Managed Hearts (Players of Marycliff University, #3)

by Jerica MacMillan

  He called a few times that first week after they broke up, but she sent it to voicemail and deleted the messages without listening to them. She had always been weak where he was concerned, and she knew that if she gave in at all that they’d be back where they started, at this impasse again. And this time she might give into him, and she didn’t know if she could live with herself if she did that.

  She did bump into him once at work in the break room. She’d been in there getting fresh coffee for herself and Sandra, when someone else walked in.

  “Hannah.” Matt’s voice caused her body to flush and a shiver to race up her spine. But she didn’t want him to know how much he affected her still. She forced herself to continue stirring sugar and creamer into her coffee before picking up both coffees and turning.

  She gave him a nod of acknowledgment. “Matt.” And then she walked out the door. She heard him call after her to wait, but she pretended not to. When she rounded the corner she had to stop and lean against the wall and take a few deep breaths to steady the shaking of her hands before she could keep going. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this, to catch her in this moment of weakness, least of all Matt, so she didn’t linger long. Forcing her spine straight and her head high, she walked back Sandra’s desk like nothing could touch her, dropping off her mentor’s coffee before returning to her own computer to keep working.

  Elena did her part to distract Hannah, taking her out to clubs and parties that she knew about. Anytime either one of them saw anyone from the football team, they stayed far away, careful to avoid any possibility of encountering Matt or one of his friends. It was fun, mostly. She enjoyed going out dancing with her friend, and sometimes a few of their other friends joined them. After a couple weeks of fending off douchebags that didn’t understand the word no, they made sure to bring along Elena’s debate partner and one or two of his friends. Even if they were babyfaced freshmen, they were male, and dancing close to one of them was enough to deter most of the unwanted attention.

  One Friday night in April, Hannah, Elena, and a few of their other friends were out at a club downtown when an arm snaked around Hannah’s waist like it had the right to be there and had done it a hundred times before. Annoyed, Hannah turned, ready to yell at some guy for getting too handsy without permission.

  “Daniel!” Her annoyance gave way to surprise at seeing her modeling partner for Megan’s paintings. “Hey! How are you?”

  He smiled down at her. “Hey.” She could feel his voice rumbling in his chest where she was still pressed against him, his arm still tight around her waist. He glanced around over her head then back down at her, leaning in close to be heard over the music and the crowd around them. “I saw you earlier and kept waiting for Matt to join you. Is he here?”

  She pressed her lips together and shook her head.

  “Are you guys not ...?” He let the question trail off, lifting his eyebrows.

  She shook her head again. “We broke up a few weeks ago.”

  His brows inched up just a little more before his smile spread even wider. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that.”

  Hannah laughed. “Are you really?”

  He tugged her tight against him, moving with her to the music. One shoulder lifted in a lazy shrug. “Sorry for him.”

  Conversation was difficult on the dance floor, so they didn’t try to talk anymore, just danced. Hannah enjoyed herself more than she had in weeks. Daniel knew how to dance, and they moved together perfectly, allowing her to lose herself in the music, in this moment, her thoughts not taken up with worries about school or work or memories of Matt and how much she missed him. Matt didn’t even enter her thoughts once.

  After a few songs, she went up on tiptoes and shouted, “I’m thirsty!” into his ear.

  He nodded, threaded his fingers through hers, and led her off the dance floor to the bar. Leaning in close, she felt his breath brushing against her ear. “What do you want?”

  “Just water.”

  He nodded and pulled her behind him so that he could get drinks for both of them, water for her and beer for him. Once he’d paid, he pulled her off to the side, into a booth in the corner where it was easier to talk. When she went to sit on the opposite side, he tugged her in next to him, his thigh pressed to hers.

  She gulped down her water, aware of Daniel’s eyes on her as he sipped his beer. Warmth spread through her from his attention. Not the out-of-control desire that she’d always felt with Matt, but Daniel was obviously interested in her, and he was nice and hot. She’d always compared everything with what she and Matt had had together, trying to replicate that again. But what if the chemistry between two people couldn’t be replicated with anyone else? It didn’t mean what you had with someone else was better or worse. Just that it was different, right? If she had any hope of getting over Matt, she needed to stop comparing guys to him, stop trying to replicate their impossible chemistry.

  Daniel’s muscular thigh felt good against hers, his large hands warm and pleasant when he touched her. So what if she wasn’t swept away by him? That was mostly just raging lust, anyway. And she could certainly conjure enough lustful thoughts about Daniel, with his warm, brown eyes, his chiseled chest and broad shoulders, and the beautiful mahogany color of his skin. She let her eyes play over the way their skin contrasted where his arm rested on the table next to hers, and even in the low light, she got why Megan had paired them together. It was mesmerizingly beautiful.

  They chatted for a while about classes, how the semester was shaping up, and Megan’s upcoming show.

  “Are you going to the party at the gallery next weekend?”

  Hannah groaned and let her head drop between her arms on the table, remembering the phone call with Megan earlier in the week. “I know you and Matt broke up, and I’ve slapped him around for that, I promise, but you still have to be there. You’re a model in one of the best pieces. You already promised you’d come. You can’t back out.” Megan had overridden every protest Hannah had made. She’d grudgingly agreed to at least make an appearance. Megan had taken that as good enough.

  “Yeah. Megan made me promise to be there, so I guess I have to go.”

  Daniel chuckled, his white teeth flashing. “Yeah. She made me promise too. Wanna go together? I could pick you up, and we could make sure we have a good time. Especially since you sound like you don’t want to go.”

  She thought about it for a moment, studying his face, and let out a sigh. “It’s not that I don’t want to go. It’s just—“ She shrugged. “Sorry, you probably don’t want to hear this, but, I really don’t want to see Matt. And he’s her roommate, so I’d bet money he’ll be there. I—“ She paused and licked her lips. “It’s only been a few weeks, and I’m not ready to face him again yet. If ever.”

  Daniel wrapped an arm around her, squeezing her against his side. “All the more reason for us to go together. If you’re obviously there with someone else, he’ll keep his distance. I’ve never known Matt to go after someone else’s girl.”

  Hannah opened her mouth to suggest that Matt might not be ready to see her as someone else’s girl, but changed her mind. “Alright. I guess we can go together. If nothing else, I’ll have someone else to talk to besides Matt’s friends that way.”

  He stared down at her, his eyes roaming her face and lingering on her lips. But she looked away, breaking the moment. It felt wrong to let Daniel kiss her now after just talking about Matt. But the more she thought about it, the more it seemed like a good idea to go to Megan’s show with Daniel. And she hoped Daniel was right—that Matt would leave her alone if she showed up with another guy.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  The gallery space downtown was filling up with people. The walls showcased Megan’s paintings, the whole place dedicated just to her art. Matt felt a swell of pride for his friend. He knew how hard she’d worked to pursue her dream, both in terms of the time she spent painting, but also the split with her family over her decision to pursue art as a career.
There was more to it than that, he knew. More to do with her relationship with Chris, which was crazy to him. Sure, Chris had slept around before he and Megan got together, but he’d been loyal to her since they’d been together. Since before they’d finally given into their attraction to each other, actually. Seeing how happy they were together, Chris with his arms around Megan while she greeted friends, patrons, and potential buyers, Matt was glad that Chris hadn’t listened to his warnings.

  A twinge of jealousy sparked in his gut at the sight of them, the easy affection they had for each other. He’d had that. And he’d fucked it up. Hannah wouldn’t return his calls, wouldn’t look at him at work. The few times he’d seen her at the office, she’d looked away and avoided him except that one time. And then the only thing he’d gotten out of her was a nod and his name before she bolted. He wanted to tell her what he was planning, but he couldn’t if she wouldn’t talk to him. He’d decided that if he couldn’t get her to talk to him before he left Eco Utilities for good, that he’d barge into the marketing department on his last day and talk to her, even if he had to spill his guts in front of everyone.

  As though thoughts of her had conjured her into reality, he saw her walk through the door, wearing the same red dress she’d worn Valentine’s Day. And Daniel Carter right behind her, his hand casually dropping around Hannah’s waist and pulling her close.

  Matt’s hands tightened on the clear, plastic cup in his hand, causing it to crack, the little bit of liquid still in the bottom seeping out over his hand. He couldn’t tear his eyes away, frozen there, watching her smile up at him, laughing at something he said. They made their way over to Megan and Chris. Their eyes immediately sought him out when Hannah and Daniel approached. Megan broke first, turning her attention to them, gesturing toward one wall with a large painting on the wall, that he now realized must be the one Hannah and Daniel posed for.

  “Hey, man. Here are some napkins. Let me get rid of that for you.”

  He turned to find Lance standing at his side, pushing tiny cocktail napkins at the hand holding his splintered plastic cup. Lance took the cup, turning and taking a couple of steps to toss it into a trash can. Hands from his other side pressed napkins into his hand, dabbing at the cut on his palm from the sharp plastic.

  His dazed eyes looked down to see her push strawberry blonde hair behind her ear before holding his hand in both of hers, putting pressure on the cut. Abby. Lance stood next to him again, both of them watching Hannah and Daniel talking with Megan and Chris. Chris kept glancing up at him and Lance, and Megan made eye contact over Hannah’s shoulder when she leaned in for a hug, her face troubled.

  Had she known Hannah would come? Did she know that she’d come with Daniel? The way he kept touching her, it was obvious they were there together.

  Fuck.

  He knew he’d screwed everything up, but he hadn’t expected her to move on this fast. It had only been a few weeks. And she was dating someone else? Someone who’d already had his arms around her when they were both practically naked.

  Matt turned away, unable to stand looking at them anymore. Lance’s dark eyes were concerned, and Abby came around to stand next to him, the light flashing on the diamond on her hand. Once again, everyone around him was part of a happy couple, and he was the odd man out. Lance and Abby were fucking engaged, and the woman he loved was here with some other guy.

  Visions of the two of them together flashed through his head, all too easy to conjure from the easy way they were together, and having seen both of them in various states of undress. He found himself staring at the painting of the two of them, though from the way Megan had zeroed in on specific parts of the body, you couldn’t tell which paintings were who. There were no faces in any of them.

  The one of Hannah and Daniel appeared to be their lower torsos, hips, and thighs in profile, his larger, darker body wrapped protectively around hers, an arm around her waist.

  Fuck.

  Had she enjoyed that? Was that why it was so easy for her to move on after him? Daniel had clearly been interested in her at the time. Hell, he’d walked in on Daniel asking her out. She’d admitted to finding the guy attractive.

  He tore his eyes away from the painting, pushing his way toward the back, his chest heaving, afraid he might puke in the middle of everything. He needed to get away, get some air, get his head on straight, and get his emotions under control. The last thing he needed was for Hannah to see him this way. And he didn’t want to ruin Megan’s big night by making a scene. She’d probably cut his balls off, and Chris would beat the shit out of him for upsetting his girlfriend.

  Voices murmured behind him as he stood with his arms braced against a wall in a back corner. A hand touched his shoulder. He flinched at the unexpected contact, so wrapped up in his own head that he hadn’t realized anyone was approaching him. He turned to see Megan looking up at him, her brown eyes concerned.

  “I’m sorry, Matt. I wasn’t sure if she’d come or not.”

  “You invited her?” He rasped out the question, still fighting for control of himself.

  She nodded slowly. “Of course. I invited all the models. But I didn’t know she’d come with a date, much less Daniel. I’m sorry about that. I was as surprised by that as you were.”

  He grunted and looked up, finding Lance, Abby, and Chris in a semicircle behind Megan, blocking his view of the party. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he looked back at Megan. “I wish you would’ve warned me that she was coming. I don’t know how long I can stay, Megan.” I don’t know how long I can take seeing someone else touch Hannah without punching his face in.

  Megan’s eyes roamed over his face. “I understand. I’m going to talk a little about the paintings and thank all my models and everything. I’d appreciate it if you could stay until then, at least.”

  He nodded, taking another deep breath and straightening his spine. It was Megan’s big night, and she was one of his closest friends. He could put aside his own shit for another hour or so at least. “Alright. I’ll stay until after your speech. But I’ll probably bail pretty quick after. If I don’t get the chance to tell you later, your paintings are amazing. This is a great show. I hope you sell out.”

  She smiled, wrapping her arms around his waist in a hug, her head only coming up to the middle of his chest. She was shorter than Hannah, and it felt a little strange to have a girl in his arms who wasn’t Hannah, who didn’t fit so right. Of course, Megan wasn’t his, so it didn’t really matter.

  She pulled back and looked up into his face. “I know she came with someone else, but I think you should try to talk to her before you leave.”

  He started to shake his head and opened his mouth to tell her that Hannah obviously didn’t want to talk to him, but Megan kept going, not letting him speak.

  “You’ve been miserable since she left, and since I know she hasn’t returned any of your calls, she doesn’t know about your plans. She needs to know so she doesn’t regret her decision sometime down the road when it’s too late to change anything. Talk to her, Matt. Don’t leave tonight without taking advantage of the opportunity when fate drops it in your lap.”

  He pressed his lips together, not sure what to say. He wanted to talk to Hannah, that hadn’t changed in the weeks since she’d broken up with him and sent him away. But he didn’t know how Hannah would react. Or if he could keep it together in front of the crowd.

  Finally, he nodded. “If I get the chance, I’ll talk to her.”

  Megan smiled, her face brightening. “Okay, good. Now, I must get back to my adoring fans.”

  He couldn’t help chuckling a little along with her, his eyes following her as she took Chris’s hand and led him back out to the main part of the party to greet more people who had arrived while they had their little powwow in the back.

  Lance gripped his shoulder. “You alright, man?”

  No. But he nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine.” Or he would be eventually. “Thanks, man.”

  “Anytime.”
<
br />   The three of them moved back into the crowd. He went to the drinks table to get more punch, hoping that he didn’t crush this one. When he looked up, he scanned the crowd, needing to see where Hannah was, what she was doing, his eyes drawn to her like metal filings to a high-powered magnet.

  She stood in one corner of the gallery, Daniel next to her, not touching her for once, chatting with a few other people. As though she could feel his eyes on her, she turned, her gaze colliding with his. Even from across the room, he could see her green eyes widen and her face pale. She quickly turned away, her posture stiff.

  Well, fuck. If that was her reaction to simple eye contact, how was he going to get the chance to talk to her?

  * * *

  Hannah stiffened, her eyes going wide when she made eye contact with Matt. She quickly turned back to the group she was with, trying and failing to focus on the conversation flowing around her. She had no idea what they were talking about anymore.

  Daniel seemed to notice the sudden change in her posture, glancing down at her, his eyes curious. “You alright?”

  She shook her head, then nodded. “I’m—I’m fine.” God, it was ridiculous that just making eye contact with Matt across a crowded room reduced her to a stammering wreck. They weren’t together anymore. She’d ended it. He didn’t care as much about her as she did about him. It couldn’t work. She was moving on. That’s why she was here with Daniel, after all, but when he tried to wrap his arm around her waist again, she stepped away, unable to bear his touch. Not with Matt in the room. Not with the memories of her reactions to Matt playing through her like a film projector and her body the screen. The memories were visceral things. Each touch, each caress, each kiss played over her skin like a real, living thing, instead of the phantoms they were.

  Daniel looked surprised when she didn’t let him touch her, and she couldn’t blame him since she’d allowed it up until now. He glanced behind him over his shoulder, and when he looked back at her his face was grim. “You saw Matt.” It wasn’t a question.