Intentions - SF9

by Meagher, Susan X

  "You can't have that, Jim. I'm sorry." She actually did look sorry, but she also looked completely determined, and he knew that he didn't have a chance.

  "Does Jamie know?" he asked tentatively.

  "Not in so many words," she admitted. "I don't tell her much about us. It's not good for any of us."

  "You've always been the more mature one," he commented, drawing a knowing glance of agreement from his wife. "Will you tell your friends?"

  "Again, no. I don't want to tell a soul until we decide what we're doing, Jim. I don't want to feed the rumor mill one minute earlier than I must."

  He nodded, knowing that his wife hated gossip. "I won't tell anyone either, Catherine. I'll just tell my staff that you have too many commitments to join me in Washington."

  "That's not that odd, anyway, Dear," she said, unconsciously reverting to her usual term for him. "Many senators live alone in hotels and apartment buildings in Washington."

  He laughed bitterly, admitting, "That's because most of them are about the caliber of husband that I am. If you really love your spouse, you go with them."

  She nodded, knowing that he was probably correct. "I'm sure you'll do fine there, Jim. You've never backed off from a challenge."

  "I've never been so ill-prepared emotionally to face one, either," he said softly, his hair falling into his eyes as his head dropped again.

  She fought the urge to push the errant strands back into order, and instead gave him a small smile. "You'll get through this. It will just take a while to adjust."

  He sighed and stood, looking awkward as he loomed over her. "I've spent years trying to have my own life-apart from you and Jamie. It always made me feel safer to have something that was mine alone." He shook his head as he admitted, "Well, I've got it now." He turned and walked towards the door, pausing when his hand grasped the knob. "It stinks." Without turning back, he walked out the door, their wedding portrait nestled securely against his chest.

  Ryan was riding down to Palo Alto with the team, so Jamie decided to go down early to spend the afternoon with her mother, and she arrived just after noon. For a change, she used her key to enter, feeling more comfortable at her family home than she had since she left for college three years previously.

  She strolled around the first floor, poking her head into the kitchen and seeing a stranger standing near the sink. "Hello?" she said tentatively.

  The woman turned quickly and blinked at her. "Miss Evans?" she asked warily, wondering how many more of the family members she would meet that day.

  "Yes. Jamie, please," she said immediately, extending a hand.

  The woman smiled and said, "Marta told me that you did not like to be too formal." She shook Jamie's hand and said, "I'm Helena. I've just been here a week."

  "It's good to meet you, Helena," Jamie said, smiling pleasantly. "Is my mother at home?"

  "Yes. I believe she is upstairs. Shall I tell her that you're here?"

  "No. No, thanks. I can find her." She turned and headed upstairs, looking in the usual places that her mother spent her days. When she didn't find her in her office or the small, but well-stocked library, she decided to look in her room. A light knock heralded her arrival, and she waited patiently as she heard her mother cross the room to open the door, which was, surprisingly, locked.

  "Yes?" Catherine asked, opening the door warily. "Oh, Jamie!" she said, wrapping her arms around her daughter. "I'm so glad to see you."

  Leaning back in the embrace, Jamie lifted a hand and brushed it across her mother's cheek. "You've been crying," she said softly, not often having seen such obvious evidence of tears .

  "Your father was here earlier," Catherine informed her, sighing heavily as she did so.

  "What did he do to you?" Jamie asked sharply, her eyes narrowing.

  "Oh, Honey, don't worry. He didn't do anything. It just made me sad to see him. As much of a sham as our marriage has been, it's still hard for me to face that it's over. We've managed to be friendly to each other through the years, for the most part," she sniffed, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. "I lost my husband many years ago, but now I feel like I'm losing a friend. My oldest friend," she added sadly. "It's so much harder than I thought it would be."

  Jamie tucked her arm around her mother's waist and guided her to a small love seat near a window. "How could it not be hard, Mom?" she asked softly as Catherine's head dropped to rest on her shoulder. "You've been married for 22 years."

  "It's funny, Jamie," she said softly, her thoughts drifting to her conversation with her husband. "We yelled at each other at the top of our lungs today." She cocked her head slightly as she added, "Things might have been different if we could have done that at the very beginning." She pursed her lips as she reflected, "We've always been so careful with each other."

  Jamie nodded, seeing how an overly polite relationship could be counterproductive in a marriage. "Jack and I were that way for the most part," she admitted. "When he broke up with me, I think our entire conversation took less than five minutes. No argument, no yelling. He said it was over, and I accepted his decision." She shivered noticeably as she said, "Lord, what a mistake it would have been to marry him."

  "You would have had a marriage like mine," Catherine said softly. "Now I'm hoping that one day I can have a relationship like yours."

  Jamie smiled at her, giving her knee a tender squeeze. "That's exactly what I wish for you, Mom. I want you to have someone who loves you like you deserve to be loved. Someone who thinks you're the center of their universe."

  "I'm so glad that you have that, Honey," Catherine sighed. "Nothing can make a mother happier than knowing her daughter has someone in her life who loves her well."

  "Then you should be downright giddy," Jamie chuckled softly, giving her mother another squeeze.

  "Having you and Ryan care for me makes me giddy, Honey. I don't know how I'd get through this without you."

  "We're with you permanently, Mom. We're a team."

  Jamie's cell phone chirped as she and Catherine were leaving the room. "Hello," she said.

  "Hey, James, Mia," the perky voice sounded. "I need some advice."

  "Sure, Hon. What is it?"

  "I want to come down and see the girls play tonight, but I don't want to look like I'm chasing Jordan…even though I am," she chuckled softly.

  "Ooooh," Jamie said, "What's up with her, anyway? Has she called you?"

  "Nope. Not a word. It's weird, James, I know that we really hit it off the other night, and I sat around all day on Tuesday waiting for her to call. I really thought she'd ask me to come to the game to watch her."

  "Is that why you weren't at the party after the game?" Jamie asked, suddenly understanding why Mia had made herself so scarce.

  "Yeah. I thought it would work better to act like I didn't think it was a big deal-but it clearly hasn't worked! I'm really frustrated, James. What does the lesbian rulebook say about this situation? Can I call her?"

  "Hmm…I haven't received my copy of the rules yet, Mia. Why don't you just come down to the game and sit with us? Maybe you can stay with your parents tonight, and since Stanford is so close…"

  "Good idea, James. I'll come down and sit with you." She paused for a second and said, "Oooh, it might be weird to see Conor, though. Jesus! I've gotta start dating outside of this incestuous little circle!"

  "You parted on good terms with Conor, Mia. It should be fine."

  Her friend sighed and reluctantly agreed. "I guess you're right. Gosh, James, if I was anywhere near ready to settle down…"

  "I know, Mia, but you're not. It's really better not even to have the temptation."

  "Yeah, I know you're right. At least Jordan's where I am in terms of being serious. Or even further behind," she added wryly.

  "As I've told you, I don't know Jordan really well, but I'm pretty confident that she's not ready to settle down."

  Mia laughed softly. "I'm not even sure she wants to date, much less settle down!"

 
"Jamie," Catherine said when they reached the kitchen, "Should we have the O'Flahertys over for a little dinner tonight as well as tomorrow?"

  "Sure, that would be nice. I'm not really sure who's coming tonight, but I can give Martin a call."

  She found him at work and he agreed that he and Maeve would love to come, but that none of the other family members would be able to make it, since they all had to work until at least five. The drive down to Palo Alto was almost always a tough one, but crawling through stop and go traffic after a long day at work was a sacrifice that Ryan didn't expect her brothers to make.

  After having a bite of lunch, Jamie decided that she needed to take care of one little matter and now was the perfect time to do it. Marta had prepared their lunch, but as soon as the women were served she'd gone into her room to allow them to enjoy their meal alone. The servants' quarters were just off the kitchen, and when Marta was not in the kitchen proper she could usually be found in her spacious room. Jamie knocked and heard the softly accented voice reply, "Come in."

  She opened the door and stuck her head in to find a smiling face looking at her questioningly. "Do you need something else, Querida?"

  "No, no, Marta," Jamie smiled. "I wanted to talk to you for a minute. Do you have time?"

  "Si, si," she replied as she motioned Jamie into the room. There were three bedrooms in this section of the house, each with its own bath, and Marta clearly had the best of the bunch. She predated Jamie's nanny Elizabeth by five months, so she had been able to have her pick of the rooms 22 years earlier, when she had joined the staff.

  After immigrating to join her sister in Palo Alto, Marta had come to work for the Evanses as her first job in the States. Jamie had always wondered why she had never shown any interest in men or dating, but Marta seemed content with her life. Her job was only to cook the meals for the family, and since Catherine ate out so often, Marta might only cook once or twice a week now that Jamie was gone. She'd had to cook for quite a few large parties, but she seemed to thrive on running a busy kitchen and appeared to get a great deal of satisfaction from successfully handling a big affair. Her interests seemed to revolve around visits with her sister, and her devotion to her church. She had belonged to a large Catholic parish in San Mateo for over 20 years and was very involved in many aspects of parish life.

  "What is on your mind, Little One?" Marta asked in her flawless English.

  "Let's speak Spanish," Jamie suggested. "I don't get a lot of practice."

  Marta had worked with Jamie extensively when she was a child to perfect her grammar and accent. It had been hard for the child to keep her languages straight, since Italian is so close to Spanish, but Marta was an excellent teacher as befitted her many years of teaching English as a Second Language classes at her church.

  Seamlessly switching to her native tongue, Marta looked at Jamie carefully and asked, "What is it, Little One?" applying her usual pet name for Jamie.

  Clearing her throat nervously, Jamie began, feeling a little tentative since she was afraid that Marta would not take well to her news. "I don't know if you know this, but I live with a woman named Ryan. Ryan O'Flaherty," she added, thinking that neither "Ryan" nor "O'Flaherty" sounded very good with a Spanish accent.

  Marta nodded and said, "Yes…the woman you brought here for dinner this summer," an enigmatic look on her handsome face.

  "Yes, that's Ryan. I'm sorry I didn't introduce you then, Marta, but that was a…that was a difficult night," she said, shivering at the memory.

  "Do not be concerned, Jamie," Marta assured her. "I took no offense."

  Jamie smiled at the older woman and continued, clearing her throat nervously. "She's…she's my very good friend, and I want you to get to know her. She's going to come down later today and stay here this weekend. I wanted you to know…" she said, clearing her throat again.

  "Yes?" Marta urged, gazing at her sympathetically. "What would you like me to know?"

  "Well, I…ah…she's very important to me…and…ah…"

  "I know that you love her, Jamie," Marta said softly as she placed a hand on the younger woman's knee.

  She looked up in surprise but saw only acceptance from her old friend. "Do you understand…how…how I love her?" she finally got out.

  "Yes, I understand these things." She looked down for a moment and said, "It is not my way, Jamie. I do not know what causes a person to love someone of their own sex. But it is the way for you, and I can see that. If it is your way, and you are loved by this woman, then it is what you must do." She paused for a moment and turned her face to gaze into Jamie's eyes. "You are well loved, are you not?"

  Brushing a tear from her eye, she nodded mutely. "I am," she said haltingly. "Very well loved." She took a deep breath and asked, "But how did you know? You've never even spoken to her."

  "You act like a woman who feels loved, Jamie. It shows," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

  Letting out a relieved sigh, Jamie reached over and grasped the strong, warm hand of her old friend. "Thank you for understanding, Marta. Somehow I knew you would support me."

  "I know love, Jamie. There is no greater power on earth, and I'm very happy that you finally have it." She opened her arms and Jamie tumbled in, just as she had when she was young. "I am very glad that you did not marry Jack, even though I liked him very much. It was obvious that it was not right for your heart."

  "Why am I spending so much money on a therapist?" she laughed softly. "I could have figured this out just by talking to you."

  "I know you and I love you, Querida, but I would never tell you who to love. You must follow your heart."

  Jamie gave her a gentle squeeze as she got up and ran her fingers through her hair. "Thanks for knowing me, and for supporting me, Marta."

  "It's my pleasure, Jamie. Oh, one more thing," she added. "If you are patient with your father, I believe he will come to see who you really are. It may take a while, but I have faith."

  "But how…?"

  "The house is big, Jamie, but it is not that big," she laughed as she stood and tousled her hair.

  Mia came barreling into the gym at 7:15, having taken nearly two hours to get to Palo Alto. She quickly found the O'Flaherty rooting section, the small group consisting only of Jamie, Martin, Maeve, Caitlin, and Catherine. As the curly-haired woman climbed up into the stands, she noticed that Cal was beating BYU two games to one. The score of the current game was 12-6 in favor of Cal, so it was obvious that the end was near.

  As Mia sat down, Jamie introduced her to Martin and Maeve, and within seconds, Caitlin was flirting shyly with her.

  Stanford's game began at the conclusion of the Cal/BYU match, but since there was a separate admission for each match, the Stanford crowd was still outdoors, lining up to see the beloved Cardinal. Since the gym was so quiet, Jamie noticed that, for the first time, she could clearly hear the setter calling out instructions to the team. With the score at 14-7 the setter passed the ball high in the air to Ryan. Jamie laughed aloud when she heard her cry, "Boomer!" as Ryan glided into position to kill the ball decisively with a powerful spike. As usual, Ryan seemed to know exactly where Jamie was in the crowd, and she gave her a smirk as she caught her eye. "Oh, oh," the blonde said aloud. "I've got to be more careful when I use my little pet names around Jordan."

  After congratulating the players from BYU, Ryan headed across the floor, a shyly grinning Jordan in tow. As Ryan was congratulated, Jordan shot Mia a smile and said, "I was hoping to see you again. This is a nice surprise."

  You could have called me, you big dope, she thought, but said, "I decided to come down for the weekend, and since I'm so close, this seemed like it would be fun. You really play well," she said, even though Jordan had not touched the ball in her presence.

  "Thanks," the blonde blushed. "Um…well, it was nice to see you again, Mia. I have to go change so I don't miss the bus."

  Jamie had one ear on their interchange and she piped up, "Come to the house, Jordan. No sense in going back
if you just have to come down again tomorrow."

  "Really?" she asked, hesitantly. "Are you sure…"

  "Mom?" Jamie said, getting her mother's attention. "Would it be all right if Jordan stayed over with us?"

  "Oh! I assumed she would, Honey," Catherine said. "Didn't I mention that? I told Marta to prepare enough for eight." Looking past Jamie, Catherine looked at Jordan and said, "I'm sorry for not inviting you personally, Jordan. Can you make it?"

  "Sure," Jordan said, blushing a little.

  "Uh, Mom," Jamie said, "that's only six…seven if Mia comes by."

  "I know, Dear," she said, rather proud of herself, "but if Jordan eats as much as Ryan…"

  "No one eats as much as Ryan does, Mrs. Evans," Jordan insisted. "She's a freak of nature."

  "It's Catherine, Jordan," she decreed, giving the tall blonde a warm smile.

  "Me too?" Mia asked, her sunny face curling into a grin.

  "Of course, Mia, you should have been calling me Catherine for years now."

  "Cool!"

  Jordan gave Mia a tentative look and asked, "Will you come to Jamie's? I'd like to spend a little time with you if you can manage it."

  "Um…sure. I didn't get a chance to tell my parents I was coming down. They're not expecting me." All you have to do is ask, Jordan, and you've got a very friendly roommate for the weekend.

  Jamie waited for Ryan, and Mia offered to give Jordan a lift, so the others took off since Caitlin was getting fussy.

  Jamie and Mia were patiently waiting when Ryan and Jordan came strolling out just a few minutes after they entered the locker room, their sweats replacing their wet uniforms. A reporter for the student newspaper was in attendance, and he snagged the women for a few post-match comments as Jamie made faces at Ryan behind his back. "Real mature, Cupcake," she said as she kissed her a few minutes later.

  "Cupcake, huh?" Jordan teased.

  "Feel free to tell the announcer at her next tournament, Jordan," Ryan instructed. "Paybacks are a bitch, Baby."

  They pulled up into the large circular drive just behind one another. Jordan didn't say much at first, standing still as her clear blue eyes took in the entire place. Jamie walked ahead, and the tall blonde gave Ryan a dramatic open-mouthed stare as she took in the mansion. Ryan laughed and said, "Given the look on your face, I would have given anything to see my father's when he took this monster in."