off his eyebrow piercing. “You need a ride somewhere?”


  She shook her head automatically, heart still beating too fast. “I’m fine.”

  “Do you want a ride somewhere?”

  Summer pointed ahead of her, annoyed by her immediate negative reaction. She’d come a long way toward shedding her girlhood shyness, but it still hijacked her when she wasn’t prepared. Besides which, Luke set off her internal alarm bell. “I’m going home.”

  “And...?”

  A brief laugh. He’d called her on her indecision. “And so you don’t need to drive me.”

  “But do you want me to drive you?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Luke...”

  “Oh, I see.” A corner of his mouth twitched. “You don’t want me to know where you live.”

  He was messing with her. Probably flirting, which made her feel sort of pumped up and giddy. When guys who came into Slow Pour started flirting or poured on too much charm, she turned off automatically. But something about this guy made it bearable. Fun, even.

  A car came up the road. Luke pulled onto the shoulder and got out, slamming the door behind him, grinning that cocky, infectious grin as he crossed the street toward her.

  She sighed, heart speeding again, willing her mouth not to smile back at him, wondering how much he’d really cleaned up his life and attitude. Her last boyfriend had turned out to be a meth dealer. It had taken her three months to catch on. Her boyfriend before that had been arrested for shoplifting electronic equipment from a big-box store. In both cases she’d had the good sense to get out immediately, but what she needed was the good sense not to get into relationships with troubled guys in the first place.

  “I just dropped Zac off at Slow Pour. He wants me to pick him up in a couple of hours. Want to hang out? We could drive up the coast, we could go into San Luis Obispo, we could stay here and talk...”

  “On the side of the road?”

  “It’s a sweet spot.” He chuckled, the way Zac did when acknowledging a joke. “Seriously, want to take advantage of this sweet set of geek wheels and go somewhere?”