by Emily Mckee
I knew the day I met you that you were it for me. You stole my heart move-in day freshman year of college and I now know that I stole yours, I just wasn’t aware of it back then. I can’t wait to see where my life takes me and I know I will be happy because I’ll have you by my side. After all I’m the beautiful to your mess. This is the first of many albums to fill with all of the memories we have and will share together and I can’t wait to fill them up with you. I love you Jason Williams.
Forever Yours,
Ashlynn
I don’t think I had ever seen Jason cry so much in my life as he read the letter and looked at all of the photos I picked out to put in it. I had put baby pictures of Jason and I in the album, along with a few when we were little, our senior pictures, and some from our time in college together. Then I put the first and second sonogram pictures in there. Finally the last was a picture Jade had also taken of me and Jason on move-in day to his apartment.
We had all just finished moving into our new apartments and Jason had walked up behind me and placed both his hands on my stomach. I smiled and placed my hands on top of his and turned my head to kiss when the flash went off.
We’d both then looked over to Jade who had tears in her eyes as she looked to us and said, “You’re no longer a mess.”
Chapter 17
Ashlynn
Two weeks have gone by since Christmas and Jason and I have fallen more in love if it’s even possible. We have fallen over the edge. We have fallen into oblivion and I hope we never get out. I had texted Jade because school was about to start and I had accidentally left a few things at her apartment.
God that feels weird now, calling the apartment hers instead of ours. We had shared some great memories in that little piece of crap. I was in another hole in the wall now but I was with the man who I loved and that is where we were going to start our family and I could not wait.
I remember moving in freshman year of college and after meeting Jason then Jade came running out. I just remember looking at her and thinking that it was a mistake we were put together as roommates. She looked like the complete opposite of me. I was so simple and plain. I was ordinary. I read books and I had never gotten into any sorts of trouble growing up. Jade, on the other hand, was always getting into mischief and making mistakes. Sometimes I envied her but other times I’d wondered what had happened to mess her up so much.
While I do think part of her attitude towards relationships was built on her childhood with Jason and having to deal with their mother and father I knew that wasn’t the whole story. Though she never told me, I had a feeling it had to do with the first boy she ever fell in love with. Sometimes I wondered if I had made a mistake never asking her but I thought maybe she would open up to me, but that never was the case.
Finding out everything that happened to Jade and Jason it gave me a little more insight on them and I just hoped one day Jade would find someone who would make her the way Jason makes me feel. Happy and alive. Able to breathe when you feel like you’re suffocating. Feeling like you can do anything and be anything because this person loves you. This is what I thought about as I drove to Jade’s apartment but when I got out of my car and walked up to the apartment I looked at it. Really looked at it. I took in the brown shutters, red door, and the welcome mat outside the door. I looked at the doorbell that still didn’t work, even after living there for two years.
We moved into that apartment and quickly made it our home. Sure in the beginning we complained about the drippy faucet, the toilet that did not always flush, and how we had to hurry in order to get a hot shower. However we decorated and hung pictures on the wall that we had taken freshman year of college. We made dinner and ate at the dining room table. Now grant it, most of our dinners consisted of ramen noodles and easy mac and cheese, but in the end it was the company more or less.
We filled our home with memories of staying up till three in the morning watching chick flicks and eating ice cream. We got drunk and made fools of ourselves as we danced around to N*Sync and the Backstreet Boys, screaming at the top of our lungs, “I WANT IT THAT WAY.” Only to have mere minutes go before the neighbors banged on our door complaining about the loud ruckus.
Standing at the door I also remembered my time with Jason. While I had moved into his apartment to begin our family I looked beyond the door at Jade’s apartment and remembered that this was where we had made it. It was where my life had completely changed. I never thought packing my bag to go to Vegas for Isabelle’s birthday and Sarah and Gabe’s wedding party would completely flip my life upside down.
Make me dizzy and giddy.
Make me cry and beg and plead.
Make me realize who I am.
I quickly wiped away my tears and pulled out my key because Jade told me to keep a key and for Neil to keep a key to mine and Jason’s apartment in case we ever needed anything. This was the first time that I had been to the apartment since I moved out over three weeks ago and it felt like everything had changed. I guess it had. While Jade and I would always keep our best friend status we were both moving in two different directions.
I mean shit. I was pregnant with twins and Jade was still Jade, I just hoped and prayed not for long. Opening the door I saw the box Jade had left me on the kitchen island. Walking in and closing the door behind me I started to walk over to the box when I heard moaning and grunting. I stopped dead in my tracks because I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Oh god Neil.”
“You feel so good baby.”
“Neil. Oh god Neil.”
“Ah Jade.”
Wait a minute did I just hear Jade’s name?
“God Jade. Jade.”
Well then, I guess that answers that question.
I started walking backwards. I figured I could just run out of here but I was almost seven months pregnant so the chances of that happening were pretty slim. I decided to just leave the box and come back later. Hopefully when neither of them was there. I had just made it to the door when Neil’s door opened and Jade walked out in his t-shirt.
Her back was to me and she said, “I’ll be back for round two in a minute.”
Giggling at him she started to turn around as I was twisting the knob and then we both froze.
“ASHLYNN!”
I knew my face was bright red and I had no clue what to do. I thought about running out of there but again, seven months pregnant. Instead I dropped my hand from the door and said, “Um?” Her mouth was wide open and I was caught in headlights. Shaking off my nerves I said, “Um, I came to get that box of stuff I left here.” She still looked really stunned but then all of a sudden I started to think about it.
Even though I only saw friendship with Neil I knew he deserved to be treated right. From what I gathered he didn’t seem like the type of guy to just have sex with a girl once. He seemed like the type of guy who made love and fucked every once in a while.
Leaning my back against the door I said, “Please tell me Jade, what the hell is going on?”
Nodding her head she said, “I’m just going to go and get Neil.”
Shaking my head I said, “I don’t want to talk to Neil. I want to talk to my best friend. I want to know what the hell is going on here.”
Biting her lip she said, “I’m just going to go get some sweats on and I’ll be back.” Turning away from me she went into her room and I walked over to the couch.
My heart was beating so fast as I pulled a blanket onto my lap. I just didn’t know what the fuck to do. I mean Jade was my best friend and Jason was my boyfriend. Fuck, we were starting a family together and I didn’t want to keep this secret from him.
I was having this mental conversation with myself when Jade walked back out into the living room and sat down on the couch. Two cushions away from me.
Laughing I said, “Jade, I don’t hate you but I just don’t want you to make another mistake. I want my best friend to find what I have with her brother, that’s all. So if this is – �
��
“Wow, let’s rewind Ash and I will explain everything to you, okay?”
Nodding, she began to explain what happened here.
Looking back at the Neil’s room, my old room, she said, “You’ve seen him and he’s extremely good looking. Just seeing that eyebrow ring makes me go bananas.”
Raising my eyebrows she waved her hand in the front of her face and said, “Anyway, he really took care of me after dad passed away. I was just so torn up over what happened and I started to lean on Neil. We talked a lot and grew close to one another. I guess you could say that we formed a friendship and I felt comfortable with him.”
After he moved in we got closer and one night…” Waving her hand in the air she shook her head. Looking back at me she said, “I know you’re probably going to think it was a big mistake but we decided to be a sort of friends with benefits.”
Mouth hanging open I looked at her. Shaking my head I said, “Jade I will love you for as long as I live. I mean for fuckssake you are my best friend and I know that I am yours. So as your best friend I will tell you that this is a big mistake. You guys are fucking roommates for hellfire. I mean were you really not thinking when you had this brilliant plan?”
I felt so bad because next thing I knew she was tearing up. Getting up from my seat I walked over and sat next to her. I wrapped her up in my arms and pulled her as close to me as my seven months pregnant belly would allow.
Kissing her on the top of her head I rubbed up and down her back and whispered, “I’m so sorry Jade. I didn’t mean for it to come out bitchy. But you are the sister I never had and I’m trying to look out for you. I’m not saying that Neil is a bad guy because from what I know of him he’s really nice. But Jade, did you not think about the consequences to your actions? Did you not think that this could be a big mistake?”
Lifting her head from my shoulder and releasing her arms from around me she wiped away her tears and sniffled. Slumping her head she said, “For the longest time I didn’t think I would ever get what you and Jason have. But –”
“But?”
Sucking in a breath Jade whispered, “But with Neil I have it. I fell in love with him Ash.”
It was now my turn to suck in a breath. With tears forming in my eyes I said, “He’s it?”
Nodding her head slightly she looked at me and whispered, “Yes.”
A small smile appeared on my face. I was so happy for Jade, but then my smile disappeared because of something. Or should I say someone.
Opening my mouth I uttered, “We have to tell Jason.”
Immediately shaking her head Jade jumped up from the couch and said, “No please Ash! Please don’t tell him!”
Shaking my head back and forth I said, “I can’t lie to him Ash.”
With tears falling from her face Jade whispered, “Please, don’t tell him Ash. For once I’m happy and I just want to enjoy it for a little while before it all goes to hell. Because you know Jason will get pissed off and start something with Neil.”
Letting my head backwards and land on the couch I closed my eyes and said, “This is a big mistake, Jade.” Lifting my head up I looked at Jade and said, “You know that, right?”
With a small smile on her face she shook her head and said, “I don’t care because I’ve learned that every mistake I’ve ever made has taught me a lesson in one way or another.”
Letting out a breath I said, “I’m giving you until graduation Jade.”
Closing her eyes Jade nodded her head. Slowly opening her eyes I saw unshed tears in them. Before I could contemplate it Jade wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me.
Wrapping my arms around her waist I whispered in her ear, “I love you Jade.”
Nodding her head in the crook of my neck she kissed it and whispered, “Right back ‘atcha.”
Holding onto each other for a few seconds we released and sat back on the couch. I watched as Jade looked down at her intertwined fingers and smiled. In turn I smiled but I wondered what would happen when Jason found out just exactly what his sister was up to.
Two months have gone by since school has started and I’m doing great. I thought online classes would be a piece of cake but they are actually really difficult. I have to write a lot of papers and there are a ton of group discussion chat forums I have to do a week. I no longer work at the library because it was just too much on my poor swollen ankles. I’m now eight and a half months pregnant and it’s March 12th. It’s a rather difficult day because this was the day my mom was born and I kept tearing up because I miss her so much.
Calling my dad I cried and told him about how much I missed mom and how I wish she was going to be here for the birth of Jaylin and Bennett. Dad did something unexpected and laughed. He said, “Ashlynn, your mother will be there with you every step of the way whether you can see her or not.”
Smiling through the phone I told him that I loved him and I would see him in a week then hung up.
Dad and Janie were going to be staying in a hotel for a week and helping Jason and I with the twins. Those little lovebirds were still going strong and I saw wedding bells in their future. I was just so happy that dad had found someone because over the years I worried about him living in the house all by himself.
As soon as I hung up the phone I went back to our room to take a nap. Before lying down on the bed I looked at the calendar. Jason and I were counting down the days until we got to finally see Jaylin and Bennett. We can’t wait to hold them in our arms and watch them grow right in front of our eyes into amazing beautiful people. I’m also excited to finally be able to sleep again. The little troublemakers move around all night long so I don’t really get a lot of sleep. Just a ton of cat naps here and there.
I have totally given up reading romance books and have filled my Kindle shelf with baby books instead. Jason and I read together at night about anything and everything baby related. He loves laying on his side and resting his head on my stomach. He gets a kick out of feeling the little ones kick in my stomach. While he finds it to be the coolest thing ever I find it rather uncomfortable now.
I remember the first time I felt the babies kick I was so scared because I didn’t know what it was. Jason was cooking dinner as I was reading in the baby book and I jumped in my seat. He dropped the spatula in the omelet mixture and ran right over to me and asked, “Are you okay Ashlynn? Is it the babies? Do I need to take you to the hospital?”
Jumping again I smiled and said, “I think the babies just kicked. Jason put your hand on my stomach and talk.”
With tears in his eyes he knelt down so his head was right next to my stomach and said, “I love you both and your mommy so mu – Whoa!”
Looking up at me he got up from his knees and said, “I love you so much Ashlynn.”
Letting a tear escape my eye I said, “I love you too.”
Just as we were about to kiss the babies kicked again and I jumped. Resting his forehead against mine he said, “Those little ones aren’t even here and they’re already getting in the way of us having sex.” I couldn’t do anything but laugh.
Jason had late night classes every Tuesday and Thursday so I decided to make us a romantic dinner and surprise him. Of course I had to ask Jade for her help because my feet were just killing me so much from these little munchkins. After she helped me make Jason’s favorite meal, spaghetti with garlic bread, I thanked her for all of her help and she went on home.
Placing the table I poured us some ginger ale and waited for Jason to come home. Of course I only had to wait maybe five minutes and when he walked in he dropped his backpack on the floor and looked over at me. “What’s all this for?”
Getting up from the couch he ran over to me and I said, “I just wanted you to know how much I love you.”
Kissing me on the lips he said, “Thank you so much baby.” Kneeling down in front of me he kissed my stomach and asked, “How have you guys been for mommy today?”
Giggling I said, “Good for the most part. Althoug
h in the afternoon, they were bouncing all around. I swear I had to pee like fifty times.”
Looking up at me he said, “How are you doing today Ashlynn?”
Through teary eyes I said, “Good, I talked to dad and he said that he loved you and would see us soon.” That made Jason smile. After kissing me again because he just couldn’t resist he took my hand in his and walked us over to the dinner table and helped me in my seat.
During dinner Jason told me all about his classes and how he did all of his homework beforehand because he just wanted to spend the night with me. Looking at him it still took my breath away. I don’t think I would ever get over the fact that we took a chance and we came out on top. We made it through all of our messes we finally made it to a place of happiness. A place of tranquility. A place filled with love.
Tilting his head Jason asked, “What are you thinking about Ash?”
Letting tears fall from my eyes I said, “Just how everything has changed. This time last year we were getting ready to leave for Vegas. I just don’t think I’ll ever get over the fact that this is what I had in store for me. What we had in store for each other and I can’t even begin to imagine where we’ll be next year. Six years from now. Twenty years from now. Jason, with you anything is possible. The word impossible doesn’t exist in my vocabulary when it comes to you.”
Moving his chair back Jason got up from his seat and walked over to me. Taking my hand in his he pulled me up out of my seat and we walked back to our bedroom. Closing the door behind him he turned to me and kissed me. I started to wrap my arms around his neck but he took my hands in his and lifted them up above my arms.
Placing his hands to the bottom of my shirt he pulled it up and over me. Biting his lower lip he unclasped my bra and he let it fall to the floor never taking my eyes off Jason. He then knelt down in front of me and pulled down my sweats and panties.