by Rod Carstens
"Me, I was trying to figure out which way was up. It took me a while after the service. Not my best period."
"You know about me my life has been a long string of grocery store headlines. Divorced three times, lots of famous dates, some good and bad work etc. What about you?" Kate paused and looked him over before she said. "You a grandfather. My handsome young Marine a grandfather." Kate shook her head with a smile.
"Fire department. Divorced with one son. He's on the department with me, and married to a nurse. They both had to work today so I got the duty."
"How long have you been on the department."
"Over twenty years."
"Why the fire department?" Kate said.
"A lot of reasons. It is a long story."
"I'd love to hear that story."
Tom did not say anything for several moments. He was hesitant to open up. This was all too fast. He did not trust any of it. Tom did not say anything.
"You are a Chief?" Kate said finally.
"Yeah."
"The best on the department?" Kate pried.
"I think Brian was exaggerating."
"He seemed awfully sincere."
"Well..."
Kate took a drag on her cigarette and tossed it away before she said. "Look there are things I need to say."
Then before Tom could say anything. "Can I invite you to dinner while I am here?"
More answers than he could possibly give flashed through his mind. He had not gotten over seeing her in person again and now she was inviting him to dinner. Where would that go? What memories would be drudged up a dinner together? What was the point? Nothing had changed. Even with all of those thoughts he desperately wanted to sit and talk to her. He had never been able to talk to anyone the way he could talk to her and he missed that the most over the years. They seemed to still have that same connection. He felt he could slip right back into loving her with little or no help. He was completely confused. When in doubt stick to the truth as you knew it. Don't kid yourself.
"Come on, Kate, it is still the same. Look around you. We are standing in the middle of what we both knew would come between us."
"Damn it Tom it's been over twenty years. So much has changed. A whole lifetime."
"Nothing has changed. You were going one way, and I was going another."
"That doesn't mean that two old friends can't have dinner together."
"I never wanted to be your friend, Kate."
Kate stared at him for a moment her face changing suddenly she was that young girl again confused and angry. A frown crossed her face for just as moment, as if she wanted to say something but then thought the better of it. Kate glanced at her watch before she said.
"Look, they are going to be coming for me any minute."
She opened her cigarette case and took out a card and handed to him. It was a very simple card on very expensive paper with just her name and a telephone number on it. It was her personal card.
"Before they do, here's my number. Call me please, anytime. I do so want to say what I need to say to you. All I am asking for is a chance to make things at least a little better."
Tom hesitated. All the old feelings seemed very close to the surface. He did not trust himself near her. He did not trust her.
"Please take it, Tom. If not, give me yours. I'll give you a call in a couple of days."
"No. I'll call you." Tom took the card. He did not want to be dreading a phone call. He would decide.
Kate's assistant followed by Brandy and Carri walked up. Carri had a smile so big on her face Tom was not sure it could get any bigger. She carried a large photograph of Brandy.
"Papa look what Brandy gave me and she showed me the camera's and everything."
"Did you remember to thank Brandy in all the excitement?"
"Yes she did." Brandy said with a smile.
Tom saw this girl almost a woman taking care of a young fan with more care than she needed to and he thought she would make a good woman someday. He smiled at her truly grateful because it meant so much to Carri.
"Thank you for your time. That was very nice of you. I know how busy you must be."
"It really was my pleasure." Brandy said. Then looking down at Carri. "You are right Carri I think he is the best grandfather in the whole world."
Brandy gave Tom a smile then turned to return to the set.
"Kate they are ready for you now." Rachel said.
"Be right there."
Kate stepped close to Tom instead of turning to go back on the set. Her eyes met his, she gently touched his face, smiled and kissed him on the cheek. The instant she touched him, he felt the old want. She smelled of expensive perfume. She stood for a long moment staring into his eyes, her hand on his cheek. It was everything Tom could do not to pull her into his arms and kiss her.
"If you only knew how often I've thought of you over the years. It is so very good to see you," she said
Kate turned to leave then stopped and turned back around.
"Just like the old days I almost forgot to give this back."
She held out the lighter for him.
"You keep it. I thinks it yours now by default."
"Well thank you sir." Kate said. She took opportunity to kiss him on the cheek again. This time she lingered a moment longer than she had to. Tom knew what she was doing but it did not lessen the effect of her being so close. Then she spun on her heel and was gone. Tom could not take his eyes off of her as she walked away. She turned and caught him staring after her and smiled.
"I like the mustache," she said over her shoulder. "Please do call."
Rachel leaned close to Kate and said something. They both laughed and continued to talk like a couple high school girls as they returned to the set. Rachel kept looking over her shoulder at Tom as they walked.
"Well, wait till the guys hear about this." Brain said with laugh.
Tom turned to him and said, "This is not for the fire department rumor mill. Do you understand?"
Brain was going to say something smart then realizing how serious Tom was and put his hands up. "I got it. I don't want to end up transferred to some god awful station with a bunch of screw ups."
Realizing he had overacted Tom smiled to take the edge of what he had said. "Brain this is something that I do not want to be common knowledge. We clear?"
"Yeah, Chief no problem."
"On the other hand what to you want me to say in the all hands email I am going to send out about you and the gorgeous Hollywood type?"
"I do not have that kind of reputation so anything you say will only be to the good."
They both laughed. Carri pulled on Tom's hand.
"Papa you didn't look at the picture."
Tom knelt down and listened as Carri told him in great detail about her visit with Brandy.
CHAPTER 47
Once Tom and Carri reached home Carri had insisted on hearing the story of how Tom had met Kate. He had promised he would tell her after dinner if she were a good girl and cleaned her plate. She and Tom laughed about that since she always cleaned her plate because Tom always fixed her favorite foods. It also gave Tom time to think through how he would tell their story to a seven year old. He would have to soften much of it given her age. He came up with an abbreviated version leaving the out the more difficult parts.
"So I had promised my friend Mac that anything happened to him I would take him home so he could be buried where he had lived. The Marine Corps let me take him home. That is how I met Kate she was on the plane that I was on."
Carri looked up at Tom and said. "He must have been your very best friend."
"He was Carri. He was my very best friend in the world and really still is even after all these years."
She thought for a moment. "I hope I have a friend like that one day Papa."
As he told Carri the story Tom realized he had lost sight of the sense of love and brotherhood he had with Mac over the years. A trust very few men or women would ever have the chance
to experience. He had been lucky to have met him and known what that kind of trust and caring for another person felt like, even if it was in a war. Maybe wars are the only places that the walls society put up between people were completely down. You really knew someone when your life depended on them. He knew it was one of the reasons he had chosen the fire department. It was much the same as in a war, your life did depends on the man or woman standing next to you. Telling his and Mac's story to Carri brought a new perspective to the memories. He had focused on Mac's loss for so many years he had forgotten to celebrate his life and their friendship. He smiled and hugged Carri.
"I like your friend in the story. She seems like a very nice lady."
"Who? Mama Mac?"
"No silly Kate. She did not know your friend or you but she was very nice to everyone at the funeral."
"You are very right."
He then told her about the weeks at the beach house and Jack. He told her how happy he had been but that he had to go back to Vietnam. So he had gone back to Vietnam and Kate had gone on to make movies and appear on TV. She had looked up at him and said.
"And that was the last time you saw her Papa."
"Yes Carri, it was. That was the last time I saw her until today."
"Are you going to see her again?"
"I'm not sure sweetie. It has been a long time and she is not the same person anymore."
"That's silly."
"Why Carri?"
Carri thought for several seconds before she said.
"You are still boyfriend and girlfriend."
"Really. And why do you think that?"
"Because when she looked at you today, it is the way Mommy looks at Daddy sometimes."
"But they are not boyfriend and girlfriend they are married."
"Mommy says that does not matter. She says that does not mean married people are not boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. Just because they got married. That is why I see Mommy and Daddy kissing sometimes. I asked why I saw them kissing and that is when she told me."
"Out of the mouths of babes." Tom said under his breath.
"What?"
"I think your Mommy is a very smart woman."
Carri looked at him and said. "My Mommy knows everything."
"She wants me to call her. So what do you think? Should I call her?"
"Oh, course silly."
Tom spent the next several days struggling with what to do. He wanted to keep the door to that time closed. The time he spent with her had been the happiest times of his life, except for his time with his son growing up. Jack had been right about their future directions. He was a firefighter and she was a successful actress with a long career to prove it. Even if they wanted to they had no future as a couple. Whenever Tom needed to make a big decision he always called Jack. A month hardly went by without their talking to one another. Jack seemed to have changed little over the years but Tom was beginning to hear the years adding up in his voice at times. His voice was weaker somehow not as strong.
"Why the hell didn't you tell me she was coming to town to make a movie?" Tom said.
"I didn't know Tom. I knew she was going on location but I no idea where, much less that she was going to be around the block from your house."
"Jack, she wants to see me. She wants to finish things better than the way they ended."
"It's not a bad idea. She was really broken up when she realized she could not apologize for what she said that night. I imagine she is sincere about wanting a better ending."
"Jack look it not at all that clear cut for me. She is all mixed up with Mac and Vietnam. Seeing her brings back not just memories of her but all of it. I haven't slept without nightmares since I saw her. You know what I'm talking about, she is like this living breathing part of those times. You know what I went through when I came home. I don't want to stir up those times again."
"Tom you don't have a choice it has already happened. The best thing to do is to confront them again just like you did before. It is the only way to get rid of them."
"Jack when I saw her again it was like no time had passed. I felt the same old feelings for her. She had the same affect on me as she did back then."
"Look Tom she is no little girl anymore. She's all grown up. Through all her hard times she is finally in a good place. She somehow found that young girl again only now she is all grown up. Just like you she has learned from all her mistakes and is better for it. Give her chance to make amends then maybe you both will be able to move on with your lives. Besides you know you owe her an apology too. We've talked about that over the years."
"I know. I took the easy way out that night and ran away. It was not just her that made a bad ending."
"There you go. You both need have things that need to be said."
"Thanks Jack. I'll think about it."
"Let me know what happens Corporal."
"You got it Sergeant."
Tom had been sitting on the deck for a long time after he had fixed dinner. The sun was completely down now, and Gaby his Golden Retriever was sound asleep next to him. He dialed Kate's number. It started to ring, he felt like a boy asking a girl out a first date. He almost lost his nerve and hung up before she answered. He held his breath until she answered.
"Hello." Her voice was lower than he remembered.
"Kate its Tom."
"God, you do make a girl wait don't you." She said with real joy in her voice.
"Did I catch you at a bad time?'
"No. Not at all."
"Were you serious about a dinner?"
"Oh course I was Tommy. I meant it when I said how good it was to see you. What have you got in mind?"
"Listen I was thinking. You are right there are things we both need to say. It would be difficult to talk the way we need to if we went out to dinner. What if you came over to my place instead? I'm a good cook."
"That sounds wonderful. Let me get something to write with." She sounded genuinely excited.
"Tomorrow night around seven good for you."
"Perfect."
"Ok, the address is..."
Tom gave her the address and directions from her condo downtown.
"See you then." Tom said.
"I'll be there with bells on." Kate said.
Tom gently ran hand through Gaby's coat. She turned her head and licked his hand.
"I hope I'm doing the right thing girl." He said.
Gaby just looked up at him. He was going to have to trust Carri on this one.
Chapter 54
"Kate?"
"In the bedroom Rachel."
Rachel followed her voice into the bedroom. Kate was standing in front of her closet in her bra and panties. Several different outfits lay around her on the floor. Before looking up Rachel read from the notes on her clipboard.
"You are not on the call sheet for the next few days."
Rachel stopped in the doorway, when she saw the mound of clothes around Kate and the bedroom.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Tom finally called he invited me over for dinner." Kate said her voice as excited as a schoolgirl.
"Gee, Kate do you think he will ask you to the prom?"
Kate gave her a drop-dead look and said. "Bitch."
"Am not." Rachel said with a smile.
"Are too." Kate said and stuck her tongue at her.
"That's mature." Rachel said with a smile. Rachel had never seen Kate so excited about a date. Kate was as sophisticated as they came about men. Now she was as excited as a schoolgirl about someone asking her to dinner. This was getting interesting.
"What is the big problem?" Rachel asked
"Trying to decide on what to wear."
"I haven't seen you this nervous since the last awards show."
Kate just looked over her shoulder and arched an eyebrow. Rachel laughed.
"Light me a cigarette." Kate said.
"I thought you only smoked on the set. Besides, weren't you supposed to be protecting me from t
he vices of Hollywood." Rachel said, as she lit a cigarette and handed it to Kate.
"When your mother asked me to hire you as my assistant, she asked me to show you the ropes behind the camera. Gretchen did not ask me to protect her baby girl. Her baby girl, is more than capable of handling herself. After all, she is her mother's daughter."
"Thank you for that. You are really nervous about seeing this guy. What are we planning for tonight?" Rachel gave Kate a look that said more than her words.
"I don't think I have fired you this week. Have I?"
"No but it is about time you did."
"I only hired you, as a favor to your mother. I am way past the needing an assistant at this stage of my career you know."
"Yeah. But you still love me."
Kate laughed; she turned back to the closet and began pushing through her clothes looking of the right outfit.
"Aunt Kate." Rachel said.
That had become their signal that the kidding around would stop and Rachel needed to talk to Kate seriously. Kate stopped her search through the closet and turned to face Rachel.
"Ok. What?"
"Aunt Kate what is going on?"
Kate stopped going through her closet and stood silently for a moment. She had just let the wonderful feelings that seeing Tom again had given her and not questioned or examined them. She was that young still innocent in so many ways girl again in love with a young man who was worth that love. It felt wonderful to feel something good and clean after all the years of having her guard up in every relationship. The whole thing was all so unexpected and very much like their first meeting, as if something larger than themselves was throwing them together again.
"You know from what you have told me about this guy, I don't think he is going to be judging you by what you wear. But there is something else you haven't mentioned."
Kate just looked at her trying to decide if she should tell her the whole story.
"So why all this excitement for a guy you haven't seen in twenty years? Who exactly is this guy? And why all of the excitement?"
She sat down next to Rachel and told their story as they shared her cigarette. Not the bad parts about Billy Bob or Tom's flashbacks during their time at the beach but most of the truth and Mac's entire story. It was all she was willing to talk about at this point. Rachel was enthralled as she listened. Kate loved the look of real appreciation on Rachel's face of what had been such a special experience.