by Noa Melody
"You're talking a lot more freely about your mother now, aren't you, sweetie? I'm glad." Miriam spoke to me as she sat at the wheel. "I just hope you were like that with your own emotions." she added.
My eyes widened and a blush grew on my face. “Tha-that’s inappropriate!” I scolded her, only to have her giggle in response.
"Yeah, admit it, Freesia! You like Jor-"
I quickly slapped my hand over Craig's mouth and saw him smile through his eyes, noticing my bright red glow.
I took my hand away from Craig and began to stutter. "I-I don't..." I quickly turned to look out the window and stared at my reflection. "I can't."
Miriam looked at me through my reflection in the window and frowned. "Sweetie, why not? You know it's true." she stated.
"I don't know... But I can't help think it's wrong. And I don't know what to think with him..." I whispered, lowering my sight to the handle of the car door.
He's always treated me different from the others. Now that I've seen him interact with Melanie, even if she is a bitch, I know he doesn't treat other girls like he does with me... But I just don't know how I feel about him; he's just too much of a mystery to me...
"Sweetie, it's bad to think too much. Just enjoy yourself at the game." Miriam gave me a motherly smile before diverting her eyes back to the road.
For the rest of the drive, Craig was telling me about the previous games he and the family attended. To hear him so passionate made me feel happy. It was as if his smile was contagious to anyone who saw it, and I wasn't the exception.
It was a while until we reached New York, but we got there eventually. The weather wasn't bad, either, so it was a good time to watch the game.
"Free! Over here!" As I stepped out the car, Josh ran towards me and grabbed me by the arm, dragging me towards Kyle's car.
"Hey, hold on! Josh!" I tried to stop him. I didn't want to go near that car, not with Jordan standing there.
But Josh had other ideas. "Oh come on, Free! We decided on the pairs and you two were the ones chosen together!" he explained, pulling me and making me stand beside Jordan, who I refused to even glance at.
I pouted, looking at the ground beneath me. "Can't I go with Craig? No doubt you and Joe will be together and Miriam and Kyle, so that leaves Craig free."
"Craig's still a kid so he needs adult supervision."
"Kyle? You're in on this, too?" I accused him, obviously pissed off. I shook my head and sighed. "You may as well lock us both in a room together..." I mumbled to myself.
"Okay! So, let's go!" I heard Miriam sing her way towards us with Craig beside her.
They all started making their way into the stadium in their pairs... Leaving me and Jordan together.
I glanced at him quickly but only for a split second. I didn't want to know how long he had been gazing at me for with those deep emerald eyes of his.
And I certainly wasn't going to share his atmosphere without blushing.
Chapter 33
We were mid-way through the game and, in all honesty, if it wasn't for the score board, I wouldn't have any clue on who was winning.
I was too busy feeling extremely uncomfortable sitting beside a complete stranger to my right, and Jordan on the left. Mainly because of Jordan on the left.
I felt too tense to watch the game and enjoy it. No, not tense... More like unable to slow down my pulsating heart.
Knowing I was so close to Jordan and having no way of escaping it, it just made my heart pound. I tried leaning to the other side so our bodies weren’t as close, but all Jordan did was lean his body my way so that gap was still the same it would be if we sat normally.
I tried to search around for the twins or Craig, but I couldn't see them anywhere. I wish I knew where they were... Just so I could feel a little less insecure.
No, that's not right. I feel very secure. Just sitting near Jordan, even if it does feel awkward, makes me feel like nothing can hurt me...
"Are you going to talk?"
My eyes shot to the man beside me, his emerald eyes still staring at me after all this time. I tried to find my voice but I couldn't, all I could do was release a small moan in my throat.
I couldn't. I don't know why, though. It was different compared to with Josh, that time I never felt so awkward around him. Yes, I was lost, but never awkward.
I mean, I was the one who confronted Josh to start with, but this time I can't even find my voice to speak to Jordan.
Is it because he's older than me? Or because I...
"Come on." I suddenly heard Jordan as he grabbed me by the wrist. We had hit the mid-way point in the match and were given a break. Jordan took advantage of it and dragged me off my seat.
"Wha-hey!" I tried to retort but I couldn't find any words.
He dragged me into the corridor in the building before he stopped and turned to face me, not letting go of my wrist.
"I've given you a long enough time to think, now I need an answer." His voice was harsh and he pushed me against the wall. "Why the fuck are you avoiding me, Freesia?" he snarled, slamming his hand on the wall above my head, standing with only a few inches away from me.
I suddenly felt my heart race being so close to his body and I couldn't keep my concentration.
"I..." I couldn't find my voice, I was too enthralled with the fact he and I were so close.
But... We've been closer before, haven't we? He's held me before... And I even held on to him that time in the cupboard to get away from Melanie... So why is it so different now?
"Answer me!" he snapped, making me flinch.
He’s angry at me...
I couldn't help but have tears fill my eyes. He was angry. The last thing I ever wanted was for Jordan to be mad at me...
My eyes widened as I felt his head suddenly lean on my shoulder and his lips press against my neck. I could feel his breath brush against my skin and, with every breath, my heart pulsated in my neck and it felt hot.
Somehow, this felt different from the other times. This time, there was no sign of him sexually harassing me. This time, it was as if he had lost all his strength to hold back…
"Please... Tell me why..." he whispered, forcing his rage back and trying to calm himself down. "If it's about what Melanie said, then yes, I did kiss you. To save you. I never would have taken advantage of y-"
He stopped in his sentence when I wrapped my arms around him and held him close to me. "Craig told me. I'm not mad." I managed to croak. I was still struggling to find my voice, but I was able to force out those words.
How could he possibly think I would be mad at him for saving me? He’s a stupid idiot if he thought that. The reason why I was mad was—
I felt him pull away from me and I saw his emerald eyes show me fear. "Then tell me why you hate me." He stated as I felt hurt by his sudden movement away from me.
But, I closed my eyes and tried to take a deep breath. “You’re a jerk...” I whispered, croaking a little and tensing my body.
I had to say it. I had to say what was on my mind. If I didn’t, well my heart would never have had a chance of calming down and my mind would have this burden forever strapped to it.
“You sexually harass me on a daily basis, you insult me and make fun of me. You avoid any formalities with me… You keep your past to yourself and don’t tell me anything about what’s on your mind.” I felt tears fill my eyes, but I tried to swallow them back. It was taking all in me to keep my voice from breaking. “I hate jerks so much because they always end up playing with other’s hearts… And I was right about that, and you are no different to any other jerk!”
My voice became louder and stronger the more I spilled out of my heart. “So why? Why is it that you make me feel so safe? Why is it that when you aren’t around, I can’t stop thinking about you?”
“Fr-Freesia. Calm down.” I heard Jordan’s voice try to cut me off, but it was useless; I just continued.
“Why is it that when you are around, I forget about all the bad
things? Why is it that I felt so pissed off with Melanie when she was around you? Why is it that when she said she knew you better than me, I wanted to throw her through a window?” Tears were running down my cheeks. I knew I couldn’t hold so many back at once…
“Hey, hold on!” Jordan tried again, but it was still useless.
Now that I opened my heart, all of my emotions and feelings were spilling out like water out a burst dam.
“Why do I always go to you when I have problems? Why do I feel so painful when you get mad at me? Why couldn’t I feel happy when you weren’t harassing me or teasing me, for an entire week? Why do I always end up being such a burden to you?”
I made my way towards Jordan, walking as close as I possibly could to him, and grabbed his shirt, placing my forehead between his collar bones. “Please… Tell me why you make me so confused… Tell me why you protect me one minute and tease me the next…” My body was shaking, but I don’t know if it was out of fear, anger, sadness, or just the fact I was spilling so much out of myself, that I felt incredibly weak and pathetic.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat and looked up at him, staring into his emerald eyes properly for the first time for several days. My eyes were streaming with tears so my vision was blurry, I couldn’t see his expression. "Tell me…” I spoke, choking on my words a little. “Tell me why you love me!"
Chapter 34
I stood there hiccupping into Jordan’s shirt, tears flowing down my face.
How stupid. How could I break down so easily in front of him? I just spilled all my thoughts out on him and now my body feels so weak, as if all my strength flowed away with my burdening thoughts.
It was actually taking a lot out of me just standing, my legs were shaking so much.
I suddenly felt a hand stroke my hair and his chin rest on the top of my head. “It’s taken all this time for you to figure it out, huh? Idiot.” He laughed at ‘idiot’ before kissing my hair. “Just take a breather and calm yourself down. You’re in a state.” He added and then I felt my legs collapse beneath me.
It took me by surprise, but Jordan was able to hold on to my waist before I impacted the floor and he gently knelt the two of us down. He pulled me in to a hug and gently rubbed my back.
I had my hands on his chest, my ear to his heart. It was beating as fast as mine… Was he as nervous as me?
I closed my eyes, listening to his comforting rhythm and it seemed to help me calm down and stop hyperventilating.
It happened again. Now I am in Jordan’s arms, I feel so safe… And I can barely remember why I was crying in the first place.
I tried nuzzling my head further into his chest, but I could only go so far… But it still wasn’t close enough for me to feel satisfied.
“You’re not feminine at all.” Jordan stated with a sincere, yet slightly teasing, voice. He laid his chin on my head and kept me wrapped inside his embrace as he spoke. “You pretend to be happy, even though I can see that you’re dying inside. You get into all sorts of trouble and that kick of yours is deadly.” He laughed a little, holding me tighter as my hiccupping finally ceased and my tears almost stopped falling.
“You were completely oblivious to how everybody looks up to you and admires you. You keep to yourself way too much and then you end up crying to sleep at night because you lock all that pain away. You also drift off into day-dreamland far too often for your own good… And it’s taken you so long to accept us as your family, I know even now that you’re still not confident in referring to us as that on a daily basis…” He slowly pulled me away and used his sleeve to wipe my eyes.
As he wiped away the mist from my eyes, I looked into his deep emerald eyes, showing longing and that other emotion that I never could figure out…
“But… You are very smart and can think on your feet. You choose to act first and decide a lot of things solely on your own… You can snap anybody out of it and can make everything seem that much brighter. You pick up on little things and try to fix them. And, even if it is something you don’t want to do, you still do it without missing a beat. But, most of all…” He brushed a strand of my hair away from my face and gave me a gentle smile. “You’ve changed me.” He stated, my eyes widening and a light blush glow on my cheeks.
“If it wasn’t for you, Jordan wouldn’t have changed!”
I felt him take hold of my hand and coiled his fingers around mine before continuing. “Before you came along, I was so secluded. I didn’t talk to anybody and always did what I wanted, whether it got me in trouble or not. But I also let myself be pushed around. I let people take advantage of me and I even came to the point that I wanted to run away from it all… But, when you came along, I found some hope inside me. When I heard about your situation with your family, I no longer felt like I was the only one struggling with the truth.
“When I saw you crying that time because you were missing your mom… I could sympathise with you. And I realised you were going through the same pain I was and you were like a reflection of my sorrow. I couldn’t stand seeing you, who had a smile on your face in front of everybody, cry on your own without anybody to listen to you. To be honest with you, I wasn’t even that strong enough to do that. I always wore a frown and shunned everybody who was willing to help.
“But you… You smile in front of everyone even though you are in so much pain on the inside. You stand up for yourself without breaking down and you can control your temper far better than I ever could.”
Jordan released my hand and cupped my face in his hands, delicately stroking my left cheek with his thumb. “And all of your flaws, all of your weaknesses, all of your strengths… They are what I fell in love with. I fell in love with all that you are. I fell in love with you. And I am still falling deeper and deeper in love with you every second of the day.”
I could feel tears in my eyes again as Jordan spoke those words. It was at that very instant that I figured out that emotion I could never figure out. It was a feeling I never experienced for so long, a feeling that I almost forgot about when Kyle and my mom separated.
That feeling…Was love.
We held each other’s gaze for a while until Jordan slowly pulled my face to his. It didn’t take long for me to completely give in to him and be everything he wanted me to be. At that moment, I didn’t care that the baseball match had started again, I didn’t care that we were in a public place, I didn’t even care that my chest was aching with so much crying and hiccupping.
All my worries, all my concerns, everything that was making me run, completely dissolved in that very instant, as Jordan’s lips made contact with mine.
Chapter 35
I couldn’t pull away from him. Not like I wanted to… I couldn’t stop him from making my heart pound. Not like I cared… I couldn’t help but wrap my arms around his neck as his kiss went deeper and deeper.
Every pore on my body was vibrating and, even though it was mid-autumn, my body was overheating. Jordan had a tight hold on my body and pushed himself closer and closer with every move he made with his mouth. He was careful to not be too forceful, so the stitching in my mouth wouldn’t open, but he didn’t go easy on me either. I barely had enough time to breathe, with each kiss he took away from my mouth returning in a few seconds. We were practically breathing each other’s air… But none of it bothered me.
He had me leaning back against the wall, his hands still holding my face firmly, most likely to make sure I wouldn’t pull away from him whilst he made my entire body melt with each contact.
I still couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I was making out with a hot jerk, 2 years older than me… And my step-brother at that.
But neither of us cared. The moment right then and there was what we had our focus on. Nothing more, nothing less.
After a few more on my mouth, Jordan drew away his lips and began trailing them down my neck. I let out a slight whimper as he began licking the underside of my chin.
“Jordan, sto-“ I tried speaking
, but I couldn’t. Not with the guy melting my entire being.
“Shut up.” He whispered to me as he travelled to my ear. “I need to taste freesia.”
I wasn’t sure if he was referring more to the flower or to me but, either way, he wasn’t going to stop.
He varied kissing and tasting my neck until I couldn’t take it anymore.
I positioned myself so that my kneeling made me taller than Jordan and I took my hand, combing through his hair before forcing his head back. The instant he was at the right angle, I had to hold him there with my mouth so he wouldn’t leave them again.
His taste… His scent… His touch… I wanted it all. Every fragment of Jordan I wanted for myself. I wanted everything he was belonging to me, and I would give myself to him in return.
With every other experience in my life, I could never have felt so happy as I was right then, knowing Jordan was giving himself to me and only me, knowing I couldn’t tear away from those deep emerald eyes that were set on me and only me, knowing that everything around us was invisible to both of us.
I combed my hands through his jet black hair as he kissed me more and more and more. He had his hands on the floor on either side of my body, holding him in a position easier for me to manipulate whenever he tried to pull away.
I wasn’t letting him go, now. Not when my body longed for more of his touch and taste.
But we both knew we had to stop soon. The game was almost over and we had to leave sooner or later.
When I finally thought I had satisfied myself for the moment, I drew myself away and out of his mouth, gazing at his emerald eyes that lusted for more.
“We should stop.” I whispered to him before he stole one last kiss from my lips.
He gave me that wry smile of his. “Alright. But we’re not finished here, y’know.” He gave me those eyes full of love before standing on his feet. “Here.” He held out his hand to me and it didn’t take me even a second to take it.
Jordan pulled me to my feet and, with one last exchange with our eyes, we walked back to the cars, hand in hand, just as the game came to an end and everyone left.