Love's Hiding

by Karen Deen

  “Zoe, you have to know the connection we made that night. For the first time, I felt something that I wanted to know more about. I wanted to know you. You rocked my core and it never recovered.”

  Finally, she smiled. It was small, but it was there.

  “I felt it, too. For me it was something confusing. My whole life was filled with misery and pain. The first time of feeling something good was hard to take and certainly hard to understand. I wish I had known you felt it, too. Although, I wasn’t ready to handle anything then. It’s taken many years of therapy to get to here. Maybe that’s what the universe meant to happen? Our chance meeting was a test. Enough to push me to change so I could be in a place ready to accept happiness and believe I am worthy of it.”

  It would take some time to get over my hurt and disappointment of the time we’d missed. That hurt was superseded by what had happened to Zoe in her life. I wanted to help but to do that, I needed to know more. I knew it would be hard for her. I needed to prove she could trust me. To let me hold her heart in my hands and piece it back together.

  There were two times you felt most vulnerable. We were already halfway there, our naked bodies wrapped around each other. It was the perfect time to bare our souls, with nothing between us. I just wasn’t if sure Zoe was up to that, yet. I needed to ask. I needed to know more. I prayed she knew me well enough now to trust me with her story.

  19

  Zoe

  MEMORIES RAN WILD, both good and bad. I couldn’t control my thoughts because it was on overload with emotions setting the memories free. I hated when the awful thoughts of my past resurfaced. I used to try to block them and it took so much effort to fight. Now, I knew not to hold them in. Instead, pushed them, demanding they never return. The trouble was, they seemed never-ending.

  Luke’s touch on my naked skin centered me and I strained to concentrate on the memories from a time I felt happy. The only memory I wanted to hold on to was that one perfect night all those years ago.

  “Do you remember that night, Luke? That one perfect night. The brightest star in a sky that always seemed dark.”

  “Yeah, kitten. Every tiny detail is up here where it plays in my dreams.” His finger tapped against the side of his head, with a smirk that covered his face. Then the quiet snigger came. “The dream is a little X-rated, you might say. It could have resulted in a few mornings waking up with my sheet tented.” I giggled. I couldn’t help it. Luke just made me happy, no matter how sad I was feeling.

  “I bet that sucked.”

  “Zoe, you have no idea how hard it is being a man. You women have a lot to answer to for the pain you put us through.”

  “Get over yourself, big boy.” I playfully slapped him on the chest.

  “Enough of that ‘boy’ word, thanks. I’m all man. That’s what you told me you were looking for that night, remember?”

  My mind was suddenly back there, sitting in that bar. I could smell the stale beer and feel the stickiness on the bar from the drinks that had been served throughout the night. I never visited the trashy, dangerous bars but I seemed to find the ones that weren’t too far up from the bottom of the ladder. I wasn’t after a sugar daddy, so I didn’t need class, money or wealth. I wanted a man that made me feel like a woman and that I was worth something, even if it were for a short time. My expectations weren’t high. My role models hadn’t taught me anything about love or relationships, so I had nothing to estimate standards. My father was a disgusting piece of shit who I wouldn’t piss on if he were on fire. So, I didn’t know what a real man was.

  I almost didn’t go out that night as I’d been sick all week. My bank account was looking lean, the cupboard and fridge bare. My hopes had been to find a date who would buy me a drink and perhaps a meal. If not, at least I still had the nuts and pretzels on the bar. It wasn’t much to get me through to breakfast. I’d done it before, and I could do it again.

  I remembered looking at myself in the mirror, wondering who the woman was staring back at me. She was all I’d ever known, yet she wanted more, a change and perhaps a chance to find herself, the real her, not just the person she was always told to be.

  I’d felt him before he said a word, his gentle breath on my neck as he whispered in my ear. He smelled different, not like a brewery or stale aftershave like most men I’d had before him. His words were smooth, caressing my ear.

  ‘You look like you need a real man who can show you how to worship a woman’s body’. My mind leaped for the invitation yet my body was yet to see this man. I slowly turned to see one very hot, incredibly handsome guy. I’d tried so hard to keep my poker face and not give anything away. It proved difficult because I already knew I wanted this guy. A night with him, I had a feeling would be like no other. Come on, big boy, show me what you’re made of.

  I pushed back letting him know he wasn’t quite man enough for me. Knowing Luke like I did now, it was no wonder he came straight back, more confident and demanding of my attention. He had me at that first breath, but I needed him to work for it. Having control of my life and gaining attention was why I did what I did. It was the only time in my life I could feel anything. The rest of the time, I felt numb.

  Looking back, it had been dangerous leaving bars with half-drunk men and being taken to dodgy hotels, and if we didn’t make it that far, then in a car, parked off the road in a forest. No one had known where I was or who I was with. There wasn’t anyone who would care or notice if I disappeared.

  Listening to him make small talk in the back of the cab made my heart beat rapidly. There was an electricity that simmered between us. The moment he placed his hand on my lower back, I knew this was different. I needed to keep telling myself, just one night. That’s all I wanted, a moment in time. There was no letting my mind drift into that fairy-tale crap. It didn’t exist. There was no Prince Charming in my world.

  The cab pulled up to the St Georges Suites. This was way out of my league. No guy had ever paid more than a fifty for a room only to fuck me like a hooker. They might as well pay me. I chose to do it. No one else had a say.

  Entering the room, I felt out of place knowing this was how the other half lived. The room was tastefully decorated with a king-sized bed. The biggest thing I noticed was the cleanliness. I didn’t know if I felt anxious or relaxed in his presence.

  “Can I get you a drink?” His voice did things to my body that I rarely experienced, only when I was attending to my own needs.

  “No, thank you. I’m fine.” I may have done a lot of dumb things, but I never accepted a drink once we were back in the room and on our own.

  “Yeah, I think I have had my fill for the night, too.” Moving closer, he placed his hand on my face, gently stroking my cheek, causing goose bumps to spread over my body. “What’s your name, beautiful?” I didn’t know why, but I leaned into his touch. It felt so amazing and gentle.

  “No names, just a one-night stand. Nothing more.” I rubbed my face against his palm while he continued to caress my cheek. His other hand slipped up my neck and into my hair, pulling my face toward him.

  “Well, I’m Luke, just so you know what to scream when I make you come harder than you ever have before.” His deep voice was so smooth it felt like it was running down my body like melted chocolate. My panties were soaked and my nipples, hard. Rubbing my breasts against his chest, I tried to gain some relief. He’d hardly touched me, yet my body was demanding he undress me and start exploring.

  “No need to rush, sweetheart. You said a one-night stand, so I intend to make use of the whole one night.” He kissed me, slow at first but it quickly escalated. We both felt the huge pull toward each other, hands desperate to touch everywhere and everything.

  “Fuck this. Strip and get your hot little ass on the bed. You look like the sort of chick who can take it hard and fast. Am I right, little lady?”

  “Just fuck me already. I want what you promised, where I’d scream your name.” My body craved that man. I’d never wanted anything more than I wa
nted him.

  “Your wish is my command, princess. Now, spread those hot legs and get ready to scream.”

  That first thrust felt like he completely filled me. We connected in a way that felt so new and amazing. Rocking my hips, I wanted him to keep going.

  “While you’re in my bed, little one, I’m in control. You get the enjoyment of me taking your body on that journey.”

  “Fuck you. No one gets to control me!” I spewed loudly.

  “That’s where you’re wrong. Right now, I’m controlling your pleasure and you love every single bit of it. Tell me I’m wrong.” The bastard stopped moving. I tried to thrust, but he held me still. “Admit it.” One single pump and I writhed underneath, wanting more.

  “Fine, point proven. You win. Now make me scream.”

  His hips thrust harder, and I felt like I was being pounded through the bed. It was the best feeling being pushed so hard. His hands stroked and caressed my tits, my orgasm building to the point of no return. I didn’t want it to be over so quick, so I needed to hold as long as I could.

  “Come on, baby, I know you want this. Tell the world my name.” He leaned down, taking my nipple in his mouth, sucking and biting hard.

  My body exploded and there was no way I could hold in my scream. Luke’s name was screamed as his dick pulsed and throbbed while he emptied himself deep inside me. I’d had a strange thought at the time, that I wanted him to release all over me, instead, like wanting him to mark me. Then all the other men knew, they couldn’t compare. And to show they couldn’t use me like I was a worthless piece of shit, who they only fucked for their own pleasure. Not once had Luke made me feel that way.

  Every touch, smell, and sight from that night was clear as a bell. The man was a little younger, a little rougher, but still the same soul. He held me after we made love, making me feel safe, and most of all, wanted.

  My memories faded as his hand stroked up and down my arm. Tonight, the feeling was still the same. His soul reached out and took mine, wrapping around me, keeping me close. All my life, it was what I’d longed for. That one person who saw the real Zoe and adored her anyway.

  Luke

  “What are you thinking about, kitten? You seem miles away.” I wasn’t worried about what she was thinking about. She was relaxed against me, so I knew it was something good.

  “That night. What else do you remember, Luke? Can you tell me what you thought of me, honestly?” Her voice quivered slightly. She wanted to know, but was worried about what I would say. Little did she know, she had nothing to fear. That chance meeting all those years ago, was the most amazing night, up until tonight.

  My mind ran the movie reel of every touch, kiss, and moment we shared.

  “To be honest, it’s hard piecing together some of the feelings. For so long, I dreamt of a blonde-haired, dark-eyed girl. You on the other hand, are dark-haired with eyes that are even more beautiful than that night. It’s always on my mind, though.”

  Looking at her, I saw the same woman I imagined her to be. Her beauty was more than skin deep. I remembered taking things slow after we arrived at the hotel. My head told me she was worth savoring. My cock had other ideas, and so did she.

  Our attraction exploded hard and fast. She had me so worked up, I couldn’t hold back. We both fought for control but very quickly she enjoyed letting go. I wasn’t one to lay and cuddle for long. Normally, I was cleaned up and heading out the door, giving the woman time to get herself together. That night, I didn’t want to move. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and take her all in. We were both content to just lay there. I knew I wanted more. Rolling over and pulling her on top of me, she laid her head on my chest. She fit perfectly. My hands explored her body and caressed her arse. The more I touched, the louder her sighs and gasps. I wanted her again and she had something inside that craved control. Sitting her up with her legs straddling my waist, I looked into those gentle eyes.

  “Take me, take what you need.”

  Her smile lit up her face like I had given her the greatest gift. In return, she gave me herself. All of her. It was the most sensual sex I’d ever experienced. It was full of emotion for both of us. Not a word was spoken, rather it felt like we both opened a door to let each other explore.

  What started as a one-night stand that should have been hard and fast, turned into a night full of tender lovemaking. Finally, we both dozed off in the early hours of the morning. Spooning each other, I remembered hearing her soft breathing as she drifted off, her naked body glowing in the moonlight.

  On her lower back just above her bottom was a small tattoo, my fingers tracing the outline, and wondered what it meant. There was a story to the picture, that I could guarantee. It was soft, delicate and very feminine. It was a small girl looking down into her hands which held a red heart. The heart was cracked in the center but out of it grew a small yellow daffodil facing up towards the sun. No matter what was behind the story, you could tell there was heartache. When morning came, I hoped she might tell me her name and perhaps share her story of the tattoo.

  The warm sun on my face woke me in the morning, only to realize I was on my own. There was not a trace of her left behind. My heart sank. There would be no name, no story, and no future.

  “Luke.” Zoe’s sweet voice jolted me from my memories and back to the warm feeling of her in my arms.

  “Sorry, kitten. I was lost in my memory of that night. Like you, I remember every detail.” I shifted Zoe so she straddled my lap. I wanted to see her face.

  “You want to know what I thought of you back then? Oh, sweetheart, that’s easy. Besides the mind fuck you’ve given me with the hair and eyes, the rest is simple. You stunned me. I wasn’t prepared for what you made me feel in that hotel room. We connected, it felt amazing. You touched my soul. No one else had ever done that. It was like it had found its soulmate and held on tight. I won’t lie, I was pissed when I woke, and you were gone. I wanted more and had so many questions I wanted to ask. At least this time I know your name.” I reached up and touched the end of her nose softly.

  “No one I’ve ever slept with ever knew my name, until tonight.”

  My body went rigid. I hated hearing her talk about other men. I knew it happened, and I’d slept with plenty of women myself, but my inner possessive soul didn’t need reminding.

  “Zoe, you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to.” She tensed slightly in my lap unsure what I was going to say. “When was the last time you slept with anyone?” Her eyes fell to my lap. My cock got the wrong idea and started to stir. Trying my best to settle him, it proved quite a task. “It’s okay. I shouldn’t ask you that.”

  Her voice was a mere whisper. “With you.”

  I wasn’t sure I’d heard right. “Pardon?”

  She looked through her long lashes. “That night in the hotel with you was the last time I had sex.” My heart started banging hard. I had her. She knew even back then that she was meant for me.

  “Fuck, Zoe. Do you understand how that makes me feel? I want to beat my chest like a caveman.” She slapped me playfully on the chest.

  “You have such an ego. Maybe it had nothing to do with you, did you think of that? Maybe you gave me some sex disease that took me forever to get over.” Her face was trying to remain serious, struggling to hold in her laughter.

  “Watch it, kitten, or you will pay for a comment like that. We both know it was my big dick. Once you had the best you can never settle for the rest.”

  “Oh. My. God, Luke. You’re a nut job!”

  That was it. I rolled and pinned her to the mattress, searching for that tickle spot that was so touchy I could make her pee her pants.

  “Luke, stop, Luke please… I… can’t… breath… pee… soon.”

  “I stop when you admit I have the best cock in the world. Come on. Admit it.” She squirmed, laughter filling my bedroom. The sweetest sound ever.

  “Ok, ok. Best cock ever. Now stop…” Her body grew limp, trying to catch her breath in be
tween giggles. Man, it felt so good to see her smiling. But my mind had one last question before we could move on.

  “Now we have established I’m the king of the world, I do have a question that has stayed with me from that night. Can I ask you? If it’s too personal, just say so.” I paused while she got herself under control.

  “That night. I spent a long time after you fell asleep running my fingers over your tattoo. I memorized every single inch of it. That’s how I knew just now it was you. I’ve been looking for the girl with the tattoo ever since. Can you tell me what it means to you?” I had my suspicions, but I wanted Zoe to tell me her secrets, both good and bad. I wanted them all.

  20

  Zoe

  MY TATTOO WAS EXTREMELY PERSONAL TO ME. No one had ever asked about it. I didn’t think anyone ever noticed or cared enough to ask, just like no one ever asked about me. Now I found out Luke touched and caressed it all those years ago.

  “Like I said before, my life growing up wasn’t like yours. It was traumatic and wrong on so many levels. I fought so hard to break free from my family. Once I found a job and place to live, the first thing I saved up for was my tattoo. It was my rebellion against them. They couldn’t stop me. I had control over the decision. They may have marked me but I got to mark myself with something I was proud of. I thought long and hard about the picture and designed it myself. As you have probably guessed, the little girl is me. My heart was broken into pieces for a very long time, but I never gave up. I carried that broken heart with me everywhere I went. This was the start of my new beginning. I chose to plant a daffodil in my broken heart. I wanted to feed it with the broken pieces, so it could grow roots to hold it all together. The daffodil is the sign of rebirth and new beginnings. Also, hope. I wanted all these things for myself. I’m the only one who could make that happen. So, that’s there to remind me that if I look behind, the only place I want to see back there is a new beginning. Everything further than that, no longer exists.” I was so wrapped in telling Luke, I didn’t realize a couple of tears had escaped down my cheeks. Luke looked at me in admiration.