3rd World Products, Book 16

by Ed Howdershelt

  Shaking my head, I said, “I wasn’t going to. Within reason, anyway. A little booze can help people hop over rough spots or make those spots worse. You seem to be hopping pretty well, so I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

  Studying me briefly, Tanya asked, “How come you didn’t need a couple of drinks, Ed? Or something else, whatever it would be? You caught the brunt of it all today.”

  I sipped coffee and said, “Well, I confess I wasn’t in the best of moods, either. I figured it was all over and that you’d chickened out or talked yourself out of our affair, so I went back to work on Mike’s crash to take my mind off you.”

  After a pause, she asked, “Did it work?”

  Thinking of her ping to recontact me, I gave her a little grin as I truthfully said, “Not for long, of course. You sort of pushed your way back into my head.”

  She returned my grin with a nod. “I know that feeling. Trying to consciously put something out of your mind is the hardest way to go about it.”

  Yeah, that had always seemed to be true enough for me. I gave some thought to her drinking. I had maybe a decade left for her kind of excitement. After that I’d likely have to take it easy if I got any at all. And I wasn’t in my twenties looking at a marriage or future kids, I was sixty-two and a woman who really turned me on seemed to find something about me attractive enough.

  If it turned out Tanya drank too much in general, I’d find a way out. If she really just had a few to ‘relax’, no biggie. Let things proceed until the heat wore off, which it undoubtedly would at some point. I still didn’t know why she found me attractive enough to play with, but so far I couldn’t think of even one good reason not to reciprocate heartily.

  Glancing at the cabinet that held the gin, I asked, “Were you ever going to offer me a drink, lady?”

  Getting up and opening the cabinet, she said, “Oh, hell, I wasn’t thinking! Well, I mean I thought…”

  “You thought I’d disapprove. No, a few drinks in times of stress are just a few drinks. If you started killing a pint every night or turned mean, I’d buy back the board to avoid legal liabilities and lose your number.”

  Looking startled, she asked, “You’d buy back the board?”

  “Yup.”

  Putting gin, tonic, and ice in a glass, she asked, “How?”

  “With money, of course.”

  Turning to give me a droll expression, she said, “I mean, what if I didn’t want to sell it back?”

  “Serena would override its assignment to you, call the board back, and pay the grand into one of your bank cards. I’d have very little say in the matter at that point.”

  True. I’d say ‘Repo the board, please,’ and she’d verify my info, then do it. Not being able to hit anything while flying didn’t mean you couldn’t scare the crap out of someone and maybe cause an accident with a near miss.

  Tanya set my drink on the table and I noticed the size of the glass immediately. It held the equivalent of two drinks. I tasted it and it only tasted a tad stronger than one drink should, which meant she’d only poured generous shots.

  Nodding, I said, “Good stuff, but if I’d been thinking about anything but getting back here to you, I’d have stopped for some bitter lemon.”

  Tanya looked thoughtful, then rooted in the booze cabinet for a time and produced a small green bottle. “This stuff?”

  “Yup. It’s much better than tonic water with gin.”

  “Want me to pour that out and mix you another?”

  Putting a hand on my glass, I said, “Oh, hell, no. Look what’s left in the bottle. We might not have enough as it is.”

  “I’m drinking bourbon. The gin’s all yours.”

  “Well, then, maybe we’ll just barely scrape by. I’m not even close to being a teetotaler, Tanya. I just don’t find many excuses to drink very much.”

  Once she had another drink of her own, she sat down and sighed, “I seem to. One or two on a slow night, two or three if I’m really tense, and maybe more if I’m upset. But I don’t get drunk and I don’t go anywhere after two drinks.”

  Swilling down some of my gin, I felt it hit bottom and nodded. “Same here. A bust isn’t worth it. Cab fare is always cheaper.”

  She laughed, “Like you’d ever take a cab.”

  “Depends. Sometimes I’d rather people didn’t know about my board or the flitter, especially in places where I play pool. Offering to share a cab can be a way to get one or more people to hand over keys and not drive.”

  I drank a bit more to get a nice buzz started and took my hat off to run my fingers through my hair. Maybe Tanya thought it was a hint. She grinned and took off her blouse.

  Saying, “Those are very nice indeed, ma’am,” I took off my shirt while admiring her breasts and sipped again.

  She took a sip, then stood up and toed off her shoes. I did the same. After another sip each, we stood naked by the dining table with me pointing throbbingly at her. Tanya grinned as she stepped forward and squeezed me as we spent several moments in a kiss, then she gave me a light push as a hint.

  “Sit down,” she said, “I need a place to sit.”

  I sat. She straddled my legs and lowered herself to make contact with my dick, then kissed me as she slid all the way to the bottom.

  She’d been posting happily for a few minutes when I heard something crunch out back. I sent a stun the width of the back fence and barely heard something hit the ground. The deer? If so, I’d wake it up. If not, I’d decide on the spot.

  Kissing Tanya as she posted, I said, “Ma’am, I just stunned something behind the fence. I’d like to go see what I hit.”

  Her eyes grew large and she turned to stare out through the glass door, then quickly got off me and stepped behind the fridge to peek around it.

  She yelped, “There’s someone out there?!”

  Putting my pants and sneakers on, I said, “Might be that deer. That’s why I’ll go check. If it is, I’ll wake it up.”

  “And if it isn’t?”

  “Hard to say. Could be an NIA guy.”

  She swore softly as I headed out back and field-hopped over the fence. It wasn’t a deer. It was a guy in street clothes wearing a lightweight parka. He had NIA creds in a coat pocket and a big camera lay on the ground near him. Apparently he’d knelt or stepped on his camera case while watching us. I fielded the camera up and looked it over. Digital.

  Snapping on my light saber, I thinned the blade to wire-thinness and drew it downward through the approximate center of the camera. Pieces of it fell out. Footsteps approached through the yard and Tanya heaved herself up to look over the six-foot fence.

  Seeing my saber, she asked, “What the hell is that?”

  I said, “Tell you later,” and lay the camera pieces on their backs, then drew the blade through them laterally.

  There were now four pieces of camera and more bits were tumbling out. I tossed the camera remains on the guy and field-hopped back over the fence.

  As we walked back to the apartment, I said, “That door could use a curtain, ma’am.”

  She growled, “It’ll get one tomorrow. I don’t care if that bastard was NIA. I’ll spray him with this before I ask for ID.”

  She held up a big pepper spray dispenser. The frame wrapped around her knuckles and loaded from the bottom.

  I grinned. “Kewl! Be sure to hit him once or twice, too.”

  “You know I will. What was that thing you were using?”

  “A field gadget. Watch.”

  There was a copper-clad grounding rod lying by her tiny shed. I snapped on my protective field and my saber and sliced off half an inch of the rod, then handed it to her. Then I let the blade widen to normal and lightly smacked her leg with it.

  Tanya jumped back in a panic and landed in aiming position to spray me before she realized she wasn’t hurt. I slapped my own leg with the saber and she gradually relaxed. Her pulse was pounding and her eyes were still wide, but at least she lowered the pepper spray.

  “You
idiot,” she said, “I almost sprayed you.”

  “Remember p-fields? Mine was on.”

  She tentatively reached for the green-glowing saber and touched the blade, then wrapped her hand around it.

  “It isn’t sharp anywhere. How did it cut that camera?”

  “It focuses energy. Thinner is hotter. Well, not hot temperature-wise, but it’ll cut most everything.”

  Looking back at the fence, she said, “Somebody’s going to be pissed off about all that.”

  I shrugged. “Those who matter won’t mind. Those who mind won’t matter, but maybe they’ll get the message.”

  Back at the table, she swilled some of her drink and said, “Let’s take a few minutes, Ed. Performing for a goddamned stranger broke my mood.”

  Looking as hopeful as possible, I asked, “But we can fix it, right? I kind of wanted a bit more of you, ma’am.”

  She chuckled at my expression and nodded. “Yeah, I think we can fix it. I just need a few minutes.”

  The few minutes turned into half an hour and a fresh drink for each of us. We talked about a lot of things, but not our altercation on the flitter. She wouldn’t go near that topic, so neither did I. Let it die in peace.

  Then I heard small noises out back again and saw faint spots of light through the board fence. Someone poked a head up and I waved, which made Tanya move to where she could also look outside. By then the face was gone, but the lights still shone through the fence slats.

  Tanya growled, “Do we need to go out there again?”

  “Nah. Let’s let them haul their peeper out and see what happens next, if anything.”

  “If anything? Of course they’ll do something.”

  “Maybe not. He got caught peeking through a back door. Getting caught is embarrassing to surveillance types.”

  Ah, but not embarrassing enough, apparently. The door bell rang and I sent a probe. Two angry men in suits. Rimmer and Bank of the NIA. Tanya let me get the door.

  Looking at Rimmer, I asked, “Yes, Mr. Rimmer?”

  Momentarily off balance, he snapped, “That’s Agent Rimmer,” and showed me his ID anyway.

  As the other guy brought his ID up, I said, “And Mr. Bank.” Looking at Rimmer, I said, “It’s kind of late, isn’t it?”

  He growled, “Not for placing you under arrest for destruction of government property.”

  “Better call it in first. Where’s Elgin?”

  “That’s none of your concern. Get dressed.”

  “How far do you really want to take this, Rimmer?”

  “As far as I have to. I’ve had enough of you.”

  “Ditto.” With that, I stunned him, then looked at Bank and said, “Call it in. Twenty bucks says you’ll be told to forget the arrest and keep watching us.”

  When he didn’t move immediately and seemed inclined to argue, I stunned his left leg. It collapsed and he toppled to the grass beyond the small porch.

  “Do it now,” I said, “While I’m right here to hear what you tell them. If it’s anything but the absolute truth, you won’t wake up again for quite a while, Bank.”

  “You can’t threaten me.”

  “Really? I just stunned your leg. And your partner. And the guy at the fence. Get smart or get zapped.”

  With a show of defiant compliance, he called somebody and was told to stand by. Bank stared at the phone as he almost yelled, “Didn’t you hear me?! He stunned us!”

  The woman on the other end calmly said, “If you’re bleeding or broken, say so. If not, stand by. Quietly.”

  Behind me in the doorway, Tanya heard that and chuckled softly. Bank glared at us, but remained silent. We heard the sounds of a call transfer and Elgin came on.

  She said, “Bank, continue surveillance. That’s all.”

  He stared at his phone in disbelief and said, “But…” and that’s as far as he got.

  Elgin snapped, “Bank, if I have to go anywhere to straighten anything out tonight, you and Rimmer will be my first targets tomorrow morning. You will not like the results. Do you understand, Agent Bank?”

  Bank folded. “Understood, ma’am.”

  “Good. And goodnight.”

  She hung up and Bank looked as if he wanted to smash his phone on the concrete.

  When I said, “Bank,” he glared up at me. I said, “Take it easy. It isn’t about you, Rimmer, or the peeping tom out back. It isn’t really about me or her. It’s politics, dude, and they don’t want a cheap-assed bust about a camera. We’re all being used. Both sides want a court case against the anti-medical field laws. They want to create a big issue for an election year. I should let you arrest us because time we spend in custody would amount to an alibi, but I would prefer some alone time with this lady. I know that sounds selfish as hell of me, but… lordy, just look at her, man! Would you be stupid enough to give up even a minute of her?”

  I knew that last line would make him look up at her. He did, and his pupils widened slightly. Backlit in the doorway with the lesser light of the porch illuminating her front, grinning Tanya looked tall and wonderful and kind of glowy at the edges of her almost-silhouette. She’d have made a great picture if the camera had been working.

  Glancing at Bank’s leg, I pointed at it and then at Rimmer, who immediately stirred and began to waken. Bank moved his leg with obvious relief. I left them to sort things out.

  Turning to Tanya, I said, “Come with me, milady. I have something of great importance to show you.”

  She chortled, then self-consciously put a hand over her mouth and snickered as she closed the door behind us.

  As we returned to the table, she chucklingly echoed, “Lordy, just look at her, man!”

  Sipping my drink, I said, “I was absolutely serious.”

  She laughed, “Oh, come on,” and sipped her bourbon.

  Putting up a screen, I fished her name for pix of her teen modeling days. She’d been all face. No boobs, no figure; just the type of uninspiring bone rack pansy rag sellers prefer.

  “Now here’s you in college.”

  Several pix of her from meetings and associations and a swim team showed her filling out her blouses better. In the swim pose, she had phenomenally gorgeous legs.

  Putting a finger by that photo, I said, “Wow, look at those legs! No change, ma’am. You looked magically delicious.”

  Blushing slightly and laughing, she said, “Now you’re using cereal slogans.”

  “Apologies where required. What I’m getting at is something you seem unable to see, or at least not well. I wasn’t kidding in the least when I said your mom looked like Batgirl way back when. Could have been her sister. And you look so much like her… just a minute.”

  I pulled up a picture of Yvonne Craig and one of Tanya. Both faced left, so I switched Tanya’s pic to face Craig’s.

  Sipping my drink, I said, “While Juliet Prowse and Elke Sommer were working in the States, your mom might have been the most beautiful woman in Germany.”

  Tanya’s rolling eyes settled on me with a droll expression.

  I chuckled, “Well, okay, we’ll just say one of the most beautiful women in Germany. Can I get by with that?”

  Looking at Marie’s picture again, Tanya nodded and replied softly, “Yes. I’d agree with that.”

  “And now you see what I’m talking about. You’re every bit as hot as she was. I think that’s why you hold my attention so well without even having to try.”

  Giving me a direct look, Tanya asked, “Are you sure you aren’t thinking of her when you’re with me?”

  Pretending vast shock, I hurriedly said, “Oh, no, milady. That would be… well… I don’t know what it would be, but I’m shocked and offended and stuff. When I’m with you I’m only thinking of Yvonne Craig! Not your mom, I promise!”

  With a mock glare, she stated, “But not so ‘shocked and offended’ that you can’t get it up,” and looked at my lap.

  Noting the swelling in my jeans, I admitted, “Apparently not. You seem to be extre
mely attractive to me.”

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Monday morning Tanya’s bedside alarm startled me awake, but it was a sound my brain seemed to remember from back when I had an alarm much like it. I didn’t have that jangling-all-over, dropped-into-the-bed sensation. I couldn’t see the clock face, but time doesn’t matter much in my world anyway.

  Tanya rolled over, realized she wasn’t alone, and scrambled out of bed to wobblingly cross the hall as she yelped, “Don’t look at me! I’m a wreck!”

  I hadn’t thought so. I’d seen her face almost nose-to-nose and watched her gorgeous bod hurry across the room. The only thing that could use some work would be her hair. Sleeping was never kind to hair.

  The clock read seven thirty plus a bit. She’d talked about setting the alarm for eight, then hadn’t done it. Oh, well. I sat up, ran a warming tendril through my overnight coffee, and shuddered as I sipped it. Getting to my feet, I grabbed my pack and headed for the kitchen to put some regular coffee on.

  At the bathroom door, I said, “I’ll make coffee, but I’ll need a minute in the bathroom real soon.”

  Tanya called back, “Okay!”

  On the way to the kitchen, a spot of light flashed on the wall and table from the doorway. I quickly sent a probe and saw the source; a bird pecked at something shiny in the back yard. It looked like aluminum foil, but was shiny on both sides. Looking closer, I saw it was a mirror-like one-inch Mylar disk with a hole in the top. Maybe someone lost a huge sequin? No, it had a number on it; 4498. A tag of some sort. The probe annoyed the bird, who flew away with the tag.

  Something metal clattered in the bathroom while I was assembling a pot of coffee. Something that wasn’t metal rattled loudly as I made myself a fresh mug of instant. Just as I considered making myself a field potty, Tanya came out of the bathroom. I grabbed my pack and headed that way.

  Passing her, I turned and said, “Hey,” and she stopped to look back. I said, “When you got out of bed you were hot, sweetie. Make me prove it if you don’t believe me.”