“Go where? What life?”
“California.” She stood up slowly. “Come on.”
I followed her into her room. She stepped into her closet, returning a moment later with a small box. Setting it on the bed, she gestured for me to take a seat.
“Callie, you have to promise me you won't judge your mom too harshly.”
“Why?”
“Promise me.”
“It won't make me stop loving her if that's what you mean.”
She sighed. “I guess that'll have to be good enough.”
She lifted the lid off the box and took out a stack of news clippings and pictures. Sliding the first one across to me, she said, “To start, this was your mom.”
The headline read Emma Bay Lands the Role of a Lifetime.
“Emma Bay?” I ask, my heart pounding in my ears as I recognize the young girl in the picture.
“That was her Hollywood name.” Kat sat next to me. “I was so proud when she was cast in her first role. I told everyone my sister was going to be a big star.”
“Was she?”
A tear leaked from the corner of her eye as she nodded. I picked up the next few press clippings, each about a girl named Emma Bay who was the darling of Hollywood.
My mom? A movie star?
“She met Asher Hendrick during a movie when she was playing a surf whiz. Her favorite kind of role.”
Asher Hendrick. A name for the face. A niggling sense of recognition bit at me.
“Asher was the son of a studio owner.”
“Wait a second,” I stopped her, my head spinning. “The Asher Hendrick. Hendrick's productions. Everyone knows him.”
Kat nodded, watching me warily. “That's him. Cal, I need to get this story out before my better judgment stops me.”
“No more interruptions. Got it.”
“Asher was wild. Irresponsible. And your mother loved him completely. He took her down a dark path that is so easy to find in that town. The drinking. The drugs. Then one night they were out at a club. A man was quite aggressive with your mom. Asher was the jealous type, the angry type.”
“The fight didn't last long because Asher was on something, crazed. The man almost died and Asher was arrested.”
“Oh my God,” I said.
Kat continued. “Asher's father was a dangerous man. He controlled much of what went on in that town, but this was something he couldn't fix. Asher only got a few months, but his father blamed your mom, the great Emma Bay. He started working against her to ruin her career, spreading nasty things around Hollywood and putting pressure on the studios who were producing her current movies. She was a determined woman and took everything he threw at her. Then he tried to force her out another way; to scare her, make her run.”
“So, he had his thugs show up at her place, smashing a window to break in. They held her at gunpoint. It worked. Emma Bay disappeared from Hollywood and Allison McCoy showed back up in Gulf City, a new look, old name, and newly pregnant.”
“When Asher got out of prison a few months later, he tried to use the media to find her, but she was gone.”
She grew quiet. I blew out a long breath, trying to calm myself as I watched the tears roll freely down Kat's face. Had I even known my mother at all? She was this whole other person that had nothing to do with Allison McCoy.
“So, he didn't even know we existed? She didn't tell him? You didn't?”
“Oh, honey.” Kat pulled me into a hug. “It was your mother's wish. That was a life she didn't want you anywhere near. She loved him desperately, but she loved you more.”
I sat up, rubbing at my eyes furiously. “He doesn't know.” I was repeating myself, but it was the only thing I could think of to say as everything I thought I knew about my life was put into question. He hadn't left us.
Then I thought of the phone conversation I'd overheard. “If he didn't know about us, then who is sending us money?”
She smiled sadly. “Your mother left quite a bit for you in a trust. I've had to use some of it over the years to pay the bills, but wanted to leave it there for you when you needed it. It's been her taking care of us all along. I was going to tell you all of this after graduation.”
“How am I supposed to believe that?” I asked. “You should've told us before now.”
She hung her head. “I know.”
I climbed to my feet. “I love you Kat, but I don't know if I trust a thing you say right now. You or mom.”
With that, I slammed her door behind me, ran outside and started walking with no set destination in mind.
* * *
I wandered the beach for hours, staring out at the calm waters that didn't even have the decency to rise up to meet my mood. What was my mood? I didn't know how to feel, how to act, what to think. It was all too much.
Clenching my fists at my sides, I kicked at the sand, the toe of my shoe flinging it wide. The grains caught in the wind, some blowing back on me but others scattering. How was there wind, but no waves? It didn't make any freaking sense.
My mind tried to grab onto those unimportant threads, but they slipped through, dragging my focus back to the subject I wanted to avoid.
Lowering myself to the sand, I pulled out the news clipping I'd taken from Kat's room. Mom couldn't have been more than a few years older than me and Colby. She looked … different. Her hair was bleached blond, hanging over her shoulders in perfectly styled waves. It was a far cry from the honey pixie cut I'd known her with. Her eyes in the picture were blue instead of amber. It had to be contacts. Was any of it real?
What if it was? That'd mean the woman I'd known was the impostor.
My arms jerked forward, ripping the clipping in half, then ripping it again. I threw the pieces before burying my face in my arms.
Someone bent down to pick up the pieces, defeated eyes looking up to meet mine.
I choked on a sob as my brother sat beside me. We'd both lost mom when we were young, both grown up without a father, but we hadn't gone through it together. Not really. This time it was different. It had to be. I didn't think I could do it on my own.
Colby shoved the pieces of the newly revealed secret in his pocket and sat beside me.
“Kat told you.” I said, more as a statement of fact than a question.
“Right when I got home from school,” he said.
“At least we know.”
He slung his arm over my shoulders and I was twelve years old again. “I think I'd rather be kept in the dark.”
“Me too.”
Neither of us wanted to talk about it. Our mom. Our dad. Secrets. So, we didn't say anything more at all.
Since the shooting, we'd known anything could happen. Our lives could be turned upside down. Here we were, living proof of that. And we'd get through it. We always did.
I leaned my head on my twin brother's shoulder, knowing that this secret was going to take me away from everything and everyone I loved.
Maybe mom had known that to. Maybe she just wanted me to be ready.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Jamie:
I found Callie sitting on my front porch. The parents were in Tallahassee for the week so they weren't around to bother us.
But something was bothering Callie. I could tell. I could always tell.
“Hey there.” I tried to smile, the corners of my lips being pulled down by the weight of secrets. She had mercy on me though as she stood and brought her lips to mine.
I kissed her like it could be the last time, breathing in her sweet perfume, burning every moment into memory. I'd been in love with Callie as long as I could remember, but it had never been as powerful as it was in that moment, when I knew I'd have to let go.
She drew back, wrapping her arms around herself for protection. High school was coming to an end and we both knew what that could mean.
Her eyes held an uncertain glaze, before they sharpened into a look I knew only too well. It was wholly Callie. “My mom was a movie star,” she blurted, her ches
t heaving with a sudden laugh.
“That's a weird way to break the tension.” I laughed with her.
“No, I'm serious.” And then she told me the most incredulous story I'd ever heard. If I didn't know the girl telling it to me, I wouldn't have believed it. She held out a picture that'd been cut from a newspaper.
The woman in it had Callie's eyes - sharp, eyes that saw everything but also held a softness around the edges.
Her mom ran from stardom while pregnant with two babies. It had the makings of some ridiculous movie that threw believability right out the window.
“I don't know what to say.” I handed her back the picture and ran a hand through my hair, trying to recall what I remembered of her mom. She was a great cook and an even better surfer. Kind. A mother to me.
“How did people in this town not know who was living here?” I asked.
“That's just it. They didn't know Allison McCoy was a movie star. Allison was said to be living in Europe until she came home pregnant.”
“Someone had to have known.”
Callie shrugged. “Jamie, I'm going.”
“What?”
“Maybe just for the summer. Hell, maybe I'll get there and come right on back. But I need to meet him. My dad.”
“You should.” It'd make my news easier for her if she had a plan, but it didn't mean it was easier for me. I knew her - knew that she'd stay in California until her father gave her exactly what she wanted, the answers she needed. She wouldn't come back without them and now I wouldn't be here when she did.
“I want you to come.” She grabbed my hand. “I don't want to do it without you and you don't have any plans this summer, right? Kat has a buyer for the diner and I can use my money from the sale and my mom left me some money too. It's all planned.”
She was rambling in excitement.
I sucked in a breath, willing myself to get it over with. Rip off the band-aid, spilling my guts forth.
“I can't,” I finally cut her off.
“Wait, what?”
“I just signed the papers today.”
“Could you be any more vague?”
“The army.”
She stopped talking then, slowing removing her hand from mine. The world seemed to tilt as I waited for her response. My stomach churned in anticipation.
Emotions flitted across her face. Shock. Anger. And lastly hurt. Deep, deep hurt. The pain in her eyes nearly killed me.
“Callie,” I croaked, reaching for her.
She stepped back, shaking her head. “Explain, please,” she said, her voice small.
Sticking my hands deep in the pockets of my jeans, I shifted from foot to foot. “I'll try. My entire life, I've been the screw up.” When she looked up sharply, I continued, my voice less sure than before. “It's okay. It was my fault. But I don't want to be that person anymore. College isn't for me and it took me a long time to see that. I need to be a part of something. I need to get away from this town and this life.”
“Away from me,” she whispered.
“God no. Callie, I love you.”
She shook her head as if to clear it.
“I leave for boot-camp the day after graduation.”
Her lip quivered. “Okay.” Louder this time. “Okay.” She walked down the steps before turning back to me. “I'm happy for you, Jamie. You may not believe that, but if this is truly what you want then I want it for you. I just … I don't think I can be with you every day knowing I have to say goodbye in a couple weeks. I think it's best if we start preparing for our separate futures now.”
My throat clogged with tears as her words sunk in. “Callie, come on. We still have time.” Not enough. I'd do anything to keep her in my life, but the impossibility of the situation washed over me, choking me with despair.
I looked into her glassy eyes, seeing she'd made up her mind.
“That's just it, Jamie. Nothing lasts forever. There's never enough time. And sometimes you have to let go.” She turned and ran down the rest of the driveway, jumping into Colby's car and speeding off, leaving me standing alone on the porch as the sun sank down around me.
“Ahhhh.” Slamming my fist into the wall by the door, it connected to the concrete in a burst of pain that seared up my arm. I punched the house again, leaving a smear of blood from my knuckles in my wake.
Hand throbbing, I curled it in close to my chest and slumped down onto the swinging bench. Back and forth I swung, like a pendulum that never stopped. Predictable. A ride you could never escape. Sticking my foot out, I planted it on the floor to stop the movement as tears ran down my face. No shame. I was getting off this ride.
Now the only question stood - would it mean anything without Callie? If I made something of a life that didn't have her in it …
We could, Cal. We could last forever.
But she was right. We were out of time.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Callie:
“Oh, honey,” Morgan said, wrapping her arm around me.
I sat on the end of her bed, unable to join in the excitement of graduation. I was heartbroken because of Jamie and nervous because of my dad. This wasn't how I was supposed to feel days before such a big event.
I cried on Morgan's shoulder for what must have been the hundredth time over the past couple weeks.
“I never thought I'd be one to cry over high school being finished.” I laughed softly, wiping at my eyes.
Morgan snorted. “You were such a loser before you knew me.”
“Hey.” I pinched her side, eliciting a yelp that turned quickly into a giggle.
“Just trying to make you laugh, sweetheart.” Patting the top of my head, she stood and walked into her closet, still searching for the perfect graduation outfit.
“Morgan, you do know we'll have gowns covering our clothes.” I leveled her with a look. “No one will know what we're wearing.”
“But I'll know.” She gave me her best duh stare and spun around so her back was to me. “Mom and dad have bought me so many things for my trip that I didn't want to ask them for something for graduation.”
There was a softness in her voice that was always reserved for her family; a sadness. And then it was gone in the most Morgan like fashion. She was back to her old self, only a slight dimming of her eyes betraying her loss.
It was familiar because we all had it, a taint to our emotions. Hesitation to our joy. Guilt to our sadness. Regret to our nostalgia.
“Honestly, Cal,” Morgan said, spinning around with a printed black dress in her grasp. “This has been the worst year of my life. But it's also been the best. Being friends with you guys has …” Clearing her throat, she held up the dress. “How about this one?”
“Really?” I said. “Black?”
She looked at it as if seeing the color for the first time. Shaking her head in surprise, she put it back. “Habit.” I don't know if she meant that to be heard, so I didn't respond.
The next dress she chose was an off the shoulder powder blue semi. I smiled. “Perfect. Very you.” It'd look great with her crystal blue eyes and blond hair.
“Now you.” She grinned, pointed one long, manicured finger my way.
“Nuh uh.” My braid slapped against my shoulder as I swung my head from side to side.
“You're right.” She tapped her finger against her chin. “It's graduation. You should wear something that's screams you.”
I laughed. “Well, that'd be a wet-suit.”
Her smile widened.
“No.” I stood. “I can't wear a wet-suit to my high school graduation.”
“You said yourself that no one would know. Come on. I need some entertainment.”
“Okay, the Morgan I know would never let me go to a ceremony looking anything but my best.”
For just a second, it was like the shades lifted from her eyes and the shine was back. It was so short, I thought I imagined it.
She pursed her lips. “Maybe I've learned that you only look your best when you loo
k like you.” Putting a hand on each shoulder, she looked me in the eye. “I'm like a proud momma right now.” I would have laughed if she didn't look so damn serious. “We've been through a lot this year and changed quite a bit. You, my dear, have changed the most. I know you're scared, but the truth of the matter is that you don't need any of us. You never did. But we sure as hell needed you.”
Winding my arms around her back, I pulled her into a hug, my chin barely reaching her shoulder. “I'm glad we're friends too, Morgan. Despite the fact that you're a total sap.”
Morgan hiccupped a laugh and it was only then I realized she was crying.
“I don't know what I'm going to do without you, Colby, and Jay around,” I said, leaving out the one person I still couldn't think about.
“You're going to kick ass,” she said, pulling back. “That's what you're going to do.”
* * *
I didn't wear a wet-suit. It was May in Florida. There was no way I'd survive the ceremony in that, especially since it was outside.
But I'd heard what Morgan said and looking like myself was important even if I was the only one who would see. My favorite pair of board shorts sat snug on my hips, the white and yellow pattern hanging to just above my knees. I wore a yellow bikini top and saw no reason to put a shirt over that.
I slid my white robe on over my shoulders and bent to zip it from floor to neck. It hung like a bag, loose and boxy, but the silky fabric felt good on my skin.
I left my hair loose on my shoulders, the sun highlights shifting with every movement. I'd just finished my make-up when Colby barged into my room and swept me up into his arms.
“Colby,” I yelled, laughing. “Put me down.”
“Yes, ma'am.” He threw me and I landed on the bed, still laughing and out of breath.
“How do I look?” Colby spun, his robe fanning out as he did. His hair was slicked to the side. It was so stylish it almost made me laugh seeing it on my brother. He narrowed his eyes behind his glasses.
“Just wonderful,” I said, stifling a giggle.
“Why thank you.” He bowed elaborately. “You ready to go? Kat is in the living room with that camera she bought for the new photography job and is just dying to take a million unnecessary pictures.”
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