Going Rogue (Ribbons and Rogues Book 1)

by Jefferson, Jessica

“Because I like her—quite a bit, actually. She needs a group like them, and they need her. They’d benefit from what she can bring.”

  “And what is that?”

  “A breath of fresh air. Priorities. Purpose. They won’t want her to be, but I’ll do everything I can to make sure she gets in.”

  He cocked his brow. “And how did you become a Ribbon yourself?”

  “You’re not interested in all this,” she said sheepishly, aware of how silly it must sound to him. He was a man of the world, and here she was, trying to explain to him the ins and outs of membership with her inconsequential band of spoiled women.

  He leaned back in his chair. “I’m actually quite fascinated.”

  She cast him a sideways glance before proceeding. “Aunt Cynthia first introduced me to the group. She thought I would be an asset. They’d been experiencing some internal issues and weren’t nearly as popular as they once were. Membership wasn’t as exclusive, and there just wasn’t anything special to set it apart from other clubs of its nature. I introduced some new ideas, and of course, Aunt Cynthia had a few as well.”

  “Is your aunt a member?”

  “Was. She founded the group originally. But she also created the rule that one couldn’t maintain their membership after marriage, so she had to bow out. There were things she wanted done, actions that needed to be taken . . . but she could no longer help. But I could.”

  “So, you were like the princess regent?”

  She chuckled lightly. “I suppose you can say that.”

  Meredith could feel his warm gaze on her. She looked up and saw him staring—light from the flames throwing shadows over him, emphasizing the angles of his form. The sharp lines of his square jaw were covered with a faint hint of stubble and his coppery waves were mussed and slick from the rain. Just the sight of him caused her pulse to jump erratically.

  “So your aunt got you the membership?”

  She shook her head. “I still had to go through the usual activities, like everyone else. Just because you’re related to a former Ribbon, doesn’t guarantee you entry.”

  “What sorts of activities?”

  “I’m not at liberty to discuss such things. It wouldn’t be right for me to disclose all our secrets to you, Lord Sutherland.”

  He frowned. “Please call me Derek.”

  Her heart was pounding now, so much so she thought it could very well hammer its way right out of her chest.

  “Derek,” she repeated his name, savoring the way it sounded coming from her lips.

  “You seem to be rather well-liked.”

  “I suppose you can say that.”

  “I always knew you’d do well here. Do you remember how scared you were when you first learned you were leaving Middlebury?”

  She remembered all too well. For months after her arrival, she’d hardly eaten anything and spent most of her time shut up in her room. Eventually, she’d found her way and learned that it was much easier to divert herself with frivolity than sit about and mope around all day.

  “It was quite different at first, but then I learned to enjoy it. There’re so many more ways one can pass the time in London.”

  “Plenty of distraction?” he asked.

  She nodded. “Too much. It’s far too easy to become wrapped up in it all.”

  “And did you become too wrapped up?”

  She noticed that his shirt and waistcoat were partially open, exposing a smattering of dark hair across his chest.

  She tried to speak past the sudden dryness in her mouth. “I did. It’s never been about being the center of attention for me like it is for the other Ribbons. I just enjoy having a good time and the distraction it provides. I enjoyed it so much that I may have neglected some of my more important obligations. But it’s easier that way, being distracted. You see, I don’t like to worry and I’d rather dance through the night than have to deal with anything of a more serious nature. Unfortunately, people expect you to settle down at some point. I just never have.”

  “Some men drown their worries in alcohol.”

  “I drown mine in parties.” She shrugged.

  “So, you spend much of your time doing . . .”

  “Nothing of any importance,” she answered ruefully.

  “Is that why you no longer ride or play music? You seem to have given up most of what you loved when you were younger.”

  She’d given up him. “Was I too busy, you mean?”

  He nodded.

  Suddenly, she felt much like an open book. He’d succeeded in finding the chapters of her life she’d closed off to the world in an effort to censor the public’s view of her. “It’s complicated.”

  “Most things are,” he replied smartly.

  She swallowed. “When I arrived in London, it was made very clear what I needed to do. In order to accomplish all that was expected of me, I had to adapt rather quickly. There was so much change, in such a short amount of time—I suppose I wanted to somehow preserve those parts of me.”

  “Your past?”

  “Believe me when I say it was absolutely necessary.” It wasn’t just an excuse, it was an apology.

  She felt her throat constrict. She couldn’t do this now, maybe never. Rehashing the past would only remind her why she chose her family’s happiness over her own.

  “You’re shaking,” he said.

  “I’m cold.”

  He stood, then joined her on the bed. The bed shifted under his weight, causing her to lean toward him. He put his arms around her, enveloping her to his chest.

  “Oh, Mere,” he whispered into her hair.

  One breathy whisper was all it took to destroy the walls she’d built around her. She didn’t know what had changed in him, nor did she care. All she knew was that the person holding her was Derek, the boy she loved and the man she desired. He removed the pins from her hair, loosening the bun at her nape until the strands tumbled down her back.

  “I hate when you wear your hair up,” he said, stroking her back.

  She didn’t answer, she just sat with her face buried in his chest, inhaling his scent—rain fresh on his skin. Her heart swelled; the feeling so intense it felt as if her chest would burst from the emotion at any moment.

  She knew it was love. There was no mistaking it now, and she was certain that he felt it, too. The emotion was palpable, igniting a fire between them that couldn’t be satisfied by a simple embrace.

  He kissed her then. His lips plummeted hers, seizing her mouth. She pulled at his shirt, trying to free it from his breeches as he started unbuttoning her gown. His hands were all over her now, unfastening her gown with frantic urgency. She felt him peel away the wet layers of clothing from her skin, until she was left wearing only her chemise.

  He pulled himself away and looked at her. She felt self-conscious, the wet muslin hugging against her body, knowing how exposed the transparent garment left her. But she didn’t make any effort to cover herself, the heat in his gaze rendering her immobile. She watched as he stood and removed his waistcoat, so slowly that she thought she’d die from anticipation. He tossed it back on the chair, then pulled his shirt over his head.

  Her breath caught at seeing him without a shirt for the first time. A light smattering of hair covered his chest, which led to a trail of soft hair down the center of his torso—a path that would undoubtedly lead to her corruption. He was all hard muscle and sinew, superbly sculpted from a life of physical labor. Unable to stop herself, she reached out to touch the lowest region of his stomach, the smooth skin a stark contrast against the hard planes.

  He shut his eyes at her touch, quickly reaching out to capture her wrist. After a moment, he reopened them, his blue eyes made stormy from desire. He leaned down into her, pushing her against the bed, the delicious weight of him co
vering her completely.

  They resumed kissing, their tongues tangling together. The palms of his hand roamed over the generous swelling of her breasts, kneading the soft flesh. His fingers found the tight bud and rolled her muslin-covered nipple, teasing it into a hard peak.

  His knee nudged her thighs apart. She could feel her core growing warm and wet. She wanted more of him. Soon she was rocking against him, the friction of his breeches against her sending surges of heat down her thighs and throughout her belly.

  He was everywhere now, his lips leaving a trail of heat as he worked his way down the column of her neck. He continued on, using his hands and lips in unison, exploring every inch of her flesh. She was grasping at his back, desperately clinging to him, afraid to let go.

  He was between her thighs now, his hard length pressing against her, as he sucked and licked at her nipples. The sensation of his warm tongue over the thin fabric sent ripples of pleasure washing over her.

  Just when she thought she couldn’t take any more, he moved further down her body, lifting the hem of her chemise at the same time. His nose nuzzled the curls at the apex of her thighs, his mouth moving lower, his warm breath warming her slick center.

  She clenched her eyes shut, uncertain of what to expect.

  Then he parted her thighs, revealing her most intimate parts. His fingers ran feather-light touches down the sensitive skin, then settled at her center, traveling over her, exploring freely.

  She opened her eyes, unable to resist the urge to watch him. His blue gaze burned into hers, and he smiled roguishly before bending his head down and taking her into his mouth. Her head fell back against the pillow, the world ceasing to exist.

  She heard herself moaning as his tongue danced over her. He held her hips firmly to him as she writhed and twisted under him. He was alternating the speed in which he licked, the pressure, learning what she liked, what she didn’t.

  He inserted first one finger and she cried out. The pressure inside her belly was building, pushing her closer to that edge.

  “Do you like this?” He teased in between darting licks. “Or shall I stop?”

  “No!” she yelled out. That had been enough. The wicked nature of his words sent her spiraling down, her body thrusting against his hand.

  “Meredith,” he said, making his way back up to her mouth, kissing her again. She could still taste the slight musk of her on his lips. “I’ve wanted to touch you for so long . . .”

  His words sent shivers down her spine. “Was there anything else you wanted?” she whispered. She swept her hand down his body, her fingertips brushing the top of his breeches.

  He chuckled, his voice husky. “You have no idea.”

  “Then show me,” she said, nipping at his bottom lip.

  She cupped him in her hand. She had no idea what had come over her, but she was overcome with the desire to give him the same pleasure he’d given her. She wanted to feel him, to taste the salty sweat off his chest, to weave a trail of kisses down the ripples of his abdomen, and then finally to take him in the way he’d taken her.

  Everything they’d shared up to this point left her wanting only one thing. For him to be inside her.

  He carefully rolled off her, removing her hand and cradling it close to his chest. “Not today.”

  “No?” She was immediately all too aware of her wanton behavior.

  “Not that I don’t want to,” he added, his voice strangled. “Surely, you must know that I’ve wanted you forever.”

  She found the notion difficult to believe. “You wanted me like this? Even then?”

  He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. “Did I ever! Do you remember when we used to go swimming?”

  “In your pond? Of course I do. I loved our summers spent in the water.”

  “Well, I remember once when I was ten and six, I stripped down to nothing and jumped into the water, not thinking anything of it. You hid behind the bushes to remove your gown, and I’d promised—solemnly swore—not to look.”

  “You didn’t!” She sat up, leaning against the wall. “You mean you peeked?”

  “I did. And I’ll probably go to hell for it, but I swear it was worth it. You came out of those bushes and I covered my eyes with both hands. But I could still see through the cracks in my fingers. You were the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen. Your hair was hanging down your back and you were completely naked. I’d never seen the female form in all its glory before.”

  “You were so lovely, your body—firm in some places, softer in others. Even then, the very sight of your breasts was enough to send me into a frenzy. All I could think about was having your arms and legs wrapped around me. For years it remained my singular fantasy, seeing you enter the water. You were my golden goddess, swimming in that blasted pond.”

  She felt the heat rise in her cheeks, embarrassed by his candid confession. She folded her arms across her chest, abruptly aware of just how intimate their positions on the bed were. She’d never felt more vulnerable, sprawled out on the bed next to him. And yet, nothing had ever felt more natural.

  “Don’t do that.” He propped himself up on one elbow and pulled her arms away. “You have no reason to cover yourself. I just told you that you were the most beautiful creature in the world. Really, it’s a shame you wear clothes at all.”

  She smiled. “Am I to presume that you’re the expert? Having seen so many women naked before.”

  He chuckled. “I didn’t mean it that way, but yes, I’ve had my fair share of lovers. I won’t lie to you. I’ve learned a lot in the last five years.”

  “You were a virgin before then?”

  “I was,” he confessed. “I thought I was saving myself for my wife.”

  They both grew very quiet. That horrific day was still sitting between them, like a giant wall they kept coming up against. She’d fooled herself into thinking they could get passed it completely.

  “Why aren’t you married?” he asked.

  She sighed, surprised it had taken him this long to ask. The question had been inevitable. Meredith swung her legs to the floor, purposely positioning her back to him. She felt him come up behind her, straddling her in between his powerful thighs, his chin resting on her shoulder. His bare chest was warm against her back, and for some reason that simple act of sitting so closely felt more intimate than the passion they’d just shared.

  “I told you already, Derek. It was far easier to remain distracted than having to think about serious things like marriage. I did everything I could not to think about that.”

  He kissed her cheek and her body hummed from the sweetness of it.

  With a groan, he removed himself from the bed, grabbing his shirt. “I regret doing this, but I think the storm is moving on. It won’t be long before your friends are upon us.” He picked up her stays and gown from the floor and handed them to her.

  She nodded. “I suppose being found with you half-naked would have a detrimental impact on my reputation.”

  “Your secret’s safe with me.” He looked around the room and spotted a pail. “I’m going to find some water to put out this fire.”

  Before she could say anything, he’d already left the cottage.

  Meredith plopped down on the bed, her head reeling over the day’s events. Had he chosen to, he could have easily had whatever he wanted from her. She’d let her guard down and allowed him back into her life, but the question still remained if he’d finally allowed her back into his.

  “I found some water,” Derek announced as he walked back inside the cottage. “I also heard the sound of horses approaching, so I think help is only moments away.”

  He doused the fire, then threw the pail in the corner.

  There were so many things she wanted to talk about, so many questions she had for him. But with help on t
he way, there’d be no time.

  “We need to talk,” he said, as if he’d read her mind. “Not now, but perhaps later this afternoon?”

  She stood and turned her back to him, silently requesting assistance buttoning her gown. “At the bench? The one by the fountain . . . I could meet you there.”

  He started fastening her dress, each brush of his fingertips against her skin sending shivers through her body. “I know the one.” He’d finished with her, and was busy making himself ready.

  She stared at the embers. Their fire had been extinguished, and there was little hope of it ever being rekindled. Would it be the same for them?