Fire & Ice (Books 1 & 2)

by Jourdin, Genevieve

  I should go to sleep. Sitting up thinking about things was only making me more uptight. I would most likely be well by morning, sleeping in my own bed in my own house. I crawled under the covers for the second time tonight, but this time I was going to stay put. I closed my eyes and started counting sheep. After a few seconds of that I became angry. Who came up with that stupid idea? Watching sheep jump doesn’t do anything to make me drowsy. I started to count puppies. Aww, they are so cute.

  There was a warm hand on my hip and hot breath on my neck. I leaned back into the firm body that was spooning me. I could feel the bulge of his cock on my ass. I wiggled closer.

  “Mmm,” he groaned in my ear while he slid his hand up to my breast. My own hand reached up to cover his.

  “Well good morning to you, too,” I whispered scratchily as he tightened his arm around me, pulling me closer. His tongue and lips started an assault on my neck and I shivered, pressing myself into him. I don’t know how long we laid there, practically still but for his mouth, before his hand moved back down to my thigh, grasping it and shifting it forward to make space for him. I could feel his peen nudging my entrance which was already wet and eager. He pushed himself into me at an excruciatingly slow pace.

  “Oh Carter,” I gasped as I arched my back.

  I bolted upright in bed, my breathing shaky. What the hell was that? I could still feel Carter’s hand holding me and his lips on my neck. Did I just have a sex dream? Holy moly, I never had those. Ever. My heart was beating fast. Like panic attack fast but in a good way and I was still turned on. Sex dreams are awesome.

  I switched on the lamp and looked over at the clock. 6:42. Way too early for me to be up. I was the proverbial night owl. I had always been lucky that my body preferred the night since that was when I was at the restaurant. I hoped I wasn’t some freakish early riser now. That would totally suck. There was nothing as fabulous as being able to be asleep while the rest of the poor working schmoes were already grinding away at their jobs.

  I wanted to go back to sleep, but I didn’t want to fall back into the dream. Not that it didn’t make me feel good though, precisely the opposite. It probably wouldn’t be a very good idea to moon over him while unconscious, I might get carried away or something and force myself on him. Then again, I’d already done that.

  I finally got up because I really needed to go to the bathroom. I turned on the lamp and the first thing I saw was the picture of Carter and me. I tried to remember when it was taken, but I came up blank. My stomach sank as I realized I still had no memory of the recent past. Well, this bites. I had pinned my hopes on sleep recharging my mind, but was obviously going to take something else.

  I crawled out of bed dejectedly. I needed to do something constructive today, something that would actively engage my brain. I made it to the door and opened it a crack. It was quiet. Great. I raced to the bathroom and took care of the most pressing business. Uhg, my mouth felt gross. I picked up my space-aged toothbrush and squeezed some toothpaste on it before I turned it on and started scrubbing my teeth, only then did I look up to see what I can only describe as hideous. It was my head. My entire head.

  My eyes were red and puffy from last night’s crying jag and the bruise on the side of my head had morphed into what looked like a bad makeup job from an old monster movie, all green and brown. My hair was the worst of all. What wasn’t sticking to my head in greasy chunks was poking up in a tangled mess. I momentarily stopped brushing my teeth to gaze at myself. I looked like total crap. I hurriedly finished brushing and stripped out of my clothes. A shower was the only prescription for this disease.

  I turned the water on and opened the cabinet to make sure my robe was hanging before stripping down and stepping into the steaming spray. I felt instantly better as I lathered up my hair, the smell of my shampoo familiar and comforting. While I conditioned my hair I pulled the razor off of the shelf and shaved my legs—strictly for myself, of course. After I was done and dried off I felt a hundred times better than I felt yesterday.

  When I opened the door I was confronted by someone who was the opposite of hideous. Geez, even at the butt-crack of dawn he looked good. How unfair. His hair looked messy, but that wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Everything else looked amazing. I grabbed the lapels of my robe together like a prudish ninny.

  “Good morning,” I said in my most schoolmarmish voice. “I’m finished; you can have the bathroom now.” He didn’t say anything, just looked at me and raised his eyebrows. “Excuse me,” I murmured as I pushed past him. He smelled like sleep. It was a good smell. I had to get out of there.

  “Morning.” He actually grunted something that sounded like “horny” but I think that was me projecting. I rushed to my bedroom and closed the door harder than I meant to before grabbing some jeans and a pretty black tunic with silver embroidery. I didn’t recognize it, but I was happy to put on something attractive. I needed the confidence boost. Yesterday was a bitch-slap to my mental wellbeing, and I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to handle another day like that one.

  Today I would be proactive about remembering. I would go through every email and picture I had. There had to be something somewhere that would make everything fall into place. I was an intelligent woman. It shouldn’t be that hard to force my mind to dredge up something useful. I went back to my closet and pulled out a pair of ballet flats. Cute. I slipped them on and looked down at myself. Nice.

  I went back to the bathroom to dry my hair and was happy to see it was empty. Ten minutes later, with dry hair and a bit of makeup to cover some of the bruising I felt pretty good, all things considered.

  I smelled coffee and immediately perked up, faintly amazed that I hadn’t felt the need for any earlier. Usually, I couldn’t function without caffeine first thing. I wasn’t surprised to find Carter already sitting at the island with a coffee mug in front of him.

  “I made some coffee.” He looked up from the book he was reading and I walked over to the coffee maker.

  “Thanks.” There was already a mug next to the coffee pot. It was my favorite mug, the one I had used every morning since I had moved into this house. Carter knew that this was my special mug. I had to put that thought away until later. I poured my coffee and dumped in a mound of sugar. After I took my first sip I turned back to Carter, who was watching me.

  “You look nice.” He said it with a smile so I was extra glad I had put on something besides my usual tee shirt.

  “Thank you.” My voice was all breathy.

  All I could think about when I looked at him was my dream. I could feel his lips on my neck and his hand on my breast. My nipples sprang to attention before I could help it. This was going to be tough. I knew it would be impossible to actually have sex with him while I was in this state. For one thing, I usually dated a guy for a while before I took it that far, and another, maybe more pertinent to this situation, I didn’t think he would go for it. He stopped kissing me last night because he thought I wasn’t ready, so I was pretty sure that he wouldn’t be inclined to indulge me in sex. Dang it! I needed to implement my plan to be cool like I had decided last night. Sadly, I had no practice being cool so I didn’t know what to do. I fell back on the only thing I had.

  “Do you want any breakfast?” I made sure my voice was strong and clear.

  “Only if you want to make some, I was going to make do with coffee.”

  “Omelet okay?” I asked as I pushed off from the counter I was leaning on and made my way over to the refrigerator.

  “Great. Do you want any help?”

  No. No. No. “Sure.” I smiled and grabbed the carton of eggs and leaned back down to see if there were any mushrooms in the drawer. Bingo. I pulled out the bacon and cheese and set everything down on the counter.

  “Bacon and mushroom omelet, your favorite,” I said triumphantly. I heard Carter gasp from behind me.

  “What?”

  “You know what my favorite breakfast is.” He said it with such awe that it only
took me a moment to understand what he was saying.

  “Oh my gosh! How did I know that?” My heart started pounding again, but this time it wasn’t in fear. It was excitement. Maybe today was going to be my lucky day.

  Chapter Ten

  Carter was beside me in a second. “What else do you remember?” he asked anxiously while latching on to my upper arms.

  I thought hard. Hmm. Nothing really. I had no idea where the whole omelet thing had popped up from. I searched my thoughts for any tiny nugget of information, but I just couldn’t bring anything to the surface. Carter was searching my face for some kind of recognition, so I just shook my head.

  He slowly released my arms. “That’s okay, sweetie. It’s in there somewhere. This is a great sign. Maybe it will happen while you aren’t even trying.” He said it while trying to put on a happy face, but the excitement I had felt just a moment ago was already starting to dissipate.

  I stared at his face, trying to force my mind to give me just a little more. I looked down at the breakfast ingredients, and for some reason I couldn’t even remember making omelets for Carter anymore. That momentary, fleeting thought was already buried back in my subconscious. I wanted to yell in anger and cry in frustration all at the same time. My heartbeat had slowed back down, too, my tiny victory already overshadowed by reality.

  “I guess I’ll start the food.” I didn’t feel like eating, but cooking always made me feel better. It was soothing and I needed that desperately, even if I was just going through the motions. I put the bacon on and then felt his arms come around me. I stood still. Part of me wanted to lean into him, but the other part, the part still a tiny bit freaked out, wanted to elbow him in the stomach.

  Whoa, that sounded a little vicious. Am I violent now, too? My mind started racing again, just like it did in the hospital. Maybe I did something crappy to someone and this was my punishment. I didn’t really know myself, did I? But then, why would Carter want to be with me? He’s a good guy. He’s helpful in the kitchen, he’s good looking, and he is a damn good kisser. He already sounded better than anyone else I can remember dating. Oh, the irony.

  Hmm. He smelled good and he hadn’t even showered yet. He was still wearing his tee shirt and sweats. That’s something else I should add to the plus column. Nice smelling. You never really think about how important that is until you date someone with B.O., but that’s another story.

  “Justine, we’ll get through this. Who knows what you’ll remember next?” He released me to grab a bowl for the eggs and I took it from him without saying anything. This morning was really giving my emotions a workout. First the sex dream, then the memory, now back to square one. It was getting pretty hard to take. We stood there silently, cooking our breakfast, and when everything was done we sat at the island and ate it. Well, he ate his while I pushed my food around the plate. All of this pretty much without talking. Strangely, it didn’t seem weird. It felt kind of homey.

  I stood to clean up after we were finished, but Carter stopped me.

  “What would you like to do today?” The question caught me off guard. I had been planning to look through my pictures and email, but now I was thinking about getting out of the house. I needed something relax me; I had had a rough couple of days.

  “Um, I hadn’t really thought about it. What would I usually do on a Monday?” He paused as if thinking about it.

  “I don’t really know. I’m usually at work.” Well, so much for that avenue of information.

  “Maybe we could go to the farmer’s market or something. It’s a nice day.” I looked out the window as I said this and confirmed that the sun was actually out.

  “Sure, we could do that.” I couldn’t tell if he was happy about the prospect or not. “Whatever you want. Today is all about you.” He gathered up the dishes and started rinsing them off. I would have helped him, but I didn’t really feel like cleaning; I wanted to be lazy and self-indulgent. At least for today. I watched as he put everything away and I quickly occupied myself with staring at my fingernails a second before he turned around.

  “I’m going to take a shower; you decide what you want to do.” He leaned forward like he was going to kiss me then veered to the side and walked past. What the heck? I was almost expecting contact now.

  Lucy was hanging around my feet, waiting for her own breakfast, so I got her some food and watched her while she ate it. Dogs didn’t have these kinds of problems. How was I supposed to function in society with only a partial knowledge of my life and even less knowledge of my job?

  There was nothing left for me to do in the kitchen, and the only thing I could think to keep myself occupied was straightening up my bed. I had never realized how boring life could get if you didn’t have set plans in place. This wasn’t like a day off or even a vacation. At least during those times you focused on doing things that weren’t part of your everyday routine. As I couldn’t remember my everyday routine, there wasn’t anything in front of me but endless stretches of nothing. It made me feel useless.

  I heard the shower running as I passed the bathroom door. It didn’t take much to start imagining Carter on the other side, naked. It caused a bit of a tingle in my stomach, so I paused there like a creepy stalker, listening for any kind of sound. Hey, it might help nudge my memory or something. After a few seconds, when I didn’t remember anything helpful, I started to feel slightly dirty, so I went along to the bedroom, straightening the covers and fluffing up my pillows.

  By the time I had finished, I heard the shower go off. I didn’t want to run into him in the hallway so I sat on the bed, waiting for him to go back out to the kitchen. He didn’t. He came out of the bathroom covered only in a towel. I took a breath. Oh. My. God. Literally. We are talking Greek god here. My eyes locked on his chest for the second time in twelve hours. How on earth do I not remember this? Why would I want to forget? My eyes drifted lower and I forced myself to look to the side.

  “Sorry, I thought you were still in the kitchen.” He strolled into the room completely unconcerned that I was sitting there gaping at him. It made me wonder if he usually walked around the house wearing next to nothing. I hoped so. For after I get my memory back, I mean. Right now I was just a perv.

  “No problem, let me get out of here so you can get dressed.” I hopped up and shot out of the room, closing the door behind me and made my way back to the living room. How had I never noticed how little there was to do in my house? I just went from room to room without any purpose. I missed being needed at the restaurant. I hadn’t thought about it much, too many other things to worry about, but now I let the sadness in. I couldn’t remember all the stuff Cheryl had told me about happening, but I believed her. It was just hard to realize that I wasn’t officially a chef anymore, not in the truest sense of the word. I felt lost.

  Carter emerged from the bedroom looking totally put together in a brown pullover and dark wash jeans. “Are you ready to go? It’s still early.”

  I looked at the clock on the wall. It was just after eight. Early for me, anyway. “Yeah, let’s get out of here.” I walked out the door after grabbing my purse and stopped at the driveway. Should I drive? I didn’t really want to, but I thought I should at least offer. “Would you like to go in my car?”

  Carter shook his head. “Uh, no that’s okay. I hate your driving.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Well, you punch the gas and mash on the brakes constantly. I can’t relax in the car with you.” I wanted to feel insulted, but this was not the first time I had heard those exact words to describe my driving. I decided to be the bigger person and let it slide.

  “Fine, you drive. Where are we going?”

  “The farmer’s market. That’s the first thing you said so I figured that’s where you really wanted to go.” I nodded and waited while he unlocked the car doors.

  “I know you probably think it’s stupid to want to go there, but we can find something for dinner.” I loved the farmer’s market, all the choices and all the peo
ple. Plus, I couldn’t live without the goat cheese from my favorite seller.

  “Not at all. I like going there, too. It’s full of happy memories.” Huh? He has happy memories of the farmer’s market? Weirdo.

  We sat in silence as he drove down my street and onto busier roads. Everything looked perfectly familiar to me. I felt like my old self. “Thanks. I really needed this.” I felt about the farmer’s market like other women felt about the spa. Utter relaxation and happiness.

  “My pleasure.” He smiled back at me and for the first time in days I felt really good. We walked around, looking at what was on offer, which wasn’t much since it was a weekday. I walked to a table with an enormous pumpkin in front of it. I had forgotten that it was already autumn, which meant it was closer to Thanksgiving and piles of food. My mood was getting lighter by the minute.

  “What would you like me to make tonight? Pick anything here.” I was feeling magnanimous as I stretched my arms out to encompass the entire market.

  Carter thought for a moment. “Asparagus risotto?”

  I nodded and backtracked to the longhaired guy who had the super-thin asparagus that was out of season. “Five pounds, please.” It was much more than I needed, but they looked so good I wanted to have some on hand. My mind was already trying to formulate a recipe for the extras. Carter pulled out his wallet to pay for them before I had a chance to and took the bag.

  “Thanks.” I remembered I only had about fourteen dollars in cash and I wasn’t sure if I had anything in the bank. That might have been an embarrassing situation just now. I needed to check out my bank account when we got home.

  We walked a little more, but my cheese guy wasn’t there, so I made do with the asparagus and we headed back to the car. I was happier than I had felt in days. I reached out for Carter’s hand. He looked surprised but took it. I felt an electrical shock run up my arm and I also saw a picture of Carter in my head. I was telling him that I loved him. Oh my god. I was telling Carter I loved him. At the farmer’s market.