The sight of his eyes filling with tears did her in. She turned away and sank to her knees. The anger she’d harbored for Kade melted away like a late spring snowstorm. He hadn’t known. They’d both been kids. He’d done the best he could with what he knew, and she’d somehow muddled through and came out the other side whole—but not undamaged.
Kade dropped down beside her and gathered her into his arms. “Maxie. I like that.” He rocked her slowly, rubbing her back and humming nonsense in her ear.
When she’d regained some control, she leaned back, placing her palm against the stubble on his cheek. She’d missed this closeness, the absolute knowledge this was where she belonged, the love she felt in her bones and her heart.
Pansy leaned forward and pressed her forehead to his. She tried to talk, to sound like an adult, but her voice came out a whisper. “Maxie would have loved you.”
Kade pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her, encasing her in his warmth. “What can I do to make this better?” He kissed her softly on the lips, sending a tidal wave of shivers down her spine.
The words came unbidden to her mind. She barely kept from blurting them out.
Don’t ride another bull!
It was the one thing she wanted from him, and the one thing she couldn’t ask. When the day came that Kade quit being a bull rider, he’d have to make that decision for himself.
She knew she could force it. With all the guilt he was feeling right now, Pansy didn’t have a doubt he’d do anything she asked. And he’d come to regret it.
Her smile was as close to happy as she could make it. She hoped he wouldn’t notice the tension wavering in the corners of her mouth. “There’s nothing we can do about the past. We’re different people now. Let’s just go on from here and see how things work out.”
Kade drew her into a kiss as deep and hot as a geothermal pool, melting her reservations and the ice that had encased her heart since Maxie had died. When he drew back, he whispered, “I’ve always loved you.”
Could it be that everything she’d ever wanted was within her grasp?
Years of hard knocks had taught her to be careful, to look the gift horse right in the mouth and count its teeth.
She disentangled herself and rose from his lap. “I loved you, and I still do, but I can’t risk you leaving again.”
Kade stood beside her. He took a strand of her hair between his fingers and gave it a soft tug. “Who says I’m going to leave?”
Pansy couldn’t contain the snort of derision, or maybe that was the sound of reality giving her the boot again. “You’ve already entered the finals, haven’t you?”
God, how she wanted him to deny her words.
Kade shook his head. “Of course I’ve entered. I’ve still got an outside chance to win the World Championship, and if I draw Swamp Fox, I’ll prove to everyone I can ride the toughest bull around. You can come with me.”
She could tell by the look on Kade’s face he thought he’d come up with the answer to their problems. He thought he could have her and ride bulls.
Pansy’s heartbeat sped up. He still didn’t get it. “When you left, it broke my heart. And when I lost Maxie, it broke me, all of me. But in the back of my mind, I knew that even if I never saw you again, you were somewhere, alive and well. If you’re killed, I don’t think I could ever recover.”
Kade laughed. “You think a bull’s going to kill me? Believe me, that is not going to happen. I’m a professional.”
“Being a professional didn’t keep that bull at the college rodeo or Swamp Fox from knocking you out.” The sight of Kade unconscious in the arena at the long ago rodeo flashed into her mind. She was glad she hadn’t been there at the TBC event. “Bull riding is a dangerous sport, and you’ve been lucky. I can’t be there when your luck runs out.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Kade poured water into the fancy coffee maker Cary had installed in the kitchen shortly after she moved in and started it brewing. He was the first one up this morning, and he wanted to get out of the house before he saw Pansy.
He’d told her he was going to help Cody put on a bull-riding school for the local high school boys. And he was. He hadn’t lied. He just hadn’t mentioned he might get on a practice bull or two.
When he came home unharmed, she would see he was right. Except for that bump on the head, he was invincible.
Omission is a lie. The singsong voice of his damn conscience kept shouting its unsolicited opinion.
But women were complex creatures. At least, that’s what his buddies had told him over and over. He’d have to take their word for it. The young Pansy hadn’t been complicated, and since they’d been apart, he’d never stayed with one woman long enough to see for himself.
He wasn’t asking that much. Just for the woman he loved to have faith in him and trust him. He didn’t give much credence to her crazy fears. Anyone with eyes in their heads could see he was at the top of his game.
And he wasn’t leaving Pansy behind again. He’d have to reassure her of that. Instead of traveling with the guys, she could go to every event with him. Waking up to her pretty face was much better than the scruffy mugs of his friends.
He wasn’t going to get killed on a bull. He’d been riding for years and only been hurt once. Well, maybe twice if you counted that time in college. Not bad considering most bull riders have more than their fair share of broken bones and torn muscles.
Convincing Pansy that he’d be fine would take some work, but she’d come around. At this point, leaving her again wasn’t an option.
After giving him a quick, hard kiss good night, Pansy’d hurried to the house, leaving him alone with his thoughts and plans. Another couple of hours flew by before he hit the sack. He’d only gotten a few hours sleep, but he could feel energy crawling along his nerve endings. The sharp shot of adrenalin he felt at the thought of straddling a bull gave him all the boost he needed.
He wasn’t the kid who thought he had to prove himself. He was a man with a goal in mind and a woman he loved.
He poured a thermos of coffee and drove across town to the rodeo arena. Cody was already there along with a group of excited teen-aged cowboys. “Gunslinger, you ready to rock?”
Cody walked from the bucking chutes toward three bulls standing in the middle of the pen. He tapped the big red one with a sorting stick. and with a low bellow, the huge animal moved into the alleyway leading to the chutes.
A trill of excitement raced through Kade’s veins. He’d missed riding like he’d miss breathing. “Let’s get these kids molded into bull riders.”
A cheer went up from the boys then a groan when Cody told them they’d have some learning to do before they’d be allowed to climb on a bull’s back.
“You guys are wasting my time.” The gangly kid stood out from the others. His expensive new chaps and shiny spurs hadn’t ever been on a bull. From the looks of it, they hadn’t been on the kid for long. “I came here to ride bulls.”
“We do safety first.” Cody frowned at the young man. “You don’t like that, you can leave.”
Kade walked over and held out his hand. “Kade Vaughn.”
The kid looked at the others, a grin spreading across his angular face. “Tuff Hanson. One of these days I’m going to ride better than you.” He shook Kade’s hand, squeezing until the muscles in his arm jumped.
Kade squeezed back, barely containing his smile as Tuff twisted his hand, finally managing to pull his fingers free. “Well, Tuff. You’ll have to put your spurs on the right feet if you want to make eight seconds on anything more than a stick horse.”
Bravado left the young cowboy like air from a popped balloon. As the others laughed, he sat on the ground and switched his spurs.
Kade had to give him credit. Once he stopped trying to be the toughest man there, he shut up and listened.
The hours sped by, hurried along by the kids excitement, laughter and nerves. By the end of the day, each boy had gotten on at least two bulls and
one of them had even ridden the full eight seconds.
It was nearly dark when they got the young men headed home. They had just enough daylight for Kade to get his chance to ride.
Tuff still stood by the arena sulking because his parents were late.
“Hey kid. Get over here and make yourself useful.” Cody ran in a black and white spotted bull he called Big Bopper.
Tuff dropped his riggin bag and ran to the bucking chutes. “What do you need me to do?” He turned to Kade. “Want me to pull your rope?”
“Open the gate, but not until I nod.”
Tuff scrambled to the front of the chute, his hand on the latch before Kade settled on the bull. He was focused on Kade.
Bopper turned his head, looking through the gate at Tuff. He was an unusually big animal, gentle as a kitten and not particularly a hard bull to ride. Perfect for Kade’s first out.
Years of practice took over as Kade settled onto the broad back. Bopper stood like a statue while Cody helped him pull his bull rope. When Kade nodded his head, Tuff slid the latch and swung the gate open.
Just like a remote control toy, Bopper made his classic moves, leaping out of the chute then spinning to the right. Kade would have ridden for an hour if it wouldn’t have tired the bull. He stepped off the animal, ran to the fence and did a fist pump for the sheer joy of riding again. “Woohoo!”
“Gunslinger is back!” Cody opened the exit gate, and Bopper walked out of the arena with all the decorum of a Supreme Court Justice. With a shake of his mismatched horns, he stopped to rub his head on the gatepost before ambling out the gate to the hay he knew was waiting.
“I was born to do this.” Kade picked up his bull rope and walked to the chute. “Got another one?”
Cody laughed. “I have twenty more if you want ‘em.”
“One more will do today.” Kade gathered his bull rope from off the arena floor and climbed the bucking chute. The feeling of rightness at being where he belonged, brought a big smile to his face. “I’ll ride the other nineteen tomorrow.”
The second bull, High Times, was a lot tougher to ride than Bopper. He turned back both ways and spun like a tornado for the last four seconds. Kade handled him with ease. He hadn’t lost a move during his recovery.
When they had the bulls settled in the pens, he helped Cody feed. On the drive back to Micah’s, he was almost as excited as the high school kids had been about having another day to ride.
Kade rolled down the windows, turned off the radio and rehearsed what he was going to say to Pansy. She’d understand. She had to.
Bright lights glowed from the downstairs windows when he pulled up to the farmhouse. Someone was still up. Hopefully, it was Pansy.
Kade bounded up the steps and finding the living room empty, he hurried to the kitchen.
Micah sat in a chair, Rodie on his shoulder. He jiggled the baby as he grinned at Kade. “You look like you won the lottery.”
“Sit down.” Cary gave him a grin. “I’ll get you some pie.”
“Did you have a good time teaching baby bull riders?” Micah had ridden bulls in high school, but as he got older, he’d decided his place was on the ranch.
“A couple of them have some talent. The Barker boy is the best.” Kade forked a bite of cherry pie into his mouth, groaning with pleasure as the sweetness of the fruit exploded over his taste buds. “You are a magician, Cary. This stuff is lethal.”
Cary took the baby from Micah. “This little cowboy needs to go to bed. I’ll see you later.” As she started out of the kitchen, Kade stopped her.
“Where’s Pansy? I want to tell her about today.”
Cary froze then turned to look at her husband. “We thought she was with you.”
“She was gone when we got up.” Micah stood and hurried up the stairs with Kade on his heels.
Pansy’s room was hauntingly neat, all of her belongings gone.
Micah turned to Kade. “Maybe she went back to town.”
“Maybe.” But Kade doubted it. If she’d just gone home, she’d have told the Wests or at the very least, written a note. “I’m going to go check.”
The drive out to the ranch had been filled with hope. The drive to Pansy’s apartment was filled with dread. He couldn’t think of a realistic scenario that ended with him being happy. If she hadn’t left town, she’d have dropped by to watch the school, not crept out without telling anyone.
A security light cast a weak yellow glow on the stairs leading to the apartment above the café. He hurried up and rapped on the door. It swung open at his touch. A clean plate sat on the counter, an empty glass in the sink.
“Pansy?” He called to her, but he knew she was gone. The vibrancy that surrounded her had disappeared. “Damn it, Pansy!”
Shivering, Kade walked out the door and sank to the rough wooden step. Losing Pansy hurt like a bitch. He stared into nothing as traffic sounds faded and lights blinked out one by one in the neighboring houses and apartments.
The open door to the apartment taunted him. Pansy was gone.
He hurried down the steps to his truck. Was this payback? Was she that vindictive? Well, if she couldn’t support him, couldn’t see how much this meant to him, fuck it!
~*~
For five days, seven hours and twelve minutes, Pansy had worked hard to not think about Kade. And for almost that long, she’d failed miserably.
At least twice a day and sometimes three times, she’d made up her mind to quit Romeo’s again and make her way back to East Hope. Each time she’d stopped herself. If Kade wouldn’t at least listen to her point of view, they’d never make it.
Luigi had been ecstatic when she’d applied for the sous chef position. He’d even refrained from cussing her out for a day or two.
Not one of the other servers and line chefs had been here when she’d left. With Luigi’s temper tantrums, no one stayed long. New people didn’t bother her though. She kept her distance and stayed to herself.
“I need table seven’s order now,” bellowed the over weight, ill-mannered executive chef. He slammed a pan down on the counter as if he thought they couldn’t hear his screeching growl. “Or heads are going to roll.”
“We’re working on it.” Pansy turned to the quaking grill chef, Marta, and smiled at the woman. “What can I do to help?”
“Run over Luigi with your car?” Marta managed a shaky smile. “Make that a truck.”
“Oh, honey. I’d like to. It’s one of my fantasies.” Pansy laid her hand on Marta’s shoulder. “But I don’t have a truck.”
Pansy saw Marta stiffen as the young woman’s eyes widened. Her gaze was fixed on something over Pansy’s left shoulder.
“You can borrow mine.” The deep, whiskey rich voice seeped through her skin and into her bones.
She’d read that a person’s imagination could do strange things. Hers had been trying to conjure up Kade since she’d left East Hope. Looked like it had succeeded.
When she turned, he stood inside the back door to the kitchen looking even more delectable than he had the last time she’d seen him.
Why the hell was he was here?
Didn’t he know what he did to her?
Go away, she wanted to shout at him. She wanted to ask all the questions, but her throat was on strike, and the words were locked up. All she could do was stare, fill her memory for when he was gone again.
“Can we go somewhere and talk?” Kade stepped closer, crowding her against the polished metal prep counter.
“I’m working.” She tried to move around him, but he put his arms on either side, holding her in place.
“Okay, we’ll do this here, in front of an audience.” He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss before she could turn away.
Pansy heard a cake tin drop to the floor, the clattery sound ringing through the now silent kitchen. The entire staff had come to a standstill, including Luigi. All eyes were trained on the two of them.
Kade put a fingertip on her chin and tipped her face so she
had to look at him. “I love you.”
She swore she heard several of the women sigh. Great, the man had been here less than five minutes, and he already had the women employees on his side, probably a couple of the men, too.
Determined not to get into a verbal tug of war with him, she remained silent.
“I love you more than anything, including riding bulls.” The voice was Kade’s, and the words were ones she’d longed to hear for years.
If only she could believe him.
“I’m drawing out of the finals. I’ve talked to Cody and Micah. I’m going into business with Cody.” The smile that scrambled her brain spread across his full mouth. “Get this. I’m Cody’s marketing director among other things. Those business classes from college will come in handy after all.”
She raised her brows. And waited for the other shoe to fall.
“Micah found a couple of ranches in East Hope. We can look at them when we get back, or we can move to Montana, closer to my folks.” Kade leaned closer, so close she could feel his breath on her neck. “I love you. Tell me what you want.”
He was willing to give up everything he’d worked for, everything he loved to make her happy.
She’d yearned for this, but now that she had it, she couldn’t take advantage.
Even if he never had one regret about retiring, she would always know. She’d know she’d kept him from his dreams. She’d be the one who kept Kade Vaughn from becoming a world champion.
“I want you safe.” Her voice was a whisper.
“Okay,” Kade said. “I’ll do my best.” His lips brushed hers in a soft promise.
“And I want you to ride the hair off of Swamp Fox and all the other bulls you draw at the finals.”
He was nodding, agreeing to anything, but when he realized what she’d said, he froze.
She almost laughed at his confusion. Leaning forward, she kissed him until her head swam. Pulling back, she touched his lips with her fingertips. If she didn’t say what was on her mind now, she was afraid she’d never get it out. “I want you to win, not for the money, not for the recognition, but for you.”
Sweet Cowboy Kisses (Sugar Coated Cowboys Book 2) Page 11