Through All the Years

by Rod Carstens

  Tom started to say something then just smiled. "That's my Tough Guy girl."

  She led him into the bedroom. Tom was about the fall into the bed when he stopped and took Kate by the shoulders.

  "I want to tell you something Kate Heywood."

  "This is going to be good."

  Then in a voice that was no longer slurring the words Tom said.

  "I didn't want to say it out loud not with me going back in a few days. I don't know if you know but Kate I love you. I love you so much it hurts. I have almost from the beginning. You are the most beautiful woman in the world, the funniest, the smartest, the toughest, and the wisest person I have ever met. You saved my life when you went to Mac's funeral I would not have been able to do it without you. And you have made me the happiest I have ever been in my life. I love you Kate. I will always love you. Do you know that?"

  His eyes were clear and serious as he looked into hers.

  "Yes.." Kate said quietly.

  Tom put a finger across her lips before she could say anything.

  "Don't say anything. You don't have to love me back. I know I'm just some jarhead you helped through some bad times. I just want you to know how I felt."

  Kate kissed his finger and took his hand away.

  "Lets get you into bed."

  Tom pulled her into his arms and just held her for a long time. Finally Kate gently extracted herself and undressed Tom and put him to bed. She slipped out of her bikini and into the bed next to him. He came into her arms and she just held him. He held onto her as if she were his life preserver. Today had been rough and he was still fighting those demons. She held him gently stroking and caressing him until his breathing told her he was asleep. She did not go to sleep for a very long time. She just held him.

  Kate had learned the hard way never to trust the L word as she called it. Billy Bob used it to get into her room and then her bed. Men and women had used it on her since before she ran away. It was an easy to say and hard to do. In fact most people didn't know what it really meant. They used it to get what they wanted not to give to another person. So Kate had never said to the word to anyone. She and Jack said it all the time but it was different. This was the real deal. No LA spin on what Tom said. She had run more than once when someone started to use the word, but this time all she wanted to do was hear it again and again from this young boy warrior. Her warrior. She wanted to give to him as much peace and love as she could before he went back to that horror of a war. Yet she could not say it to him. She was so scared by it, that she couldn't say it even if she was beginning to feel it, in spite of everything she did to fight the feeling. When they weren't making love they talked. They talked for hours about everything. She had never experienced anything close to what she felt for Tom. He was smart, funny and thoughtful. She found herself telling him things she had not even told Jack about her time on the street. Tom understood her in a way no one ever had before. Yet she knew there were parts of Tom she could never reach. Places that gave him nightmares and what happened today.

  Whatever had happened today must have been as difficult for Jack as for Tom. She had never heard Jack talk about the war before to anyone. She had never seen him get as drunk as he did. He cared for this young man as much as she did. As she watched them swap tales she realized Jack cared about him so much because he saw himself in Tom. The scared brave young Marine. Jack's caring made her love Jack even more than she did. Her two Marines what was she going to do with them? Right now all she wanted to do was hold Tom for as long as he would let her. She knew she was giving him what he needed even when he slept. She wished she could say the things she wanted to but there was this wall of fear that prevented her for opening up. A wall built by terrible things done to a young girl by a man. She pushed those thoughts out of her mind and pulled Tom even closer.

  She finally fell asleep much later.

  In the middle of the night he began to mumble and move. He was having those dreams again. She held him tighter, stroked his hair and kissed his forehead gently and said.

  "It's alright baby. Your with me."

  After a few moments he would settle without waking. They slept that way the rest of the night.

  CHAPTER 35

  "Hey, anybody home." Jack was standing on the balcony waving.

  "Darlin'" Kate yelled from the beach.

  Kate ran up the stairs as Tom put the surfboard up and rinsed the ocean salt off in the shower under the house. She practically jumped into Jack's arms and gave him a huge hug and kiss.

  "Hey, I missed you kiddo." Jack said.

  "Missed you too. Did you get the re-write done?"

  "No yet, but we are getting there." Jack said and sat down on the coach.

  "Want the usual?"

  "Please." Jack sat there watching Kate build his drink. It had been over a week since he had been to the house to see the kids. He had wondered what he would find. Especially after the talk he and Tom had on the beach. Kate was dressed in some old shorts and a sleeveless blouse with her hair piled loosely on top of her head. She was tanned and seemed to glow with good health and happiness. He had never seen her so happy. There was a warm and relaxed sense about her he had never seen before.

  "How things been?"

  "Great since you talked to him down on the beach. I don't know what you said but it worked. He is as happy as I have seen him."

  "He's not the only one."

  Kate gave him a look.

  "I'm surprised he has the strength to surf knowing you."

  Kate actually blushed. He had never seen her do that; he just smiled at her embarrassment.

  "Oh, you dirty old man." Kate said.

  She hit him on the arm. Jack just chuckled. She hit him again harder.

  "Need any help there Jack?" Tom said as he came in from the balcony a towel wrapped around his waist.

  He was tanned and not as war gaunt as before. He seemed have put on some needed weight. This was a young man who was happy and flourishing under the attentions of a woman who cared about him. When Jack had first met him he was wearing the war as if it were a second skin. Now much of the war seemed to have been washed away and he knew it was more than just the beach and surfing. Kate had a discernible effect on him. They had become a couple in a very short time together. He was glad and sad all at the same time, because he knew what was in store for them. Tom must have come to some to terms with their situation. He certainly showed none the fate both faced in the very near future.

  "No I think I can handle her."

  "She can be pretty ferocious." Tom said solemnly.

  "Yeah, I know a hundred pounds of fury."

  "Both of you are officially on my shit list." Kate said.

  "Shit list. What do you know about a shit list?" Jack said laughing.

  "I taught her. I am afraid she picking more Marine slang." Tom said closing the bedroom door to change.

  Jack looked at her. "That all we need. You cuss like a sailor now you can threaten like a Marine. We have created a monster."

  "You both are crusin' for a bruisin'." Kate said proud of command of Marine slang.

  Jack noticed she could not stop smiling.

  "Sweetie you look happier than I have ever seen you."

  Kate just smiled. Then jumped up.

  "Can you stay for dinner? We are going to finish off the last of the steaks tonight I think there are three left. I'll have to go back to the market and get us some more in the morning."

  Kate never went to the market she hated to grocery shop. She preferred to go out to an expensive restaurant. Jack could only marvel at the changes in both of them. She went into the kitchen and began pulling together the makings for a salad. He was beginning to wonder if he were as strong as Tom and could live in the moment and enjoy her happiness even knowing what was waiting for them.

  "Count me in, but I will have to get back to the city. I just wanted to get away for a while. It has been a grind straight through. I needed the beach."

  "We are g
lad to have you, especially since you own the place. You can feel free to drop by anytime." Kate said pulling out a big salad bowl.

  They exchanged a quick smile. Then thinking he had to find out just how far gone she was he asked.

  "How much longer before he has to go back?"

  "Five days." The joy was gone from her voice when said she too had been counting. "Five goddamn days."

  At least she is paying attention and not losing sight of their time limit together.

  "Mac would take those five days."

  Kate looked up from the carrots she was cutting up for the salad.

  "I know I am just selfish."

  Kate glanced at the bedroom door to make sure Tom was still changing and said.

  "Could you do me a favor?"

  "Of course. You know you don't have to ask." Jack said.

  "You won't like it."

  "Ok. I promise."

  "I want you to call Ben and get him to spend sometime on how we can get Tom out of the service. If he doesn't know then have him ask around and find somebody that does that sort of thing. Tell him not to worry about the hours. I just got a big check." Kate said.

  God she is asking for trouble. Jack knew Tom well enough to know he would not react well to that kind of suggestion. Jack looked at her for a long time before he said.

  "Sweetie it won't work."

  "There are guys doing all sorts of things to get out or to keep from going in, in the first place. You know that. With what I pay Ben he should be able to do this."

  "I didn't mean that. I meant that Tom would never do it. He's not like that. He'll finish what he started."

  "He doesn't want to go back. He has nightmares almost every night."

  "That doesn't matter. It about letting down the other guys."

  "Jack will you do it? No matter what you think?"

  Jack hesitated. He had never seen her like this. She had a very tough skin and she kept people at arms length. He and Gretchen were the only people he knew she had let get close. This boy meant more than he had even understood.

  "Jack." Kate said. Her voice was intense, her eyes serious. "Promise me."

  He knew it was a mistake but looking into her eyes he could not say no. "I promise."

  Kate relaxed and smiled.

  "Thank you. You know I love you."

  "I love you too sweetie."

  Jack put his arm around her and gave her a hug. She did not stop fixing the salad but rested her head back on his chest. Jack could only hope she would not regret this decision.

  CHAPTER 36

  When Tom came out of the bedroom he found them together in the kitchen.

  "You better get your hands off my woman." Tom said

  "Oh, is that the way it is?" Jack said smiling.

  "Yes sir, the Marines have landed and the situation is well in hand."

  They both laughed. Tom stuck his hand out and they shook hands.

  "Seriously Jack. I cannot thank you enough for letting me..uh us stay here. I don't know what I would have done if you had not made the offer. I will always be in you debt."

  Kate was watching Tom silently her face showing more affection than Jack would have imagined.

  "No thanks necessary. Let's just say this is for some old friends who never got a chance like this one. I am glad I could make the offer."

  "But you don't know what it has meant to me."

  "I think I do and lets hear no more about it. Now where are those steaks I am starving."

  They were sitting at the table on the beach Simon and Garfunkel on the speakers when Jack said.

  "There is quite a buzz on the lot this last week."

  "Really? What going on?" Kate asked.

  "Well it's about a new girl that has made quite an impression on everybody that has seen this new movie."

  "Who? Do I know her?"

  "Kate you can not be that clueless." Jack said. "It's you. Everybody who has seen the rushes is saying you are going to be the next big thing."

  "Oh my god." Kate said her eyes huge with excitement. "Tell me what they said. Tell me. Tell me."

  Jack glanced at Tom. Then he began to tell Kate all that he had heard about her. He knew Tom was thinking about there conversation on the beach. It had begun. He had not expected what he found when he came back. He had found a couple that cared about one another, but a couple whose fate would be shaped by forces neither one of them could change, forces that would pull them apart. Tom had found enough strength to enjoy her and their time together all the while knowing what their fate would be. Jack's respect and affection for Tom only grew. He was quite a man already. Kate could not stop smiling at the news and Tom seemed genuinely happy for her in spite of what it meant for them.

  "Tom, do know what this means? It means I've made it. I am going to be somebody."

  "You all ready are somebody." Tom said. "But it means you are going to a lot more famous than you are now."

  Kate made Jack tell her what he had heard again and again. It made her smile each time. She was as excited as a child at Christmas. Jack was watching Tom closely. He never let his knowledge of what it meant for them show.

  "How about a fire before I go?" Jack said.

  "I got this one." Tom said.

  Jack and Kate pulled up chairs to the fire ring as Tom built the fire. It was soon roaring creating a golden circle of light in the darkness. Tom sat down and stared into the fire lost in his thoughts. Kate and Jack were quite with their own thoughts for some time before Jack finally said.

  "Tom how are you doing?" Jack said.

  "Ok. Trying not to count the days."

  Kate reached over and put an arm around his shoulders. He reached up and took her hand. Kate leaned her head on his shoulder. The gesture was not lost on Jack. He was watching a woman taking care of her man.

  Tom brought the best out in Kate. Tom's situation demanded a woman's wisdom to manage. Kate seemed to have been willing to find that place in herself for him. He had watched her in a number of relationships with men. They had all been about fun and games. Never like this.

  "You know I need to get back before it is too late. I have an early morning."

  Tom stood and in the firelight Jack could see his face was serious when he said.

  "Thanks for everything."

  "Anytime. It is a very small club we belong to you know, Marine combat veterans. No one else understands."

  "Yeah."

  "Take care of yourself. I will be back before you have to leave. Kate darlin' could you walk me to the door."

  Kate kissed Tom on the cheek then stood and slipped her arm thought Jack's as they walked back to the house. Jack glanced back at the fire. Tom was sitting staring at the fire deep in thought.

  "You will do what you promised?"

  "Yes, I will. I will talk to him. I think the best thing to do would be for me to bring him out here in the next couple of days so he can talk to Tom face to face."

  "Good. Thank you."

  "Kate I have never seen you happier." Jack said.

  She frowned and thought for a moment.

  "I have never felt happier Jack. And now with this news you brought. I am really going to make it. Things could not get much better." Kate said a huge smile lighting up her face.

  She cared about this boy much more than even she understood, because nothing else could have blinded her to their looming situation. Kate was always calculating her opinions way before they happened. She said it was skill she learned hitching across the country. A survival skill, that skill that had served her so well was failing her this time. It was failing her for all the right reasons but the consequences would be the same. He knew this would hurt her more than she understood. God sure had a sense of humor sometimes. To throw these two good kids together in a situation that simply had no chance of working was cruel beyond understanding. It had been a long time since Jack had thought about how cruel the world could be to innocent people.

  CHAPTER 41

  They spent
the last days as they had spent the first days. They would wake in that wonderful bedroom and stare out at the ocean after they made love. Sometimes they didn't get out of bed till noon just talking and making love. Kate would usually make them a breakfast. Tom would sit at the bar and watch her in the kitchen loving the sheer pleasure of her watching move as she put together their meal. Then at night they lounged on the huge semicircular couch and talked while listening to music. They talked about anything and everything except the looming end to their days together. Kate found she was opening herself up to him in a way she had never opened to someone else even Jack.

  Tom was smart, kind and without walls. She was seeing into the heart of someone straddling the dangerous ground between boyhood and manhood in war. She was proud of his courage and in awe of his strength. Tom found a girl who was different than any he had ever met. Someone smart, strong, independent and wise beyond her years. In a very short time he had come to value her opinion on everything. She understood things he did not and yet never judged him because of his lack experience in the world outside the service and his war. They seemed to be two parts of something that when put together were much stronger than either were separately.

  They were lying on the coach sharing a joint from Jacks stash. The doors to the deck open so the cool night air filled the living room allowing them to have a roaring fire in the fireplace. Tom had been staring out through the open doors at the night sky some time when he said.

  "It seems so strange that these are the same stars I see at night in Nam. It feels like I am on a different planet."

  Kate snuggled closer and kissed his neck.

  "It all the same. But you are here now and that is all that matters."

  Tom squeezed her tighter to him. Kate leaned back and looked at him.

  "You know I never told you... cause well I didn't know how. I have been afraid to say it out loud, it all seemed like such a dream come true but I love acting. I had this feeling that I was good but I didn't know if I could trust it. I didn't want to sound like those actress wanna be's around town. But when Jack told me what people were saying it was the most exciting thing I have ever heard."