Rodeo Dad

by Carla Cassidy

  “So, there’s no chance for us.” The words held such wistful yearning, Johnny could feel it like a palpable force around him.

  He steeled himself against it, didn’t want to be affected by it. His heart ached with too many losses, and he couldn’t separate them out. “Marissa, you’ll always be special to me. We share a past...we share a son.” He knew how inadequate the words were, saw the pain on her face, but he didn’t know what else to say.

  He drew in a deep breath. “Marissa, I can’t trust that you won’t hurt me again.”

  She bit her lip for a moment, stilling the nervous twitch. “So, you will take a chance on a two-thousand-pound bull in order to get money to fix the ranch, and you’ll climb up the steep slope of a barn roof to save a poor, helpless young woman, but you’re afraid to love me again?”

  “I knew neither the bull nor Gillian would hurt my heart. You did, and I can’t risk it another time Hell, Marissa, sooner or later you’d figure out that you’re better off without me.” He offered her a wry grin. “Have you forgotten? I’m that poor, fatherless Crockett kid.”

  She stared at him for a long moment, then stood. “That’s always been your problem, Johnny Crockett. You’ve always been your own enemy, expecting that people would think the worst of you. I loved you ten years ago, and I did a very stupid thing. I’m finished apologizing for my sins of the past. I love you now, but I’m not your problem, Johnny. You are. And until you figure out that you’re worthy of loving, then you don’t have a chance in hell of happiness.”

  She didn’t wait for his reply. She stomped off the porch, got into her car and drove off without looking back. A yawning black emptiness filled Johnny as he watched the last of the dust from her tires swirl away.

  “Crazy,” he muttered. She was fool crazy if she thought the reason he refused to love her again was his problem. She’d left him...he’d never forget those days and nights, waiting for her to come by, waiting for her to call... send a note... anything.

  He’d sat on this very porch...wishing and hoping. He frowned and rubbed his forehead tiredly. No...that wasn’t right. He hadn’t been sitting on the porch, he’d been sitting in jail.

  He was just tired, bone and soul weary That’s why he felt such a black hole inside him, that’s what made his heart ache with something akin to regret. Tired. He’d go in and hit the bed. Everything would look better in the morning.

  Chapter 16

  How could a sunshine-drenched morning look so bleak? Marissa wondered as she watched the morning sun seeping around the edges of her bedroom curtains. She didn’t want to get up, didn’t want to go into the shop. She wanted to stay in bed forever, hide beneath the blankets and never have to face the fact that Johnny Crockett didn’t love her.

  She rolled over on her back and stared at the ceiling. She didn’t really have to get up Benjamin had spent the night at her parents’ house and she was to collect him later that evening after she’d closed up the flower shop. She’d spoken to him briefly the night before, letting him know that his dad was safe and sound.

  Irritated with herself and her wallowing self-pity, she rolled out of bed. Of course she would open the shop, and she would be friendly and cheerful to the customers and she would forget Johnny Crockett was ever a part of her heart.

  Somehow, someway, she’d get over loving him. They would share custody of Benjamin and that would be the extent of their interaction. No more dancing in the woods, no more making love until near dawn. She would find a way to get over Johnny Crockett.

  Dressed and ready to face the day, Marissa performed one task before leaving the house. The pink wildflower she’d dried and kept for ten long years she crushed and threw in the garbage. Without a backward glance, she left the house and drove to the shop.

  The morning was sheer torture. Although no customers came in to order flowers, it seemed as if half the town dropped by to talk about the Emerys and Johnny’s exoneration. Marissa wanted to scream at them all, tell them she didn’t want to hear Johnny’s name mentioned ever again in her presence. But, of course she didn’t do that.

  She smiled and corrected rumor with truth, or filled in the blanks for those who didn’t know the whole truth. If there was one thing the people of Mustang liked to do, it was gossip. If the gossip was going to be about Marissa, Johnny and the Emerys, Marissa was determined that the facts would at least be correct.

  At noon the doorbell tinkled announcing yet another customer. Marissa left the backroom and went up front to see Millie Creighton. She wore a hat with little plastic horses on it, apparently her tribute to the rodeo just passed.

  “Ah, Marissa, I’m so glad you’re in today. I have a hundred questions to ask you about everything that has unfolded. My readers love scandal, and from what I’ve heard my next column will be sensational.”

  “Millie, I’m sure you’ve heard about everything that happened yesterday. You don’t need my input.”

  “On the contrary, I’ve only heard secondhand about everything. You were actually there when Gillian climbed up on the roof. It must have been horrible.” Millie’s eyes shone with excitement, like a vulture picking at other people’s despair.

  “I’ll tell you what I think is horrible,” Marissa replied, narrowing her eyes as anger swelled inside her. “I think it’s horrible that most of the people in this town knew how abusive Brad could be, but nobody came forward to say it might have been him that killed Sydney. I think it’s terrible that Rachel and Gillian suffered Brad’s abuse all these years and nobody in this town did anything to save them.”

  Millie looked shamefaced. “You’re right, and perhaps I’ll write a column on that very issue.” Her shame faded quickly. “But you must feel wonderful about Johnny being innocent of Sydney’s murder. You were the only one in town who really believed in him.”

  Marissa’s heartache swelled. “Yes, I’m glad Johnny is innocent and now can get on with the rest of his life.” Without me, she mentally added, fighting desperately against the pain the mental words brought with them.

  They both turned as the bell rang. Marissa stiffened as Johnny strode through the door. He looked like hell. Whisker stubble covered his cheeks and his eyes were slightly red, as if he hadn’t slept. “We need to talk,” he said without greeting, his voice holding a hard edge of anger.

  “We have nothing to talk about,” Marissa replied, grateful that her voice remained cool and calm.

  Johnny eyed Millie, who stared at them both with obvious interest. “Get out,” he ordered the older woman. “This shop is closed for the moment.”

  “I beg your pardon?” Millie sniffed with indignation. “I was here before you were.”

  “And you’re leaving before I do if I have to tie you up like a calf and carry you out to the sidewalk.” Johnny’s threat sounded very real as he gazed menacingly at Millie.

  She hesitated only a moment, then moved to the front door. Johnny followed her, giving her a gentle shove to hurry her along. When she was outside, he locked the front door and turned the Open sign to read Closed.

  When he turned back to face her, his eyes blazed with blue flames of anger. As he advanced toward her, Marissa was vaguely aware of Millie peeking in through the front window.

  As Johnny drew closer, Marissa backed up. She had no idea what had him so spitting angry, but she wasn’t about to air it here where Millie could get an eyeful. She retreated to the backroom. Johnny followed her and calmly closed the door.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” Marissa demanded.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you lost the prom account because of me?”

  So that was his problem, Marissa thought, trying not to admit to herself that even whiskered and sleepless, he still made her heart beat the rhythm of love. She shrugged. “It was none of your business.”

  “The hell it wasn’t,” he said firmly. He drew a steadying breath. “Anything that happens to you or Benjamin is my business.”

  “Who told you about that anyway?” she asked
.

  “I stopped in the diner for breakfast. Lucy filled me in.”

  “I’m going to kill her,” Marissa replied, angry with him, angry with Lucy, angry with everything and everyone in her life.

  He leaned against the sink and placed his black cowboy hat on the counter. “Tell me what the account was worth, how much profit you expected to make, and I’ll pay you.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Marissa replied. “I don’t want your money.” That’s the last thing she wanted from him. She just wanted him to go away and leave her alone

  “Then there’s only one way to make it up to you,” he said. “I guess I’d better marry you.”

  Marissa picked up a white carnation from her work bench and threw it at him. “Damn you, Johnny Crockett, that’s not funny.” Tears blurred her vision. How could he be so cruel? Didn’t he know his words were like taking a knife and plunging it into her heart?

  He picked up the carnation and sniffed it, the anger that had glowed in his eyes gone. He threw the flower into the sink and stepped toward her. “I didn’t intend it to be funny. I intended it to be forever.”

  Marissa stared at him in confusion. “I know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to make me crazy, and once I’m totally insane, you’ll take custody of Benjamin.”

  He laughed, the deep chuckle dancing up her spine, making goose bumps of pleasure raise up on her arms. “I don’t want custody of Benjamin unless I get custody of you as well.”

  His smile faded and he looked at her somberly. “I did a lot of thinking last night, Marissa.” He raked a hand across his whiskered jaw. “Hell, I sure couldn’t sleep after you left. I tossed and turned, your words going over and over again in my head.”

  He sank onto one of the metal folding chairs and Marissa leaned back against the work counter, wondering where he was going with this, if she could really trust his words.

  “At dawn I got up, angry with you for keeping me awake all night. But still, I couldn’t get what you’d said to me out of my head. I sat on the porch and watched the sun come up and thought of all the things I intended to do to the ranch with the rodeo money. Then I thought of all the things I wanted to do for Benjy with the rodeo money. Funny, winning that money finally made me feel worthy to be Benjamin’s father.”

  “But you were always worthy of being Benjamin’s father,” Marissa protested.

  He nodded. “You believed that, but I didn’t. Then I realized something else... I was punishing you for something you had nothing to do with.”

  “What? I don’t understand?” Marissa had no idea what he was trying to tell her, but she wished he’d get to it before her heart exploded from stress.

  Johnny averted his gaze from her and instead stared at the cut flowers in the nearby cooler. “I loved my dad, Marissa. He was my partner, my hero, my world. When he left Mom and me, I was absolutely devastated. Even though Mom tried to tell me different, I knew it was somehow my fault. If I’d gotten better grades, not spilled my milk at dinner, been a better son, he would have stayed.”

  “Oh, Johnny,” Marissa said softly, wishing she could go back in time and somehow ease the heartache of a little boy whose father had deserted him.

  “The problem is when you didn’t come to the jail to see me, when you didn’t show up at the trial to support me, it all got mixed up together. My dad’s desertion and yours became one big ball of anger and pain inside me and I couldn’t separate the two.”

  He stood, the pain that had lined his face gone. “I’m not Johnny Crockett, the poor, fatherless boy who went to prison, anymore. When I first returned to Mustang, all my dreams were for Benjamin. I thought I’d lost the ability to have my own dreams. But you gave them back to me.”

  “I’m glad,” Marissa whispered, unable to stop the tearing of her eyes.

  “This morning I recognized my dreams...the ones you once shared with me. I want to build my ranch, turn it into a productive success, but I can’t do it alone. I need you to help me. You see, Marissa, I tried to fool myself, but the truth is, I love you, and I don’t quite know how to stop loving you.”

  He opened his arms to her, and she flew into them, her tears becoming sobs. He held her tight and stroked her hair. “I figure if I love you, and you love me, and neither of us can stop the way we feel, why not get married and build a life together?”

  Marissa laughed through her tears. “That’s the worst proposal I’ve ever heard.”

  “Okay, how about this?” He stepped away from her, so she could see the vivid blue of his eyes, the sweet emotion that softened his features. “I love you, Marissa. I’ve always loved you. can’t think of living without you. Marry me. Be my wife. Let me fill your days with laughter and your nights with love.”

  “Yes...oh yes,” Marissa replied.

  Once again he pulled her into his arms and his lips claimed hers with all the hunger, all the love, all the devotion that was in his heart. And she responded with the same emotions.

  When the kiss ended, Johnny took her by the arm and led her out of the backroom and into the front shop area where Millie still had her nose pressed against the glass.

  He unlocked the front door and guided Marissa out onto the sidewalk. “Millie, you want a story?” he asked. The older woman nodded, the horses on her hat appearing to gallop in excitement.

  “I just proposed to Marissa, and she just said yes.” Again he pulled Marissa into his arms. “Tell your readers Johnny Crockett is the luckiest person alive and he’s going to spend the rest of his life loving Marissa, raising Benjamin and building a ranch that will be the envy of all of Mustang.”

  Marissa giggled as she watched Millie frantically scribbling on a tiny notepad. The giggles stopped as Johnny kissed her once again. He’d had her heart for the past ten years and she intended he keep it for the next hundred. “You were wrong,” she whispered against his neck.

  “Wrong about what?” he murmured, his lips nipping at her throat.

  “You aren’t the luckiest person alive...I am.”

  He scooped her up in his arms. “Let’s go to my place and we’ll show each other just how lucky we are.” His eyes flamed with the sweet fire of love and passion, and Marissa saw her future there. .a future built on love and dreams and happily-ever-afters.

  Look for another exciting adventure in Mustang,

  Montana, in Carla Cassidy’s next book,

  WIFE FOR A WEEK, coming your way

  from Silhouette Romance in October 1999.

  ISBN : 978-1-4592-5889-1

  RODEO DAD

  Copyright © 1999 by Carla Bracale

  All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilisation of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the editorial office, Silhouette Books, 300 East 42nd Street, New York, NY 10017 U S A

  All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention

  This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A

  ® and TM are trademarks of Harlequin Books S.A., used under license Trademarks indicated with ® are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office, the Canadian Trade Marks Office and in other countries

  Table of Contents

  Table of Contents

  “Ten years is a long time for a man to go without a woman or a woman to go with

  Letter to Reader

  Books by Carla Cassidy

  About the Author

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6<
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  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Copyright