Guardian (The Guardian Series Book 1)

by A. J. Messenger

  My mom is eating a salad as she and Julie chat. I notice a clock on the wall behind their table but I’m having a hard time making sense of what I’m seeing. It’s only 11:00am—the same time I entered Nusquam. Or maybe it’s 11:00pm? No. That can’t be. Light is streaming in the restaurant windows from outside. I consider that maybe it’s Monday already, but my mom has on the same clothes she wore to travel in that morning. Perhaps the clock is broken. Or maybe it’s been more than a few days? No, there’s no way my mom would be sitting there calmly laughing if she knew I was missing.

  I lost track of time, to be sure, but under my most conservative estimates, I’ve been trapped in Nusquam at least a day. Does time move differently here? With minutes in the world at large passing as infinite time on my end? The window closes before I can wrap my head around it. Seeing my mom for those few moments has restored a part of me that was gone and now I crave more.

  I want to view Alexander.

  I know he can’t help me, but I just want to look into his eyes again and see his smile.

  I close my eyes and direct attention to my breathing, becoming centered. I concentrate on the peaceful calm I feel whenever I’m with Alexander. I picture his face and the way he looks at me with those green eyes of his—and the way it makes my heart flip and my stomach clench. I focus on letting all the love that I feel for him flow through me. I’m flooded with memories of the two of us watching the sun rise together, flying over the ocean blissfully connected, and staring into each other’s eyes as the force of our attraction causes the air to smolder between us.

  All the questions Avestan raised mean nothing to me now. I don’t care who Alenna is or if Alexander ever truly loved me. I only know I love him on an elemental level and that’s enough. I swipe my hand and to my utter astonishment it works.

  Alexander and Edwin are sitting at their kitchen table looking deadly serious. And they’re discussing me.

  “There has to be a way around it, Edwin,” Alexander says, “I’ve never felt this way—in any lifetime. It can’t be all for naught.”

  “Alexander, it’s over. What you were doing was unsustainable. We need everyone at full strength right now, as you’ve seen the last few days,” Edwin states grimly. “It’s better this way—trust me. It sounds like Declan made it clear it was over between you two anyway, so you have no choice.”

  “That’s what I don’t understand. Out of nowhere she tells me she doesn’t love me anymore? It doesn’t make sense,” Alexander answers, heartache permeating every word.

  “But you can’t be together. That’s the bottom line, Alexander, and you have to accept it. Guardians can’t be distracted by earthly attractions. It compromises our mission and our ability to protect. Not to mention the more permanent ramifications if you gave into your impulses. There’s no point in going over this again. Nothing is going to change the facts.”

  “I just want to be around her.”

  Edwin presses his fingers to his forehead in exasperation.

  “And how did she find out about Alenna?” Alexander asks. “If you didn’t tell her, there’s only one person who could have. And I can only imagine what he said.”

  “I don’t know, Alexander. But it doesn’t make a difference,” Edwin says, anger rising in his voice. “You can’t be with her, so what does it matter if she knows about Alenna? Declan is the problem! Alenna is part of the solution.”

  “You’ve been watching her, haven’t you? Has Avestan been around her? Where is she now?”

  “Yes, of course we’ve been watching her. Alenna saw her arrive at the Bing’s house. She’s babysitting now,” Edwin answers.

  “No! That’s wrong,” I want to cry out, “I’m here. Trapped in this dead, wasted landscape.” But I know it’s useless. They can’t see or hear me. I wouldn’t want Alexander to put himself in danger by getting close to me again anyway. Edwin said it loud and clear—I’m the problem. And Alenna, apparently, is the solution. Edwin’s words shredded my heart but I can’t possibly add thoughts of Alenna to the despair I’m already drowning in. Alexander told me the night of the dance that I couldn’t be saved if I came here willingly. There’s no sanity in letting even a whisper of hope into my heart. I’m never getting out.

  I swipe the portal closed, exhausted. At least another day, maybe more must have passed. There’s no sunrise or sunset—nothing to gauge the passing of time. It’s just endless gray for eternity. I close my eyes for the relief of sleep.

  I continue in this manner—barely existing—for what feels like days, or weeks. I wake up and open a portal to see Alexander. He’s always in the kitchen, always frustrating Edwin by not letting the subject of me drop. It’s difficult to grasp, but only seconds or minutes have passed on their end since the last time I viewed. I know I’m violating their privacy by eavesdropping but the portal is the only thing that gives me a window—a small crack, but it’s something—to peer out of my despair.

  The next time I open the portal, desperate for contact, the conversation between Alexander and Edwin has shifted.

  “Something has changed,” says Alexander, “I feel it.”

  “We need to gather the other guardians and act now,” says Edwin, his voice grave. “There’s no more time for you to build your strength.”

  As I listen, my love for Alexander floods through me. I put him in danger, first by loving him, and now by walking into this hopeless realm, willingly, and allowing Avestan to take my soul. If the balance is shifting, everyone may be in danger. And I’m responsible. Avestan’s last words were about destroying Alexander. If there’s going to be a showdown, Alexander has been set up to lose before it even starts. And it’s my fault.

  The realization of all the suffering I may have unleashed is overwhelming. If Alexander gets hurt—or worse—I won’t be able to bear it. A sob explodes from my throat and the depth of my despair joins with my love for Alexander and pours out of me. “No,” I cry into my hands, “No.”

  Inexplicably, Alexander turns his head, startled, as if he heard me. A look of horrified recognition plays over his face for an instant as his eyes connect with mine, staring back at him in anguish.

  As I stand there, speechless and frozen, the portal closes.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Frantically, I try time after time to reopen the window. Did Alexander truly see me? Hear me? I swipe madly to no avail. I’m in a frenzy of thought. I worry I have no reserves left to open that bridge to the outside world ever again.

  I know I need to calm myself or it will be hopeless. I take a deep breath and focus on my breathing, trying to remember everything Alexander taught me. I concentrate on the small ball of white light I re-situated in my core. I focus on feeling its pinprick of warmth, trying to imagine it taking hold and multiplying. I immerse myself in the memory of my dream and the exquisite joy I felt, kissing Alexander for the first time. Holding that vision clear in my mind, I swipe my hand again and to my astounding surprise, it works.

  To my greater astonishment, Alexander is staring directly out at me. “Declan?” he says, panic in his voice. “Are you okay? Can you hear me?”

  I’m stunned. “Yes. You can hear me? And see me?”

  “Yes, and yes.” He lets out a resounding sigh of relief. “Where are you?”

  “Avestan said it’s called Nusquam. It’s gray and cold. And silent.”

  The look on Alexander’s face is sobering. He peers over his shoulder at Edwin in the background and I can see that Edwin is stricken by my words as well.

  There’s a long pause and then Alexander asks softly, “How did you get there?”

  “I came with Avestan.”

  “I don’t understand. Why would you do that, Declan?”

  “He took Charlie. He brought him here first and said I had to come or he would kill him. It was the only way. I had no choice.” My words tumble over one another as I try to explain.

  “Why didn’t you call me for help?” he asks, his words steeped in anguish.

 
“Avestan said I couldn’t tell anyone or I would never see Charlie again. I had to go alone.”

  Alexander is silent.

  “I had to,” I plead. “And it worked. He let Charlie go. It was the only way.”

  Alexander turns to Edwin. “How could Alenna have missed this? Tell her to go now and make sure Charlie Bing is home safe,” he says abruptly. Edwin pulls out his phone and makes a call. When Alexander turns back to me he lets out a long, slow sigh. “How did you manage to open this portal?”

  “I made Avestan prove to me that Charlie was okay. He opened a portal and I watched how he did it. After he left I tried it myself.”

  “So he hasn’t taken your energy yet?” His voice is filled with hope.

  “No, he did. But I managed to tear off a small piece and hide it from him—at least that was what I imagined, and I think it worked. I focused on that little bit of energy after he left and I used it to locate you.”

  “How long have you been there?”

  “I’m not sure. Since Sunday. Time passes differently here.”

  The sadness in my voice fills Alexander’s eyes with pain and determination. “I’m coming for you,” he says, his mouth set in a firm line.

  “You can’t. Don’t say that. You told me once that guardians are forbidden to come here. And I know what happens when you’re around me. You need your strength.”

  At my words Alexander turns to stare at Edwin—with surprise at first, and then with knowing disapproval and anger, as if his suspicions have been confirmed. Edwin stares back defiantly.

  I ignore the tension between them and continue to press my case. “You told me the night of the dance that if I came here willingly with Avestan it was a place even you couldn’t save me from. Whatever Avestan took from me, it made him more powerful than before. You and Edwin need all your strength to defend against him. You can’t risk trying to save me,” I plead. “I made my choice and I can live with it.”

  Alexander stares into my eyes. “Well I don’t have to make that choice.” He pauses and his demeanor softens. “Declan, you must know there is nothing you could ever say that would stop me from coming for you.” His voice is husky with emotion.

  My heart is touched and broken at the same time. We gaze into each other’s eyes and sadness overwhelms me. I can’t let him come.

  “No,” I whisper softly. And as he starts to protest I slowly slide the portal closed for good.

  Chapter Twenty

  Days pass and I chastise myself, wallowing in the wretchedness I’m slowly disappearing into. I should never have opened the portal to Alexander. My selfish desire for connection exposed him to danger again, distracting him at a time when he needs his strength the most. I alternate between worrying that my actions may have harmed him and despairing that I’m trapped, surrounded by endless gray, endless quiet, and crushing hopelessness.

  “Declan.” Alexander’s voice awakens me. I’m lying on the cold sand, curled up in a ball in a never-ending attempt to get warm. “Declan!” I hear again. Maybe it’s not a dream. I turn and am startled to see that Alexander has somehow opened a large portal and is standing in his kitchen, looking at me, calling out my name. I slowly stand and stare back. Is this really happening?

  “Alexander, don’t come,” I say despondently.

  “Declan, you have to trust me.” I can tell by the look on his face that he’s alarmed by my appearance. “Take my hand,” he commands, and I think I must be dreaming again because his hand reaches through the portal into my realm. His forearm and hand are now colorless, beginning where his arm crosses over the threshold. But the rest of him is still in color, vivid, in his world. Can it be that simple? Can he just pull me out?

  I reach my hand up to meet his, tentatively. I’m distrustful that any of this is real until I feel his warm flesh touch mine. When our hands clasp, I sob in relief. It isn’t a dream. However, instead of pulling me out, he uses my willing hand as an opening to enter into my realm. At that moment, I hear Edwin cry out “No!” but it’s too late. The portal closes. Alexander has crossed over and the toll it has taken on him is distressingly clear. He’s bent over, hands on his knees, grimacing fiercely. He slowly drops to the ground, doing his best to hide what must be excruciating pain from the looks of him. “Well that was easier than expected,” he grunts out with heavy sarcasm.

  “Alexander!” I wrap my arms around him, tears streaming down my face. “Why?” I implore. “I thought you were going to pull me out. If I’d known you were going to come here, I would never have taken your hand!”

  “That’s why.” His answers are short as he struggles to catch his breath. “It had to be like this. It’s the only way.”

  I hug him tightly, breathing in his familiar scent like pure oxygen. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

  “None of that matters,” he replies, hurriedly. “You have to go now.”

  “What?”

  “I hold far greater power than you—it’s more than a fair trade for Avestan.”

  “You expect me to leave without you?” My voice is incredulous.

  “Declan, don’t argue with me. There isn’t time and this is the only way to free you from this place.”

  “Never. I would never leave you here. How could you even think I would? You shouldn’t have come, Alexander. You’re the one who needs to go back. Not me.”

  “Actually, neither one of you is leaving,” says a familiar voice from behind us. We turn to see Avestan standing with his arms crossed smugly, staring at us both.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “Let her go,” demands Alexander, “You don’t need her if I’m here. This is between you and me. It has nothing to do with Declan.”

  “It has to do with you both. I had no idea how in love you were, Alexander. It couldn’t have worked out better if I’d planned it myself.”

  “Let him go!” I shout, “I’m the one who came here with you willingly. Alexander had nothing to do with it.”

  “You’re both so lovesick you walked into this trap with eyes and arms wide open. And all for nothing—love between a mortal and guardian can never be. It’s been great fun watching you suffer while you tried to resist though,” he says with a laugh. “Now you can both languish endlessly. Or maybe I’ll separate you. Which would be worse, Alexander: watching Declan in pain, or not being able to see her and imagining the pain she’s in?”

  Alexander flies at Avestan before I even see him move. A white hot ball of fury explodes around his fist as he lands a sickeningly loud right hook. Avestan’s head snaps to the side at an unnatural angle and his jaw shatters at the impact.

  He immediately retaliates by raising his hands and releasing a cannonball of energy that detonates on Alexander’s chest, blowing him off his feet and smashing him into one of the support beams of the pier and splitting it open.

  Alexander is up in an instant, rushing at Avestan again with murderous intent and nearly taking his head off with a powerful uppercut. He follows with a blindingly fast left cross that lands with a deafening crack. White light bursts from his fists at every contact.

  As I watch in horror, I see Alexander using his fists, while Avestan has only to throw deadly charges from a distance. It’s obvious Alexander is weaker. Yet he came through the portal anyway, against all reason, to save me. And he’s fighting a losing battle in front of my eyes. Avestan is glowing—the blows Alexander delivers have little effect. Deadly power shimmers all around him as he emits another round that connects squarely with Alexander’s chest. Alexander is thrown against the pier again like a rag doll. This time he lays there, unmoving, for a long beat before slowly rising, readying himself to attack again. My heart is in my throat.

  “Stop!” I shout, “Avestan, you have me here, trapped for eternity. That was the deal. There’s no reason to do this to Alexander.”

  “I can think of several reasons,” Avestan replies slowly.

  “But he’s weak! And coming here made it worse! This isn’t a fair fight and you know it
. Let him go back,” I cry plaintively.

  “Guardians are forbidden here. He knew the consequences. Besides, this is between the two of us now,” he replies coldly.

  “Why?” I plead. “Why are you doing this?”

  “Has he told you how he treated me when we were young? Always showing me up? Lording his perfection over me as if he was better? How our parents always favored him?”

  Parents?

  “You know that’s not true, Avestan. We were close and I only ever tried to help you. You’ve been listening to dark lies for so long now you’ve forgotten what’s real,” protests Alexander.

  “Of course—Alexander the perfect—the big brother who was only trying to help. Were you helping when you stole Alenna from me?”

  My mind is reeling as I listen.

  “She had no idea how you felt! No one did. If you’d said a word—one word.... You know that’s true. If I’d known you were in love with her nothing would have happened.”

  “She was looking for me, but of course when she met my brother—Alexander the perfect—her attention shifted. You always had to turn on the charm, didn’t you,” Avestan chokes out in disgust.

  “She might have loved you, you know. The way you behaved is what turned her away. Your resentment was poison and none of us knew why. You fed on twisted lies from dark forces and they changed you. I forgive what you did that day. It wasn’t you. But you’ve been marinating in bitterness so long that you can’t see the truth anymore. Is any part of the little brother I knew still in there?” The pain and frustration in Alexander’s voice is palpable.

  “You forgive me? You forgive me? Well, here’s a headline for you: I don’t forgive you. I’m not the only one with blood on my hands, Alexander. And the only twisted lies are the ones coming from your self-serving mouth.” The hatred in Avestan’s reply slices like a razor. “When I followed you that day to the lake—the happy couple—it wasn’t lies that made me kill you both, it was betrayal. Your betrayal. Of your own brother. You bested me at everything my whole life and when I finally found something of my own, you took that away, too. You couldn’t even let me have Alenna. If you hadn’t wasted your last moments trying to be a hero, I might have lived that day. And yet even in death, you became a guardian—more powerful, you tell me, than the choice I made. You never stopped beating me. And now I see that you betrayed me for nothing. You don’t even care for Alenna. You tossed her aside for a mere mortal. You make me sick. But now, finally, I’m the one with the power. And I can take away the one you love. I’ve waited for this. When I’m finished you can tell me how it feels.”