Fartleks & Flatulence

by Berridge, David

  I took the shoe off to show how the thing works, explaining the benefits like a professional salesman:- speed, no laces to break, come undone or get clogged up with mud and crap etc. I wish I had been on a commission because he seemed impressed - with either the shoe or my salesman pitch I’m not sure.

  Today’s run was jungle and through more villages. We had a lot of support from the locals who were all very supportive. The rivers were fantastic - we crossed, swam, waded and canoed across half a dozen or so:- a great day.

  Unfortunately, one little mistake occurred:- after my salesman’s talk just prior the start, I didn’t put my shoes on properly and consequently one got sucked off in a particularly boggy bit. It just so happened it was one of the bits that required a leap, thus I landed heavily or should I say deeply and the thing got sucked off! It disappeared into a rather deep hole and required a bit of digging around to retrieve it. Unfortunately, it was a narrow track and my faffing about was causing a bit of a traffic jam.

  I continued on, my red embarrassed face disguised thanks to the extreme humidity. I finally finished a little over 2 hours later, feeling fresh and feeling good.

  The village we stayed in was really just a small collection of huts and it had a bar that had apparently been hastily put together last night because the locals had heard that some runners were on their way and they like a drink!

  We saw two dead armadillos that were apparently destined for the pot, not ours (I think) and a couple of the villagers had caught piranhas right outside our camp right where most of us had taken a dip!

  Last night’s sleep was slightly ruined by cockerels that decided to wake everyone up at 02:00. A great place though, Pinpin.

  7/3/03

  THE LAST DAY!

  Today’s run was very difficult:- hard and long with a long jungle section that was extremely tough - bogs and the occasional swim.

  Jungle swimming is fraught with potential problems - not only are there all sorts of unseen nasties waiting to eat, bite chew or sting you, the nastiest of them all being the ‘toothpick fish’ or to give it its correct name the Candiru:- a parasitic fish that has a very nasty way of attacking, so nasty in fact that given a choice I’d sooner have my legs chewed by piranhas. The numerous obstacles and rivers were all a bit tricky and very time-consuming.

  On eventually emerging from the jungle we encountered a track that was open and exposed and consequently bloody hot!

  This track was just 5km long but felt much longer, but maybe my tiredness and desperation to finish made it seem that much longer.

  The finish was a complete shithole. There was nothing there except huts. Well, not exactly huts but roofs on stilts, and we had to spend the night.

  I had a good run, coming in the top twenty - very pleased, especially as I was at one point in front of the Belgian marathon champion (female).

  In the jungle my 6ft 4 inch height was a very distinct advantage:- bloody long legs, good for clambering over things. However, once on a track the champion was in her element and came storming past me.

  The campsite was in the middle of nowhere with no facilities, unusual for a race: - normally you get shipped off somewhere nice, have a shower and plenty of food, but not here - it was up with the hammocks and wait until tomorrow.

  The meal was again brilliant, the drinkers were drinking and we were all singing. What we were singing God only knows, a great evening, a great atmosphere - even the Legionnaires seemed to relax a bit!

  8/3/03

  This morning we could have had a lie-in, but force of habit kicked in and by six thirty the whole camp was up and faffing about - some feeling a touch delicate after downing too much celebration rum!

  After breakfast and packing it was just hanging around until the transport arrived at ten, to take us back to St. Laurent.

  After arriving we helped marshal a local children’s running race. It was good fun and the kids loved having the ‘international runners’ helping.

  At 12 o clock we had a presentation in the Mayor’s office. All the runners received t-shirts, bottles of rum and a certificate. I also received a ‘parang’, a jungle knife which was given to the top twenty runners, my 19th place just qualifying me.

  This race was fantastic:- the place, the people the looking around the prison and cell that the famous convict “papillon” was held, the flora, fauna and noises of the jungle all went to make it a fantastic experience.

  WHAT NEXT?

  The look of relief at having survived a few days in the jungle

  The final campsite that flag goes with me on every race

  Back at home, it was a day or two before I could wear proper shoes

  Collecting my Certificate and - more importantly - my Machete, awarded to the top twenty - I was nineteenth

  After a hard day’s work

  THE 3 PEAKS CHALLENGE 2003

  What is it: A challenge to see if we could climb the 3 highest peaks in England, Scotland and Wales in 24 hours

  When: Whenever - we did it in July

  Where: Ben Nevis, Scotland, Scafell Pike, England and Snowdon, Wales

  Distance: To the top of each of them!

  See: thethreepeakschallenge.co.uk

  The idea for this Challenge was first mooted by Mark, a friend and colleague from work.

  The Challenge:- to scale the 3 highest peaks in England Wales and Scotland in under 24 hours. The 24 hours were to include the travelling time between each of the mountains.

  Never being one to shy away from a challenge (or just plain stupid) I instantly said yes and as per usual I said yes without having a clue to what I had let myself in for.

  We signed up two others to have a bash, Nigel and Jason, plus two support crew/drivers, Andy and Dave.

  We spent the next few months training and getting organised - routes up to the summit of each mountain and the order they would be done.

  Ben Nevis, Scotland, followed by Scafell Pyke, England and finally Snowdon in Wales.

  With training and logistics all complete, it was time get on with it. The 4th of July 2003 saw the six of us, plus kit, packed into our rental vehicle.

  The drive to Fort William was a long uneventful 9.5 hours.

  We found the Glen Nevis Youth Hostel and realised that it was in the very best location possible:- right at the foot of Ben Nevis at 4,409ft our first and Britain’s highest mountain. Looking up at it, it looked bloody impressive. We had 24 hours to kill so a decent meal and an early night was the order of the day.

  The next day was spent trying to relax - plenty of food and a game of golf, well, pitch and putt. At 17:00 we made our way back to the foot of Ben Nevis, got ourselves organised, had our photos taken and then at exactly 18:00 we were off.

  I needed a wee, I had been busting and told the others to carry on and did what needed to be done. Once finished I ran to catch up, I caught Mark and was surprised to see that he was already sweating and so soon! I looked at my watch and it was 12 minutes past 6, we had been going for 12 minutes and Mark was sweating and red in the face. I must admit at that point I wondered if he would be able to finish, but then I remembered that Mark was the most experienced one of us having done a shed load of Munros (climbed peaks of over 3000ft) and he had climbed each of the 3 mountains we were now attempting.

  We carried on and the pace was pretty good, with Nigel leading the way, Jason not far behind him, myself and Mark bringing up the rear. We started to pass a few of the slower walkers. This part of the route was relatively straightforward as it was a well-defined path, though we were slightly spaced out (not the chemically-induced kind) we were always within sight of each other. This was something that we had discussed during our training sessions - it was agreed that whoever was leading was responsible for keeping us all within sight and shouting distance, purely as a safety precaution.

  It was good to see Nigel was regularly checking behind. Eventually the terrain got steeper and suddenly we seemed to be clambering over huge boulders, tricky and steep enou
gh to require both hands and feet!

  The rocks and stones occasionally moved and I think we were all aware of the potential for loose stones and possible injury to whoever was below.

  Eventually we reached the end of the tricky scrambling bit and when we were all together we walked on toward the summit, which we reached at 19:58. It had taken 1 hour 58 minutes to reach the top, we took a quick photo of us all on the summit and then started our descent.

  I think we all understood that to descend the same way as we had just come up would, at best, be silly and worst just plain dangerous so we took the longer but safer so-called tourist route:- a well defined path that would take us right down to outside the Glen Nevis Youth Hostel. We were moving well and I was pretty impressed with how well everyone was doing, we were in good spirits and pleased with the time. I just hoped we could maintain it and had not gone too fast, too soon! As always pace would be the key, it was pointless to do one mountain fast and the other two at a snail’s pace. When we were approximately halfway down, we used our Walkie Talkie radio to contact the support crew. The little radios only had a range of about 2 miles but were perfect for what we needed, instantly the support crew came back and informed us that they would be at the bottom ready for us.

  Though the route down was a lot easier, it still required a degree of caution and the fact that we were working against the clock meant that we were now attempting little runs and consequently we had to switch on:- one trip could spell disaster.

  We reached the bottom at 21:18. Our total time for Ben Nevis was 3 hours 18 minutes.

  Once we were back on the little footbridge we again took a photo. The reason for the photos were twofold, one - an accurate and official record of our times, start, summit, and return to the start. We were very aware that yes, we could break the speed limits and race from mountain to mountain but that was not the point. We had an official AA confirmed drive time for the three mountains and if we had broken the speed limit our time would not count - we needed to do the thing properly. The second reason for the photos was so that we had a memento of this great adventure.

  Once the photos were taken, we quickly got into the vehicle and headed for the next mountain, Scafell Pyke, in the Lake District.

  With the 2 drivers in the front seat and the 4 of us trying to sort ourselves out in the rather cramped back seats. Six sweaty, flatulent blokes in a confined space had the potential to be rather unpleasant, we were fortunate in that it wasn’t too bad. The drivers had the responsibility to get us to the next mountain on time - all we had to do was rest, refuel and recharge the batteries.

  Whilst I was listening to music and pondering the challenge ahead I suddenly became very aware of a desperate Nigel pushing my seat and shouting that he was going to be sick. Now he was sitting directly behind me I was therefore and unfortunately in his direct line of fire and with this in mind I told the driver in no uncertain terms to pull over and QUICK. He did, I slid the door open, got out and was followed immediately by a rocket-like Nigel, just in time to see Nige produce a magnificent display of multi-coloured projectile vomiting. I watched in wonder and then for some unknown reason I joined in. There we both were, puking whilst hanging on to the ‘people carrier’. I looked up only to realise that our driver had pulled into a car park belonging to a Little Chef restaurant and people that had only a minute ago been enjoying their meal were now watching the two of us honking up - whilst at the same time pushing their half-full plates to one side. We did the only thing we could:- we smiled, waved and got back in the vehicle and *&^%$ off.

  We arrived at Wasdale at 02:35, a little quicker than we should have owing to the lack of traffic and our ‘very efficient’ drivers!

  We had worked out that if we were to keep to the spirit of the challenge and not start prior to the official AA timings we could not start for another 13 minutes. We all agreed to keep to our agreed official timings - after all, 13 minutes is not that long, and besides, it gave us time for a wee and a quick cup of tea.

  At exactly 02:48 a photo was taken and then we were off. Apparently, Scafell is the trickiest mountain, not the biggest, but the trickiest to navigate. This is where Mark would come into his own, having been up to the summit on more than one occasion, he would now be our unofficial guide.

  Moving along a footpath we crossed a small river via a footbridge. We went along the path, eventually reaching a junction at a place called Lingmell Gill. We took the left turn that took us through another gate and then another small river and then onto some steeper climbing. I was glad Mark knew his way, it was dark and confusing and had I been on my own I would have at least got wet feet, or lost, or both!

  Looking up ahead I noticed a procession of torches, obviously we weren’t the only ones doing the Three Peaks this weekend. It was reassuring, if only to know we were going in the right direction, not that I didn’t have faith in Mark’s ability!

  We plodded on and it was now that I realised our planning had been spot on, the reason for our 18:00 start was worked out so that we would be on Scafell for the absolute minimum time in the dark. I had just turned off my head torch, it had only been on for 45 minutes. We had climbed in the dark for only 45 minutes - it wasn’t quite daylight but it was light enough.

  As the old saying goes, perfect planning prevents piss poor performance or something like that.

  We continued climbing and were catching and overtaking quite a few people. We eventually reached the summit at 04:29, another quick photo and then the descent.

  I was still impressed with the way everyone was moving:- no signs of tiredness and we all remained together and always within talking distance.

  I have always raced and trained on my own and I must admit I was expecting ego, tiredness or testosterone to somehow creep into the team dynamics. I was wrong - everyone seemed to gel into a single efficient happy working unit.

  We finally reached our support crew at 05:46 - they were ready with the vehicle doors open and ready to go.

  So far we had been at it for less than 12 hours and in that time we had climbed two out of the three and were all still in good shape.

  We drove off toward Snowdon, well aware that barring some unforeseen accident we would complete the challenge in under the 24 hours.

  We arrived at the Pen-Y-Pass car park at 10:16. This was to be the start for our ascent of Snowdon, going up the Miners track and descending the longer but easier Llanberis Path.

  Again a quick photo and we were off, the path was well-defined and busy. I had never been on the miners track before, but had been to the summit of Snowdon twice - once via the Watkins path and once by the Llanberis Path. Passing by a small lake we carried on and on turning a corner came across an even larger lake which was divided by a causeway. Moving along we saw some old mine buildings and yet another small lake and then suddenly the leisurely stroll we had until now been enjoying came to a rather abrupt end. The route now started to climb sharply, the path seemed to get very busy and converge with another path. We carried on trying to stick together but the congestion was making that a bit difficult plus it was getting a little misty. Then suddenly we spotted a large finger of rock indicating that we were very close to the summit. Again we waited until we were all together and then walked the last little bit together, finally arriving on the Summit at 11:56. A quick photo and down - in less than 18 hours we had reached the summit of all three mountains. It now depended on how long it would take us to get to the bottom at Llanberis.

  We descended as fast as we could but sore and tired legs really dictated our pace. We were now spread out a little and on reaching the halfway house, a tiny little place that sells refreshments, we regrouped for the final spurt to the finish line.

  Once we were passing through a gate with a cattlegrid we radioed our support crew and told them where we were, so they could meet us. We then stepped on to a road that was a little steep, its steepness reminding our quads to take it easy and then we spotted our crew waiting by the Llanberis path start si
gn. We reached the bottom at 13:13.

  We had completed the Three Peaks 24 hour Challenge in a time of 19 hours 13 minutes and with 4 hours and 47 minutes to spare.

  We had also raised £1007.50 for our local Earl Mountbatten Hospice.

  From left to right. The Author, Mark, Nigel and Jason

  On the Summit of Ben Nevis - one down two to go

  Scafell Pike, The Lake District

  And - finally - Snowdon

  The Team - From left to right.

  Jason, The Author, Mark, Nigel and the two drivers - Andy and Dave

  GUADARUN 2004

  What is it: A multi-staged Ultra-distance running race

  When: June (2004)

  Where: French Guadaloupe, Caribbean

  Distance: 156km (98 miles)

  It is: Unusual, beautiful and a deceptively tough race - a hill climbers dream!

  3RD JUNE 2004

  Up early to catch a flight from Southampton to Charles De Gaul Airport Paris and then shuttle bus to Orly airport. It sounds so simple when you say it quickly, it turned out to be a right nightmare. It all started with a flight delay caused by air traffic control staff having problems - at Southampton, that delay, though it was only an hour, very nearly gave me heart failure. With connections to be made, that hour delay may as well have been a fortnight.

  With the time ticking by I sat working the logistics out:- the flight time to Paris plus the travel time to Orly equals catastrophe. If the flight doesn’t leave in the next forty-five minutes, I’m in the shit. With this in mind I phoned my wife to let her know that I might, just might, be on my way home and then suddenly the tannoy system sprung to life, with the announcer announcing that the flight was now boarding.