Dirty Rock: A Rock Star Romance

by James, Vicki

  Now I wasn’t so sure.

  Did the others see her the way I did when they looked at her? Had they always noticed her, and I’d just been the blind motherfucker too lost in his own ego to see what was right in front of me?

  She never made things easy for me, and I liked that. It made me want to give her something neither one of us thought I could give. Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t go there today. Not after the big show I’d put on in the hotel room that morning. I’d stepped out of bathroom, only to find she’d already left for the studio, leaving me to stare at the empty room like I’d lost something important.

  Watching her with my bandmates—my best fucking friends in the world—was driving me crazy. I sat upright, bringing my arse to the edge of the sofa.

  Just go to her, you prick. Make her squirm.

  I was about to when the studio doors were pushed open by a security guy dressed from head to toe in black.

  “Your guest is here, Mr West.”

  Presley’s face lit up, and he beckoned his unannounced visitor inside. “Cheers, Mal, send him in.”

  “Visitor?” I glanced at Dicky.

  He shrugged, uninterested. “Some guy Pres used to jam with in high school or something.”

  “The fuck?” I scowled.

  Dicky didn’t bother responding. The sound of a foreign voice entered the room, and soon Presley was pushing a handsome fucker towards the group around him. The dude’s smile was illuminous, and his biceps were bigger than my head as he stepped closer to Jules. He clearly worked out, and his white T-shirt set against his black skin made him look like he’d just covered himself in fucking oil for the occasion. I didn’t know the guy, but when he held his hand out to Jules, and she looked up at him with stars in her eyes, and her cheeks blushed the way they only blushed for me, I hated him immediately.

  “Boys, this is the lead singer from the first band I was ever in. He used to go to high school with Cherry and me.” Pres slapped a hand on the guy’s back. “I’d like you all to meet Joshua Smith. Josh, this is Youth Gone Wild.”

  Joshua, the fucker, had one of those handsome, happy faces that people gravitated towards, and it wasn’t long before the group around him were laughing and sharing jokes I wasn’t a part of as I sat on the edge of the sofa, watching him through narrowed eyes.

  When Joshua glanced at me from across the room, he chucked his chin in acknowledgement and waved a casual hand my way.

  I nodded back at him, smiling tightly.

  Jules was chuckling about something with Hawk before she looked back up at Josh and said, “Well, since you’re here, what say we make you comfortable and grab you a beer so you can watch the guys rehearse?”

  “Sounds amazing,” Josh said in a voice that had to belong to a fifty-year-old porn star, surely.

  He looked down at Jules with a smoulder in his eyes.

  That fucker sure saw her straight away.

  He didn’t need to spend three years by her side before he realised just how fucking perfect she was. The way his mouth lifted at the corner, and the way he pressed his hand to the small of her back told everyone in the room he was already interested, and it made me stand abruptly, all pretence of being laid back and bored now gone.

  “What? I don’t get an intro?”

  Julia’s step faltered, and she looked up at me through cautious eyes. I knew that look. It was one that said, be very careful what comes out of your mouth next, Rhett Ryan.

  I raised a brow her way and smirked.

  Joshua wasted no time in stepping around her and making his way over. Shit, he was bulky. About the same height as me, but he looked like he’d eaten a mini Rhett for breakfast and was now ready for some serious lunch.

  “Hey, man, nice to meet you.”

  “Sure,” I said, sounding shitty as I shook his hand—a hand that was the size of my face.

  “Big fan. Of all of you, actually.”

  “You’re a singer, too?”

  “Yeah.” He let go of my hand and reached up to scratch the back of his neck. “Have been all my life.”

  “Singing in the womb, huh?”

  “Something like that.” He laughed. I hated when people laughed at shit that wasn’t funny.

  I glanced over his shoulder at Presley, who had his arms folded over his chest, and his smirk set firmly in place as a piece of his long hair fell forward from his man-bun thing.

  “How come Pres ditched you for Youth Gone Wild, then?” I asked Josh when I turned back to him.

  “That was my fault. Presley was always ready for the big time. Not me. I freaked out a little bit. Had parents who wanted me to study right, go to college, hit up uni, all that stuff.”

  “What did you study?”

  “Law.”

  “Brains and brawn.” I nodded to his biceps straining against a T-shirt that had to be at least two sizes too small. “Got the whole package going on, ain’t ya, Josh?”

  The fucker flexed, even though he made it look like he didn’t mean to. Posing prick. “Gotta try, right?”

  “God loves a trier.” I sighed and slapped his shoulder before I walked past him and made my way to the mini fridge we had in the corner of the room. I caught Julia’s eyes as I went by, my arm brushing hers, and she quickly looked away from me before she tucked her hair behind her ear.

  “Let’s get you comfortable, Josh,” she said, gesturing to the sofa for him to take a seat.

  “Perfect. Where do you want me?”

  Outside. In the car park. Preferably under a tyre of some sort.

  I grabbed a beer, uncapped it with my teeth, and tossed the lid aside just as Coops leaned closer. “The fuck is going on with you and Jules today?” he whispered.

  I took a swig of my beer, watching her from across the room before I brought the bottle down and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

  “She’s pissing me off.”

  “Dude, she looks like she’s about two seconds away from ripping your dick off.”

  “Let her try.”

  “We’ve only just got her back. Don’t drive her away again.”

  “Don’t worry, Coops,” I said, slapping my free hand on his shoulder. “She isn’t going anywhere, no matter what she thinks.”

  Julia glanced up at me.

  Her face had that expression on it again. The one I’d woken up to. The one she almost looked ashamed to show, and it made my chest tighten right on cue before she looked away and became lost in conversation with Josh.

  Quiet anger surged through my veins. I had to turn away.

  Only months ago, Jules could have been getting fucked in front of me by some other dude, and I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. Now, there she was, being friendly with a geezer who looked like he could chew me up and spit me out without even breaking a sweat, and I wanted to walk over to him and rip his fucking head off. He was too good-looking to be around her. He was too smooth. Too effortlessly nice.

  He was the exact opposite of me… and she seemed to like it.

  The guys and I got down to walking each other through some songs we’d drafted out. I used this weird tension in my stomach as energy to get me through rehearsals. Trying to block Julia out was hard, especially when I’d turn around to find her and Joshua talking together, their knees towards each other, and neither one of them looking at the band. Sporadic bouts of giggling from her and rough laughter from him had my jaw tensing and my fists clenching into little balls.

  I was knocking beers back like they were skittles, but luckily for me, so were the other guys.

  “Isn’t he going soon?” I mumbled to Pres at one point.

  “He’s not causing any harm, is he?”

  “No,” I ground out. “Guess not.”

  After a while, Jules answered a call on her phone. She pushed up to make her way outside of the studio doors, and I couldn’t stop myself; I had to follow. If I didn’t, this fire in my blood was going to set me alight. As luck would have it, Coops was getting annoyed with himself fo
r missing his cues on a song called Filtered, so he asked for a break. The guys all agreed. Dicky grumbled.

  “Heading for a piss,” I told them, not really listening to their responses as I pushed through the doors and headed down the corridor, looking for Jules.

  I found her around a corner with her phone pressed to her ear, lost in conversation.

  Glancing back to make sure no one was behind me, I grabbed the phone from her hand, ended the call, dropped it into her blazer pocket, and entwined my fingers with hers.

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she hissed, pulling back as I dragged her along with me. Her steps faltered as I marched us forward, her little feet struggling to keep up. “Rhett! Get off me.”

  “Nope.”

  “You’re being ridiculous.”

  “Yep.”

  I found the toilet we’d been in once before, and I swung the door open, spun her inside, and slammed the door shut behind us, locking it abruptly before I turned back to her.

  This version of me was foreign, and it was territorial. So territorial, like a lion. Or maybe one of those vampires who marked their victims with their blood and warned off every other person around them to back the hell off.

  “What the hell are you doing?” Julia hissed.

  “What the hell am I doing? What the hell are you doing?” I bit back.

  “I was on a very important call, making sure your career continues to soar, before you rudely cut that conversation short and marched me in here like you… like you…”

  “Like I what?” I stepped closer. “Own you? Because I fucking do”

  Jules froze, her face straight before a soft bubble of disbelief made her laugh. “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me.” I jabbed my own chest. “You’re mine. Not his.”

  “Whose?”

  “That handsome fucker out there who’s making you drool.”

  “Josh?” Her smile grew brighter. “Are you serious?”

  “You’ve been all over him since he walked in.”

  “So what? What’s that got to do with you?”

  “Everything. Every-fucking-thing.”

  “Wait a minute.” She held her hand up, pressed it to my chest and pushed me back, creating some distance between us. “You told me this morning that we were to act like we hated each other.”

  “Yeah, hate each other, not lust over any dick with a pulse who walks into the studio.”

  “You’re jealous.” She beamed.

  I frowned at her, searching her eyes, not finding a single word to respond with.

  “You’re totally, one hundred percent, green at the gills, jealous.”

  “Don’t fuck with me, Jules,” I whispered, pushing against her hand. It made her take a step back.

  “I thought you liked it when I fucked with you.”

  “Not like this. Not with my emotions and shit.”

  She raised a brow, walking backwards until she came up against a wall. “Emotions and shit. What does that even mean, Rhett?”

  My gaze fell to her lips. I wanted to take her right there, right then. “I have no fucking idea,” I said as I exhaled slowly.

  “That doesn’t help me.”

  “All I know is that watching you and him together in that room is pissing me off, Jules, and I don’t like it. I hate it. I hate his knees touching yours. I hate his jokes making you laugh. I hate his hand on the small of your back. I hate the way he makes you blush, the way you’re trying to make him happy, and I hate the fact that he’s making you pay attention to him.”

  “Who should I be paying attention to?”

  “Me.” I leaned into her. “Only me.” My hands found her hips, and my fingers dug in tight.

  “Rhett?” she whispered.

  “Yeah?”

  Her eyes searched mine before she pushed my shoulders back, stood up straight, and pulled my hands away from her hips.

  “Grow the hell up,” she said calmly.

  With that, she walked away, offering me one parting glance before she let the door close behind her, and she disappeared again, leaving me standing there alone, cold, and utterly fucked up inside.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  “Rhett, dude, what the fuck?” Hawk snapped for the third time in the space of an hour.

  “Sorry.” I cleared my throat and stared down at the lyrics in my hand, trying to focus. Everything looked blurry. I was lightheaded and heavy-footed, unable to coordinate myself to do the most basic of tasks. Nausea turned my stomach over and over on a fast spin.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah, man. Fine.”

  “Maybe we should call it quits for the day?” Big D boomed to my right.

  “I said I’m fine.” I turned to look at him, eyes narrowed.

  “Who you trying to convince? You’ve been off for the last hour.”

  “It happens.”

  “Not to you.”

  Telling me I was off around people I was comfortable with was one thing, but when that Joshua dick was in the room, I took it personally. I glared at Big D without having to say a word. I wanted him to speak first, because if he did, that would give me a reason to go off on him.

  Yeah, I was off. They expected me to stand there and sing about love, feelings, and the good life while Jules and Joshua created so much chemistry, they were practically a house on fire in front of me.

  “Let’s go again. Filtered, from after the first chorus,” Hawk chipped in.

  I looked down at the lyrics. “Not the first verse?”

  “No. Second.”

  “You sure?” I frowned, scanning the sheet in my hand.

  Hawk sighed heavily.

  “Sorry. Got it.”

  I stepped up to the mic, wetting my lips with my tongue and closing my eyes. Presley got the beat going, and the other guys dropped right in without fault or a trip in their flow. I could feel this energy building in my chest. Rage. Hurt. Jealousy. Things I wasn’t used to feeling. Emotions I had no name for. They all congealed together to make for something that closed my throat up tight. I was suffocating with so much air around me. Choking on my own damn thoughts.

  Releasing a breath, I cleared my throat and went for it, keeping my eyes closed.

  Those sepia tones on that pretty face.

  Don’t hide the darkness.

  Don’t hide your disgrace.

  Give me your lines.

  Show your mistakes.

  Take off the black,

  Remove the white,

  Step through the facade, look up to the light.

  Nothing fake/fake/fake

  Let’s be real/real/real

  You’re all I want in my hands,

  All I feel…

  We drifted off into the chorus building and building until we hit the bridge of the song, and I imagined a crowd of thousands in front of me. The sea of fans heard my raspy tones, and they were hanging onto my every word, letting me build them up slowly before Presley and the boys threw them down the steepest rail on a rollercoaster, only for us to sweep them up at the end, hold them tight to our chests, and put them back on their feet again.

  I finished that song about filtered faces, filtered lives, filtered hearts, and I dropped the sheets of paper in my hand like they meant nothing.

  When I looked up and took in the three people in front of me—Dicky, Joshua, and Jules—each one of them was staring at me with wide eyes and open mouths.

  The room fell silent before Coops strummed on his guitar, breaking the tension. “That’s what we’re talking about, Rhett. Jesus Christ! Always sing like that. Always sing like that!” he cried.

  “Wow,” Big D chuckled behind me.

  Hawk said something. Presley, too. Dicky and Joshua huddled together, passing looks my way that let me know I’d nailed it.

  And Jules…

  She just smiled right at me like nothing I did surprised her anymore. I smiled back for just a moment before I had to look away. Seeing that smile and knowing it wasn’t goi
ng to be there for me later was too much to take.

  I walked over to the fridge, grabbed a beer, and I slumped back against a wall.

  “Sing every track like that, and you’ll be remembered for the rest of eternity, brother,” Big D said as he walked past me, removing his bass guitar strap from over his head. “Goddamn it, we have the best vocalist in the world.”

  “Told you I was fine.”

  I didn’t dare glance at Julia again. I was pissed at her for walking away from me, for telling me to grow up, and for these games she was playing. The boot was on the other foot for once, and I didn’t like the discomfort of it all.

  Presley stepped out from behind his kit, and I could see the rivulets of sweat trickling down his obliques.

  He squeezed my shoulder. “You doing okay?”

  “Yep.” I gasped. “But do you know what I could do with?”

  “What’s that?”

  “A night on the town with the boys.”

  Hawk cheered from across the room. “Hell, yes. I’m in. Where we heading? VINYL!, or…?”

  VINYL! Happened to be the most exclusive club in all of London, only allowing people through the doors who were invited. Our invitation was open, according to the owners, meaning we could rock up any time we liked, step through the doors, and it wouldn’t be a problem.

  “I’m down.” Coops nodded.

  “I’ve nowhere else to be,” Big D bellowed back.

  “Elvis?” I asked, looking up at him.

  As soon as I saw him cringe, I knew he wouldn’t be joining us.

  “Don’t tell me Cherry baby has your balls in her grip so tightly, you’re not allowed out to play now?”

  “Not exactly.” He chuckled. “But I did promise her and her friends I’d meet them at BB’s tonight.”

  “BB’s?” I frowned, the name sounding somewhat familiar.

  “The bar Tess used to work at. Her boss, Bourbon, and her best mate, Molly, have asked us to hangout. I’ve been keeping her to myself a lot lately, and she needs her friends. You know how it goes.” He glanced around the room, releasing my shoulder and holding his arms out. “You guys are welcome to join me. It’s a pretty decent place. Good booze. Awesome music.”