Unending Love

by Yesenia Vargas

  “I miss you too.”

  Next, she tried Mayra.

  After calling three times and not getting an answer, she settled for sending a text instead.

  Hey bestie. I miss you. Call me later.

  She sighed, climbed down, and began the night’s readings.

  ###

  It was finally Christmas break. She was free, at least until January 3rd, when classes started back up.

  Her final exams were finished and hopefully aced. She’d be able to check online in a week or two.

  It was time to go home.

  And she couldn’t wait.

  She had seen her family and Mayra a grand total of four times in the past almost five months. It had sucked.

  She had seen Lucas a grand total of three times. That had sucked more.

  Especially since they hadn’t been talking much lately. It was as much her fault as it had been his.

  As the semester had passed, they had talked less and less. School had gotten hard for both of them. Ariana’s classes were really challenging, and she didn’t want to settle for getting anything less than all As. Lucas, meanwhile, had seemed like a zombie last time she had seen him a month ago. She tried to remember the last time she spoke to him. It had to have been at least two weeks, and they hadn’t talked more than a few minutes.

  She had also missed almost all of Jimmy’s basketball games. Mayra had sent her a few video clips, but it was nowhere near the same as being there to cheer him on. She was so excited that she was gonna be able to make it to his last game before he got out of school for Christmas break.

  Ariana packed a few last things into a huge shoulder bag before looking around. Her charger. She unplugged it and shoved it into the bag. She had all of her toiletries and her pillow.

  Valerie came in. She set her keys down.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to come home with me a few days?”

  “Nah. A few days of quiet will do me good. And I have plans to hang out with Nick. No worries.”

  Valerie wasn’t going home right away. She had met a guy on campus. Someone in her chem class. Ariana had seen him on Twitter. He was pretty hot. And smart, from what Valerie had told her. He had offered to tutor her, although it sounded like they had been doing more than tutoring lately.

  Ariana hugged Valerie, not letting go for a few seconds.

  “Well, take care. Have fun but not too much fun.”

  They laughed.

  “I promise I will. Or won’t,” she replied.

  “Let me know if you need anything,” Ariana said, emphasizing that last word. “I’ll be back in a flash, or if you do decide you want to come spend time at my house, you’re always welcome.”

  “Ditto,” Valerie said. “Stay safe. Text me.”

  Ariana nodded and grabbed her bag and phone. All her other stuff was already in her car downstairs.

  She walked out and quietly let the door shut behind her, making herself slow down and enjoy the walk down.

  ###

  A few hours later, Ariana was finally home. In her room. On her bed.

  She hugged it and breathed in, closing her eyes. Seeing her parents and Jimmy had been just what her heart needed. It had proved impossible not to shed a few tears, especially when she saw how Jimmy had changed a little bit more since she had last seen him.

  He still had one more week of school left, but Mayra and Lucas were supposedly already out of school like her.

  Jimmy came into her room, jumped, and landed on her bed.

  “Hey,” she said with a smile.

  “So you’re coming to my game later, right?”

  “Duh,” she replied, making room for him. “I’m already thinking of where I want to eat after.”

  He lay down beside her.

  “So how are you and Mayra doing?” She studied his face for any hint of bad news. There wasn’t any.

  He stared at the ceiling. “We’re doing pretty good, actually.”

  She thought for a minute. “You guys have been together almost a year, right?”

  He nodded and looked at her. “Like eight months.”

  Lucas and Ariana had been together for over a year now.

  They’d seen each other for a few hours a few days late on their one year anniversary two months ago. It had felt a little forced, and it was evident that Lucas had been really tired.

  She hoped things would go better this time. She needed him. She remembered all the times they’d gone out last year, walking together, laughing. Things were so different now.

  “How are things with Lucas?” Jimmy asked, finally breaking the silence.

  She sighed. “Okay, I guess. Could be better. I’m just glad we’ll spend more time together over the break.”

  “I bet you will,” Jimmy said, putting his arm around her.

  She tried to smile but decided to text Mayra instead. She at least needed to see her best friend tonight.

  chapter twenty-seven

  A few days later, Ariana and Lucas finally had time for themselves. It was his day off.

  She had seen him the day after she had gotten back, but it hadn’t gone that great.

  Lucas had been in a rush as usual, this time to take his sisters to karate practice. They had taken a hit financially when his mom had lost her job, but he insisted on letting his sisters have a better childhood than what he’d had. His mom had found another job after a week or so, but she had to work more hours to make the same money she had made before, which already hadn’t been enough.

  Lucas was back to working full time while going to school full time and helping out at home.

  Now she looked at Lucas in front of her. He looked pale, his eyes had circles underneath them, and his head was in his hands.

  She didn’t know what to say. She just stared, wondering if he was so tired that he couldn’t keep his eyes open or what.

  “What can I do to help?” she asked, taking his hand.

  He looked at her and blinked a few times. “Nothing. It’s okay. We’re just getting through some tough times right now, but we’ll get through it. We always do.”

  He seemed to be saying it more for himself than to her.

  “Seriously,” she went on. “I can take your sisters to their practices. I don’t mind at all. I can even give you some money so you can cut back your hours for a while until you’re on your feet again.”

  He looked at her and sighed. He shook his head. “I could never ask you to do something like that for me.”

  “Please, Lucas. I promise I don’t mind. I don’t have anything to do right now anyway, and I have savings—”

  Lucas looked down. “I can’t let you do that. These are my responsibilities. I can do it.”

  “Lucas—”

  “Let’s talk about something else. Please.” His eyes still wouldn’t meet hers.

  ###

  “I need to tell you something,” Lucas said a week later. They were in his car outside of his house. She had come over to see him, but they’d decided to get out of the house and grab some alone time.

  Ariana glanced at him. He looked just as tired as the last time she had seen him, despite being on winter break.

  “Lucas, has your mom seen how tired you are?”

  “Ariana,” he said, turning on the car. “Please.”

  She stopped and tried to figure out what was going on with him.

  “I mean, you don’t have class right now. How come you’re not getting enough sleep? I’m kinda worried here.” Lucas went to put the car in drive, but his hand went back to the arm rest.

  “I’ve been picking up some extra shifts at work. It’s busy because of the holidays, and I need the extra money.”

  “Lucas, you need to take care of yourself first.” Ariana turned her body towards him.

  “I need to talk to you.” Now he looked her right in the eye. Ariana a felt a pang in her belly.

  She waited for him to say whatever he wanted to say, but nothing came out of his mouth. Lucas looked back
down, and his lips scrunched together.

  Just as she was about to speak, he continued.

  “I—think we should take a break,” he said, looking at her again.

  Her mouth fell open before she could talk. “What?” she uttered.

  “I’m sorry. Don’t think I don’t love you because I do. This is why I want to do this.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense,” she began. “If this is about how busy you are, I’m not pressuring you. We can work around it. I said I can help you. Let me help you.”

  It all came out so fast. Every thought that was flashing in her mind right now.

  Lucas held her hand.

  “I promise this is so hard and I don’t want to do it, but we have to,” he went on.

  “I don’t get it,” she said, a couple of tears running down her face. She took her hand out of his and faced forward.

  He scooted towards her. “You deserve better than…this.” He used his hands to indicate himself.

  “I love you,” she said, looking at him.

  “I love you too,” he said. “But you deserve a chance for these to be the best years of your life. Not waiting on me to show up all the time.”

  Ariana’s chest convulsed as she finally let the tears come. She couldn’t keep the sinking, crushing feeling in.

  Lucas tried to hug her from his seat but only one arm reached around her.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I hate seeing you like this, but the more we try to make this work, the worse it’s gonna to be. We’re gonna regret trying to make this work.’

  “No. I’m not,” she said through her crying.

  “Yes, you are,” he said, looking at her. “I can see how much it hurts you that we can’t have a normal relationship. You deserve someone who can give you that, and I can’t give you that right now.”

  She tried to plead with him but couldn’t get any words to come out. Just more tears.

  She saw tears in Lucas’s eyes, and he hugged her again before she could see them leave his eyes.

  “I hate doing this to you. I almost wish I had never met you so we wouldn’t be hurting so bad right now, but you’re the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  She felt him taking deep breaths as he tried to control his emotions.

  “We don’t have to do this. We can keep trying,” she said.

  He shook his head and pulled away. He wiped his tears away. “This is what’s best. I can’t give you my best right now, and you can enjoy college, meet new people, and not be tied down by me.”

  She shook her head but began wiping away her own tears until they were gone.

  She could see his eyes were red, and she wondered what she must look like right now. The tears wouldn’t stop coming.

  She thought about everything Lucas was saying right now. If this was what he wanted, how could she not give him that?

  “If we’re meant to be, then we’ll get through this, right?”

  She touched his face, and he nodded.

  She nodded back. “Okay.”

  Lucas looked down and took a deep breath, and no matter how hard she tried, a few more tears ran down her cheeks.

  Lucas looked back up at her.

  He gazed her lips and came in for one last kiss.

  She closed her eyes and tried to savor it, but it ended too soon. Lucas embraced her.

  “I—”

  He didn’t finish his sentence.

  “Bye,” she whispered. She got out of his car and left.

  ###

  “Oh my gosh, what happened?” Mayra didn’t wait for Ariana to come to her but ran up to her instead.

  Before Mayra’s arms were around her, Ariana had already broken down. Her knees gave in as the tears returned.

  She didn’t even have time to think of how she had made it back to Mayra’s house from Lucas’s house.

  “Come on. Let’s go to my room,” Mayra said, helping her up.

  They walked together until Ariana was laying down on Mayra’s bed.

  She was full on crying now. She could not go home like this and let her parents and Jimmy find out that—

  She cried harder into Mayra’s pillow. Her chest ached for Lucas’s arms around her.

  “What happened?” Mayra asked. “Did you and Lucas…”

  All Ariana could do was nod.

  “Oh my God. I’m so sorry.” After a second, “Why?”

  Ariana tried to stop crying but couldn’t. She was sure her eyes were swollen beyond recognition and there was probably mascara all over Mayra’s pillow by now.

  She took a deep breath and tried to calm down, but the tears wouldn’t go away.

  She turned her head so Mayra could hear what she was going to say. “He just has so much going on. He said this is what’s best for us.” She felt her chest about to convulse again as she went on.

  She broke down again and sunk her face back into the pillow. Mayra hugged her best as she could.

  Mayra rubbed her friend’s back as Ariana said through the pillow, “What am I gonna do?”

  Her chest continued to heave and Mayra shushed her.

  Several minutes passed by until Ariana’s body finally got tired of crying. Only dry sobs escaped from her body. She felt numb and stared at the wall of Mayra’s bedroom. She hugged the pillow under her, trying to imagine it was Lucas.

  It wasn’t, and somehow, more tears filled her eyes and streamed down her face.

  “You’re strong. You’re going to get through this.”

  She thought of Christmas without Lucas and his silly, sweet sisters.

  She thought of the first day she met Lucas in Spanish class, when their eyes first met, their first kiss. The first time she tasted his lips. She wished her entire body hurt instead of feeling her heart break.

  She stared at the gold bracelet he had given her for her birthday over a year ago.

  How the hell was she going to go on without Lucas?

  ###

  “So how was your Christmas and New Year’s and everything? Did you and the boyfriend finally get some alone time?” Valerie winked at her as they unpacked their things back in their dorm.

  She and Lucas hadn’t even spoken after…deciding to call it quits. It had been almost a month. She supposed that, after everything, they just weren’t meant to be. She glanced at her bare wrist. She’d finally taken the bracelet off before leaving for Athens, but she hadn’t had the heart to leave it behind or throw it away. Instead, she had stashed it away. For now.

  Valerie waited for her to say something. Ariana swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked several times.

  Time to rip off the bandaid, then.

  “We broke up,” she said with hardly a glance at her roommate. She focused instead on unpacking the semester’s textbooks. She’d busied herself with ordering them over the break and getting a head start on reading them. Reading any other books, especially fiction, reminded her too much of Lucas and what they’d had, and she just wasn’t ready to face that.

  Valerie stayed silent, and Ariana decided to pretend she didn’t care. She didn’t. She took another glance at her, and Valerie finally spoke up.

  “Um, are you okay?”

  She gave her a small smile and nodded. “I will be.”

  Valerie came and gave her a hug, and the tears showed up before she had a chance to prepare. She gave Valerie the smallest push away to give her the hint that she needed to be alone.

  Valerie went back to putting away her clothes, but her eyes remained on Ariana.

  Ariana turned around and took a deep breath, forcing the hot tears back inside of her.

  She had to get through this. Had to. Coming to UGA had been her dream. Still was. She wasn’t about to ruin that.

  The next four years of her life would mean something. Maybe they would suck if the rip inside her didn't eventually heal. She didn't know about that yet. But she would do what she came here to do. Graduate with a degree and make herself and her family proud.

&nbs
p; epilogue

  Three and a half years later

  Ariana got out of her car and headed inside to meet Jimmy and Mayra. They were going strong as ever. If anyone was meant to be, it was those two.

  She wondered what they looked like. She hadn’t seen them since Christmas, and now it was May. She was done with college. All she had left was graduation in a few days, and they’d all be driving up to Athens together for that.

  Ariana took her time walking from the parking lot to the restaurant entrance. People milled all around. It was Friday night, and it was full. She maneuvered through the crowd and wondered if Mayra and Jimmy had made a reservation. Her parents wouldn’t be there since they were still at work, but she’d get to see them later.

  And all the time now. She was moving back home to look for a job. She had a degree in International Business with a minor in Chinese. She’d definitely kept herself busy the last few years.

  It had been the only way to cope with losing Lucas. They had talked a few times after they had broken up, but eventually, like all things, their friendship had also come to an end not long after. For a while, she had wondered if Wendy had gotten what she wanted after all that time, but from what Mayra had heard, she’d moved on to obsessing over someone else. As far as Carlos, Mayra had only seen him from afar once their second year of college.

  Ariana had dated a couple of times, but no one had felt like the one, so she had gone back to focusing on school.

  Her mind wandered to what she always thought of when she was back home.

  Lucas.

  She wondered how life had gone for him. Mayra saw him sometimes, but they hadn’t really remained friends either.

  Last time she heard, probably a year or more ago, Lucas had finally moved on and was dating someone else.

  She took a deep breath and decided not to think about Lucas anymore.

  This was a night for celebration with the people who would never leave her life.

  Jimmy and Mayra. Mayra was graduating too. Jimmy had a couple years to go, but soon enough, he’d be graduating or going pro with his basketball.

  She climbed up the steps, keeping her head down as she found her way through the crowd of people.