Secrets of a Side Bitch

by Jessica Watkins

  I knew it was Ching. I couldn’t believe that this nigga would ever believe that I was a snitch. He was spazzing the fuck out. I simply texted him back that I hadn’t said shit and left it at that. I thought he responded, but it was a message from Aeysha instead saying that she was happy that I was home, was out with Eboni getting something to eat, and would be home ASAP.

  Since Aeysha wasn’t in the crib, I turned right back around and headed towards my car while texting Capone to see if he was free to meet for a drink.

  Simone

  Once again I was stalking Aeysha’s Facebook page. It had become a daily routine for me. I caught myself on her page sometimes twice a day.

  Everyday I saw something that sent me into heartbreak, but today I was all too pleased. She had tagged herself at Leona’s in Hyde Park, merely two blocks away from my house. I wasn’t even thinking as I jumped up and started throwing on clothes. It was like I was having an out of body experience. Maybe it was curiosity in seeing in the flesh the bitch who stole my man. Maybe it was the insanity in actually wanting to say something to this bitch.

  I don’t know! Most importantly, I didn’t care. I couldn’t let this bitch be up under my man and in my fucking neighborhood! She couldn’t have everything!

  I raced out of the house in jeans, boots, and leather blazer. Just in case, I threw on a pair of shades. My hair was up in a high ponytail. I glossed my lips as I sped down the three blocks towards the restaurant. I hopped out the car so fast that I damn near forgot to put it in park.

  Once inside the restaurant, I immediately spotted that sloppy bitch sitting at the bar next to another chick.

  “Ma’am, are you waiting to be seated?”

  Quickly, I told the waitress, “No, I’ll sit at the bar. Thanks.”

  Aeysha didn’t even see me coming as I approached the bar and sat beside her.

  “Hi, Pretty Lady. What are you having?”

  I told the bartender to give me a shot of Patron.

  “Damn! She drinkin’ strong early!”

  I giggled in response to Aeysha’s friend, all while sizing them up. These bitches were hood boogers with beauty supply hair and fake jewelry. Clearly Aeysha’s girl was wearing beauty supply store ballerina flats. Aeysha looked a little more expensive. She at least wore remy hair and Coogi. It was obvious that Omari’s money was benefitting her. But was this nigga really denying me for a bitch that wore Coogi and Reeboks?!

  I couldn’t believe I was sharing my man with a bitch like Aeysha. I just looked her up and down with a fake smile wondering why the fuck Omari felt so stuck with her.

  Then I noticed her belly falling out of the bottom of her sweater, and I knew why.

  “Girl, it’s been one of those days,” I told her friend with a laugh.

  “Girl, I feel you. It’s been one for us too. That’s why I’m right with you!” Then she waved her drink in the air.

  “What are you ladies drinking?”

  “Well, I’m drinking Jack Honey,” she answered me. “She isn’t drinking anything because she’s preggers.”

  Aeysha smiled bashfully as she rubbed her stomach.

  I told the bartender to get the girl another drink. Her loud ass was too excited. “Ooo, thank you, girl! Turn up!”

  My skin crawled while I fought the urge not to roll my eyes.

  “So how many months are you?”

  “Almost six,” Aeysha answered.

  I was so envious of her smile. She looked happy and content. I wanted to smack that fucking contentment off of her funny looking ass face! I was so offended that she had the nerve to be so happy with what was mine.

  It burned my throat to say, “Well, congratulations.”

  “Thanks. It’s such a blessing.”

  I continued to make small talk with these bugaboos, in particularly Aeysha. I asked them where they were from and where they worked. Since I knew from her status messages on Facebook that Aeysha wanted more for herself than her job at Pyson, I lied and said that I was a hiring manager named Tiana Bradley. When I told her to give me her phone number so that I could call her with some job leads, she fell right for it.

  Having her number was enough for me at the moment. I didn’t want to do anything that jeopardized my future with Omari. Since we had sex the night before, I knew that he was still interested in me- in this pussy at least. But he wasn’t where I needed him to be just yet, so I didn’t want to turn him away by saying anything to Aeysha. So I excused myself, kept her number, and figured that since Omari was away from Aeysha, I would call him and try to hook up with him.

  I was literally skipping out of Leona’s. Now that I had the opportunity to see this bitch in the flesh and had a conversation with her, I knew what Omari saw in me that drew him to me in the first place, despite having a girl. I was obviously more his speed and level. It was obvious that the only thing keeping him with this bitch was history and that baby.

  Those were two things that I could change and acquire quite easily.

  Just as I settled in the driver’s seat to call Omari, my cell rang. I anticipated it being Omari, but when I saw that it was Tammy’s mother, I cringed in irritation.

  “Hi, Miss Douglas. Have you heard from Tammy?”

  Omari

  “I don’t know what the fuck to do, dawg.”

  Me and Capone were at our usual hood hang out out South. I was cuddled up with a double shot of Patron that I had coming on repeat.

  I was fucked up about being picked up by homicide. I was even more fucked up by how Ching was acting. I knew I wasn’t the typical street nigga. I knew that a motherfucka wouldn’t look at me and see a hard ass nigga. But Ching was suppose to be my family. He had my back since I was five years old.

  With a heavy sigh and smack of his lips, Capone shook his head in disbelief. “I don’t know what’s gotten into this nigga. Maybe he just scared.”

  “So then he’s the sucka! Not me.”

  “I know, man. I know. Fuck Ching for right now though. You gotta figure out what you gone do about this murder, man. You just gone sit at the crib and wait for them to come get you?”

  Sarcastically, I asked, “I’m suppose to run?”

  And Capone laughed like I shoulda known better. “Hell in the fuck yea.”

  I shook my head slowly. It was so heavy with stress and anxiety. I didn’t know what to do or where to go. I couldn’t take Aeysha and just leave. She was going to fight me tooth and nail. But I couldn’t leave her there pregnant and stuck with bills and a new baby either.

  “Urggh! What the fuck, man?!”

  Capone looked at me like I was crazy as I slapped my phone down on the bar.

  He asked, “Was it Ching again?”

  “Hell naw. Eboni’s crazy ass keep texting me.”

  Capone cracked up laughing. “She wants her money, trick.”

  “Yea, that bitch is definitely pimpin’ me.”

  When my phone started to ring, we both started laughing. But it wasn’t Eboni as I expected. It was Simone.

  “What’s up?”

  I was expecting her call. She had been texting me since I left her crib. Funny thing is, she was texting me like me sticking my dick in her had changed everything and we were right back fucking around with each other. But if she was cool with that knowing I had a girl, I wasn’t about to argue with her. I had enough shit to deal with.

  “Hello? Simone? I can’t hear you.”

  I stuck my finger in my ear so that I could hear her more clearly. Then I got up from the bar to step out the exit. The further away I got from the noise of the bar, the more I could make out her tears. Instantly, my eyes rolled into the back of my head and I regretted answering the phone.

  I didn’t have time for another night with Simone and her crying.

  “Hello? Simone, what’s wrong?”

  As I stepped outside, I could make out everything she said. “Omari, she’s dead.”

  “Who’s dead?!”

  “Tammy! She’s dead.”

>   “How? When? What happened to her?” I was rambling and stuttering over my words. I couldn’t believe this shit. Instantly, my heart went out to Tammy, knowing that Jimmy had finally gotten to her.

  “They found her body burned up in the Dan Ryan Woods.”

  Damn. This shit was heavy. I didn’t know what to say.

  “I can’t believe that nigga really killed her. Oh my God, baby, it hurts so bad. I need you so bad.”

  Over Simone’s tears, I could only think of the fact that Aeysha was sitting at home waiting on me and worried because she still hadn’t seen me all day. But I had never heard anybody cry because they experienced a loss like this. Unlike last night when Simone was just shaken up, tonight she was wailing in such pain that it made me hurt.

  My heart went out to Tammy and it definitely went out to Simone.

  “I’m on my way.”

  FIFTEEN

  WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 16, 2013

  Simone

  “Tammy Douglas was born March 26, 1986 in Chicago, Illinois. Tammy was a beautiful, intelligent, young woman who loved science. She graduated from South Shore High School. After high school, she received formal education at Chicago State University. After receiving her Master’s as a double major in Education and Science, she taught Chemistry at Kenwood Academy High School…”

  Sobs and sniffles seemingly played as a soundtrack to the reading of Tammy’s obituary. I stood at the podium, dressed in black and wearing shades, as I read the obituary, per Mrs. Douglas’ request. Mrs. Douglas’ cries were the worst I had ever heard in my life. They ripped through the church like a painful symphony. Her wails were wracked with so much agony and suffering. The sound of a mother’s cries that had lost her child was like nothing I ever heard before.

  “…Tammy’s energy was just as magnetic as her beauty. She touched the lives of many with her smile and generosity. She touched the lives of countless students that she taught for the last three years, as well as children that she tutored in Science citywide…”

  Some of those students were in attendance. They sat in the back of the large church taking up several pews. They wore their school t-shirts in tribute, even some with Tammy’s name or picture spray painted on the back.

  Donte sat in the front row. When Mr. Douglas should have been the one getting consoled, he was next to Donte literally keeping Donte from totally falling apart. Donte seemed to be shivering with sadness and was overwhelmed with heartbreak.

  Even in death, I envied Tammy. I read her obituary and envied how wonderfully she was being perceived. I saw the abundance of love there for her that day and envied how she was undeniably loved.

  But as I read and laid eyes on Omari, I felt comfort in knowing that if no one in the world loved me, he was going to.

  “…Tammy was granted her angel wings on Wednesday, October 9,, 2013. She is survived by her parents, Ernestine and Brian Douglas, her sisters, Tameryn and Talisia, and her best friend, Donte Booker, as well as numerous amounts of relatives, friends, coworkers, and students.”

  Omari

  “You okay?”

  Simone and I were standing a few feet away from Tammy’s gravesite. I was holding her around her waist as she stood, along with a few of Tammy’s family members and close friends, as we watched grave workers lower her casket into the ground.

  “Of course not.”

  Simone’s voice was at a trembling whisper, so I kissed her cheek. She sighed heavily as she rested her head back on my chest. I honestly wanted to hold her until she wasn’t hurt anymore. If I could have kissed her pain away, I would have.

  Ever since Tammy got killed, I had been with Simone as much as I could. I felt like a jerk when she told me that she knew about Aeysha. Being with her for the past week was my way of making up for lying to her. Since I was no longer working for Ching, it was easy for me to juggle my free time outside of work between her and Aeysha. Aeysha thought that I was still on the streets with Ching. I let her think that so that I could manage to be there for Simone through such a fucked up time as this.

  Though I was spending a nice amount of time with Simone, I hadn’t fucked her. Believe me, I wanted to. Since Aeysha’s pregnancy was so high risk, she didn’t want to have sex. But with the range of emotions that Simone was going through, I didn’t want to toy with them at that time. I could see that she was feeling me and willing to fuck with me despite Aeysha. Though I could honestly say that I was feeling her, she needed to know that I loved my girl, we had a baby on the way, and that I was not about to leave her.

  It wasn’t the right time to lay something that thick on her.

  I wanted to be at home with my girl. With Ron’s murder still being intensively investigated though, I felt way better being at Simone’s crib instead of mine. There hadn’t been much word from the dics or Ching, but until I heard official notice that the investigation was closed, that murder would forever be over my head.

  Simone and I were back in my Challenger and in the procession line traffic leaving the burial site when my cell phone rang. It was Aeysha. Since Simone knew about Aeysha, I hadn’t had any issues talking to her in front of Simone these last few days.

  “Hey, baby. What’s up?”

  When I answered the phone, Simone slid her hand around my free hand, held it, and laid her head on my shoulder. This chick was so fucking down that it made my dick stand straight up. She wasn’t shit for being so willing despite my girl, but I couldn’t deny how her loyalty and submissiveness was refreshing as fuck. It had been a minute since I could tell a bitch to jump and she asked how high instead of telling me to jump my gawd damn self.

  “I need to go to the hospital, Omari.”

  There was so much fear in Aeysha’s voice that I immediately got scared.

  Her voice was full of tears as she asked, “Are you far away?”

  “I’m in the south suburbs. I can be there in like thirty minutes. What’s wrong?”

  “I’m cramping really bad. It feels like contractions. Then I spotted a few minutes ago. I’m scared I’m having a miscarriage.” At the word miscarriage, she broke down into tears and my heart broke.

  I felt like shit being where I was at that moment.

  “What hospital are you going to? I’ll meet you there. It will be quicker.”

  “The University of Chicago. Hurry up, babe.”

  Aeysha

  “Baby, it’s going to be okay. Try to calm down.”

  I closed my eyes and tried not to think the worse. I focused on Omari’s hand on my stomach, rubbing it soothing and lovingly.

  No matter how much I tried not to be, I was so scared of losing my baby. I lay on the table in the examination room waiting for the doctor to come in to do the ultrasound. They had already started test and drawn blood.

  “I don’t want to lose my baby.” My voice was at a frightened whisper. Tears rolled silently down my face as I lay looking towards the ceiling.

  “Try thinking about something else, babe.”

  I couldn’t even look at Omari. If I lost this baby, I felt like I would lose him. I wasn’t having this baby to keep him. But if I lost this baby, I was losing what had been an important part of changing this relationship from boyfriend/girlfriend to family.

  “I’m so happy,” I said through tears. “For once, I’m genuinely happy. I just want it to stay that way.”

  Omari’s hand left my stomach and held my hand tightly. He wiped my tears with the palm of his other hand and kissed my cheek slow and soothingly.

  “In a million years, I never thought I would be here; in this moment, with you, carrying our baby. I’m so happy in this moment. For so long, I have wanted to be a better me. Even though I got a job, I am officially a better me now, because I am finally a mother and your baby’s mother. This baby changed me for the better. If it dies, I feel like I’ll die with it.”

  Finally, I looked at him. My heart broke into pieces to see a lonely tear sliding slowly down his cheek.

  Omari promised me, “Everythi
ng is going to be okay,” as if he would make it okay no matter what. “What are we going to name the baby?”

  He was changing the subject. By the looks of the tears that began to flow, it was for his sake, not mine.

  “If it’s a girl, let’s name her Dahlia Rose, after your mother.”

  While wiping his face free of his tears, Omari smiled happily. “I like that, babe. And if it’s a boy?”

  “I’ll let you name him if it’s a boy.”

  “He’ll be a Junior then, of course!”

  We both giggled as someone knocked on the door.

  “I’m dressed,” I announced.

  Just as quick as the conversation took my sadness away, it came back as Dr. Kumar came in. She cut off the lights and began to cover my stomach with ultrasound gel.

  She noticed the fear in my eyes. With a comforting smile, she told me, “Relax. Let’s take a look at your baby.”

  Me and Omari’s eyes widened as our little one appeared on the monitor in 3D. First, I could only see its arms and fingers. As Dr. Kumar moved the transducer probe, I could see that the baby was holding its little foot. Me and Omari broke out in uncontrollable giggles.

  We stared at our baby in amazement; the image being so lifelike that it seemed as if we could reach out and touch our baby. We could see the structure of its nose, the chunkiness of its cheeks, and even that it had Omari’s slanted eyes.

  “Do you want to know the gender?”

  Before I could even answer, Omari answered, “Yea!”

  Dr. Kumar and I laughed at his eagerness as she moved the probe to find the genitals. Omari and I stared at the monitor, holding our breath in anticipation. Honestly, I didn’t care what we had. I would be happy either way.