Rodeo Dad
Page 8
Marissa offered him a small, nervous smile. “I suddenly feel like breaking out into a rendition of ‘Let’s Give Them Something to Talk About,’” she said.
Johnny grinned back. “At this point the song would be redundant.”
“It would have been easier to slide into a seat in the back,” she admitted.
“Yeah, but we told Benjy we’d be right up front.”
Again she gave him that soft look, the one that twisted his insides and stoked desire into his veins. “You’re good with Benjamin,” she said.
He shrugged and stared at the red velvet curtain that covered the stage. “It’s easy to be good with Benjamin. He’s a fantastic boy.”
Marissa laughed. “Spoken like a true father.”
He looked back at her, wondering if she had any idea how beautiful she looked, if she regretted agreeing to attend this function with him? The last thing he’d want would be for Marissa and Benjamin to somehow pay for him being a part of their lives.
“You wouldn’t think he’s so fantastic if you experienced one of his stubborn fits.” She tilted her head with another smile. “Or perhaps you would still find him fantastic because I suspect he gets that stubborn streak from you.”
“I think it’s possible he got that particular trait from both of us,” he returned. “By the way...when I stopped into the shop earlier, I didn’t realize it was Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day, Marissa.”
“Thank you,” she murmured, looking down at her hands clasped together in her lap.
“Marissa, I thought I’d find you here somewhere.” A slightly overweight perky blonde approached, her blue eyes dancing with liveliness and a friendly smile curving her lips.
“Lucy, what are you doing here?” Marissa said, then turned to Johnny. “Johnny, this is my dearest friend, Lucy Allen. Lucy...Johnny Crockett.”
“Hi, Johnny. We met years ago, but it’s nice to see you again.”
Johnny was surprised by the friendliness that remained in her clear blue eyes. No hint of fear or revulsion. “Nice to see you again, too,” he replied.
“So what are you doing here?” Marissa repeated as Lucy perched on the edge of the chair next to her.
“There are going to be refreshments after the show, and I promised Mom I’d help serve,” Lucy replied.
“Lucy’s mom is the sixth-grade teacher,” Marissa explained to Johnny.
“And if you’ll excuse us for just a moment, I really need to talk with Marissa.” Lucy grabbed Marissa’s arm and tugged her to the end of the aisle where they could speak together in some semblance of privacy.
As the two women spoke, Johnny shifted positions in the chair. The auditorium was quickly filling with people, although nobody joined him and Marissa on the front row.
It appeared there was little forgiveness in the hearts of his fellow townsmen. Unsurprising, he thought with an edge of bitterness. Not that it mattered to him.
He didn’t need anyone in his life except his son. There had been a time when he’d believed he needed somebody. His gaze went to Marissa. He’d believed he needed her. He hadn’t been able to imagine living his life without her, living his future without her by his side.
Even though she’d professed the same kind of emotions to him, she’d run at the first sign of trouble, turned her back on him as if he’d never meant anything at all to her. He’d never make the same mistake again. He’d never need her again. He might want her, he might entertain enormous desire for her, but he’d never give her his heart again
However, he had to admit she’d shown courage coming here with him tonight, a courage that had surprised him. But, he was certain that valor had been bred strictly for Benjamin’s sake.
The lights overhead flickered on and off, indicating the program about to begin. Marissa hurried back to her seat next to Johnny.
“Sorry about that,” Marissa said as she flashed a smile his way. “It took longer than I expected for Lucy to express her displeasure with me ”
“Displeasure?”
Marissa nodded. “Best friends don’t keep secrets from each other, and she can’t believe I didn’t tell her about you.”
He didn’t ask her why she’d never told anyone about him. They’d been through that already. She’d said it was for Benjamin’s sake, but that didn’t explain the fact that she’d never told anyone about him while they were dating, before he’d been arrested and she’d discovered her pregnancy.
Their dates had always been secret trysts in places where nobody would see them together. At the time he’d been touched, thought it was because she didn’t want to share him with anyone else. At the time he hadn’t cared...he’d have met her at the garbage dump if that’s what she’d wanted.
He knew different now. Shame. There had been no other reason for her to keep his presence in her life a secret He’d been the poor, fatherless Crockett kid, and she’d been the golden daughter of the mayor. She hadn’t wanted any of her friends to know she was dating him. She’d been ashamed to be seen with him.
Yet, it was hard to work up any real anger. That time was so distant, and as she’d said before, they were now two different people.
“Johnny?” Her voice was a soft whisper.
He turned and looked at her.
“Are you all right?” The disarming wrinkle appeared across her brow, letting him know she had sensed his tension.
“Sure, I’m fine considering I’m the town pariah.” He gestured to the empty seats surrounding them.
Marissa took his hand in hers, her grasp warm, her skin soft. “Give them time, Johnny. They’re good people who don’t understand the truth about you, the truth about your innocence. You frighten them, and many of them owe too much money to the Emerys to show any support for you.”
Johnny nodded and released her hand, finding the softness, the warmth far too pleasant. “It doesn’t matter whether anyone accepts me or not. I’ve had ten years to grow accustomed to being alone. I’m good alone. I don’t need anybody in my life.”
“But there’s somebody who desperately needs you,” Marissa said softly. “Benjy.”
At that moment the lights overhead dimmed and the velvet curtain drew open to display the stage. Johnny’s gaze sought his son, who stood stage left. Yes, Benjamin needed him...and he needed Benjamin. What he couldn’t understand was the slight disappointment that had shot through him at her words. Disappointment in the fact that she hadn’t said she needed him, too.
Chapter 6
Marissa had been to dozens of school plays before, but none of them had felt quite so special as this one. She knew the reason why this one was different. Johnny sat next to her, filling her senses with his nearness.
The heat from his body warmed her, the scent of his cologne teased her with myriad unwanted memories. His hands rested on his thighs, capable hands with a sprinkling of dark hair across the back of each one.
He’d told her he loved the smallness, the daintiness of her hands. And she loved the size of his, big enough to perfectly cup her breast, but not so big as to be clumsy. She felt the warmth of her thoughts sweeping through her.
Despite the pain he’d caused her, the betrayal she’d once felt, she’d held the memories of those days and nights they’d shared close to her heart, unable to bear shoving them aside.
She wondered if that’s why there had never been another man in her life. She’d used the excuse of her business and her son, pretending those were the reasons she didn’t have any relationships with men. The truth was that Johnny had branded her heart, left scars that nobody else had ever been able to heal.
She stirred in the chair, leaning forward as Benjamin stepped out of the crowd and to the center of the stage. Nobody had ever questioned the identity of Benjamin’s father. With Johnny gone for so long, and nobody knowing he and Marissa had dated, everyone had easily accepted that Benjamin was Brian Theron’s child.
With Johnny back in town, it was impossible not to recognize Benjamin as his. Marissa had h
eard the whispers that followed them as they’d walked to the front row, knew that her friends and neighbors were seeing the resemblance between father and son for the first time. Johnny’s eyes...his chin...the way his hair grew...they all were there on Benjamin, the mark of the father on the child.
As the intro music to Benjamin’s song began, he squinted to see beyond the footlights, his eyes twinkling as he saw his parents on the front row. Johnny tugged his ear, just as he’d promised he would, and Benjamin’s smile widened broadly.
Warmth flooded Marissa. She didn’t care what kind of censure she suffered because of Johnny’s relationship to Benjamin. Nothing the people of Mustang could do to her would make her sever the growing love between father and son. Nothing would force her to deprive Benjamin of Johnny’s love. They needed each other.
With a smile still lighting his features, Benjamin began to sing, his voice achingly clear and sweet. She felt Johnny’s pride as he leaned forward, his mouth opened in utter awe Unconsciously his hand reached for hers, and in that moment of parental pride, they were united as one.
She’d watched Benjamin perform so many times before, almost always alone in her pride. Sharing with Johnny the talent of their son filled her heart with joy.
All too quickly Benjamin’s performance was over and Johnny removed his hand from hers. Marissa didn’t understand the dichotomy of her own feelings where he was concerned.
He’d hurt her badly before. If she were smart she would have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with him. She would allow him liberal visitations with Benjamin and nothing more.
But, there was a part of her that still yearned for his smiles, dreamed of his touch, wished somehow that history could be rewritten where the two of them were concerned. However, there would always be the spectral vision of a murdered girl between them.
Sydney. Other than speaking of the circumstances that had seen Johnny imprisoned, he and Marissa had never spoken of what Sydney had meant to Johnny. Marissa didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to know how much of Johnny’s heart had been shared between herself and Sydney.
Marissa pulled her thoughts away from the past and focused on the grand finale taking place on stage. At the end of the cowboy song medley, everyone rose to their feet, giving the smiling children a standing ovation.
The curtain closed for the final time and the auditorium lights went on, bathing the audience in their fluorescent glare. “What happens now?” Johnny asked as he and Marissa stood.
“We stand around and visit, drink too-sweet punch and eat bad cookies. It’s a tradition at these school functions,” Marissa explained. At that moment the kids came pouring out of the door from the backstage area.
Benjamin came running toward them, a huge gnn on his face. “Did you like it?” he asked, looking first at Marissa, then at Johnny.
“Like it? We loved it!” Marissa leaned down and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“Ah, Mom,” he exclaimed, wiping his cheek as if to swipe away the kiss.
“I’m so proud of you, son,” Johnny said as he clapped a hand on Benjamin’s shoulder.
“Are we gonna get some cookies?” Benjamin asked.
“I’ve got an alternative idea,” Johnny offered. “I bought a gallon of Rocky Road ice cream this afternoon. We could go back to my place and celebrate Benjamin’s talent with a big bowl.” He looked at Marissa. “I thought maybe you’d like to see some of the work I’ve done around the place in the last week.”
Marissa’s first impulse was to say a resounding no. This was exactly what she didn’t want, a personal relationship with Johnny. But the look on Benjamin’s face stilled her initial rejection.
“Rocky Road is my favorite,” Benjamin said.
“I know.” Johnny tousled his son’s hair. “You told me that last time we were together.” He looked at Marissa. “So, what do you think?” He held her gaze for only a moment, then he looked toward the crowd gathering around the refreshment table.
Marissa suddenly realized how difficult it had been for him to come here this evening, to be put on public display so to speak. He’d done it for the love of Benjamin. But she knew standing around trying to visit with people who believed him to be a murderer would be sheer torture.
“What do you think, Benjy? Are you up for some Rocky Road?” she asked.
“Sure,” he agreed enthusiastically. “I’d rather have ice cream than the crummy cookies they always have here.”
“Then let’s go,” Johnny said.
It took them only minutes to leave the school and head out to Johnny’s place. The sun was drifting low in the sky, as if reluctant to give way to night. As they drove with the windows down, the smell of sweet pastures, rich earth and wildflowers flowed through the windows. Marissa couldn’t imagine living anywhere else in the world but here.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Johnny said, as if he had read her thoughts. “I missed it so much...the smell of home ”
Benjamin shrugged. “It smells like air to me.”
Johnny laughed, a deep rumble that echoed warmly through Marissa. “That’s Montana air, son. The best kind there is.”
“I’ve never been anywhere else, so I don’t know if it’s the best or not,” Benjamin replied.
For the next few minutes of the drive, they discussed the show. While Benjamin filled them in on the backstage antics of his classmates, Marissa tried to keep her gaze focused away from Johnny. But it was difficult.
He looked so handsome in his crisp white shirt and navy slacks. Although his hair was long and rather shaggy, like Benjamin’s, it suited his features. But it wasn’t just his physical appearance that touched her, it was his laughter as he responded to Benjamin’s stones, the warmth that lit his eyes each time he gazed at his son.
He was more open when Benjamin was around, the anger she always sensed in him seemed to dissipate when Benjy was near. It was as if the rage of injustice couldn’t be sustained beneath the power of his love for his son.
She turned her head to peer out the side window, afraid that it would be all too easy for him to take her in again, make her care about him when he’d already told her their time together in the past meant nothing to him.
Maybe she should start dating. Jesse Wilder, the handsome sheriff of Mustang, had indicated on more than one occasion that he’d like to get to know her better. She frowned, knowing that although Jesse was handsome and witty, he didn’t have what it took to erase Johnny from her memory, from the place where he’d burrowed into her heart.
“Hey, Mom, look at the horses.” Benjamin drew her attention, pointing to the Emery pasture, where a dozen horses frolicked and danced in the evening air.
“The Emerys always did have nice horses,” Johnny said, his voice carefully neutral in tone.
“Some day I want a horse of my own. Bobby Willis has a horse and I get to ride when I go to visit him, but that’s not like having your very own,” Benjamin said. “Grandpa lets me ride old Tandy, but she’s no better than riding the metal kiddie horse in front of the grocery store.”
“Tandy is still alive?” Johnny asked with surprise. “I thought she was older than dirt ten years ago.”
Marissa laughed. “Yes, surprisingly enough, Tandy is still alive.”
She knew he was remembering how often she’d ridden the old brown horse from her parents’ ranch to his. Her parents had rarely allowed her to use the car, so the old nag had become an unknowing third party to Johnny and Marissa’s secret trysts.
The sun was just kissing the day goodbye as they turned onto the lane that led to Johnny’s house Almost immediately Marissa could see the results of his work over the last week. Dead brush and tree limbs had been removed and the lawn leading up to the house had been neatly cut.
“Hey, Dad, it looks great,” Benjamin said.
“It certainly does,” Marissa replied. Deep twilight added a pale golden glow to the newly painted house, giving it a warmth and sense of welcome that had been lacking before.
Johnny cursed beneath his breath and as the truck came to a halt directly before his home, Marissa could see exactly what the streaks were...letters in red spray paint. The message was clear, vivid against the pristine new white paint.
Murderer. Get out of Mustang.
The ugly vandalism shouldn’t have surprised Johnny, but it did. He wanted to reach over and cover Benjamin’s eyes, wished Benjamin was young enough that he couldn’t yet read. But of course that wasn’t so.
He heard Benjamin’s swift intake of breath at the same time he heard Marissa’s, even as shock and anger rippled through him. He turned off the truck engine but kept the lights on, their beams pointing to the front of the house where the message had been sprayed.
He said nothing. Words refused to form in the mire of hopelessness that filled him. Nobody was ever going to let him forget. He would never be able to find any kind of peace here, never be able to build anything substantial in the face of such hatred.
“We can paint over it.”
Benjamin’s voice was low and innocent as he offered a simplistic solution to the problem.
“We could have a painting party right now,” Marissa added. “It’s not quite dark yet and with the lights from the truck, we can see just fine to do a little cleanup work.”
Their solid support drove away Johnny’s hopelessness and replaced it with determination Their faith in his ability to continue on shamed him. It would be easy to give up, pick up and move on to someplace where he had no history, no baggage following behind him. But, where there was no history, there was no Benjamin, and that simply wasn’t an option.
“A painting party might be fun,” he agreed not looking at either Benjamin or Marissa, but instead imagining having to face the graffiti in the glare of the sun the next morning. He had a feeling it would look much worse in bright daylight than in the lavender shades of deep evening.