One From The Heart

by Richards, Cinda

  “She … stayed with me for a week in that little house in Chimayo. And then I woke up one morning and she was gone. She left me a letter, believe it or not. She even explained. She’d been living with a man named O’Day. She was pregnant. She wasn’t sure he’d want to marry her, and she’d needed some time just to forget. She thanked me for that—for helping her forget. That’s how I know Petey isn’t my kid. Libby married Petey’s father a week later.”

  “Ernie—”

  “There’s more, Hannah. I want you to hear it. I stood there and read that letter. Over and over, but it still said the same thing. I … couldn’t believe it. My pride was hurt, and I was furious with myself because I knew better. I knew better, and I still let her do that to me; and worse than that, I’d been dumb enough to tell people we were getting married. People were going to know what a damn fool John Ernest Watson was.

  “But Libby didn’t make me start drinking. I was … humiliated, and drinking was the way I chose to deal with it. I wanted a hole to hide in and I found it. The funny thing is, I never was much of a social drinker before then. I could take it or leave it. But I started making the rounds, hitting all the honky-tonks and looking for women who’d make me feel better for a little while at least. It got to the point where I was staying more drunk than sober, and all of a sudden I couldn’t just take it or leave it anymore. I knew I couldn’t, but I lied to myself and to anybody who tried to talk to me about it. Two-thirds of what happened to me then I don’t even remember. You know your moment of truth? Well, I was doing everything I could to hide from mine. But … I had some good friends. Mac McDade and his old man. My old man. They got ahold of me one day, and they made me look at myself, made me see what they were seeing. They took me to a place where I could get some help—hell, they even went in with me. So now I go to AA, and I take life one day at a time, and I—” He didn’t go on, and she lifted her head to look at him. “Until she left Petey with me, I’d only seen her once since that time in Chimayo.”

  “At Mim’s,” Hannah said.

  He frowned. “How did you know that?”

  “I saw the picture in Mim’s album.” The picture that showed so clearly that he’d once again forgiven Elizabeth.

  The phone rang sharply, and because she was closest, Hannah moved to answer it, taking Ernie’s plaid shirt with her and slipping it on. She turned around to look at him as she picked up the receiver, smiling a bit at his overt appraisal of her lack of attire.

  He cares about me. He’s crazy about me. He thinks he loves me …

  He folded his arms behind his head and gave her a playful wink. “You’re doing a lot for my shirt there, Hannah.”

  “Hello?” she said into the phone, her smile broadening. Regardless of what he felt for her, he had a way of making her feel good about herself, too, for all his long history with Elizabeth.

  There was silence on the other end of the line.

  “Hello?” she said again, listening a moment for some clue as to whether anyone was there. She heard nothing, and she frowned at the receiver a moment, then hung up.

  “Who knows we’re here besides Mim?” she asked.

  “Half of Tahlequah, I imagine.” He sat up on the side of the bed and put on his jeans, then went to work on the wood stove. She watched him, brazenly admiring the ripple of muscles in his back and arms as he stoked the fire. “Come here,” he said when he had the fire burning again.

  He didn’t have to coax her; she went to him, kissing him on the neck and cheek and pushing up the long sleeves of his plaid shirt before she wrapped her arms around him. He sat down on the chair where she’d hung her jacket and took her into his lap, sliding his hand up under the shirt to caress her bare hip. “I am never going to get enough of you,” he said gruffly, his mouth seeking hers.

  The phone rang again, and he sighed heavily.

  “I’ll get it this time,” he said, shifting her off his lap.

  There was no one on the line. Ernie broke the connection and dialed a number. “Mim,” he said after a moment, “did you just call? No, nothing. You haven’t heard anything, have you? No, I’m going to stay here tonight with Hannah.”

  Hannah raised her eyebrows a bit at that last part, and Ernie grinned.

  “Yeah,” he said after a moment, and then, “Hi, Pete! Yeah, Anna-Hannah’s here. Has she got on her nightie?” He looked Hannah and his plaid shirt over carefully, making her grin. “Nope. No nightie. Did you brush your teeth? Good girl. Don’t you go eating cake, now, after you’ve got your teeth brushed, okay? Yeah,” he said, beckoning to Hannah, who was already coming closer. “Give me a kiss, then. Here’s Anna-Hannah.”

  “Hello, dear sweet Petey,” Hannah said, taking the phone.

  “Hello, dear wheat, Anna … Hannah,” Petey responded, punctuating it with the soft giggle Hannah loved. Hannah stood in the circle of Ernie’s arms, leaning against his bare chest, lifting her mouth a bit to receive the soft kiss he was about to offer her.

  “Are you ready for bed?” Hannah asked, trying not to laugh at Ernie who was nodding vigorously. “Kiss me good night, then. I’ll see you in the morning. Pleasant dreams … good night … dear sweet Petey.”

  Ernie took the receiver out of her hand, making sure Petey had hung up before he replaced it. “I love that little kid,” he said unnecessarily. Petey was all tangled up in the reason for his pain over Elizabeth, Hannah thought, but because of the kind of man he was, he clearly loved her anyway. She looked up at him, and he smiled, but the smile didn’t quite reach his dark eyes. Elizabeth was still there, still crowding both of them, and he was still worrying.

  “Ernie,” she whispered, reaching up to touch his face, to brush her thumb over his raggedy mustache. He pressed his cheek into the palm of her hand, and the smile faded. He leaned down to give her another kiss, a kiss that suddenly accelerated, making him give a soft moan as his lips ground into hers. He kissed her until she was breathless, until she realized she was never going to get enough of him, either.

  He finally broke away, his breath quick and warm against her ear. “I care about you, Hannah. I can’t believe this. You don’t know how hard I tried …” He didn’t go on, burying his face in her shoulder.

  “Not to,” she finished for him. “Ernie, I’m not afraid of this. I’m not.” It wasn’t quite the truth. She was afraid, more for him than for herself. He kissed her again, then lifted her up and carried her to the bed.

  “Damn this knee!” he said in exasperation as he tried to put her down. “The doctor left the clamps in too long because he thought I’d be back rodeoing before I was supposed to. He nearly killed me getting them all out.”

  “Maybe I should carry you,” she suggested, and they both laughed, heads together. He set her down awkwardly, then tumbled onto the bed alongside her with some fancy maneuvering to protect his knee. He gave a loud groan and turned his head to look at her.

  “Is this romantic, Hannah Rose, or what?” he asked a bit wearily, grinning and gingerly trying to coax his knee into working again. “I’ve got something to ask you,” he said after a moment.

  “What?”

  “Help me get my pants off!”

  He punctuated that request with an onslaught of wild kissing and tickling, rolling her onto him and off again and making her squeal.

  “Ernie! Wait—your knee!” she protested, but she was loving every minute of it, and he knew it.

  “Now, there you go, Hannah. Trying to change the subject just like you did the first time I tried to get you to take my pants off.”

  They ended up with her on top of him again, his shirt well off her shoulders as he nibbled at her neck and the soft swell of her breasts.

  “You were right,” she said, still laughing. “We can’t be alone together without getting into—trouble—Ernie!”

  “You’re not alone,” Elizabeth said quietly.

  Hannah jumped, struggling to get out of Ernie’s arms, but he wouldn’t let her go. She would always be grateful to him for
that—that he didn’t cheapen their relationship by behaving like a man caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He held her still, reaching up to touch her cheek and looking into her eyes before he let her go. He sat up on the side of the bed, hunting for his discarded undershirt. He put it on, and he said nothing, seemingly unmoved by Elizabeth’s tearstained face. She’d had her blond hair cut in a chic new style, but she was much more disheveled than was fashionable. She stood there, a tragic figure dressed all in black, rain-wet and distraught. God, she was beautiful, even like this, Hannah thought.

  “I wanted you to look after Petey for me, Hannah, but this isn’t what I had in mind.” Her voice quivered with emotion, and she put her hand to her eyes for a moment to regain control. “Hannah, what are you doing?”

  “Have you seen Petey?” Ernie interrupted. He stood up and handed Hannah her clothes, then walked the length of the room to the kitchen, setting the coffee pot back on the stove.

  “No, I haven’t seen her!” Elizabeth cried, following him, leaving Hannah with what little privacy there was to put her clothes on. “I’ve been trying to find out what’s going on. I went looking for you at me Cowtown rodeo, Ernie. They said they thought you were living with Hannah. I couldn’t believe it! I called her place twice today. She said you weren’t there and she wasn’t sure when you’d be back.” Her eyes flew to Hannah. “I gave you those false names because I didn’t want you to know it was me,” she snapped before Hannah could accuse her of anything. “Are you and Ernie living together?”

  “No, Elizabeth,” Hannah said, offering Ernie his shirt. He shook his head, and she laid it across the disheveled bed. “Ernie’s been helping me look after Petey. You called here, too, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, I did. And then I came over. I wanted to see for myself. It’s a good thing I didn’t get here any later, isn’t it?” She smiled through her tears, and Hannah realized that, for whatever reason, Elizabeth needed to think she’d come in time to keep her and Ernie from becoming lovers.

  “What are you going to do about Petey?” Hannah asked. She wasn’t going to be put on the defensive, no matter how defensive she felt.

  “Why? Do you want to take her away from me, too?” Elizabeth said sarcastically.

  “Libby, that’s enough,” Ernie said.

  “That’s enough?” she said incredulously, turning on him. “Oh, is it really? What do you think this is, anyway, Ernie? Hannah is just like everybody else. People are jealous of me. They want what I’ve got. They always want what I’ve got—she’s pathetic. She wouldn’t want you if you didn’t belong to me, don’t you know that?”

  “Whatever is between Hannah and me has nothing to do with you.”

  She looked from one of them to the other, tears welling up in her eyes.

  “You can’t have him, Hannah,” she said, her voice childlike and quivering. “You can’t!” Tears spilled down her face. “Please,” she said pitifully. “Please! You took our mother, Hannah. Don’t take him, too!”

  Hannah went to her, because she couldn’t do otherwise. Mim had been right: Elizabeth was a stray-away, and her lost look worked on Hannah, as it always did. She understood Ernie’s relationship with her sister better than he knew.

  She put her hand out. “Elizabeth?”

  But Elizabeth didn’t want to be touched. She stood rigidly in the middle of the room, her arms wrapped round her body.

  “What’s wrong with us, Hannah? We’re both pathetic. We don’t know how it’s done, do we? I can’t keep from marrying all the time, and you won’t marry at all.”

  “Elizabeth,” Hannah said again, reaching out to her.

  “No! I’m better off than you are, Hannah. I’m not afraid to take a chance. You think for a minute Nathan Williamson would have gotten away from me if I’d loved him the way you did? I’d have promised him anything—anything. Wait. Wait—Hannah, you’re not in love with Ernie now, are you? Oh, poor Hannah. You don’t know what you’ve missed, Hannah Rose. He’s a wonderful lover …” She laughed suddenly. “My God, wait until Daddy finds out John Ernest Watson tried to bed his other daughter!”

  “Libby, I said that’s enough!” Ernie barked. “What do you want!”

  “Ernie, why are you doing this! Why are you standing up for her!” She swayed on her feet. “Ernie—” She held out her hands to him. “I need—I have to talk to you. I have to. Please. Alone. It’s bad this time, Ernie. My poor Petey …”

  She swayed, and he caught her before she fell. Hannah brought the chair with her jacket hanging on it, but Elizabeth wouldn’t sit down. Her head fell forward onto Ernie’s shoulder, and she reached up to lock her arms around his neck.

  “Libby, have you taken anything?” he asked her.

  She giggled. “Me? You’re the one who has a problem with a controlled substance, Ernie.”

  “Libby, have you taken anything!” He tried to get her arms from around his neck.

  “No! I swear! I’m just so tired, Ernie. Please, please, we have to talk. Alone.”

  He glanced at Hannah, shooting her a look she’d seen before: Trust me.

  This was like a scene from a very bad melodrama, Hannah thought. She turned abruptly away and went to stand at the kitchen sink and stare out the window. She could see nothing but her own reflection in the dark, rain-spattered glass, and she stood there trying not to listen to their conversation. She couldn’t hear the words; she could only tell that Elizabeth was still pleading and that Ernie—

  So, Hannah thought suddenly. This was how he’d learned to handle Petey so easily. He’d had a lifetime of learning—with her mother. Hannah looked over her shoulder at them. Ernie spoke to Elizabeth gently, and she clung to him.

  “Did you lie to me?” she heard Elizabeth say distinctly. “Did you? You said you’d always love me. Always!”

  “Libby—”

  “Did you?”

  He hesitated only a moment, then shook his head. No.

  No, Hannah repeated over and over in her mind. No.

  CHAPTER NINE

  “HANNAH?” Ernie said behind her. She knew he was there—she could see his reflection in the kitchen window—but she didn’t turn around.

  “I’m … going to take Libby to Jake’s.”

  She nodded and sidestepped him to take the coffee pot off the stove. It was ludicrous how many times this coffee had been heated when no one was ever going to drink it. He touched her arm, and she stiffened, so he took his hand away.

  “Hannah, I—”

  “I was thinking we didn’t get Cowpoke out of the truck, did we?” she interrupted, turning around to look at him. She’d promised him their being together—making love together—wouldn’t mean anything if he didn’t want it to, and she’d meant it.

  “Hannah—”

  “I was thinking I’d walk back and see—take it in to Mim if it’s still in the truck. Petey might wake up and need—”

  “Hannah!” he whispered fiercely. “I want you to wait here.”

  She looked up at him, letting her eyes linger in his. Dear God, how she wanted to be angry with him: You got all tangled up with me when you knew better, Ernie. When you knew I was already looking into your eyes too long, and you knew how easy it was for us to be together and to talk to each other and to take care of Petey. You wanted to run, so why didn’t you? Why didn’t you run.’

  But she made no accusations, said nothing.

  “Wait for me. I mean it!”

  “All right,” she said quietly, and she looked away from his eyes.

  “Promise me!”

  She made herself look at him. “I … promise,” she lied, when she’d thought she would never, ever lie to him. She had but one consuming thought: to get to the Tahlequah bus station, if there was one. There was only one way she could survive this situation, and that was by getting out of it as soon as possible.

  “No, hell, you don’t!” he whispered, grabbing her arm. “Don’t you do this, Hannah. Not now—”

  “Ernie?” Elizabet
h called to him.

  “I told you how it was, Hannah,” he said.

  “Yes,” she agreed. He’d told her. He’d told her what she already knew, and she’d still let herself love him. She managed a small smile. “Take care of her, Ernie,” she said, nodding in Elizabeth’s direction. “If I can do anything—look after Petey or anything, I will.” She was letting him go, and he knew it.

  “Hannah—” he began, but Elizabeth called him again. She was crying harder now, leaning against the front door, one hand outstretched.

  Ernie turned abruptly and led her outside, letting the squeaky screen door bang hard behind them.

  Hannah stood quietly. She could hear the rain on the roof, the hiss of the coffee heating, the wind. She drank the coffee after all, sitting alone in the house and finally falling asleep in a bed that was no longer crowded. She woke up cold and lonely just before daylight. The rain had stopped, and she lay there trying to make plans. She had wanted to leave immediately, to hitch a ride into Tahlequah, to walk if she had to, anything to get away, but once again she found herself bound by her responsibility to a child. Petey. What was going to happen to her? Would she stay with Mim, go to her grandfather Jake’s, or be off again with Elizabeth, who couldn’t even look after herself, much less take care of a child. Marriage wasn’t the only thing she and Elizabeth couldn’t manage—neither of them seemed to have a gift for mothering, either.

  She shivered, then maneuvered until she had the blanket doubled and tried to get warm, toying with the idea of getting up and starting a fire. But she wouldn’t need a fire. She wouldn’t be here that long. When it was light enough, she’d gather up her things and walk to Mim’s. She’d see Petey and say her good-byes. Surely someone would take her to the nearest station. She had enough money to get back to Dallas alone, and she certainly didn’t want to make that long trip with Ernie.