A Beautiful Mess b-2

by Emily Mckee

  Looking over at Maddox I shook my head. I thought I was hiding my feelings pretty well. Apparently not.

  Letting out a deep breath I said, “I’ve liked Ash for a long time and I’ve tried to stay away and just be her friend because I’m such a mess and she doesn’t deserve that. So I’ve been quiet but when she kissed my hand … Maddox, I fucking lost it. I just went crazy and she didn’t stop me.”

  Putting my hands on the top of my head I started pulling my hair. Yelling, “FUCK,” at the top of my lungs I looked over at Maddox and he scrunched his eyebrows together.

  He took a deep breath and said, “You like her?”

  I just laughed and shook my head. “Fuck no. The word like doesn’t even come close to how I feel about that girl.”

  He leaned in closer and asked, “You love her?”

  I stared at him. I began to think about it and then looked over at Maddox and said, “I’m not sure how to answer that question honestly, Madd.”

  Half of Maddox’s mouth came up in a grin and he said, “I think you just did.”

  I smiled at him but just then I felt something in my gut and I knew I was in trouble. I looked over at Maddox and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down and then my heart plummeted. I took a deep breath and turned around just in time to see Jade and Isabelle marching up in our direction and they were fuming. I swear I could see smoke coming from their ears and their eyes were glaring daggers right at me.

  Isabelle walked over and sat down on Maddox’s lap wrapping her arms around his neck. She smiled and kissed him and then she turned to me and the look she gave was scary as hell. I think I would have rather cut my own dick off than have her look at me that way ever again.

  Jade sat down next to me and just looked at me and shook her head. That’s all she had to do because I knew she was disappointed with me and no words could describe how pissed she was at me. She knew I had a huge thing for Ashlynn but while I had huge balls. They just weren’t big enough to tell Ash how I felt about her.

  Putting my head down I sighed. Long and hard. Jesus Christ, now my dick is starting to swell.

  This was all such a huge mess and I didn’t know how to fix it. I didn’t even know where to begin in trying to make an attempt. I feel like I just keep digging a bigger hole for myself and I don’t know how to get out of it.

  In the back of my mind I could hear Jade and Iz talking about the situation between Ashlynn and myself but I didn’t care. I just kept thinking about Ash.

  Once Isabelle and Jade gave their opinions they were walking back onto the dance floor. However Isabelle stopped and looked at Maddox waiting for him. I looked over at Maddox and he put a finger up in her direction and said, “I’ll be out there in a second sweetheart.” The second he said, “Sweetheart,” Isabelle was like a puddle at his feet. Her eyes twinkled and the smile that went across her face was indescribable, and it was one I wanted desperately to cause on Ash’s face.

  When Jade and Isabelle were out of hearing distance Maddox leaned in and said, “Look, I know what you’re going through. It’s the exact same thing Isabelle and I went through but look at where we are.” He must have sensed that I was going to say something because he placed a finger up and motioned for me to keep quiet so he could continue. “I know something happened to you Jason. I’m just not sure what. But I can tell you that Ashlynn is a lot stronger than you think she is and I know that she would go to the ends of the earth for you.”

  I looked up at him and said, “How can you be so sure on your observation of Ash, Maddox?”

  Without taking his eyes off me he smiled and said, “Because I would do that for Isabelle without any hesitation.”

  At that moment Isabelle walked up and grabbed Maddox’s hand and started pulling him along. “Come on munchkin.”

  Maddox looked over at me and raised an eyebrow. I just mock saluted him and chuckling I said, “Understood munchkin.”

  Madd just gave me the finger and pinched Isabelle’s ass as they walked back down to the dance floor.

  Even though I felt like complete shit for what happened with me and Ashlynn I was extremely happy for Maddox and Isabelle. I started to think about what Maddox had to say about comparing himself and Isabelle to Ashlynn and myself. I know without a doubt that Ashlynn is strong enough to do whatever she puts her mind to but I’m just not sure if I’m strong enough.

  As soon as the lovebirds were out of sight I drank the rest of my beer. I was just about to get another one but Samantha, the waitress, walked up and placed another one down for me and winked before she left. That’s how the rest of the night went.

  Samantha bringing me drinks and me trying to drink myself into oblivion.

  After a couple more drinks everything started to blur together. At one point I was down on the dance floor grinding into Samantha. She was really hot but she was nothing compared to Ash because Ashlynn was beautiful. She kept whispering in my ear for us to go in the back for some privacy but I knew what that meant. I kept shaking my head but my resolve was quickly fading away.

  I instantly sobered up when Samantha wrapped her arms around me and leaned in for a kiss. I moved my head down and the second her lips met mine I felt nothing. All that I felt and remembered were the memories of Ash and how hurt I knew she was. Samantha started to deepen the kiss by swiping her tongue along my lower lip but I moved away from her. Placing her hands on her hips she looked up at me with disgust.

  Shaking my head I said, “I’m sorry, I just … I can’t do this Samantha.”

  Snarling, she said, “It’s because of that bitch from earlier. Isn’t it?”

  I started to get really pissed off and met her eyes. “Call her a bitch one more time and see what happens.”

  She just giggled and said, “Your loss, asshole,” and with that she walked away from me. Of course she had to shake her ass, look back at me and wink. But at least the bitch left.

  Before I could think about where I wanted to go my feet were moving. One in front of the other. Walking back up to our table to grab my wallet I saw Maddox and Isabelle and Gabe and Sarah. Of course they were snuggled up in one another’s arms.

  They must have heard me because Maddox looked over in my direction and asked, “You ready?”

  Walking up the rest of the way to the table I grabbed my wallet and said, “Yeah, I’m getting ready to leave.”

  I didn’t even get to finish my sentence before Isabelle was jumping up saying, “Oh no Jason don’t even think about it. You’ll be staying in our room tonight.”

  I looked over at Maddox but he nodded his head in agreement with Isabelle. I feel like such a dick for cockblocking Maddox and Isabelle but what are my other options? I figured since I wouldn’t be able to apologize to Ashlynn tonight then I might as well have a few more drinks and get completely wasted. Nobody agreed with my decision, but I didn’t give a shit.

  After hailing a cab we finally made it back to the hotel. Maddox and Gabe had to help me because I started wobbling around and slurring my words together. I started to pull out my swipe card but Isabelle placed a hand on top of mine. Looking into my eyes she said, “Remember Jason, you’re staying with us tonight.”

  I started shaking my head saying, “No,” but Gabe said, “Come on man. You just need to lie down and go to sleep. You’ll have a shitty hangover tomorrow but at least you’ll have a clearer head then you do right now.”

  He started to pull me down the hall but I said, “I want to see Ash. Ash. ASH!”

  I tried to push Gabe and Maddox off me because I needed to see Ashlynn but they began to pull me down the hall. We didn’t get more than five feet before I heard a door open. My heart jumped up and down and I turned around in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, the door opening would be Ash’s. I pushed off Maddox ad Gabe to see Ash and the view broke my heart. Ash’s mascara was all over her face, her eyes were twice their normal size, and her nose was all red from crying.

  I staggered over to Ash and wrapped her head in my hands whisperi
ng, “I’m so sorry Ash,” over and over again. It broke my heart that she was crying over me. Because of me. That’s the reason I can’t date Ash, because I’ll break her heart over and over again. It’s really that simple. It’s not that I want to but with a past like mine I question everything and I can’t hurt someone the way my dad hurt my mom, Jade, and myself.

  Seeing more tears escape her eyes I thought I was going to cry for a second but I gulped and swallowed them away. I could hear footsteps from behind me. At first they were walking towards us but then they quickly vanished. I just kept running my thumbs up and down Ash’s cheeks on either side trying to comfort her. I wanted to kiss her again, but I didn’t think that would go over too well with her. So I moved away and put her hand in mine and walked us back into our room together.

  I couldn’t take the mascara all over her face any longer so as soon as we got into our room I walked her into the bathroom and placed her on the counter. I heard her breathing loudly but I needed to do this. I needed to show her that I could take care of her. In some sort of way at least.

  While I looked for her make-up removal wipes I had an inner battle with myself. I wanted to show her that I could be who she wanted, but I also knew that I would end up hurting her the way my dad hurt my mom. I let the first win because I wanted her to be happy and I knew at least a small part of me could do that for her.

  Walking back in the bathroom I placed the cool wipe to her cheek and began to wipe off her black mascara. I wiped her cheeks, her nose, and both eyes. When I was satisfied with my clean-up job I picked her up in my arms and walked her over to her bed so she could go to sleep. I walked over and turned off the bedside table and then began to walk over to my bed but I stopped and turned.

  I saw Ash’s back and again I had a battle with myself but I decided to just go with it. I needed to be close to her even if only for a second before she pushed me out of her bed. So I sat down on her bed and scooted over to her and cradled her against me.

  Kissing her on the neck I whispered in her ear, “I’ll fix this mess, Ash. I promise.” I didn’t get to hear what she had to say because before I knew it my eyes were closed and I was drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

  I woke up with the world’s worst hangover the following morning but I had the most beautiful girl wrapped up in my arms. Somehow during the night she’d turned so her body was facing me so I took a few seconds to just look at her.

  I always thought Ash was beautiful but there weren’t words to describe how incredible she looked in the morning. God, she is breathtaking. Her hair was lying on the pillow and her mouth was opened just slightly and she made the most gorgeous little sounds. It wasn’t snoring; more like purring.

  As I stared at her I realized I wanted Ashlynn. I needed Ashlynn and I knew exactly what I needed to do in order to get her. I was taking a leap of faith because I didn’t know if she would agree to it, but if Maddox was right about Ashlynn then I had nothing to worry about.

  I figured today was a new day. A new start. A new beginning and I wanted to begin something, I’m not sure what exactly, but something with Ashlynn Miller.

  Kissing her on the cheek I quietly got up out of bed. I didn’t want to wake her because I had a surprise for her. After relieving myself in the bathroom I grabbed some aspirin and a bottle of water. Swallowing the pills and gulping down the bottle of water I grabbed my cell phone and left the room.

  Getting the phone number from reception I dialed.

  “Airlines. How may I help you?”

  Taking a few deep breaths I said, “I need to make a flight change.”

  After the conversation I hung up the phone. Looking down I could feel my heart beating so fast I thought I was going to pass out. Clicking my phone shut I said, “I hope you know what exactly you’re doing Jason.”

  Taking one step at a time I made my way back to mine and Ashlynn’s room. I could hear moving around on the other side and knew Ashlynn was up. I wasn’t sure if I was incredibly excited or scared shitless to walk into that room because I didn’t know what would be waiting for me on the other side.

  With shaky fingers I got out my swipe card. Taking a few deep breaths I tried to calm myself. Come on Jason, you can do this. Just walk through. It’s only Ashlynn. But she wasn’t just any girl. She was the girl. My girl or at least I’d hoped.

  After getting the green light I opened the door. Ash’s back was to me and I saw that she was packing up her clothes. The second she heard the door open I noticed she scrunched up a little bit from behind and jumped; almost like she was scared of me or what I was going to say. Turning around I could tell she was nervous. In this tiny voice she squeaked, “Jason …”

  She was getting ready to say something but I cut her off and said, “You should probably pack up the rest of your stuff. Our flight leaves in a little while.”

  She was biting her lip but she let it go and her face automatically turned down in a frown. It looked almost like I punched her in the gut from the way she was reacting, but hopefully she wouldn’t be acting like that for much longer.

  I just hope I’m doing the right thing and not making a bigger mess for the both of us.

  Chapter 4

  Ashlynn

  I thought I was going to wake up in Jason’s arms, but I didn’t. Although I did wake up with a horrible headache because of all the crying I had done the night before. Stretching and getting up from bed I walked over to my make-up bag and searched for some type of Tylenol or Advil to relieve my headache.

  Stumbling upon my make-up removal wipes my tummy automatically started doing somersaults and flips because of the memories of Jason last night. At first I thought it was all a dream and I never wanted to wake up from it. It made me think that the horrible mess prior was so worth it because we came out to a beautiful thing afterwards.

  Watching him as he wiped away the smeared mascara on my face I could tell there was something in him that was changing. Although I could tell there was a part of him that wanted to fight it every step of the way. Somehow, someway I was going to get through that barrier. I noticed it in his eyes when he was wiping away the mascara. He was biting his lower lip and scrunching his eyebrows together and kept shaking his head back.

  I started to wonder if everything Jade had told me was only a small portion of what growing up in the Williams’ household was like. I started to think back on the years at school and realized that not once did Mr. or Mrs. Williams ever visit their children.

  Meanwhile my dad was always making surprise appearances. Sometimes I was kind of annoyed with it because on some occasions I was rather hung over but I was grateful my dad was always there for me. Jade and I were so close that my dad always included Jade and Jason in on whatever we were doing. Sometimes we would just go get something to eat or even go see a movie.

  I thought it was really sweet when the school sent home gift basket order forms around midterm and finals time. Miraculously, Jade and Jason always received one but it was never from their parents. I knew they were from my dad and he never told me about it.

  I also started to question if I was strong enough to help Jason with his struggles. I just didn’t want to create a bigger mess for Jason to have to deal with and clean up. I wanted to help him. Not hurt him.

  Taking some Tylenol and taking a few sips of water I started to get ready. Our flight back home would be leaving shortly. I wondered where Jason was, but maybe he just needed this time alone to think about things between us and where exactly we went from here like I was.

  After taking my shower I just put on some jean shorts and a sweatshirt. I didn’t bother washing my hair because I didn’t feel like it. Today was my lazy day and I was welcoming it with open arms. I already felt like shit on the inside so why not look like shit?

  I began to pack my bag when I heard the door unlock and begin to open. I thought I had calmed down but my chest started to heave up and down. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack or something. Yesterday Jason could have walk
ed in here and I would have just felt my heart skip a beat and my face redden but today was the total opposite. I didn’t know how to act around him. I couldn’t just be myself because within the past 24 hours everything had changed between us.

  I took a deep breath and slowly turned around and Jason was smiling at me. I opened my mouth and said, “Jason …” but he didn’t let me finish.

  It felt like someone ran me over, beat the shit out of me, and left me on the side of the road. I wanted to ask him what exactly happened last night. Where do we go from here? What do you want?

  But I guess him cutting me off and saying, “You should probably pack up your stuff. Our flight leaves in a little while,” was all he needed to say.

  He wanted to forget the last 24 hours, but I wouldn’t. I would keep those memories for as long as I lived and cherish them under lock and key. I would remember that for the 24 hours we were in Vegas that things between Jason and I were different. A complete 180.

  Things were quiet between us while we both packed up our stuff to head back home. When I finished packing I sat on the uncomfortable hotel bed and remembered last night when Jason snuggled up next to me and kept me close to him. He kept me safe and comforted me. And in that he gave me hope.

  Pulling out my Kindle I began to read a book I had downloaded on the flight over. I was still reading when Jason walked over to me and nudged me with his foot. I looked up at him confused and he said, “Ready Ash?”

  Oh yeah, back to reality where shitty things do happen to good people unlike books that are written for make-believe and where your dreams really do come true. Where your prayers are actually answered and you truly can have it all.

  I just nodded my head and quietly said, “Yeah, I guess.”

  I got up from the bed and started to grab my bag when Jason said, “I got it Ash.”

  I looked down because I couldn’t bear to see the look in his eyes when I whispered, “No, you don’t. You never did.” With that I picked up my bag and we both left the room, checked out of the hotel, and hailed a cab.