Rhys sighed and scratched the back of his head. “I get it Astrid. I really do. And I don’t want to be the reason you lose friends. I can’t say I don’t have feelings for you. I have so many feelings it’s hard to get through a full hour without thinking about you. If it were up to me, I’d spread the word far and wide that we’re together and you’re off limits. And believe me, I would have to make that clear. I doubt I could stomach watching someone with you and not bash their face into the wall. Preferably a brick one. But I can see you don’t want that. I’m not even going to ask it of you.”
His declaration built me up and tore me apart all at the same time. How could he be so understanding?
“What happens now?”
“We continue as we were. No more kissing or touching of any variety.” He huffed and I couldn’t stop the grimace that stamped across my face. Or the laugh.
I didn’t want to stop. I’d barely gotten a taste of what it could be like and we were already calling it quits? But what could I say? Let’s be friends with benefits? Let’s just see where it goes, but Beck and Thatcher have the same courtesy while you sit home on the couch?
On that thought, “Okay. No more. Can I just ask, if you do spend time with another girl,” I winced at the uncomfortableness of my request. “Please don’t bring her here while I’m here.”
“You’re seriously asking me that. You think I would bring another girl here?” His voice rose and he shoved away from the counter.
I pulled the hamburger from the stove to drain the grease and give myself a few extra seconds to formulate my thoughts. “No. Yes. I don’t know. I can’t promise I won’t kiss Beck or Thatcher. I can’t expect you to not see other people if I can’t commit to you. Right?” I asked. It made me an incredibly selfish person that I wanted him to say he would be perfectly okay with that.
“Okay.” He looked at me like he couldn’t quite figure out how my mind operated, and maybe even a little hurt. “If I want to see someone else, I’ll go elsewhere.”
“Fuck.” I dropped my head into my hands. “I haven’t even spent a night here and I’ve already messed everything up.” This was exactly how Mother Dearest expected me to act. Call me Babs. Short for whore of Babylon.
“No, Astrid. This wasn’t all you. It wasn’t even mostly you.” I was pulled into strong arms and cradled as if I were something precious. That action alone made me wish I could feel differently, but I couldn’t decide between them. I couldn’t.
“I could have stopped you and told you how I felt before I let you go too far. I was lusty, and out of my mind. I blame teenage hormones.”
He cracked up and rocked me side to side. “See, this is why I like you. You spout weird shit and it’s so natural for you. You’re not at all like the other girls I’ve dated. Or like the girls my parents try to push me toward. And I was definitely the instigator. Forgive me?”
He slid a hand into my loose locks and angled my face up. His lips brushed against mine once, then twice.
“Rhys,” my eyes fluttered shut. “Maybe it’s not such a good idea that I stay here.” I’d always scoffed against the church because I saw how hypocritical the congregation could be. Constantly bringing attention to their good deeds and sweeping their bad under the rug.
But now, I saw that I was a person who needed constant reminding to stay on the good path. Because the temptation of Rhys being so close was too strong to deny, and we were now living together, no matter how temporary.
“No, no, no. You need to be somewhere safe. I’ll stop.” He slowly disentangled our limbs and moved back, putting at least two feet of lonely space between us. “My fault. I can’t help it.”
He disappeared down the hallway, leaving me to finish dinner. This was a disaster.
With impeccable timing, there was a knock on the door as soon as I flipped the knob to turn the burner off. I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants as I turned around. It was easy to keep my mind to other things when I was cooking. Now that they were here, I wasn’t quite sure how to act.
Beck studied me like I was his next masterpiece in progress, and it was only a matter of time before he had me right where he wanted me. He knew my moods and facial expressions. There was zero chance he wouldn’t read into the tension between Rhys and me and not think something happened.
Yippie, I couldn’t wait to see what happened.
“Yo, Astrid. Open the door. The neighbors are starting to look at me funny.” Beck called through the distorted glass.
Amused, I let them in. He was always cracking self-deprecating jokes about how he didn’t fit in with Rhys or the well to do. Good thing money and status didn’t matter to me. Now I just needed to convince Beck he was enough on his own and it didn’t matter what twats like Mr. Bennet thought of him.
“Please don’t say stuff like that. I get offended on your behalf and you’re the one making the jokes.” I moved to the side to let him in. Jonah followed behind him, somewhat subdued. He completely avoided eye contact with me and headed directly toward the living room.
Nuh-uh. That wasn’t how this was going to go down. I stomped after him and tugged on his arm. When he turned around, I threw my arms around him. It was stiff and awkward, and he couldn’t have made it more obvious that he would rather use a cheese grater on his butt cheeks than get a hug from me. Whatever. He didn’t have a choice after what he put me through.
“What the hell were you thinking? Leaving us like that to worry over you? And I did. Not knowing the truth played havoc on my brain. I’m so glad you’re okay.” I hugged him tighter, then pushed him at arm’s length to get a decent look at him. Until I saw for myself that he was relatively unharmed, horrifying pictures of him in the alleyway plagued me. Jonah nearly passed out, leaning on the dirty brick wall, sitting in God knew what.
He was wearing the same clothes as he wore last night, wrinkled well beyond Jonah’s acceptable public standard. His face was still swollen and the bruising was beginning to settle into a purplish blue. As an artist, the colors were striking, and I’d have loved them on anything else. But now, I would always associate these particular colors with Jonah’s pain. Damn him.
“You’re not to do anything stupid like that again. You hear me? You’re too important to me for you to get yourself killed. Not to mention how are we going to get you out of this mess? I hope you came here to give us answers. It’s the least we deserve after everything you put us through.” I huffed.
“Astrid. He gets it. I don’t think you have to berate him for his choices. If anyone understands the level of shit he’s in, it’s Jonah.” Beck steered me away from Jonah and toward the living room with hands on my stiff shoulders.
My breath came in fast spurts and my heart was beating so hard, I could take my pulse without even touching any of my arteries. Beck was right. I was too worked up. The culmination of the last twenty-four hours was catching up to me and I was going to crack soon.
“Fine. I’ll sit right here next to Jonah, while he explains what happened.” I glared at him until he begrudgingly took the seat beside me. He left a few inches of cushion between us and refused to look me in the eye. In fact, the coffee table must have held the knowledge of life with the way he was trying to divine its secrets. His glasses were lopsided and a crack ran along the plastic. I’d have to ask Rhys for some kind of tape to fix his glasses.
Rhys walked in and took up a sentry position on the far side of the room. Beck settled in Rhys’ chair and we all waited.
“I’m sorry. I should start with that. I never meant to hurt you, Astrid.” Jonah twisted and the apology was strong in his eyes along with something else that I couldn’t quite identify.
“Why don’t you start with what’s going on with the Devil’s Hands and then we can move on to the other stuff.” Beck was being rather comforting and supportive.
Not that it surprised me. Beck was the kind of person that loved with his whole heart and would give the shirt off his back, and maybe his shoes too, if it was asked of him
.
But he had never been fond of Jonah. That he would have done a complete turnabout surprised me. Pleased me and surprised me.
“Okay. I’ll start at the beginning.” He talked about his acceptance into college, and how even with his scholarships, he wouldn’t be able to cover the tuition. During this part of his story, he cast his eyes downward as if he wasn’t worthy of our attention or concern. I placed my hand in his and squeezed his fingers so he’d know he wasn’t alone. That’s all most of us wanted wasn’t it? To know we weren’t alone.
“It was stupid and arrogant and I’m paying for it ten times over. I thought if I could do a few jobs and gather enough security, I’d be able to walk away. It never crossed my mind that they would want to kill me. But I guess it should have. Beck and Mike have been touting enough that you never walk away from that type of life. And my mom was another lesson.” His voice cracked and he turned his head sharply away from us.
“It’s all going to be all right, Jonah.” I murmured. “You have people that care about you and we’ll make sure you’re safe.” I rubbed soothing circles on his back.
“No, it’s not. My mom. I hated her. I hated her for leaving me, and choosing to make drug runs and whatever the fuck she did to get sent to prison. In my mind, it was all black and white. Her weak-willed decisions tore our family apart, and it was all her fault. I never visited her once in prison. Never took her calls.” His shoulders shook with silent sobs and he ripped his hand away from mine as if my touch burned him.
I sent a questioning look at Beck. Obviously, I was missing something, and Beck knew what it was. Rhys looked equally confused.
“Do you want me to tell them?” Beck said quietly.
“No. No.” He scrubbed his tears away like they were the physical manifestation of his shame. “My mom died in prison and I never mourned her. I didn’t give the first fuck about her there. All that was on my mind was how to get away from this place and away from her. What kind of fucked up person does that?”
Sorrow permeated the air and bit into my skin. Tears gathered in my eyes and a lump built in my throat. Did she just pass? Was it a while ago, but something dredged up the memory? It didn’t matter. Jonah believed what he said, but it wasn’t true. It hurt to watch him go through this and he thought he hadn’t mourned his mother?
“Wait here.” I went to the bedroom I had claimed and pulled out my camera. The lens snapped easily into place and I carried the familiar weight back out to the living room. I touched Jonah’s shoulder and when he looked up at me, I whispered, “do you trust me?”
He glanced at my hand, but from the vacant stare, I didn’t believe he saw what I had. Or he hadn’t comprehended what I intended to do. He nodded, and I dimmed the lights in the living room until only the light over his head shone down with any brightness.
“Astrid, maybe now isn’t the best time.” Rhys started but I cut him off with a look that said, ‘fuck off’.
I snapped pictures of Jonah from different angles. His head caught in his hands and the muscles in his throat bulging from his effort to hold in his sobs. When I called his name, I snapped a more shots of his face. His red-rimmed eyes, the stained tracks on his cheeks, as well as the way the skin pinched under the outside corners of his eyes.
Satisfied with what I had, I turned the lights back up and sat back in my spot beside him. “Jonah, look at these.”
He looked, studying every picture that I stopped on. The heartbreak was so vivid, anyone looking at these photos would know that something life altering had happened, and they couldn’t help but share his grief with him.
“You can’t say you didn’t mourn her. You can’t say she meant nothing to you. These pictures are proof of your mourning. Anyone looking at these will know something important was taken from you. Whether it was the relationship you wish you could have had, the opportunity to say the things you wish you’d said, or a life that was cut short too soon, this shows you exactly what kind of person you are.” I waited for my words to sink in and when he sucked in a sharp breath, I knew I’d broken through. At least a little bit. “You’re mourning her now.
“I’ll send these to you. When you start thinking about what a bad, horrible person you are, look at these.” I froze on the close-up picture of the shattered grief on Jonah’s face. “This is a picture of someone who loved big and mourned hard. You can’t possibly think you’re a selfish fuck up after looking at this.” I softly wiggled the camera in front of his face.
He wrapped his fingers over mine and pulled the screen closer. Rhys and Beck both came to stand behind the couch so they could see what had him so mesmerized.
“These are…thanks, Astrid.” Jonah barely spoke above a whisper. He dropped my hands and gave me a hug of his own, pressing a salty kiss to my forehead.
The moment was tense and moving, and strange in a way I hadn’t experienced before. Beck and Rhys each laid a hand on Jonah’s shoulder and we sat in companionable silence. Eventually they came back around and settled on the loveseat and chair.
“Jonah, this evidence. Is it really backed up in several places?” I said after I’d returned the camera to its bag in my room.
“Yes. It’s pretty damning, which is why I’m surprised they’d rather kill me than let me leave.”
Beck rubbed his chin. “They’d rather feel secure in the fact that the evidence is destroyed than you could come back and blackmail them later.”
“Can we see it?” I asked.
The tips of Jonah’s ears turned pink and he quickly shot down my request. “No. I don’t want you all at more risk than I’ve already made you just by being friends. But if something does happen to me, it’s on my Gmail drive, a flash drive in my car, and saved under my school account. I gave Beck the passwords to each on the way over. You’re all to send the evidence to at least three police departments to make sure it gets the proper attention it needs.”
That sounded like he was preparing for the worst and that wasn’t acceptable to me. He wasn’t going to go kindly into the good night. Fuck that. These guys were criminals, but they weren’t invincible.
“That can be plan never. We need more realistic plans to get you out of this. Beck said the police are out. What are our other options?” I gripped Jonah’s forearm so tight, he’d probably have nail indents in his skin.
“Maybe if I could talk to the president of the club, I could be threatening enough without offending him. And that’s a big maybe.” Jonah scrunched up his forehead in thought.
I looked to Beck and he shrugged. “It’s actually one of the better ideas. I’d go with you. But keep in mind, you’d be delivering yourself right into their hands if they’re set on getting rid of you.”
“Beck!” I yelled. I took back all my thoughts on how he was being supportive of Jonah. That was not a supportive or encouraging comment. That was an ‘oh sure, it might work, or it might kill you even faster’ comment, emphasis on the faster.
“I don’t actually think it would come to that. We would make it very clear that many people were aware of where we were, and that if he or we suddenly disappeared, their club would be the first suspects.”
Rhys flipped the remote over in his hands, controlling nothing as the TV was turned off. “If that would work, why wouldn’t threat of the evidence scare them away in the first place?”
“Because maybe they don’t believe he actually has it?” I guessed. “Or maybe the president doesn’t know about it? It could be his lackeys are making these decisions. Although I could be completely wrong as my only basis for motorcycle clubs are romance books and Sons of Anarchy.”
Rhys grinned and mouthed ‘weird’ at me. I pretended I didn’t see it at all.
“Tomorrow after school, we’ll go. If we try this, we can’t let too much time pass. You have to keep going to school, and that’s hard when you’re hiding out from dick squeak and his friends.” Beck decreed.
“What does that even mean?” I said. It was the weirdest insult I’d ever hea
rd.
“It doesn’t matter what it means. It’s an insult, and Reaper knows it. That’s good enough for me.” Beck shrugged nonchalantly. He really didn’t care. And he probably didn’t know what it meant either. It just sounded gross to him.
“Okay. Tomorrow’s as good as any.” Jonah was subdued, missing his usual crankiness and it unsettled me.
“Are you still good to walk with me to my classes and eat lunch in the library?” I touched his arm with an unsure hand. He better be willing to still spend time with me tomorrow. How else would I know he was okay throughout the school day?
“That should be fine. Other than Mike, I don’t think any of their other recruits are aware I was even doing jobs. I’ve literally only been working for them since after your portfolio night.”
“I wish you would have talked to us about it then. We could have told you how stupid of an idea it was.” Beck said.
“Thanks. I’m sorry I didn’t come to you sooner.” Jonah deadpanned, but there was a spark of relief in his eyes. Relief we hadn’t berated him too much? Or it could simply be because we still cared about him.
“Seriously. What you have to know is that going to fancy college doesn’t make you a worthy person. Going to a community college is just as good. It doesn’t close doors for you to go to a big university later.” Jonah gave Beck the oddest look. Beck must have hit the nail on the proverbial head.
I agreed one hundred percent. If Jonah bothered to look away from Beck, he would have seen both Rhys and I nodding our agreement. There were more than one solution to any problem. If one answer suddenly wasn’t available anymore, you find another one. The correct way was not to hold on to the original answer by any means necessary, especially if the cost could be your life.
Jonah gulped. “I know that now. I’ve done a lot of self-reflecting over the last few weeks. And I agree. The need to make people acknowledge me as someone important doesn’t look the same when my future is uncertain.”
Ugly Truths: A Contemporary YA Romance (Astrid Scott Series Book 2) Page 16