by Jillian Neal
“You used to but not so much anymore. Just maybe don’t ever grab my hands.”
“Never. I swear. If you want Hope and me to move, we will. I just never…”
“I don’t want that and Daddy did ask me if it was okay if he offered you your land back. I told him yes.”
With magnetizing force, Aaron marched forward. Desperate but driven. “Nat, baby, I…”
“You, on the other hand…” she narrowed her eyes hatefully, “…have a lot of apologizing to do.”
“I’m so sorry. I swear I never meant to lie to you.”
“Dammit, did anyone have tonight in the pool?” Austin inquired.
“She ain’t forgiven him yet,” Grant reminded everyone.
“You never have to forgive me. I don’t deserve that. I just need to apologize. I just need… you.” Aaron would beg for as long as she’d let him.
Holly whipped around her sister and bolted out the door. “You two go talk.”
Praying to any deity willing to listen, Aaron crossed the threshold of her home, thankful she’d allowed him that much. She shut the door behind him.
“I want answers to every single question I ask and so help me if you lie even once, I’ll never speak to you again, you got that?”
“I swear. I will never ever lie to you again.”
“When were you shot?”
“July 11, 2013.”
“Who shot you?”
“The first two shots were by a man named Samer. I never knew how to pronounce his last name and I don’t want to lie to you. I don’t know the name of the man who shot me the third time. I woke up on the helicopter. Remember, I told you that. Voodoo managed to get enough of the fragments out of me that he could get a few stitches in so I didn’t bleed to death before he stitched himself up.”
“I thought you were going to say the bad guys shot you. You actually knew the man who shot you?” Her lip quivered but he didn’t need her pity he needed her forgiveness.
“Yes. We’d been working with his men trying to train up the Iraqi police force. They turned on us.”
“Oh my God.”
Frantic to answer every single thing she wanted to know, he swallowed down bile and vomit from the memories. “It was my fault.”
“How? Why? You keep thinking everything was your fault. How on earth were you supposed to know they were going to do that?”
“I was the intel officer. It was my job to know. I knew… I just had this feeling something bad was going to happen, but I kept telling myself I felt that way because of something else. CIA intelligence was coming down the line to me. That would have been the proof I needed. It just didn’t get there in time.”
“That isn’t your fault.”
“Seven men who were brothers to me, Nat, all lost their lives because I didn’t fucking figure it out. I was trained. I knew what I was doing. I was the best and I blew it.”
“I’m so sorry.”
Aaron shook his head. “I’m here to say that. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“So, that’s what the stars on your arm are for?”
“Yeah.” Blinking back the sting of liquid memories from his eyes, he turned his arm over. “See, these are their numbers under each star.”
“How did? I mean, why didn’t we hear about that over here? We should have known that.”
“One of the reasons we do what we do, the reason we fight, is so that your lives are never interrupted. It’s the sacrifice we make and it being all over the news doesn’t bring them back. They’re still just as gone.”
“Is the guy in that picture one of the men who was killed?”
The picture? Aaron racked his brain. His brow furrowed.
“The one I saw on your counter. The one from when you were younger.”
“Oh. No. He didn’t go into Special Forces. But, uh, he did take his own life about a month before we were shot. It took my foster mom that long to get word to me. I’d just found out the day before. That’s part of why I wasn’t… at my best, maybe.”
“Oh my God, Aaron. Why did he?”
“Found out his wife was cheating on him.”
Her hand flew to her mouth. She shook her head.
“Nat, I should’ve respected the fact that you didn’t want to tell me about your uncle. I had no business getting them to find him. I just… it killed me that a man who’d hurt you, one who still scares you, went on wasting oxygen. I’m so sorry I lied so many times. And I know, okay, I know the truth out of a liar’s mouth is worthless but I swear I wasn’t lying when I said I loved you. I wasn’t lying when I told you about the field or how beautiful and strong you are. I love you so much, Nat. I just…”
Suddenly, she was in his arms again. Breath rushed back to his lungs. His heart finally found a steady beat. The constant pain eased its icy clutches. He clung to her terrified to let her go.
“Wait.” She wiped tears out of her eyes. “You said your foster mom. Did he live in Gentry with you?”
“I’ll tell you everything but can I maybe just keep holding you while I do it?”
A heartbroken smile tipped the corners of her mouth. She took his hand and led him to the couch. Once he was seated, she curled up in his lap. “Thank you.”
“Talk.”
“Remember when I told you my social worker pulled a few strings to get me to the farm in Gentry? Well, Josh Campbell was my foster parents’ only biological child. He was my age. He was the first friend I ever really had but it was more than that. I lived there five years. He was my brother. We joined up together. The one thing my foster mom said to me with tears in her eyes the day we got on that bus was to please take care of Josh. They’d saved my life and I failed to do the only thing they’d ever asked of me.”
“Aaron, surely she knows it wasn’t your fault. Oh my gosh, is that why you haven’t been back to visit?”
He managed a haggard nod. “I get a paycheck every month from the government for being a Beret and being airborne and all that, even though I’m doing nothing to earn it. I send it to her. My foster dad can’t farm anymore so…” he shrugged, “…that’s why I don’t have a lot of money like T and Griff and all of them. And there’s this other thing I need to tell you. I’ve never said this out loud to anyone. I’ve never even told Dec this. Whenever I have a flashback, and I go back to when I was shot, I don’t get it right. My brain always puts Josh there with me. I keep trying to save him and I just… can’t.”
“I’m so sorry I got so mad at you,” she whispered.
“No, baby, no. You have every right to be mad at me. I lied to you and I went against your wishes. I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“It’s just that it takes more than it should for me to trust someone. I don’t have a lot of experience with it, I guess. So, the story goes that my uncle kept touching me. He’d try to find me when I was alone. It happened a lot. One day he grabbed me in the barn, but he was drunk and didn’t realize Holly was there. She screamed and my parents figured out what was going on. After that, I never really left the ranch. I trust my family and never anyone else. So, when I trusted you…”
“You were trying to trust me with a few other things so you could see if you could trust me with more. I know. I fucked it up. I failed the test. And knowing the story doesn’t make me want to murder him any less.”
“You didn’t fail anything, Aaron. So, we have to start out with a lot of faith and build the trust from there. I want to do that. Just please tell me everything, okay? Even if you think it isn’t important.”
“Okay. Uh, let’s see here. Where do you want me to start?”
“I kind of meant from here on out but I’d like to know if you knew your biological parents.”
Digging deeper into reserves than he had in three long years, determination locked in his musculature. “Yes, I knew them. My dad was in the army actually. He left when I was five. I have no idea why. I just remember telling all of the kids in my class that he was coming back. He never did. He was my h
ero and then he was gone. My mom found chemical ways to avoid the pain. I was put in foster care when she held up a drug store at gunpoint looking for pain meds.”
“Oh my God.”
“As far as I know she’s still in prison. Don’t really have any desire to see her.”
“Well, I don’t want you in prison for killing my uncle. I swore to myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t let him steal anything from me ever again. Today, I almost let him. I was so embarrassed that your friends had figured everything out and that I believed you when you were lying to me.”
“You didn’t,” he vowed.
“Yes, I did.”
“No, you didn’t. Not really. Every single time I covered something up this flash of questioning would go off in your eyes. You chose to ignore it but your radar was trying to warn you. I could see it. Part of me wished you’d call me on it. I hated lying to you, but the other part of me just wanted to bury the bastard in the ground and piss on the dirt.”
“Can’t we just let him die in North Carolina and never think about him again?”
“I’m more than happy to let him die, but baby, every part of both of our pasts affects our present and our future. Dec said if I ever got you to talk to me again, we should see him together.”
“That’s probably a really good idea. Therapy refresher would be good for me, even if he is my stupid brother-in-law.”
“He’s helped me a lot. He even told me not to go after your uncle. I just didn’t listen.”
“He told me you went off your medication for me. You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to. I’m still glad I did. I hate I had a flashback with you but that’s part of my truth I guess.”
“Yeah, and I love every single part of you.”
A tremor of disbelief jolted through Aaron. He strengthened his hold on her. “You do? I mean, you don’t have to. I lied to you.”
“I know you did and you better never do that again. But even when I was furious with you I still loved you. That’s how love works. You don’t have to earn it.”
Someone knocked on her front door with enough force to shake the foundation of her house. Natalie started to get up but Aaron held her tight. “Little busy right now,” he shouted.
“A, it’s me. Let me in. We have a situation.” T sounded frantic.
Aaron beat her to the door by two paces. He jerked it open. “What?”
“This.” T held up his phone.
“What? It’s a blinking red dot in the middle of Missouri.” Aaron sounded as frustrated as Natalie felt.
“Yeah, that blinking red dot is her uncle’s car.”
“What?” Instinctively, Natalie gripped Aaron bicep. “Why is he in Missouri? He’s not allowed.”
“Yeah, well, I hadn’t had time to check on him this morning before you called me. He must’ve left after my last check yesterday. He’s seems to have stopped for the night.”
“How did you make there be a dot on his car?” Natalie knew she sounded like an idiot but none of this made any sense.
“There’s a Beret training facility in North Carolina. T called a friend of ours who’s stationed there. He bugged your uncle’s house, set up surveillance cameras, the whole deal. He also attached a tracker device to his car,” Aaron supplied though his words were laced with fury.
“I see we’ve already taken a vow to tell her everything now.” T sighed.
“I’ll never lie to her again.”
His promise was barely audible over the sirens blaring in Natalie’s ears and the panic clawing under her skin. She couldn’t see him. She didn’t know what to say to him. He couldn’t come to Camden Ranch. Her carefully orchestrated world had begun to unravel that morning when she’d found out about Aaron’s lies. Now, the seams were splitting, audible rips and pops in her mind so loud she didn’t understand how no one else heard them.
“Look, give me some kind of directions or coordinates or however you guys work and I’ll go meet him. I’ll tell him to turn around and go home,” Brock vowed as soon as he got back to the door.
“We’re too far out. Coordinating you two would be next to impossible. Ever try to work one of those word problems about the trains heading towards each other on parallel tracks at different speeds? That’s basically what we’d be dealing with,” T explained. “We’ll have to wait until he’s closer.”
“Are you sure he’s coming here?” Natalie finally located words that made sense.
“No. Just seems that way. If he stays on his direct course, he’ll end up right here.”
“Could we just call him and ask him what the hell he’s doing?” Brock sighed.
“No cell phone.” T and Aaron answered simultaneously.
“Go get packed, Nat. We’re leaving. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go, but you’re not facing him.” Aaron had located his voice as well.
“I’ll get you a plane. Fly her anywhere you want,” T readily volunteered.
“No.” A still, small voice erupted from the vicinity of Natalie’s chest. It took her two breaths to recognize it as her own. Her hands on Aaron steadied her. Her heart lurched back to life. The steel blade she’d longed for so many times in her life finally made its severing cut.
The malignant fear and anger she’d clung to for so long dissolved in the sea of all she’d lost and all she’d gained. “No. I will not run from him or from this. I am not a little girl anymore. He has no power over me. I won’t let him. I refuse to be afraid of him. I refuse to let him run me off my ranch. This is my land. This is my family’s land, a family he isn’t a part of. If he’s coming, let him come. God knows I have plenty I’d like to say to him.” There. For the first time in years, she knew she was the one that held all of the power.
Aaron turned and cradled her face in his hands. “Look at me and tell me you’re absolutely sure you want to see this man.”
“I am just as sure of this as I am that we are going to figure out some way to move past all of the lies and sneaking around both of us did. He isn’t going to hurt me. I can take care of myself now. I’m a cowgirl and he can bring it on.”
“You’re not facing him alone,” Aaron informed her.
“Oh we’ll be there, too,” T vowed. “You want to take on one of ours you take on all of us.”
“She’s right.” Brock smiled at her. “Nat’s never taken any shit off of anyone. She’s not gonna take any off of him and I have a few questions I’d like answers to as well. My shitlickin’ sperm donor can look me in the eye and tell me what he did. I make no promises he’ll still be standin’ when I’m finished with him but I’m not a kid anymore either.”
“Baby, you have every right to stand up to him. But hear me say this, he so much as looks at you wrong I’ll kill him.” Aaron’s vow held no notes of indecision or even consideration.
“Yeah, well, you can get in line, son,” Ev spat. “I told him a long time ago if he ever came up here again it’d be the last thing he ever did.”
“No one is going to kill him.” Natalie shook her head at her would-be defenders. “He is nothing but a lazy coward with a sick mind. Let him burn when it’s his time.”
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
Natalie’s resolute decision gnawed at Aaron’s desperate need to protect her above all others. Her eyes followed him in his relentless pacing.
The Sevens were all sitting in her living room. Holly and Dec were among them along with her parents. Camp was still set up outside but her brothers had returned to their homes. At least that’s what they’d said they were doing. Aaron had a feeling they were out somewhere on the ranch conducting target practice.
“He’s stopped at a hotel somewhere. Car hasn’t moved in three hours,” T gave another report.
The clocks in her home chewed through the time too quickly. Aaron wasn’t convinced she was prepared to face him again no matter how certain she seemed.
“I don’t care. He’ll be here when he gets here. Don’t you get it? A lot of victims have to li
ve with their abusers for years. I didn’t. And… I kind of think we each have to handle it our own way. There is no wrong way to deal with it. It sucks but there’s really no way out of your only life. In fact, I don’t want a way out. I happen to like my life. So, he’s coming here. I want to deal with this by facing him, telling him exactly what I think of him, wishing him well on his one-way trip to hell, and then I want to get back to living my life.”
“My big sister is kind of a badass.” Holly winked at her.
“Yeah, she sure as hell is,” Aaron agreed. “My beautiful badass.”
“Oooh maybe I’ll get a tattoo that says that.” Natalie laughed. Unable to believe she was actually laughing in the face of this, he just fell more in love with her.
“Baby girl, your daddy’s heart has been through a lot this evening. Could you not get a tattoo until I’ve had time to process this day?” her father begged.
“All right, Daddy, but why don’t you all go on home? I am fine. He’s not going to show up tonight and if he does I have a horsewhip.”
“She is handling this remarkably well,” Dec quietly informed Aaron as he passed by his chair.
“Yeah, but I’m not.”
“I’d say it’s high time you let her be strong beside you. She doesn’t need you to be strong for her.”
“I’m trying.”
Members of the Camden family begrudgingly left after making both Aaron and Natalie promise to alert them when her uncle returned to the road.
After seeing her parents out, Natalie spun to face the Sevens. “I am not an egg or some kind of china doll. I’m not going to break. But since it doesn’t seem like you’re leaving I want to know exactly what happened with the courthouse, and the library, and Cheryl.”
Griff cleared his throat. “Basically, we all love you for loving Triple A and once we discovered that someone had hurt you we were like rabid dogs. A might’ve asked for our help but it wasn’t all him. I went as far as to lift your jacket that night at the Hi-Way to have an excuse to come out here and find the fucker who’d hurt you.”