Johnny closed his eyes, allowing only his sense of touch, his sense of smell to work. She smelled of spring flowers and summer nights, and her body molded to his as their feet moved them around the grassy dance floor.
His heart beat the same rhythm as hers, steady but faster than normal, a cadence of anticipation, a pulse of desire building.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, breaking the silence. Her breath was warm against his throat.
“I could ask you that same question,” he replied
She tilted her head back to look at him. “I’m not sure why I came here. It just felt right at the time.”
He hesitated, then nodded. “Same here.”
She bowed her head, tucking it beneath his chin once again. “What are we doing, Johnny?” she asked, her words a mere whisper.
He held her closer, more tightly. “Damned if I know,” he admitted. It was as if all the elements in life had conspired to give them this single night and he wasn’t sure whether to go with it, or to run from it.
She raised her head and looked at him once again. His lips claimed hers and he knew he wasn’t about to run from it. Tonight he wanted nothing but to be that young man again, to hold Marissa in his arms, dance with her and make love to her. Tonight he wanted no tomorrows, no yesterdays, just this moment, with this woman.
Her mouth opened to welcome his kiss, and their feet stopped moving as the kiss deepened. Sweet... so sweet. Her lips were soft and yielding, giving way to heat as their tongues touched and retreated, then touched again.
Her fingers waltzed through his hair, knocking his hat from his head and to the ground behind them. He was vaguely aware that the band played a fast song perfect for dancing. But he no longer wanted to dance. He wanted to kiss her forever.
His hands moved from her waist up her back, pulling her breasts more firmly against his chest. He loved the way she felt against him, the swell of her breasts and the press of her thighs. His mouth left hers and he bent his head to touch his lips behind her ear, then down her throat.
Her breaths came more rapidly now, as did his. The sound of their growing desire filled the clearing, mingling with the night noises and the muted music that rode in the air.
When the music once again played soft and romantic, Johnny once again moved his feet, forcing her to dance with him. He didn’t want them to move too fast, didn’t want the night to end almost before it began.
He knew with a certainty that they would make love, knew it by the glow in her eyes, knew it by the way her body swayed with his. But, he wanted the night to move slowly, wanted to savor each and every moment with her.
Marissa seemed to sense his need to slow down, and she moved an inch or two away from him, so their bodies no longer touched and it was easier for her to look at him.
“Are you nervous about tomorrow?” she asked.
“Yeah, but it’s a good kind of nervous.”
“What happens if you don’t win, Johnny?” Her voice held worry.
He smiled, although her words caused a sick apprehension in the pit of his stomach. “I refuse to consider that possibility.”
“Winning isn’t everything.”
He trailed a finger down her cheek. “In this particular case, winning is everything,” he countered. “If I don’t win, I have nothing to give Benjy. I might as well walk away from him just like my father did me.”
“Oh, Johnny, when are you going to learn that you don’t have to win? You don’t have to be anything but who you are to earn Benjy’s love.”
There was no way she could understand the forces that drove him, no way she could ever relate to how important it was for Johnny to be more than who he was, more than what he was. “Enough talking,” he said and once again tightened his grip on her. “I don’t want to think about tomorrow or yesterday or anything else right now. I just want you to be with me like you were on prom night so long ago.”
“You’re the one who told me we can’t go back,” she reminded him.
“But we can...for this one night, we can.” Once again his mouth covered hers, this time in a kiss that contained all the hunger of a lifetime.
She responded as if with the same hunger and once again Johnny lost the beat of the music as he responded to the rhythm of his own need. As the kiss continued, Marissa’s fingers worked at the buttons of his shirt. When they were all unfastened, she shoved the shirt off his shoulders and replaced the material with the warmth of her hands.
Her hands were everywhere, stroking across the broadness of his back, sliding across his flat abdomen, trailing upward to tangle in a patch of chest hair.
Johnny broke their kiss long enough to reach behind her and find the zipper on her dress. He unzipped it, and with a shrug of her shoulders, it fell to the ground around her feet, leaving her clad in a bra and panties.
He reached behind her once again, this time to grasp the ribbon that kept her hair confined. He tugged at it, releasing the spill of her curls into his hands. The starlight found the palest of strands and kissed them with a silvery light.
“You are so beautiful,” Johnny said, his hands caressing over her shoulders, then down her arms.
She looked like a wood nymph, with her hair tousled by his touch and the kiss of the night wind. Her eyes glowed as if she’d managed to capture the twinkling of the stars.
Johnny unbuttoned his jeans, then took them off. He also removed his briefs, leaving him naked and exposed. He took her hand, then stretched out in the cool, soft grass, pulling her on top of him.
Their bodies, cool from the night air, quickly warmed as they touched and kissed, caressed and stroked. When her hand closed around him, intimately touching him, he couldn’t stop the low moan that erupted from him. He felt as if her touch set him on fire, and every nerve in his body sizzled with desire.
“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” he murmured.
“Yes...the same that you do for me,” she replied, her voice husky and breathless. “You fill me up, you make me whole.”
Her words increased Johnny’s desire. Pulling away from her touch, he rolled over so she was on the bottom. He reached beneath her and unclasped her bra, baring her breasts to his hands and his mouth. He flicked his tongue over first one, then the other nipple. She arched and tangled her hands in his hair, gasping aloud her pleasure.
Johnny reached down and touched her through her panties, wanting to bring her enough pleasure to last a lifetime. He loved the way she looked in the grip of passion... her cheeks flushed with color and her eyes didn’t quite focus. Her head moved from side to side, and her breathing accelerated to fever pitch as his touch grew more intimate and his fingers slid beneath the silk material.
She was all heat and flames, and Johnny felt as if he were being consumed by her fire. With one smooth movement he removed her panties. “Yes,” she whispered, opening her arms to welcome him. “Please, let me feel you inside me,”
Johnny’s head swam in a sea of desire, and any plan he had to continue their foreplay, died beneath her words. He entered her slowly, easing into her moist warmth. He closed his eyes, fighting back a wave of emotion so intense it brought tears to his eyes
She’d said he filled her, but when they were joined as they were now, he felt full, whole...complete. He opened his eyes and gazed at her. “Johnny,” she whispered, her hands reaching up to cup his face. “Love me, Johnny. Please love me.”
He moved slowly at first, easing back from her then thrusting deep and lingering. She arched to meet him, her muscles constricting around him. Johnny closed his eyes once again, allowing the tantalizing sensations to overtake him. Her hands clutched at his shoulders, then rubbed down his back, her fingernails biting slightly with each of his thrusts.
With a suddenness that startled him, she pushed him off her, rolled him onto his back, then straddled him so she could set the pace of their lovemaking.
And the pace she wanted was fast and furious. Johnny met her demand as he felt himself lost to
the sweet friction of their bodies. He felt her building, moving faster... closer to release, felt his own zenith approaching but held back, wanting to peak with her.
She stiffened, a choked cry bursting from her, and Johnny plunged over the edge at the same time, spilling himself into her as they clung to one another
Once again Johnny was aware of the muffled sounds of the band, the clicks and whirrs of the night insects that surrounded them. They lay in each other’s arms, the slight breeze cooling the heat of their bodies.
Johnny searched for something to say, words to fill the silence between them. He couldn’t say “I love you,” for although there would always be a place in his heart where he did love Marissa, there were too many other less positive emotions surrounding that place.
She stirred in his arms and lifted her head to look at him. “I’m scared, Johnny.”
Her words surprised him. “Why?” he asked.
“I’m scared of you making Brad Emery so angry.”
He tightened his arm around her. “I would never let him hurt you or Benjy,” he replied.
“I’m not frightened for us, Johnny. I’m frightened for you. If he killed before, what makes you think he won’t try to kill you to keep you quiet?”
Johnny frowned. “I won’t go down easily. Besides, Brad is arrogant enough to think he’s safe from anything I say. Right now, I’m irritating him, and he’s irritating me, but he’s too smart to show his hand by overtly threatening my life.”
“But you know Brad isn’t always in control. Sometimes his temper gets the best of him,” Marissa replied.
“And that’s what I hope will eventually happen,” Johnny replied. “I hope I can make him mad enough that he’ll slip, say something to incriminate himself.” He stroked down the silky length of her back. “It’s all I’ve got. Nobody is willing to come forward with any information about Brad’s physical abuse of Sydney.”
“You know even if you never get Brad, if your name is never cleared, it doesn’t matter to Benjamin.” She hesitated a moment, then added, “And it doesn’t matter to me.”
He saw in her eyes an emotion he didn’t want to see. He averted his gaze from hers. She sat up and grabbed her underclothes. “We’ve got to stop doing this, Johnny,” she said, her voice strained. She put on her bra, then stood and stepped into her panties
“But we’re so great together,” he replied.
“Well, it’s got to stop.” She grabbed her dress from the ground and pulled it on over her head. Her motions were jerky with a sudden anger.
Johnny sat up, wondering what burr had gotten under her saddle. “Why? We’re both single, consenting adults.”
“I don’t want to consent with you anymore. Ten years ago I made a mistake, and you’ve told me that you can’t forgive me for that. Well, I love you, Johnny. I’ve always loved you and I don’t know what to do about it. But I know I need to stay away from you so I can somehow learn to stop loving you.”
Without waiting for his reply, she turned and disappeared into the darkness of the night. Johnny stared after her for a long moment.
She loved him.
The words echoed inside his head. She loved him and she didn’t know what to do about it. She loved him and he didn’t know what to do about it.
He stood and grabbed his jeans and shirt. Dressing quickly, his head spun dizzily as he tried to sort out his emotions where Marissa was concerned.
He couldn’t deny that he still entertained strong feelings for her...feelings of desire, and the memories of a shared past. She was the mother of his son, and there was a part of him that would always be with her.
But, he didn’t want her love, didn’t trust it. The ache he’d carried in his heart for ten long years was too big for her recent confession of love to fix.
Chapter 14
It was a perfect day for a rodeo. The sun shone bright, and the temperature was expected to top out in the lower eighties. A light breeze stirred the dust into swirling devils that danced across the ground. But what was a rodeo without a little dust?
Marissa and Benjamin climbed out of her car at ten o’clock and headed for the Mustang arena, where the rodeo action was set to take place. Outside the arena, a carnival was finishing last-minute preparations for a noon opening.
The air was filled with scents, the sharp odor of animals, the fragrant smell of fresh popcorn, cotton candy and roasting peanuts. Beneath the strong aromas were the more subtle ones that came with a crowd of people... soap and sweat, a variety of perfumes and colognes, and the always present scent of rawhide and leather.
Benjamin’s head turned left and right, craned and stretched like a disjointed marionette as he tried to see here, there and everywhere. Marissa knew who he was looking for...his dad.
Her heart skipped a beat as she thought of Johnny. Last night had been like a dream, a fantasy when nothing mattered but the two of them. For a brief time they had relived a special moment from their past. But when the moment ended, Marissa was left with the reality of loving Johnny, and him not loving her.
A huge chunk of her heart would always belong in that clearing where she’d left him. But, somehow, someway she had to get past her love for him, had to get over it. If only she knew how.
The noise level in the arena was deafening Bulls stomped and snorted, calves bawled their displeasure, spurs jingled and horses whinnied and above it all, shouts and whoops from the people who filled the seats and the rodeo personnel on the ground below.
“You think Dad will find us?” Benjamin asked as they took their seats in the fourth row.
“I’m sure he will,” Marissa assured him.
“And he’ll find us before he rides the bull?” Benjamin looked at his mother worriedly.
“I promise he will,” she said, knowing Johnny wouldn’t compete without a word or two with his son.
Benjamin gripped tight to the yellow scarf he’d brought with him. He intended to give it to Johnny for good luck. Like a knight wearing the colors of his lady, Benjamin wanted his dad to tie the scarf around his neck before he climbed on the back of a bull.
“Hey, look, there’s Lucy,” Benjamin said and pointed to where Lucy jumped up and down and waved.
Marissa waved back, noting that Lucy wasn’t alone, but with Derrick. As Marissa watched, Lucy grabbed Derrick’s hand and tugged him toward Marissa and Benjamin.
“Guess what?” Lucy said by way of greeting. She waved her left hand, displaying a diamond engagement ring.
“Oh, Lucy, I’m so happy for you!” Marissa hugged her friend tightly, then gave Derrick a quick hug as well. “So, when’s the big day?”
“We haven’t decided yet,” Derrick replied as he placed his arm around Lucy’s shoulder. “We’re thinking maybe fall, although I wouldn’t mind a small, impromptu ceremony as soon as tomorrow.” His eyes shone with love as he gazed at his fiancée.
Lucy giggled. “Isn’t he terrible? Actually, I’m thinking maybe September. And, of course, I want you to be my maid of honor.”
“I’d be honored,” Marissa replied and blinked back tears of happiness. Again the two friends hugged and Derrick and Benjamin exchanged a long-suffering look of male impatience.
“Honey, we’d better find our seats,” Derrick finally said.
Marissa released Lucy. “Go on. We’ll catch up later.”
She watched them go, envying them their obvious love for each other. That was the way it was supposed to work...you love somebody and they love you back.
“Mom, are you okay?” Benjamin asked. “You look like you’re about ready to cry.”
Marissa laughed and sat back down next to her son. “I’m fine, and I promise you I won’t embarrass you by crying.”
“Good,” Benjamin replied firmly.
The barrel-racing event was first. Marissa and Benjamin settled in to watch the competition Most of the riders they didn’t know. Many of the men and women who would compete in the day’s events were rodeo gypsies who followed the circui
t from town to town. Only a few of Mustang’s own would be competing in a variety of the rodeo contests.
“Hey, there’s Dad.” Benjamin, jumped up from his seat and waved frantically at Johnny, who stood at the bleacher entrance, scanning the crowd. “Dad! Dad!”
Benjamin finally garnered Johnny’s attention. With a wave and a nod, Johnny started toward them.
Marissa steeled herself for the encounter. He looked exceptionally good in a pair of tight black jeans and a white western shirt with a touch of black embroidery on either shoulder. His hat was cocked on his head at an angle that made him look slightly dangerous and handsome as the devil.
Marissa was aware of female heads turning to follow his progress toward them. She knew they were looking not because of his infamous stature, but because he was a fine-looking cowboy that made women think of sins of the flesh.
“Hi, partner,” Johnny greeted his son, then nodded to Marissa. “You having a good time?” he asked Benjy.
“Great, but I can’t wait for the bull-riding event.” Benjamin held out the yellow kerchief. “This is my special lucky scarf. I wore it one time when I sang in church and I didn’t make one mistake during my song. I thought maybe you’d like to wear it.”
Johnny took the kerchief in his hand and stared at it for a long moment. When he looked at Benjamin once again, Marissa saw the depth of his emotions shining from his sky-blue eyes. “I’d be proud to wear your lucky scarf, son.” He tied the kerchief around his neck. “How does it look?”
“Great!” Benjamin replied.
“You want to come with me and see some of the bulls?” Johnny asked.
Benjamin turned to Marissa. “Can we, Mom? That would be so cool.”
“You go on with your dad. I’ll wait here for you,” Marissa replied. Marissa knew the less time she spent with Johnny, the better.
She watched as her two favorite men walked off together, their strides the same, long and masculine.
She knew now why she hadn’t dated in the last ten years, knew why she’d developed no relationship with any man. Someplace in her subconscious, she’d known eventually Johnny would come home. And so she had waited for him.
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