Man Beneath the Uniform

by Maureen Child

  What was she supposed to do about this, she wondered. How could she keep loving him to herself? But how could she tell him when she knew he was only here because it was his duty to protect her? They'd said nothing about tomorrow. They'd made no plans for anything beyond the month that was nearly up.

  She laid one hand on the cool glass of the window half of the door, and watched, smiling, as he cursed the mower that continued to fight him. Her heart turned over and Kim knew that she had to do something.

  She couldn't simply stand by and watch him walk out of her life as easily as he'd walked into it.

  * * *

  After dinner, when the phone rang, Zack reached for it first. Hell, he'd lunged for the phone as if it were the last lifeline in a churning sea.

  He'd tried to keep busy. Tried to stay so wrapped up in one project or another that his mind wouldn't have time to torture him with thoughts of leaving Kim. But it seemed that no matter how busy he was, his brain was free to wander. And it did. Constantly.

  Their month was nearly over, and soon he'd be shipping out again. Though a part of him knew that was a good thing, another, more hungry part of him dreaded it as he had never dreaded anything.

  His career had been built around deployment. One mission fed into the next and he'd always liked it that way. New people, new countries, new problems to solve. New dangers and adventures. Him and his team.

  But things were changing.

  Three Card had a wife, for God's sake.

  Hunter was still laid up in the hospital.

  And Zack had found Kim.

  "Yeah?" He damn near growled into the phone. An instant later, a chill swept over him as he listened to Kim's brother Ian tell him about the latest threat delivered to their father.

  When Kim came up beside him, he reached out and took her hand. Feeling the chill in her skin, he folded his fingers around hers, trying not to notice how fragile her hand felt in his.

  "What is it?" she whispered.

  "Any leads?" he asked Kim's brother Ian, ignoring her.

  "Nothing," Ian said. "Just the words, 'I'm still watching you,' signed by Lady Savannah."

  "The woman needs a new routine."

  "The woman needs to be locked up," Ian countered, his voice tight.

  "I'm with you there," Zack said, letting go of Kim long enough to drape one arm around her shoulder and pull her in close.

  Ian continued a moment later. "The cops think they've got a lead, so just keep an eye on my little sister, huh?"

  "Don't worry about her," Zack said. "I'll take care of her." Until the navy pulled him away, his brain screamed. And then what? Who would look out for her then? Who would be with her when he was off halfway around the world doing God knew what?

  Mind seething, he hung up, setting the phone receiver back into its cradle much more gently than he wanted to.

  "It's my father again, isn't it?" Kim asked.

  "Yeah," he said, turning to her, pulling her close to him. "Another threat."

  "When is this going to stop?"

  "Ian says they have leads."

  "I hope so," she said, tipping her head back to look up at him.

  "You're safe with me." Zack stared down into her green eyes and felt that magnetic pull working on him again. He smoothed her hair back, letting the thick, soft strands sift between his fingers.

  "I know that." She slid her hands beneath the hem of his T-shirt, then wrapped her arms around his middle.

  Her touch slammed into him and carried the same force it had the very first time. He wondered if it would always be like that between them, then immediately crushed the thought, since he would never know the answer to that question. Their time was almost up. And when it was, they'd each return to their own worlds, with nothing more than a few damn good memories to cling to.

  Cupping her face in his palm, he bent his head for a kiss and when she nibbled at his bottom lip, Zack felt a jolt of desire spear up from deep within him.

  Deliberately, he put the world aside and forgot about the threats and leaving her and anything else beyond this one moment.

  "I want you again," he whispered, his breath dusting her lips, her cheeks.

  "You can have me again," she said, going up on her toes to press her mouth to his. "And again and again and again…"

  Zack smiled as he kissed her and felt the first wave of longing rise up to drown him in her magic.

  * * *

  Eleven

  « ^

  Two days later, they were that much closer to the end of the month and no clearer on what would be happening next.

  There'd been no more threats made against Kim's father, the man who would be Senator. And as far as Zack was concerned, the actual threat to Kim herself had never been a viable one. The idea of her having a bodyguard, was, as she'd said, more to make her father feel better than because of a real need for protection.

  He'd been there nearly a month and he'd seen no real danger to Kim. If anything, she'd proven to be a danger to him.

  Zack frowned as he listened with half an ear to the rush of water from inside the house. He turned his mind away from imagining Kim in the shower, her long black hair clinging to her wet body. But it wasn't easy. He had some fond memories of that cramped, tiled shower. And those memories were going to have to last him a lifetime.

  Neither of them was talking about the end of the month, only a few days away now. They each seemed determined to avoid the subject. And if that was cowardly, well, it was the only damn cowardly thing he'd done in his life, so Zack was willing to live with it.

  Beat the hell out of being miserable about something that couldn't he changed.

  And for now, at least, he had a distraction. Hula had stopped by and while Kim showered, Zack and his friend took a couple of beers to the backyard.

  "You must be ready to get back to the action, huh?"

  No. For the first time in more than ten years, no. But he couldn't admit that. Not even to Hula. Zack shot his friend a quick look and lifted one shoulder in a shrug. He took a long sip from the beer bottle, then cupped it in both hands between his up-drawn knees. "You get any word on what's up next?"

  "Nothin', man." Hula grinned and winked. "They don't tell me a damn thing. You're the team leader, brudda."

  "Right." Stupid question. Hell, he knew as well as Hula did that none of them would get their next assignment until they'd reported back in for duty. God, even his brain wasn't working anymore.

  "So what about the doc?"

  "Huh?"

  Hula shook his head, reached out and clinked the neck of his beer bottle against Zack's. "Man, you got it bad, don't you?"

  "I don't know what you're talking about."

  He snorted. "Yeah, I believe you."

  "Shut up, Hula."

  "I'll shut up, soon as I tell you that you're bein' a damn fool."

  Zack scowled at him, even knowing that it wouldn't affect his friend. Hula had stopped fearing Zack's wrath years ago, and fear wasn't about to kick in again now.

  "Damn, Shooter," the man said quietly, "that's a hell of a woman."

  "You think I don't know that?"

  "So, if you love her, tell her."

  "Nobody said anything about love," Zack countered tightly. The word had been rocketing around inside him for weeks, but he'd be damned if he'd admit that to Hula if he couldn't get himself to say it to Kim. "Besides, who're you? Advice to the lovelorn?"

  "Yeah, that's me. Just ask Three Card."

  True enough. Just the summer before, Hula had been the one to give Three Card that last push that had landed their old friend a gorgeous wife. But that situation had been different. Three Card and Renée had had a history. They'd been together before and now they were together again.

  Zack and Kim didn't have history. Hell, they didn't have anything beyond a month-long blip in their lives.

  "Back off," he said quietly.

  "Okay," Hula said, leaning back into a patch of shade thrown by the roof of the old ho
use. "What happens to the doc when you go back into the field?"

  "What d'ya mean?"

  The other man shrugged. "I mean, if she's in danger still, what'll her old man do? Assign another SEAL to keep watch?"

  Everything inside Zack tightened until he thought he just might break apart and the pieces go spinning off into space. Another SEAL? He hadn't thought of that. Hadn't considered it. Of course her father would pull some strings and get someone else to protect her. Of course there'd be another man assigned to this house.

  To Kim.

  His hand on the beer bottle clenched spasmodically until his fingers ached and he thought he might have felt the glass shatter. His brain got busy. Drawing up images designed to torture him. Another man, some faceless navy man, pitching his seabag into this house, making himself comfortable, sleeping in the tiny room that had been his when Zack had first come here. That same son of a bitch would flirt with Kim, accompany her on her long walks along the river. Maybe take her diving or out on her boat. He'd be the one to see her last thing every night and first thing every morning. He'd be the one to stand between Kim and danger. He'd be the one she turned to when she was scared.

  Zack's heartbeat thundered in his ears.

  His breath caught in his lungs, frozen until he saw black dots fly in front of his eyes and was forced to draw in air again. His back teeth ground together and a skim of pure fury danced along his bloodstream.

  Some nameless, faceless bastard was going to be moving into the bungalow, taking his place. The place he belonged. The one place in the whole world he wanted to be.

  How the hell was he supposed to live with that?

  Hula chuckled and drew a sharp, steely-eyed glare from Zack. "Oh, yeah," the man said, with a slow shake of his head, "who said anything about love?"

  "Shut up." Zack snarled and got up to walk off his mad while one of his best friends laughed his ass off.

  * * *

  Kim tried to relax, though it wasn't easy.

  Even being here, walking along the riverbank, wasn't easing her mind as it used to. But then how could it, with Zack walking beside her? How could she relax knowing that in a few short days, the man she loved would be walking out of her life?

  What she needed was to be able to talk about this, about what she was feeling, about the emptiness that leaped to life inside her whenever she thought of Zack leaving. But there was no one she could go to. She'd never had a lot of girlfriends. She couldn't talk to her brothers about this, and her cousins … well, she didn't know if they'd understand. Besides, a selfish part of her wanted to keep this all to herself, despite the need to talk. Which was totally contradictory, of course, but that didn't seem to matter.

  A cool breeze lifted off the water and danced past her, touching her with icy fingers that didn't come close to matching the frigid temperatures around her heart. The river water gleamed black and cold in the starlit sky, with no moonlight to glance off its surface. It looked as dark and empty as her heart felt.

  She shoved her hands deeper into her pockets and tipped her face up into the wind. That way at least, if her eyes teared, she'd have an excuse for it.

  Beside her Zack sighed, reached out and grabbed her arm. Turning her around to face him, he stared down at her through eyes she could see shone with regrets. A pang twinged in her heart, but Kim tried not to let him see it.

  "I'll be reporting to base in three days. From there, I'll be shipping out," he said tightly, and she was so surprised, she would have staggered back if he hadn't been holding on to her.

  Not that she didn't know he was leaving. Her heart had been ticking off the days for weeks now. Still, neither of them had mentioned it. Like an unspoken agreement, they'd avoided all talk of what would happen when he left.

  Now that it was out there, lying between them like an unscalable wall, Kim steeled herself. "I know."

  He tore his gaze from hers and stared out at the river, rushing past them as quickly as the days had flown by. "I don't know where I'll be going," he said, his voice almost lost in the muted roar of the water. "But I do know that it's a good thing for me to be going."

  "What?"

  He looked at her again and either didn't see the sparks flashing in her eyes or chose to ignore them. "Yeah, really. A SEAL shouldn't be tied down, Doc. Shouldn't leave behind people who might … care for him."

  "Is that right?"

  "Yeah, that's the way it is."

  "And what about Three Card? Isn't he married?"

  "Yeah, but…"

  "And your father was a SEAL, right?"

  "True," he said, and shifted position, like a boxer on the ropes trying to find his balance again.

  "So basically what you're saying is that it's better for you if no one cares about you."

  "Look, Kim," he said, reaching out and grabbing hold of her upper arms. He lifted her up onto her toes and met her gaze with wild, frantic eyes. "I was assigned here. It wasn't supposed to be permanent. I wasn't supposed to be anything more than a bodyguard."

  The heat of his hands shot straight through the fabric of her jacket and down into her bones, easing away the chill that had been clinging for days. "And is that all it turned out to be?"

  He let her go so abruptly she staggered back. "That's not the point."

  "It's exactly the point." Her voice lashed at him like a bullwhip. He winced and she was glad to see it. Just as glad to see the coiled tension snaking through his body. "Do you love me?"

  "What?" He swiveled his head and stared at her as though she'd popped a third eye in the middle of her forehead.

  Shaken, Kim took a deep breath, huffed it out again and repeated the question, though it cost her. After all, what if he said "no"? "Do you love me?"

  "For God's sake, Kim—"

  "That's the second time you've actually used my name. I like the sound of it."

  "Great. Here it comes again. Come on, Kim. I'm taking you home."

  She pulled her arm out of his grasp and shook her head. "Not a chance. We're staying right here until we get this said."

  His mouth firmed into a thin, straight line and his eyes narrowed dangerously. But that wasn't going to deter her any.

  "You've already said enough," Zack told her.

  "And you haven't answered my question."

  "The answer doesn't matter."

  She gasped, stepped up close and jabbed her index finger at his chest. "It matters to me, you jerk."

  "It shouldn't." Zack grabbed her hand and told himself not to feel the sweet rush of heat that swamped him. "Love doesn't solve problems, Doc. It creates 'em."

  "Don't do that," she said, her voice filled with a pain that seemed to reach out for him. "Don't start calling me Doc or darlin' or some other cutesy name in some cowardly attempt to pull back from me."

  "Cowardly?" Zack stiffened and his fingers around her hand tightened reflexively. "I'm no coward, darlin'. And I say what I mean."

  "Oh, for—"

  But he wasn't going to be stopped now. If she wanted to have this out, then here was as good a place as any. It had to happen at any rate, and they were fast running out of time. In three days, he'd be back to his life and she'd be moving on with hers without him. Best to get this all said now.

  "You really think I'm going to stand here and tell you I love you? How can I do that, Kim? That would be cowardly—to say that and then leave."

  She flinched. "I didn't mean—"

  He let go of her hand and reached for her shoulders again. Even through her jacket and the sweatshirt beneath, he felt the warmth of her skin and he knew he would be dreaming about her forever. "I'm telling you I can't love you. I'm a SEAL. You're a damn heiress. Never the twain shall meet, darlin'. Understand?"

  She slammed one balled fist into his midsection and since he hadn't been expecting it, she managed to punch the air out of his lungs. He let her go and she took a step back. While he fought to regain his breath, she snarled at him.

  "Are you serious?" She walked a wide, an
gry circle around him and Zack turned, keeping a wary eye on her. "You don't want me because I'm a Danforth?"

  "I didn't say—"

  "Yes, you did." She cut him off and held up one hand, warning him to silence. "This is amazing," she muttered thickly as her long, inky black hair was lifted by the wind to twist around her head like snakes, each of them ready to strike him down.

  Zack thought about interrupting, but the truth was, he didn't think she'd hear him.

  "All my life," she was saying, nailing him with a gaze sharp enough to draw blood, "people have wanted to be near me because of what my family might be able to do for them. Charles wanted to marry me because I'm a Danforth. And now you don't want me for the same reason?" She shook her head and scooped her hair back out of her eyes. "This is some kind of cosmic joke or something."

  If it was a joke, she wasn't laughing and, damn it, neither was he. He'd never meant to hurt her. Never meant for this to happen. And now that it had, he wasn't sure what to do. "Kim…"

  "You just be quiet." Her voice broke and that tore at him.

  He hadn't really looked at it from her perspective. And now that he had, he could see that by trying to keep from hurting her, he'd brought her pain anyway. Chuck had wanted her money. Zack didn't want her money. So from where she was standing, both men had looked at her family's bank accounts rather than at her.

  He didn't really care if her name was Danforth or Jones. Behind him, the river rushed on, slapping at its banks, murmuring like a disapproving crowd.

  She finally stopped stalking him and when she did, she fired him a look that would have fried a lesser man. Zack figured she was due some temper, so he met her gaze steadily.

  "One question, Sheridan," she said, her lips hardly moving, her voice no more than a low murmur. "Do you love me?"