It all seemed weird and disconnected but when Ryleigh explained her past Emma kind of related. They both wanted to be loved and have a family to call their own Ryleigh was just offering Emma’s hers however odd that might be. Emma was just learning the Shifters ways and her past was not making the transition easy. She didn’t have any experience to draw from no loving parents or siblings. Her relationships had been superficial at best up until now. How was she just supposed to take everything at face value? Her experiences taught her to question every motive. What did they want from her or what was their angle instant friendship or family didn’t resonate with her? Emma had had too many let downs in the past.
But that didn’t stop her from desiring more Emma thought to herself. It would be great if she could develop half the relationship Ryleigh seemed to have with Declan. She wanted that for herself and her daughter. She also wanted the relationship with Ryleigh no matter how weird she thought it was. Emma didn’t take to people the way Ryleigh seemed to. With Emma, she was always waiting for the other shoe to drop
She also noticed other things during this time. Her daughter’s eyes seemed to brighten and glow anytime Emma got upset and her baby was exceptionally well behaved. She didn’t fuss or cry like Emma believed a baby should. Her daughter was an observer often taking in the room before making a peep. She also noticed that she was extremely strong for a baby that was only a couple of weeks old. Lifting and holding her head up and even pushing herself up a bit in the crib. No one else seemed to notice or at least they didn’t mention it. There were other small things but never having spent much time around babies before Emma couldn’t be sure it they were normal or not. Everything she was noticing seemed to indicate that her daughter was definitely a true Shifter and Emma was scared. She knew her baby had Shifter DNA but they had told her that none of them would know for certain if she was in fact a true Shifter until she hit puberty. Were they just lying to her or were they keeping that information from her? Only time would tell.
Chapter 32
Emma’s tightly protected world changed one night, that shoe that was always threatening to drop did just that and in a big way. Emma had been feeling odd for days’ kind of out of it but also really depressed she had tried to play it off but little things were seeping through. She wasn’t being as active often quitting her PT before she was done. She had a feeling of doom that wouldn’t budge. She figured it was all the medication that Mia had her on but she would have to wait for the doctor to get back to ask.
Ryleigh must not have shut the door completely when she had left earlier, she overheard two of the guys were talking outside of her room it took her a couple of minutes but she figured out it was Jacks and Cash.
“Man, I’m sorry but I still just don’t trust any of this,” Jacks said. “Everything is just too convenient and well timed. Ryleigh’s pregnant and then Emma shows up ready to give birth to the first true Shifter female in over a hundred years bruised and battered and also just happens to be related to my mate. I couldn’t have written this crap for a soap opera or sitcom better myself.”
“Dude you just have to wait things out it’s been weeks and Emma hasn’t attempted to do anything and Dalton is watching her 24/7 just like you and I both ordered. I don’t think she is a threat to anyone. But you’re right the timing is all too perfect. One thing I do know is that baby can’t leave. We all have a stake in that. Shit dude she could be related to one of us. Mia is still running test but she is 100% bear shifter and I know you have seen the signs. I sure as shit know that if that baby turns out to be my kin she is staying right where I can protect her and if Emma turns out to be a bad apple then we need to get rid of her.”
“Agreed the baby needs to stay but Emma not so much I can’t put anyone at risk. I don’t think she is a threat but damn brother we have been fooled before.”
“You do realize Dalton will freak if anything happens to that woman. If we find out she is unworthy I have no problem taking her out but we have to weigh in all the factors, we can’t have Dalton going rogue. Shit! As it is he is a bear to deal with during normal situations no pun intended. He can kick all our asses if he puts his mind to it and I don’t even want to get started on what his bear would do.”
“Fuck maybe it would just be better if we got rid of Emma now. Get Mia to tell him she needs more skilled medical care or something and hopefully after a while he will be just…Shit I don’t know maybe he will be able to just forget about her?”
“Yeah fat chance that’s happening but one thing I know about Dalton is his loyalty has always been with our team and NAC. We just have to hope he honors those lifelong bonds instead of the ones he has formed with Emma over that last couple of weeks. But Dude you have to ask yourself if this was Ryleigh could you just let her go and forget about her even if it was necessary?”
Emma couldn’t hear them any longer they must have moved off down the hall, what she had heard hurt unlike anything she had ever felt. All the happy feeling from her talk with Ryleigh earlier were crushed. She wasn’t spy. And It was not within her ability to convince them otherwise. Perhaps the hardest blow to her fragile state of mind was that Dalton was ordered to stay with her It was an obligation, his job, all the touches and kisses meant nothing he was just doing his job and the realization devastated her. Then again maybe they didn’t the guys had also indicated he was becoming or had become attached to her. That is what she wanted to hang on to, not the possibility of being separated from her child or being sent away worse yet eliminated! Dalton made her feel safe. Loved and cherished. Was it all part of the plan? She didn’t know what to think her mind was not able to process what she had just overheard. She was so mixed up. The feeling of hopelessness just added to her depression. Emma felt so alone just like she had always been. In her fragile state of mind, she even allowed herself to think that maybe her little girl would be better off without her. Damn! maybe it was for the best and they knew it from personally experience of being Shifters.
She knew nothing about being a mother let alone a good one. Maybe she wasn’t equipped to handle anything that was coming her way. Her baby was a true Shifter not like her, Mia, or Ryleigh they only carried shifter DNA. One day she would turn into a bear and there wasn’t anything Emma could do about it and none of them bother to tell her. Should she or could she burn her bridges with these people only to realize later that her baby legitimately needed them. Could she even get away from them with her child? There were just so many questions and no answers.
In a downward spiral Emma started to close in on herself the words she overheard upended her fleeting sense of security and left her with endless doubts. They still didn’t trust her and they might not want her there. It had been weeks and she had been developing relationships with these people or so she had thought, was it all a lie? She seemed to be reeling from them one minute mad and the next resigned. She felt lost and alone the pain so deep she could barely function. She just needed a minute an hour some unknown amount of time to make a decision that was best for all of them but it just didn’t seem to be working. Someone was always there helping with the baby and trying to engage her. Giving their opinion on the situation but not really revealing anything at all.
She felt that her only option was to pull away maybe then she could figure all this out on her own. She wanted to make the decisions she needed to make without anyone influencing her. So, stopped talking to everyone. She went back and forth between hating everyone and everything about her situation. To feeling nuts because nothing seemed to make sense. She pulled away from all of them. They didn’t want her there and she no longer wanted to be there. The Team would come and go taking their turns taking care of her daughter and Emma didn’t even lift a finger to help or even bother to respond when they talked to her. She was caught so deeply in her web of despair she couldn’t find a way out.
She felt it was for the best, needing to distance herself just in case she needed to leave alone without her child without Dalton. She just di
dn’t know how to deal with so many feelings about everything. She didn’t want to leave but maybe it was for the best. She wanted to be with her daughter and Dalton but maybe she wasn’t the best choice and the self-doubt and loathing just kept on going.
If any of the Team tried to have a conversation with her she tuned them out. Her times with Dalton were the worst. Every time he tried to touch her or kiss her she moved away no longer able to stand the feel of his touch that had meant so much to her. She just didn’t have the willpower to pretend anymore. He was persistent though she had to give him that he tried to engage her in conversation at every opportunity. She needed to stick to her guns because it all just hurt too much staring at the wall avoiding him was all her battered psyche would tolerate.
She knew she was acting out but she honestly didn’t give a crap. She also knew that she needed help but she didn’t know what to ask for or even who she could really trust. She had believed she could trust them all but now she wasn’t as sure. It was like a never-ending spiral.
Post-partum and PTSD were not a joke. It was about a month and a half after she gave birth. About two weeks after she had overheard Jacks and Cash in the hall. Dalton was of course his usual attentive self, feeding diapering and playing with her daughter. Her daughter that could now lift herself up on her hands and knee rocking back and forth like she was getting ready to crawl which should not be possible.
The man was relentless always asking her questions always trying to hide what was truly going to happen. How could he be so cruel. Why did he want her to form a bond with her baby only to have her ripped right out of her arms? No, it was better to just pretend none of them were even there. But he wouldn’t stop trying to get her to be involved asking her questions about the baby. When had she been fed last? Who was in the room last? Did the baby need her diaper changed? Emma just wanted to be left alone she didn’t want to talk to him?
She didn’t want to be involved with anything at that moment. She was working herself up into a proper snit and she hated to admit the thing that had hurt the most deeply was that Dalton was only with her right now because of a work obligation. Then damn she had to think about her daughter she was a horrible mother. She couldn’t do anything right wasn’t strong enough to get up and care for her. Couldn’t feed her could change her. She still hadn’t named her daughter and she was feeling like a failure on all fronts and the roller coaster in her mind kept going and going.
She had been snapping at Dalton all morning and she figured he finally had enough after he had placed the baby back in her crib he stormed out the of the door saying he was going to get her lunch. Emma knew she acting crazy she just didn’t know how to stop it.
Ryleigh stepped in a few minutes later and Emma wanted to scream. Dang it couldn’t she even have a second to breathe around these people. Hadn’t she proved that she wasn’t going to cause anyone any harm. If Jacks and Cash thought she was so much of a threat, why in the hell were they allowing Ryleigh to spend so much time with her?
Ryleigh wanted to form some kind of sisterly bond Emma didn’t even know what a sisterly bond was. Ryleigh came everyday prattling on and on about this and that at first Emma cherished the time and felt herself growing closer to Ryleigh but knowing what was to come ruined all of that. Emma knew the truth. She was on borrowed time. Why form attachments when they weren’t going to last. She couldn’t even take care of her daughter. Feeling particularly nasty Emma barked “What do you want?”
“Ah I see you’re in a pleasant mood again today. I was walking down the hall when Dalton stormed past me with a scowl on his face and I figured I would find out for myself what was going on.”
“Leave it alone Ryleigh what happens between Dalton and me is none of your business, he is just doing his job after all, what does it matter and why do you care? If your husband has his way I would have been out of here a long time ago! Can’t you people just leave me the hell alone!
“What do you mean he is just doing his job and what does my husband have to do with any of this?
Emma was pissed how dare she play dumb! “You can stop your little act now! I know what is going on here. I heard Jacks and Cash talking. Dalton has to watch me 24/7 he has his orders and your husband doesn’t want me endangering you so why are you always here? I don’t know what else I can do to prove to you people that I don’t mean you any harm. I have been stuck in this room for weeks I haven’t complained I have done everything you have asked. I know that you are only keeping me around for the moment because of the baby. Shit! you guys won’t even let me feed my own child. You're always here taking her. In the last three days, I have only been allowed to hold my daughter for 30 minutes? As soon as I get her someone else walks into the room and takes her from me she is my daughter. I don’t know what more you people want from me why don’t you just ship me off somewhere so I can get some freaking peace!” Emma yelled from the bed.
“You’re not a prisoner here Emma you can get yourself out of that bed anytime you want. Actually, we have all be waiting for you to do just that but you seem perfectly content sitting right there ignoring everyone. Why don’t you ask me for what you really need Emma? Why don’t you ask for help? I’m not the only one that has noticed how depressed you are. We have talked about this don’t you remember? Eva even brought it up. Your hormones are all out of whack we have medications on hand that can help but you won’t listen to anyone. You are jumping to conclusions.
“You overheard part of a conversation you have no idea what is actually going on. Did Jacks want to move you out of here to keep us all safe? Yes. Was there talk in the beginning about separating you from your baby? sure. Does that sound callous? You bet your ass! but we had no idea what was going on in the beginning? You overheard two men talking. Two Alpha Shifters they aren’t known for their sensitivity. They are men of action Emma consequences be damned. I don’t know what all was said but come on Emma have any of us actually followed through on anything that was said?”
“Jacks had been freaked at first but you have to understand he has an entire race to protect and you brought so many questions to the table. Bad people are after Shifters. What you went through was horrible but damn Emma others have been through far worse. None of us are in a position to accept anything at face value we have been fooled before you have to understand that. I told you about Eli the man betrayed his entire team. They knew each other since they were children.”
“Do you even realize Mia, myself, and Dalton fought for you? Cash even stepped in. Jacks was only being cautious, you have to have seen the changes in him. He comes in here and takes care of your daughter I’ve seen him trying to get to know you but you were just too caught up in what is going on in your mind that you can’t see it. Emma, you need help.”
Emma was livid she had been doing what they all wanted and Ryleigh was making her sound like a selfish brat at least that was what she was hearing. Sitting up in the bed Emma threw the blankets back and swung her legs to the side if she could get up she was going to get up and probably smack Ryleigh. Lucky for Ryleigh the move caused Emma to become dizzy so she had to remain sitting. That didn’t stop Ryleigh from continuing her little tirade.
“All you had to do is say No Emma, no one would have kept you from your daughter but instead of saying a simple word you just sat there checking out on everything and everyone including your daughter. Have you even put in any thought about naming your daughter? It has been weeks. Have you thought of anyone other than yourself? Where is the woman that walked into this place you had a backbone then? You stood up to Cash you gave birth under excruciating terms and now you just lay there, withdrawn in your own little shell. You went through some major crap no one can deny that but you stop even trying because of part of a conversation you overheard but were not a part of? Just ask please if not for yourself then for your baby. We will all help. Eva has been waiting to talk to you about her treatment plan. Please just ask I promise we will do everything we can to help you through this it is jus
t one moment in time Emma but you need to be the one to choose it.”
“We all know about your past how you grew up. That person was strong. Right now, you’re not yourself. You let everyone take care of your daughter and you have been treating Dalton like crap for days. It’s time you got you head out of your ass and acted like the person I met all those weeks ago. “
Emma could see the truth in Ryleigh’s words but she was not ready to listen to reason just yet, her anger causing her to lash out once again. “Oh, you’re one to talk sister dear. So, willing to point out my short comings. Just look at yourself you're supposed to be so smart yet when was the last time you took a shower or sat down for a good meal? The circles under your eyes are so dark I was starting to wonder if it was a new makeup trend. You're pregnant and you look like death warmed over! Where is this genius everyone talks about? You come in here every day and hold my daughter and talk about stuff that doesn’t mean anything. Hiding the fact that you all know she is a true Shifter and keeping that it from me. You are constantly talking about people I don’t know and will never know in an attempt to distract me in an attempt to keep the truth about my daughter from me. Telling me things that don’t mean anything. Always prattling on and on about nonsense. Why don’t you tell me what’s truly going on Ryleigh?”
Emma knew she was being mean but she just couldn’t help it anymore she could not contain the anger, hurt, and the feelings of betrayal any longer Ryleigh was the perfect scapegoat. She had just as many demons as Emma did. It wasn’t fair and it sure as hell wasn’t rational.
Dalton: NAC & The Holly Group (Alpha Team Book 2) Page 22