Cruel & Beautiful

by A. M. Hargrove

  Teasingly, I say, “Exactly. What girl wouldn’t want a harem of guys whose only choice is her?”

  His brow lifts in a sexy arch. “Harem?”

  Feeling sheepish, I give a helpless little shrug. The door opens, and we enter. I’m suddenly feeling self-conscious. After he presses his floor number, he turns to where I’ve flattened myself on the back wall. A faint smile appears on his face.

  He stalks forward and says, “I’ve always wondered something.”

  My body is on high alert for an invasion I’m not completely sure I’m ready for. “What’s that?”

  Breathy—that’s how I sound. No way he hasn’t picked up on that I’m practically panting with need. He cages me in but doesn’t touch me. My arms are limp at my sides, unable to fight the desire that’s overtaking me. The reflection in the mirrored walls shows his incredible ass in those scrubs. I didn’t think the shapeless clothing could be so damn sexy.

  He licks his lips. “Forgive me in advance.”

  Before I can respond his lips meet mine. His tongue breaches the seam between my lips, penetrating my mouth and my soul. The bag I hold drops to the floor as I begin to lose all muscle control.

  He tastes of spearmint. And I know he’s been chewing gum again. Why? Because I know things about him others might not. This isn’t the first time we’ve been overcome with lust.

  I’m about to raise my arms. But before I can make that decision, he steps back. His eyes are storming and churn with need.

  “Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s just…”

  He trails off while bending to pick up my bag for me. When he glances up, his head is eye level with Louise and I feel myself clench in desire. Jenna is right. I so need to get laid.

  The elevator chimes and he stands up. He holds out the bag and all I can manage to do, besides take it from him, is smile. I have to let him know some way that everything’s okay. If I try to speak, it will sound ridiculous because my brain has been reduced to the age of a toddler at the moment. I’m not even sure I can verbalize three letter words.

  When we enter his apartment, all I can think about is how well he worked my body the last time we were together. Cate, get your shit together, I chide myself.

  “You’ve been working all day. Why don’t you go take a load off? I brought dessert.” I hold up the bag with an I’m desperately trying to keep it together smile. “I need to prep it so it can be ready right after dinner. I can also play Sous Chef if you want. I may not be a master chef, but I’m good and slicing and dicing.”

  His eyes are still sultry. I would pay a million dollars to hear his thoughts. “I could use a shower. The hot water will loosen my shoulder muscles.”

  He stretches his neck this way and that and I find myself behind him. I press my fingers in where I know he aches. He’s standing so I can’t exactly get it right since he’s so much taller than me.

  “That’s nice.”

  “Uh huh. Why don’t you sit down and I’ll try to loosen you up before your shower. It will be more effective that way.”

  He turns around and captures my hand. “I think it would be more effective if you join me in the shower.”

  I raise my other hand and use a finger to give him the naughty boy wave. “Not so fast. You haven’t made me dinner yet. I’m not that cheap of a date.” I wink at him.

  He laughs. “Mom always told me it never hurts to ask.”

  “True, but no dice.”

  Turnabout is fair play, I think to myself. Memories remind me I’d been the one begging him to be with me.

  He nods and heads to his bathroom alone and without my offered massage.

  Later, he studies me from across his table.

  “I’m glad you have an appetite. I would hate to have leftovers.”

  I toss my napkin at him which goes nowhere. “Are you trying to tell me something?”

  “Only that you look really great and I’m having a hard time trying to play it cool.”

  Drew… Andy is a patient man, or at least he was early in our relationship. It seems as though he’s lost that patience now.

  “Such the flirt. Are you ready for dessert?” I stand to gather the dishes.

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “Of course I do. You made one of my favorites, chicken parmesan.”

  “Seriously,” he says and begins to stand up. I try to stop him and end up in his lap. “Well, I should have tried this earlier.”

  He kisses me again and it feels so natural to be with him like this. Reluctantly, I pull back.

  “Let me get dessert.”

  He sighed. “You’re killing me, Cate.”

  That goes both ways since his arousal is evident as I sit on his lap, and I know my panties are soaked.

  “You’ll like it.”

  He levels a stare at me. “Cate, nothing would taste better than you. You also have to know that I’m harder than a teenage boy copping his first feel. I’ll respect you if you want to wait.”

  His honesty is one of the qualities I admire most about him. This isn’t our first date either. I won’t violate a dating rule if I sleep with him. However, intimacy changes everything. Feelings will collide in unexpected ways.

  “I want you, too. I just don’t want to rush anything.”

  Without waiting for a response, I put the plates in the sink so I can wash them before I leave. I have no intention of letting him do any clean up. As it is, he tidied up as he cooked. So there is only a pan and pot to wash along with what we’ve just used.

  I pull the couple of pints of ice cream I brought from my place out of the freezer and reach in the refrigerator for all the fruits I diced up while he showered. I even have sprinkles and whipped cream ready to go. Grabbing two bowls I find in one of the cabinets, I head back to his dining area. It’s larger than mine and fits his table for six. I wonder how often he has guests. Hell, I don’t know how long he’s been in the area. He stands to help when his phone buzzes.

  He helps me settle everything on the table before he answers the call.

  “Hello.”

  I can only hear a faint voice on the other line.

  “Yes, this is he.” He pauses. “Okay… Sure thing... alright... Bye.”

  I know his news is bad when he gives me the sorrowful eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Cate. But I’ve been called in.”

  I wave off his apology. I know what to expect from his line of work.

  “No, it’s okay. I’ll call a taxi or use the Uber app to get a ride home.”

  He steps in my space, anchoring me in place with his light grip on my arms.

  “Don’t leave.” He practically begs me with earnest eyes. I’m transported to another time and place when words much like these passed between us. “I shouldn’t be too long. We can have dessert and catch up. Then I’ll drive you home.”

  A part of me knows I should leave. The guilt I feel is like an opaque screen between us obscuring the light with shadows and doubts. However, the other part of me is desperate to stay. “Okay.”

  An easy smile forms on his lips before he gives me a there’s more to come kiss that I greedily accept. “I’ll be back sooner than you think.”

  He’s back in scrubs as he walks out the door. I stand alone in his place and a curiosity bug hits me. Should I explore it? A memory surfaces of the commercial when a girl in her date’s bathroom decides to look in his medicine cabinet and everything comes crashing down. I opt to clean the kitchen and store the fixings for making our own sundaes back in the refrigerator and freezer.

  Finished with that task, I sit on his couch and turn on the TV. As time lingers, it’s becomes harder and harder to remain alert. When I wake, I’m not in the living room. The sun is bright and I’m fully dressed on a bed I don’t remember. Even the furnishings aren’t mine, or the ones I remember in Andy’s room. The body wrapped around me, though, is familiar.

  I turn and Andy’s eyes are open. “Morning,” he says with a somewhat chipper smile.
“I’m sorry I got back so late. I wanted to wake you, but you were so cute on my couch. I brought you in here then I guess I didn’t want to sleep alone.”

  His smile dips and I know whatever he dealt with hadn’t been good. “What happened?” My hand reaches out to find his.

  He stares at me as if he doesn’t want to say it and I already know. “I lost a patient.”

  I blanket myself around him knowing how hard that is for him. “I’m sorry.”

  He squeezes me tight and we hang onto each other as if for dear life.

  “Miracles don’t always happen,” he adds.

  We say nothing for a long time. Again, I’m confronted with how I’m not really sure I can do this. I can’t imagine how he can think so, either. I’m not that same person I was.

  “I should get home. I have…” I wave a hand around as I sit up and disentangle myself from him. “Laundry and grocery shopping to do.” I push at bed hair while he yawns. “And you should get some rest. I really can take a cab.”

  “Absolutely not. If I have to let you go, at least give me a little more time with you.”

  “Andy—”

  “Cate, please. I can see it in your eyes you’re ready to run.”

  “I’m not.” It’s a lie.

  “Give it some time. Look, I have a benefit to attend next week. I was going alone but I have a plus one.”

  He doesn’t have to say that the benefit most likely has something to do with cancer. It’s all too much, too heavy, too hard. Yet I find myself wanting to give in to the hope on his handsome face. I know how good I feel when I’m with him and how I want to feel that again.

  I turn a reluctant smile his way. “Okay, I’ll be your plus one.”

  The benefit, however, turns out to be more than I ever planned on.

  JAYSUS, WHAT A WEEK. SEVEN papers. Not to mention two quizzes and one exam. When Friday hits, adrenaline-laced excitement fuels me. I’m heading to Drew’s and can’t wait to see him. Jenna has helped me pack. Brand new sexy bras and thongs that Jenna helped me buy. Check. Sexy nightie that Jenna strong armed me into. Check. Several cool outfits. Check.

  The drive to his apartment only takes about an hour and ten minutes. I texted him right before I left so he’s waiting for me when I pull up. The man is one hot god. He opens my door, reaches in my car, unhooks my seat belt, and lifts me out. “I’ve missed you, lovely Cate.” Then he kisses me. Not a sweet whisper of a kiss either. This is an all out, panty dropping, toe curling, body melting kiss. My arms coil around his neck as he deepens it further. He hitches my body against his and when he does, I wrap my legs around his hips. This is a first for me. I’ve never done anything like this before, nor have I been so passionate in public. Well, I take that back. We were pretty damn steamy on our first date, but it was late and alcohol-laced, so I’m giving that a pass.

  “Mmmm, you taste incredible,” he says. “I’ve been waiting for you all week.”

  “Same here.” I knit my fingers in his hair. He reminds me of the beach in the middle of the summer, the way is hair is streaked with gold. Bright blue eyes catch mine and he flashes me a sexy grin.

  “How much luggage do you have?”

  “Just one bag is all and some hanging stuff.”

  “I’ll carry you and the bag and you get the hanging stuff.”

  “Deal,” I say.

  He opens the back door and leans in to grab the hanging clothes. Then he hands them to me as he walks to the trunk. I pop the lid and he reaches for the bag back there.

  “What’cha got in here? It weighs a ton!”

  I laugh. “Everything but the kitchen sink. But my backpack with my books and computer is in there.”

  “Damn. I was wondering.” He kicks his cracked door wide open and we enter his apartment. It’s nice and tidy, and decorated in manly brown tones. We walk straight to his bedroom, where he deposits my bag on the bed and hangs my clothes in his closet. Then he carries me back to the kitchen and asks if I’d like a glass of wine. “I thought we’d eat here tonight, if that’s okay.”

  “That’s perfect. Are you going to cook?”

  “Me?” His face is a mixture of mock horror and distaste. I can’t help but laugh. He sets me on the counter, spreads my legs, and wedges his large body in between them.

  “Who else is in this room?” I look around, messing with him. “Do you have a secret chef hidden in one of your cabinets?”

  “No, but I do have a secret chef. He works at the local pizza parlor.” His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek as he tries not to laugh.

  “Hmmm. Pizza. I see you’re trying really hard to impress me. It is one of my favorites.”

  He drops his head so his mouth is right next to my ear. Warm air blows across my neck, causing me to break out in goosebumps. “Huh uh. Not quite yet. That trying really hard is going to come after we eat.”

  My mouth forms a perfect O as heat rises from my chest to the top of my head. I’m sure my face is as red as the apple I spy on his counter.

  His lips barely touch me, but they feel like they burn right through me. Following a path around to the hollow at the base of my throat, he dusts me with kisses until he arrives at my bra. I’m wearing a V-neck sweater. With his head down, he lifts his eyes, asking permission. With one nod from me, he continues as he slips one finger between the fabric of my bra and my breast. My nipple reacts like it’s never been touched before. It springs to life, hardening into a spiky peak. I want his mouth there, sucking me. Should I tell him? I don’t want to sound like some shameless slut. But maybe he wants me to sound like that.

  “Drew?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Would it sound terrible if I told you I wanted your mouth on me instead of your hand?”

  Blue irises lock with mine. His pupils dilate telling me I’ve hit a mark. He wants me as much as I want him.

  “No. It wouldn’t. Cate, I want to undress you and put my mouth on you everywhere. But maybe we should eat first. If we don’t, we probably won’t eat at all. You are all I’ve thought about all week.”

  “O-okay.” He’s right. “Pizza then?”

  “Actually, I was kidding about that. I’m going to cook for you.” He gives me a kiss before releasing me. Then he walks over to the refrigerator and starts pulling things out. Chicken, a variety of vegetables, some sauces in bottles. He glances at me. “Can you guess?”

  “Stir fry?”

  “Nice!”

  In no time, the meal is ready.

  “Cate, there’s a bottle of Chardonnay in the fridge. Will you grab it along with two wine glasses out of the cabinet next to the sink?”

  I find said glasses and the bottle of wine and carry them to the table. Drew plates up the food and we sit down to eat. He watches me take my first bite.

  “This is delicious.”

  “You like it?”

  “Yes, it’s really good.” Surprisingly so. I expected it to be average, but this is extremely tasty. And I tell him so. “You’re really good in the kitchen.”

  “Wait until you see me in the bedroom.”

  I nearly spit out the bite of food I just took. He slaps his knee because he thinks he’s hilarious.

  I raise my brows. “I had this impression that you were above the twelve year old mentality, unlike most men.”

  “Oh, Cate. How could you have been so wrong about me?” And he gets this puppy dog look on his face and I immediately die laughing.

  “So then, a man of many talents.”

  “I’m afraid you’ll have to find out for yourself.” Now he’s not kidding. His tone has deepened, become almost hoarse. He leans in and says, “I have thought of almost nothing else other than being with you. In every sense of the word. But say one word, Cate. One word, and we don’t have to do anything, but sit and talk. This is entirely your call.”

  I set my knife and fork down and look at him. His eyes are as clear as the sky on a spring day. They bear no humor; only honesty and caring, truth and sincerity. Reachi
ng for his hand, I take it in mine and look at it for a long moment. Long, perfectly formed fingers attach to a strong, firm hand. Not calloused, yet not soft either. I bring it to my lips, pressing a kiss on his knuckles.

  “I know you would never do anything to me I didn’t want. But I’d be fooling myself, and you, if I told you I had no interest in being with you. I’ve pretty much thought of nothing else all week, too. It made studying for my exam and quizzes damned hard. And I almost wanted to write erotic journalistic articles because of you. You have occupied my waking and sleeping thoughts for a week now, so I can’t wait to be with you, too, Drew. In every way.”

  He turns his hand around to hold mine. “Well, then, are you finished eating? Because after that, I’m finding all I want to do is to see you naked.”

  I push back my chair and stand. He does, too. He tries to stop me from picking up my plate. “Leave it.”

  “No. This will be gross if we do.”

  We hurry and clean up. While we do, he touches me, my arm, my cheek, nothing overtly sexual, but it’s all so completely intimate that when we’re done, he turns to me and our mouths collide in a crushing kiss. It’s a combination of sweet and hot at the same time. Then I’m moving backward as he walks us to the bedroom.

  My bag still sits on his bed and he asks me if I need to use the bathroom. I would love to brush my teeth so I say yes. I root around in my bag to find what I need, but when I get behind the closed door, my nerves barge in. My hands shake as I load my toothbrush with toothpaste. What if he doesn’t like me? What if I’m not up to his standards? What if I’m so inexperienced I’m a gigantic disappointment? Oh, god, where is Jenna when I need her? I need a serious pep talk right now.

  “Cate, is everything okay?”

  Shit! “Yeah. Be out in a second.” My plans for the sexy nightie are trashed. I can’t delay this any longer, so I open the door. There he stands, the corners of his eyes drooping with concern.

  When I was a kid, I used to love it in the summers in Charleston after a huge rainstorm. When the tide is unusually high, there is shallow coastal flooding and when storms dumped a couple of inches rain, small swimming pools would be everywhere. I feel like my bones have melted into one of those pools.