by Jamie Berris
Chapter 10
Sadie
Sadie found herself daydreaming out the window during Psychology, oblivious to the fact that Mrs. Lawson was calling on her. She was thinking about Dylan.
Sadie shifted in her seat and focused her attention on Mrs. Lawson. “I’m sorry, what did you ask?”
The room was silent, and Sadie wondered if everyone thought she was brain dead.
“I just asked for your input on last night’s reading assignment,” said Mrs. Lawson.
Sadie rambled her way through some sort of response, using words she knew Mrs. Lawson would approve of, and then let her mind wander again, this time to her tennis match after school. Dylan had a lacrosse game at the same time, so neither one of them could watch the other. He had promised to come over tonight after his game so they could go for a walk.
Sadie’s thoughts then drifted to Marissa’s phone call to her dad’s cell on Friday, and she wondered if Marissa would be at the tennis match. Of course she would; she was always there to watch Paige and see Sadie’s dad.
Sadie and Paige had been so close growing up—until their mothers stopped speaking. They were still friends, but they kind of hung out with different crowds now. Sadie wondered if Paige suspected anything between their parents or if she even cared.
She was tense just thinking about it. She imagined smacking Marissa with her racket if she dared sit next to her dad at the match. Wouldn’t that be a show? It still upset her that Marissa came to her mom’s funeral. For all Sadie knew, Marissa was probably glad her mom was dead, especially now that she had moved in on her husband.
After school, Sadie changed in the locker room and tied her hair up. She felt strong today, was sure she would win. She had to, for her mom. Because of her, Sadie fell in love with the sport when she was little.
Ten minutes into her first match she was ahead thirty love. There was still no sign of her dad, but Sadie knew exactly where Marissa was sitting, and she kept glancing that way, making sure he hadn’t slipped in next to her. Honestly, Sadie would have rather had her dad miss her match than be there sitting next to Marissa. Petty? Yes.
After winning her first match, Sadie was talking to her coach when Kurt walked across the parking lot toward the courts. Sadie followed him out of the corner of her eye. As he approached the bleachers, she saw him scanning the crowd, which consisted mostly of parents and younger siblings. Marissa and Kurt spotted each other simultaneously. Marissa waved and Kurt climbed the bleachers to her.
Sadie outright glared at her father, and she was sure he and Marissa had both picked up on it. Good, she thought. A sinking feeling settled in her stomach as the reality was becoming more apparent that they were becoming a couple.
Back on the court, Sadie was on fire, and it worked to her advantage. She won every match and felt like she still had energy, or maybe anger, to burn off.
Every time she glanced towards her father and Marissa, they were talking and laughing. Sadie sought out Paige to congratulate her on a win, but more or less was feeling her out to see if she knew what was going on. “Looks like our parents are a cheer team.”
Paige looked to the bleachers and smiled. “Your dad looks good. You know . . . he’s looking better . . .”
Sadie knew Paige meant since her mom died; she also knew Paige hadn’t caught the sarcasm in her voice and was clueless as to what Sadie was really referring.
Paige congratulated Sadie on her wins, and Sadie was equally as polite, dishing out compliments to Paige before they parted ways.
Dylan had picked Sadie up for school this morning, so she had no choice but to ride home with her dad. Why hadn’t she thought this through? As she began walking toward the bleachers, Kurt shot up from his seat and quickly said good-bye to Marissa. Good, thought Sadie. She liked the fact that he was scrambling because of her, even though he put his hand on Marissa’s arm and gave her sort of a half hug.
Sadie turned and started walking towards the car, her dad following behind. She threw her racket and backpack in the backseat and slammed the door before climbing in the front. Her dad looked at her, almost scared.
“Way to go, Sadie! You were amazing out there,” he said, patting her leg.
“You noticed?”
“Of course I noticed. Everyone there noticed. Didn’t you hear everyone cheering and yelling your name?”
“Not really.” She really hadn’t; she was so focused on how her father could be attracted to someone, Marissa of all people, so soon after her mother’s death, that she barely even remembered the match. It was actually a miracle that she did so well.
She could tell Kurt knew she was pissed, but they sat there in silence, neither of them daring to say what was really on their minds. Every second of it was awkward, and Sadie knew she was acting like an immature brat, but she couldn’t help it.
“What’s for dinner?” Kurt asked.
“I don’t know. Do I always have to be the one to figure it out for everyone else? I don’t feel like cooking anything, I have homework, and Dylan is coming over in a while. Eat toast.” She huffed, and the dam broke and the tears spilled.
“Sadie, I didn’t mean what are you cooking for dinner. I was asking what sounded good to you. I thought maybe we would get takeout from that Mexican place you like to celebrate your win.”
Kurt’s voice remained even and calm as he spoke. Sadie looked out the window to avoid his gaze. She didn’t care about food. She cared about what was going to happen to their family if her dad started dating Marissa.
“Are you in love with her?” she blurted.
“Are you talking about Marissa?”
“She’s the one calling your cell, coming to my birthday party, and the one you come to see at my tennis matches.”
“Sadie, I’m at your matches to see you.” Kurt paused and inhaled deeply.
“Well, are you?” she asked again.
“It’s complicated, Sadie. I enjoy sitting next to her at your tennis matches, and I was appreciative of her help at your birthday party. I like her company.”
“So you like her—you have feelings for her?”
Kurt took a second to choose his words carefully, but then settled. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
“How could you? I mean Mom and Marissa were best friends. Even worse, they had a fight and didn’t speak for, like, four years. You’re betraying Mom, humiliating her! She’s only been dead a year! You’re, like, dating her worst enemy!”
“Sadie, Marissa and I aren’t a couple.”
Kurt pulled into the Mexican restaurant and found a parking spot. He turned to face Sadie. “I would give anything to have your mother alive and well, but she’s not, and I have to move forward. Mom and I talked about me being in a relationship before she died. She wanted nothing more than for me to find companionship and one day have a relationship with another woman.”
“It’s too soon, and why Marissa?”
“I can’t say why Marissa. Maybe because she’s a woman I’ve known for years and I feel comfortable talking to her. Maybe because we share so much history and she knows and adores my children as if they were her own. Possibly because she and Mom shared similar qualities and I feel close to your mom when I’m around Marissa.
“When I look at Marissa, I’m reminded of so many good memories our families had together laughing and playing, and those are the memories of Mom I don’t ever want to fade.”
Sadie had quieted her tears a little, but the hurt was still there, even if what her dad was saying made some sense. It was still Marissa. As if her dad was reading her mind, he began talking again.
“Your mom never brought it up because she wanted her last few months to be about nothing more than our family, but she and Marissa had talked through their problems. They had reconciled and Marissa had forgiven your—” Kurt quickly diverted, making Sadie wonder what he left out. “They had forgiven each other, Sadie.”
Sadie had no idea that her mom and Marissa had reconciled. Why hadn’t her mom told
her? Did they really? She didn’t want her dad dating a woman that her mom didn’t get along with because the thought of anyone having ill feelings towards her mother, who was now nothing more than an angel, bothered her. To think that anyone who knew her was indifferent to her death hurt Sadie. In an odd sense, she wanted people to feel sad as a sign that they loved her.
“Marissa was at the funeral,” Sadie remembered, but then again, who wasn’t?
“Of course she was. Mom and Marissa had worked through their issues. Marissa and Mom were together nearly every day in her final months while you kids were at school. I guess you could say they kinda became sisters again.”
Sadie couldn’t help but laugh. “Ew, that would be wrong of you, Dad, really twisted.”
Kurt laughed too. “Stop it, Sadie. You’re sick. You know what I mean.”
Sadie dried her eyes, but she couldn’t say she felt settled inside or that she was even close to being okay with her dad and Marissa. She wasn’t stupid; she knew they were more than what her dad was leading her to believe, and it hurt, really hurt. How could he just move on—and with Marissa of all people? There was no way her mom would have been okay with the two of them dating, reconciliation or not!
Kurt cleared his throat. “I know Mom’s death has been especially tough on you. You’ve taken on a huge role at home, and I appreciate and hate it every single day.”
“I love seeing how Nicholas has fallen in love with you in more than a sisterly way. We both know he views you as his mommy. I also hate the fact that you have all the responsibilities you have. You’re sixteen and shouldn’t have to worry about things like dinner, housework, and caring for Nicholas, well, Jayna, too. I don’t know what to say, Sadie. Mom took care of everything, you know that. I’ve never had to juggle work, meals, grocery shopping, running kids here and there, and you know what the laundry looks like when I do it.”
Sadie didn’t say anything. She wanted her dad to go on. She was definitely feeling trapped at home, and the resentment was building. She was hoping this would be the start of something.
He smiled and continued. “I get stressed and I pull away more. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to. Honestly, Sadie, it’s one of the things I’ve been talking with Marissa about: how I can be more hands on and . . . not fail you as your only parent.”
“So, good, Marissa is only going to be a friend to help you out with domestic and child-rearing tips?”
“Sadie, I am human and I do have feelings.”
“I still don’t like the idea of Marissa, or anyone for that matter. It’s just that I can still see Mom at home. I can glance in the kitchen and see her at the sink. I walk into your bathroom and can picture her dressed in her robe, drying her hair or curling her eye lashes.
“When I look out back into the overgrown garden of weeds, I can still see her tending to the vegetables and flowers. I see her reading a book, sprawled out in a chair on the porch, and sometimes I can still hear her singing along to her iPod while she vacuums. I can feel her presence, and I don’t want someone else coming in and taking that away. I don’t want anyone messing up her way of doing things and taking away those memories.”
“Oh, Sadie.” Kurt hugged his daughter.
“Can you just wait? I mean another year or two and things will be different. It’s too soon. I know you say Mom and Marissa worked through their issues, but what did Marissa do to Mom anyway? Whatever it was, it hurt Mom really bad, for years.”
Kurt’s face twisted and Sadie definitely caught it. “Let it go, honey. It was between them.”
“Well, it bugs me that it took Mom dying for Marissa to finally ask for forgiveness. And now she’s moving in on you. I can’t let that go.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“Then what happened? Dad, I have a right to know!”
“No, you really don’t, and this is the end of the discussion.”
Sadie could see that Kurt was getting upset.
“Sadie, you kids are the most important thing in my life and I love each and every one of you . . .”
“To the moon and back,” they said together.
“So don’t, don’t date her, Dad, please,” Sadie begged.
“But that’s a pretty selfish request. It’s not fair.”
“It hurts, Dad.”
“It hurts me too.”
Dear Sadie,
Okay, this is a tough one, kiddo. One of these days, Dad will start dating again. Shocker, I know, but life goes on, honey. I don’t really know what to say except try and be open-minded. I know no woman will ever live up to me (hee-hee), but you can’t expect Dad to be alone the rest of his life.
I can only pray she sees what treasures you kids are and loves you dearly. You have my permission to love her back. Who knows? You could inherit stepsiblings! She could be a wonderful grandma to your children someday, Sadie.
I just want you to know that I gave Dad my blessing to give his heart to another woman once I was gone. And, Sadie, I want you to know it’s okay too. You are going to need that mother figure as you go through the stages of life. I know you’ve got Grandma, but we both know she’s, well, Grandma, and she won’t be around forever. And Aunt Josie and Aunt Nevie are always a phone call away, but honey, Aunt Josie and Aunt Nevie live the New York life. Frankly, their morals and advice scare me, but they are my sisters, and I know they love you like a daughter and will be there whenever you need them.
Anyhow, I’m rambling as usual. Just please understand that, at some point, Dad is going to have to move on, all of you will, and it’s okay. It’s okay, Sadie.
I love you,
Mom
Chapter 11
Kurt
Kurt sprayed some cologne on and took a closer look in the mirror, making sure there were no nose hairs sticking out or unruly eyebrow hairs. He felt nervous about going out to dinner with Marissa, which was stupid, really. Something was different about tonight; it felt very official and Kurt had the jitters.
Kurt was feeling the pressure. The pressure from what? He couldn’t quite figure it out. Was he worried about keeping the conversation flowing? Not really. Was he nervous about kissing Marissa? He had done so plenty of times already. Was Sadie right? Was this all too soon? Was he making a bad choice by dating Marissa?
Sadie was spending the night at Myla’s, and Jayna was spending the night at Chrissie’s. Kurt didn’t mention to either of his girls that he was going out, and he was hoping that tomorrow morning Nicholas wouldn’t bring up the fact that Dad left him home with a sitter. He had asked a co-worker’s daughter to babysit instead of one of their usual sitters, which were mostly young tweens from their neighborhood.
Marissa looked stunning when she opened the door, and Kurt almost felt guilty for noticing. Marissa was Lydia’s opposite, which was good in more ways than one. Lydia had been tall and thin with long sandy hair. Marissa was petite with shoulder length blond hair. She had big pale green eyes and small soft features. When she smiled, she had girlish dimples that made her appear ten years younger than she actually was, and Kurt couldn’t help but be attracted to her kindness.
Marissa wore a sleeveless white dress with lime green piping around the hem and across the chest. The dress was classy and flirty all rolled into one. When she opened the door, she grabbed a matching lime green purse and white shawl off the entry table and quickly closed the door behind her.
“Paige home?” asked Kurt.
Marissa giggled. “Yes, she has two friends over. When I stuck my head in her bedroom door to tell her I was going out with a friend, she didn’t ask who, and I didn’t mention names. Kurt was a step behind Marissa as they walked to the car, and he couldn’t help but admire how strong her calves appeared in her heels. Both Lydia and Marissa had incredible legs from all the tennis they played over the years.
As he opened the car door for Marissa, he put his hand on her arm, stopping her before she got in. “You look beautiful,” Kurt said with a quiver in his throat. He took a small step b
ack, realizing how close they were standing.
Marissa’s dimples shone brightly as she smiled, looking completely at ease. “How nice of you to notice, thanks,” she said playfully.
As Kurt walked around the car to the driver’s side, Marissa couldn’t help but chuckle to herself at his nervousness; it was completely non-Kurt, and it was perfectly cute.
Kurt wasn’t surprised when Marissa ordered a pomegranate martini. She had always been a fan of martinis and had been known to bring her shaker and concoctions whenever they used to get together. Kurt had his usual beer, and they ordered calamari friti and seared scallops as an appetizer.
They sat outside and enjoyed the warm spring breeze rolling off the water. The seagulls and waves filled the air with sounds of the summer that was fast approaching. Marissa raised her glass for a toast.
“Here’s to good company and”—Marissa looked into Kurt’s eyes— “thankfulness for the past, enjoying the present, and looking forward to the future.”
“Nicely put,” agreed Kurt as they clinked glasses and drank.
Kurt ordered the filet with béarnaise sauce and lump crab, and Marissa the grilled Thai Salmon. As soon as Kurt spotted the salmon on the menu, he knew that would be Marissa’s pick. He also knew the lobster risotto would have been Lydia’s.
“Do you remember the trolley ride after Blake and Kara’s wedding? We stopped at Rose’s restaurant on Reeds Lake to use the bathroom, and the best man, Chris, took off his tuxedo pants and coat and jumped in the lake in his boxers,” remembered Marissa. “We were the wedding party from hell!”
“Yeah, and he held on to his can of beer the entire time.”
Their laughter filled the air.
“We had some crazy fun times,” said Marissa, taking a sip, looking deep in Kurt’s eyes.
“Most of the crazy moments were before kids, but we always had fun, didn’t we?”
Marissa sighed, remembering back when things were simple and she thought the four of them would be the friends that retired together somewhere tropical. “Absolutely, I wouldn’t trade those years for anything.”