Kat had proven time and time again that she wasn't going to share what she knew.
We were at a dead end.
Colby did better moving forward than I did. He started looking towards graduation, working harder than ever to keep his grades up and training non-stop to head into his first college soccer season in the best shape of his life. I had less to distract me.
Trying to cut costs, we scaled back open hours at the diner. Kat let one of the cooks go, forcing herself to spend a majority of her time in the kitchen while I ran the front.
The worst part about that was that it didn't seem to be helping our bottom line. We grew even slower as the snow birds made their great escape north after Easter.
I had my back to the door when the bell above it chimed, signaling a customer - our only one at the moment. I spun around.
“Hey Morgan,” I called.
She smiled at me and then called something behind her. Her mom appeared seconds later.
I took a step back, the smile falling from my face for an instant before a fake one replaced it. I hadn't seen this woman since my birthday party at her house. Certainly not since she lost her son. What was I going to say to her? Nothing. That's what I had. Absolutely nothing.
Morgan had been slow to recover and even now there were times where I could tell the bubbly girl she'd once been was gone. But she was trying. And she had us to help her.
Her mom was a different story. Morgan told us of how she spent most of her time shut up in the house. She refused to talk about Troy.
Just seeing her brought it all back. We'd all done our best to forget. Okay, maybe forget was the wrong word. That would never happen, but we wanted to let go.
“Mrs. Cook.” I recovered quickly. “How are you?”
“Hi Callie,” she said softly. “We're just stopping in for a coffee.”
“If you want to have a seat in one of the booths, I'll bring it.”
Mrs. Cook did as I bade, but Morgan followed me back behind the counter.
“I finally got her out of the house,” she said, sadness creeping into her voice.
“How's she doing?”
“Did I ever tell you that Troy was her favorite?” Morgan asked instead of answering my question.
I looked at her over my shoulder as I made a fresh pot of coffee and shook my head.
“Parents will say they don't choose favorites, but they always do. Parker and I were always okay with it though, because Troy was just Troy. She won't even let me mention his name and that hurts more than anything.”
I turned around, leaning my hip against the counter as the machine started to drip behind me.
“I'm sorry, Morgan.” Those words felt stupid, pointless. She'd probably heard the same thing a million times.
“I'm leaving after graduation.”
I jerked upright in surprise. “Where are you going?”
“I told you once that I wanted to spend a year traveling before college. Nothing that happened this year has changed that.”
“I guess I thought …”
“That getting shot and losing my brother would throw a wrench in my plans?” She cocked her head to the side. “If anything, it's made me want to go even more. I want to be here for my mom, but I feel like I'm suffocating. My life didn't stop just because Troy's did and I don't want to feel guilty for that.”
“You shouldn't.” I turned again to pour the coffee in a carafe. “Do you know where you're going to go?”
She grinned. “I'm starting in Prague. We'll see from there. Parker's coming with me, especially since dad agreed to finance it. He thinks we need to get away.” She took the carafe from me and started heading towards her table. “Anyway, have you decided what you're doing after graduation?”
“No. No, I haven't.” I took a step back. “Enjoy your coffee. I'll be over by the counter if you need me.”
I couldn't get away fast enough. It was the question on everyone's mind. What's next.
Morgan and her mom stayed for two cups of coffee, leaving some bills on the table, and waving as they left.
The silence of the empty diner left me with only my own thoughts for company, eating away at my sanity. Kat was cleaning in the kitchen, so I wiped down every surface out front. Twice.
I pulled the picture I always kept with me out of my purse, staring at the man who now had a face, but no name. E. Eric? Ethan? Elijah?
The bell chimed and I put it away quickly. Colby and Jamie walked in. Without a word, Jamie wrapped me in a hug.
“Mmm,” I said. “How do you always know what I need?”
“Oh, this is totally selfish. I just wanted your hot little body pressed up against me.”
I pushed away from him, slapping his chest with a laugh. “Jerk.”
“I was just kidding.” He chuckled. “Come here.” He pulled me back to him. “Wanna get out of here?”
I nodded against his chest, looking towards Colby who was putting on his apron.
“I'm here to relieve you,” he said. “Go.”
I couldn't untie my apron fast enough.
Jamie and I ended up back at his house. He slid past me into his room, giving me a kiss on the move. I followed him in, climbing onto his big bed and leaning back.
“Can I ask you something?” I said.
“Sure,” he responded.
“We never talk about what's next.”
He leaned over, removing his guitar from its case. “I don't know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do. We've actually gotten quite good at it. Masterful even. I've known you most of my life. We've been together for months. Yet, I have no clue what you're doing after high school. You don't find that weird?”
“I don't know what you're doing.” He shrugged the strap over his shoulder, testing a few notes with his thumb.
“That's weird. We're weird.”
“We're perfect.” He flashed me a dimpled grin and started playing slow and steady, his fingers switching chords smoothly.
I knew what he was doing. When he started singing, it almost worked. His voice had a smooth quality that was hard to resist.
“I know what you're trying to do.” I crossed my arms, keeping my eyes trained on his face. Those lips as they formed the words to the song. Those cheeks that always reddened slightly when he was playing for me. Those eyes, deeper than the ocean.
“I don't know what you're talking about.” There was that grin again. The one that worked for every girl he unleashed it on.
I clamped my hand down over his on the strings, stopping the vibrations immediately. Leaning forward, I captured his lips, biting down to elicit a growl. He kissed me back just as hard, the guitar preventing it from going further.
I finally broke away. “Now that that's out of my system.” I flashed him a smile of my own, enjoying his speechlessness. “Talk to me, Jamie.”
He pulled the guitar strap off over his head and pushed it to the side. “I'm still deciding,” he said vaguely.
“Didn't most people already have to accept their college spots?”
“There are a few deadlines that aren't until June,” he said. “I'm weighing my options.”
I took what he said at face value because at the time, it never occurred to me that Jamie Daniels, son of a state senator, wouldn't go to college. And it definitely didn't occur to me that the place he would choose would be far away.
“What about you?” He nudged me. “You didn't apply to college, so what's next for Callie McCoy?”
“I honestly don't know.” I leaned into him. “And, Jamie, that scares the crap out of me.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Jamie:
We regret to inform you that you have not been selected to attend our university for fall semester.
“Regret,” I said, my voice growing louder. “Regret. Here's what I'll do with your regret!” My fist curled around the letter, crumpling it into a ball and flinging it with all my strength. It flew out my open bedroom door, striking the wall with
little impact.
That was the last one. They all said the same thing. With a GPA that was barely enough to graduate, I didn't know what I was expecting. Maybe that my dad's status as a state senator would hold some sway on my future.
Great. Just my luck. My father's footsteps, slightly muffled by the carpeting, came down the hall. I couldn't look at him as he stopped to pick up the ball of paper.
“Throwing things?” he asked, reaching to hand it back. Before I could take it from him, he thought better of it and started to flatten it out. “Hmmph.” His only response. I braced for his reaction, but he only released the letter, letting it float to the ground, and left without another word.
I had to get out of there. My fingers grazed the phone in my pocket, itching to call Callie, but all it'd do was prove that I wasn't good enough. Not for my father. Not for her.
Grabbing the shirt hanging on the back of my desk chair, I slid it over my head and swiped my keys off their hook. I was in my car and heading down the road in record time. Rolling my window down, I felt the warm spring air blast my face and pressed down harder on the gas pedal. Weaving in and out of cars, I knew where I was heading.
Dixon road was lined by preserve on one side and horse ranches on the other. It was deserted save for the odd car. I sped up, adrenaline pumping through my veins. The car slid towards the center of the road when I took a curve too fast, but I veered back over quickly.
Graduation was only a month away. I amped up the speed. I had no idea what was next. I cranked up the stereo. Everyone I knew was going off to college or travel. A scream ripped through my chest.
Not everyone, I suddenly remembered, easing up on the gas. Callie had been trying to talk about this for months. She was just as scared as me. I slowed some more, breathing deeply with the need to see her.
The road curved as a cross street came in on the left next to an old, run down barn. I tried to turn, but the car had other ideas.
I should have been frightened. I should have screamed.
Instead, I closed my eyes, stomping my foot down as hard as I could on the brake.
The car screeched. She protested, fought me with everything she had.
I was slammed forward, my face bouncing off the steering wheel with a mighty crack. My eyes sprung open as I was jostled, the wheels bouncing along the rough terrain. Then it was over. I won. The car stopped five feet away from a large Florida pine that seemed to spring up from nowhere.
Breath returned to my chest with a whoosh as I panted and gasped, feeling at once relieved and exhilarated. I wiped an arm under my nose, my sleeve coming away bloody.
“Damn.” The word left me with a laugh. “That was close.”
My mind worked a mile a minute, slowly letting reality creep back in. My reasons for being out here, for needing the speed. Dad. College.
Needing something to do, I rummaged around, finding a napkin. Tearing it in two, I stuck an end up each nostril to staunch the bleeding. I turned the keys, only eliciting a loud coughing sound. “Dammit.”
Stepping out of the car, I was careful not to touch the burning hood. It smoked slightly. Looking around, I was glad to see I hadn't gone too far off the road.
Just as I started to get my bearings, a pair of headlights moved closer, all but blinding me in the process.
“You okay?” A man's voice yelled. He cut the lights and I saw him get out of his truck. He was solidly built, walking with the confidence of someone in authority.
“I think so,” I finally answered.
The man looked back towards his truck and it was the first time I noticed he wasn't alone. A girl sat in the passenger seat, but I couldn't make out her face.
“You need a ride somewhere?” he asked.
“Uh …” I looked at him skeptically, holding out my phone. “I can call my buddy.”
“Oh,” the man laughed suddenly. “Guess I should introduce myself. Logan Andrews.” He held his hand out for me to shake.
I took it, but still didn't get it.
“You know my sister Amelia.” He gestured up to the truck.
I swallowed hard, narrowing my eyes.
“We saw you veer off the road,” he explained. “She thought we should help.”
“What? Help you hide my body?”
“Come on.” Logan clapped me on the shoulder. “I have a buddy who can come tow your car.”
He made it nearly impossible to refuse his offer and before I knew it, I was in the backseat of Logan's truck. Amelia turned in her seat to look at me.
“Jamie Daniels, you sir are an idiot.”
I jerked my head up to look at her and she continued.
“We saw how fast you were going. Dixon road is no joke.”
I leaned back, crossing my arms and looking away. “Give it a rest, Amelia.”
“No,” she stated. “We just helped your ass, so I have a right to say a few things to you.”
“And I have a right not to listen.”
“You're infuriating.” She turned to her brother. “Let's go to Jessie's.”
“Take me home.”
“No.” We stared at each other for a long moment before I couldn't take it anymore.
Jessie's was a coffee shop nearby. It was fairly quiet when we got there. Amelia ordered me to a booth in the back and I had no choice so I obeyed. She sat across from me with Logan beside her.
After ordering our drinks, she fixed me with a stare that didn't seem much like the girl I'd known. Had we really known each other at all?
“Tell me,” she said simply.
And I did. I didn't mention my dad other than his disappointment in me, but I found myself telling them about the colleges I'd applied to and been rejected. It felt good to talk to people who had no expectations of me, no hopes. Amelia was easy to talk to and I suddenly found myself wondering why we'd never done much of it back when we were together.
Callie. That was why. I never put much effort into my relationship with Amelia because she wasn't the one I'd wanted to be with.
“Why do you want to go to college?” she asked once I was finished.
That was something I'd been asking myself since I'd applied. To make my family proud? To have some direction? Was it enough?
I shrugged, occupying myself by taking a long sip of coffee.
“Have you thought about doing something else?” Logan spoke for the first time since we'd sat down.
Again, I shrugged.
“I'm technically going to college,” Amelia started. “But not your typical school. Air Force Academy all the way.”
“Wait, really?” I looked at her in shock.
“Shows how much you paid attention,” she said with a hint of scorn. “I've been working towards it for years.”
“Yeah,” Logan jumped in. “Because she's a traitor.”
“Y'all just need to get over it,” she responded with a laugh before turning to explain to me. “We're an army family. Three uncles, two cousins, and this big lug here.”
“I'm home on leave, but I head back to base in a few days.”
A sudden interest struck me and I found myself leaning forward. “Are you glad you joined up?”
Logan's face brightened. “Best damn decision I ever made. Before, I didn't know anything. I was always getting in trouble. There's something about fighting for something bigger than ourselves that lets us figure out who we really are. It changed my life. Let me prove to people that I was more than the person I'd been.”
His words cemented themselves in my brain and I knew without a doubt that they weren't ones I'd forget any time soon.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Callie:
What did I like to do? What was I good at? Those were the questions the visiting speaker had for us in Creative Writing. Mr. Chase brought in a woman who was supposed to help us figure out what we might want to do in life.
Surfing. That's the only thing I came up with and she looked at me like I was a little nuts. Yes, I knew I wasn't going to surf f
or a career. I wasn't good enough to be a professional.
I liked to write - something I'd found out first semester and kept doing when I had the time. I was even kind of good at it. Once again - not exactly a legit career choice. She'd asked if I knew how many writers never made it.
Plus, there was the whole college thing to consider. I wasn't going.
After that, I came up blank.
Beside me, Morgan was chattering away about all the things she could see herself doing.
I stuck my hand in my backpack, running my fingertips over the now familiar picture. That was what I wanted.
The last month of senior year was a little pointless. There were no exams to prepare for. No homework to be done. Our senior projects were turned in last week. It was just a whole lot of waiting.
That's why I had no problem with leaving after my first class. Okay, it wasn't like I'd had issues with it before, but now it felt different.
I didn't text Jamie to ditch with me. No, today I had a mission. It'd been over a month since Colby and I found the picture. I wanted answers.
The diner was now closed on Mondays so I hoped I'd find Kat at home.
She looked up from her coffee when I pulled open the door.
“Hi, sweetie, what are you doing home?”
I marched towards the table and slapped the picture down.
It took a moment for the image to register with her. “Where did you find this?” She lifted it gingerly to get a better look.
I didn't answer her question. “That's our dad, isn't it?”
“Yes.” Thickness clouded her voice. “That's Asher.”
“Asher?” I demanded. “Then who the hell is E?” I turned the picture over to show her the writing on the back.
She sighed. “There's so much you don't know.”
“And who's fault is that?” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Yours and mom's.”
“Don't you dare blame this on her.”
“She never told us anything.”
“You were a kid when she died,” Kat yelled. Squeezing her eyes shut, she sighed. “You're still a kid.” Opening her eyes, she stared at me in sadness. “If I tell you, you're going to go. I know you, Cal. And your mom didn't want you in that life.”
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