Mended Hearts

by Sarah Markel

  You scared her, you ass! Alex thought to herself. Unsure of what else to do to disperse Kelly's embarrassment, Alex sat next to her on the couch. “I'm sorry if I scared you. I was just surprised to see you lying on my chest.” Alex said with a nervous chuckle, patting Kelly's knee gently. Kelly smirked, “Not exactly what I'm used to hearing when I wake up on top of another woman.” It was Alex's turn to blush crimson and look at the floor. Kelly tossed her head back and laughed. Rubbing Alex's shoulder softly, she said "That was payback for picking on me that day you showed me around the Facility.” Standing up to head into the kitchen, Kelly left Alex sitting on the couch with a look of befuddlement on her face. Wow. She's really something else! Alex thought to herself as she stood to follow Kelly into the kitchen, where the sounds of children and the smell of bacon awaited.

  Entering the kitchen, Alex couldn't help but smile as she saw Steve making cartoon shaped pancakes at the children's request. She stood by the door frame and watched as he flipped a Mickey Mouse shaped pancake in the air and caught it on a plate for Anya. After serving the little ones, Steve turned to the three older boys "Okay, guys, what shapes do you want?” As Jaxon and Raider were explaining what they wanted to their father, Kelly came over to stand by Alex, offering her a cup of coffee. “What's wrong with Zane?” She asked. Alex looked at her son, who was sitting on a stool off to the side of the counter and away from the other kids. The young boy stared sadly at his feet while the other children were happily consuming their breakfast. “He doesn’t eat pancakes anymore,” she replied in a sorrowful voice, “Callie used to make him pancakes every morning. They used to be his favorite, but he hasn't eaten them since she died."

  Wiping away a tear, Alex handed Kelly her coffee cup and went over to her son. Kneeling down in front of him, she whispered in his ear and pulled him into her arms. Kelly smiled to herself as she watched the beautiful display of a mother's love unfolding before her. When Steve asked Zane about his pancakes, he seemed to realize something and after setting the griddle back on the stove, he went to the boy. “Zane, I'm sorry, son. I forgot. Do you want some eggs and bacon with the adults?” Steve asked with a smile. Looking up at him, Zane said with a wry smile, “Can I have some coffee too?” Laughter burst forward from both Alex and Steve, as Steve stood and ruffled the boy’s hair. “No, but you can have some of this delicious elixir we call milk. It's good for you, and they say it will make you stronger.” Steve replied as he once again took up his place at the stove.

  After the children had eaten and run off to get dressed, Alex and Kelly sat at the breakfast counter with their coffee. As Steve busied himself making the two women breakfast, Dej came into the kitchen. Rubbing her eyes as she walked, the little girl made her way over to the stool between Kelly and Alex. Climbing up onto the stool, she looked at Steve and said, “Gosh who do you have to bribe to get a meal in this place?” Smiling, Steve held out his hand and winked, “That'd be me, miss. Gimmie whatcha got and I'll give ya what I got.” Giggling, Dej slapped him five. “Thanks, Steve.” Alex said as she sipped her coffee. Steve smiled and went to the refrigerator, pulling out small blue containers marked with red "STOP" stickers on them. “What'll it be, little lady? We got morning fruit salad, arrowroot cereal, biscuits, milk, and juice.” Steve leaned on the counter like a waiter at a diner and mimed taking notes. Dej brushed her sleep tousled hair behind her ears and scrunched up her face in concentration. Kelly bit the inside of her cheek to stifle a chuckle. After a moment of internal debate, Dej placed her order. “I'll have two scrambled eggs, three slices of bacon, a thick steak, a piece of toast, and a glass of milk.” Alex laughed out loud as she looked down at her daughter, “Going for the full farmhand today, huh?” Dej looked at her mother with a serious face and nodded slowly. Unable to hold back her laughter, Kelly snorted. Embarrassment that was becoming a regular event for her lately, flooded her face and she covered it with her hands. Dej laughed and said to her mother, “Look Mommy! She turned as red as our hair!” After a few moments of giggling between Dej, Alex, and Steve, Kelly managed to will the blush away. “Alright, my dear, one bowl of fruit, a small bowl of cereal, a cup of fresh mango juice, and a cup of milk. Enjoy.” Steve said with a wink, as he sat Dej's food in front of her. Steve excused himself and went upstairs, yelling playful threats to the children who were supposed to be getting dressed.

  Alex and Kelly sat sipping their coffee and eating their breakfast in companionable silence with Dej, as the small girl eagerly finished her food. After they finished, Kelly cleared the dishes and took her seat as Alex gave Dej her medications. After being medicated, Dej was sent up to change with the others and Alex joined Kelly back at the counter. “I love weekend mornings,” Alex said with a smile, “Everyone is in such a good mood, and there's no paperwork.” Laughing, Kelly nodded her head. “I have to agree with you there.” Kelly looked at Alex and blushed, focusing her attention on the coffee cup in her hands. Alex smiled, but blushed as well, also focusing on her cup.

  “Uh oh! Please tell me you didn't!” Angie said coming into the kitchen in her pajamas, “Please tell me you two didn't get drunk and defile my couch!” Startled, both women looked up see Angie's ear to ear grin. Both women stumbled to tell Angie that they hadn't, but were unable to find the words through their embarrassment. Seeing the struggle, Angie tossed her head back and laughed. “I'm just kidding, you two, sheesh!” Angie poured herself a cup of coffee and headed out onto the deck to read the newspaper. As the two women picked up their cups to join Angie, a blur of children ran past them and out into the yard. Kelly chuckled and held her cup in the air so no one knocked it away. “Be careful with her, Bubba.” Alex told Zane as he rushed past her with Dej shrieking happily from her position on his shoulders. Zane hollered an agreement and padded off to join his cousins.

  “Do the kids know? About Steve I mean.” Kelly asked Alex as the two women sat on the top step of the porch. Sipping her coffee, Alex nodded. “Zane does, but Dej is still too young to understand. We will tell her when she gets a little older.” Kelly sighed, contently watching Zane and Jaxon swing the two girls by the arms around in circles. After a few minutes, Angie spoke up from behind the newspaper, “So how did the night go for you two? Did you get any sleep?” Feeling herself blush, Kelly was unable to say anything. When Alex responded, Kelly's blush turned into a full-fledged inferno. “Nope, fucked like bunnies all night. We're only awake now because we caught Steve taking pictures.” "ALEX!!” Kelly squealed, slapping the woman on the arm. “We did not!” Looking over the paper at her sister and friend, Angie snorted, “I know you didn't, Kelly. I was just playing! I came back downstairs about ten minutes after I went to bed to lock the door and saw you two asleep on each other. I'm the one who covered you up.” Kelly looked from Angie to Alex and stood up. “Well that was a horrible thing to joke about!” With her hands on her hips, she stomped off into the house. Looking to Angie with a playful smirk, Alex mock-scolded her, “Yeah, that was a bad thing to joke about. How dare you insinuate that two women would, gasp, fornicate.” Angie doubled over with laughter as Alex stood to go find Kelly.

  Kelly paced around the upstairs bathroom, trying to calm her anger. “Why would they joke like that? Angie knows I have feelings for Alex, so why would she say that? And Alex! Telling her we spent the night having sex! How insane! I would never sleep with someone I haven't dated, no matter how attracted to them I might be!” Kelly gripped the edge of the sink and stared hard at her reflection. Calm down. Don't be so offended! They were just ribbing each other. Besides, who cares! You should feel honored that Alex was even willing to joke about it! She doesn't seem like the kind of woman who would say something like that about just anyone. Kelly let out a frustrated sigh, and splashed some cold water on her face. Just as she reached for the door knob, the door burst open.

  Startled, she stared at Zane, only to see her expression mirrored on the boy’s face. Apologizing, Kelly stepped aside to let him in. “I'm done, it's all yours kiddo.” She said,
heading out of the door after he entered. Looking at her curiously, Zane said, “My mom is running down the block yelling for you. She thinks you left.” Kelly looked confused for a moment, then smiled at the boy. “I'll go find her.” She said. Before she could close the door, Zane's words stopped her, “You should ask my mom out on a date. She really likes you. I can tell when she looks at you. She hasn't stopped talking about you for weeks. It's getting kind of annoying.” Staring at the boy like he just grew another head, Kelly was speechless. Zane shrugged and closed the door so he could do his business. Kelly stared at the closed door for several moments, a million thoughts running through her mind. “She likes me? Is he serious? Oh wow, I can't believe it! Maybe I should ask her out... but wait... will she appreciate that? Or would she rather be the one to ask? Maybe I should just let her make the first move. I better go find her and let her know I haven't left.” Kelly thought to herself.

  Heading down stairs, Kelly stopped in the kitchen, where she found Angie, and asked, “Hey Ange, have you seen Alex? Zane said she was looking for me.” Startled, Angie whipped her head around and demanded, “Where were you? We looked all over for you! I wanted to apologize for joking around like that, it wasn't very fair to do. I know you like Alex, and after I saw you two sleeping together on the couch, I just thought I would give you a hard time. I'm sorry, Kelly. Really I am.” Kelly smiled at her friend, “I went into the upstairs bathroom to calm myself down. I know you were just kidding, it's not a big deal. Well I guess it was a big deal, but that was just in my head. I really do like Alex, and I guess I was embarrassed by what you said. I need to find her, is she outside?” Angie shrugged her shoulders and popped a grape into her mouth. “I don't know where she went, but if she doesn’t get back here soon, Dej is going to have to eat lunch late. I have no idea what Alex has brought her for lunch.” Confused, Kelly asked, “You don't know what to feed her? Really?” Angie blushed, then chuckled “I know what kinds of foods she can have, but Alex has each meal in different containers. I don’t know which one is for lunch and which is for dinner. Each one has a different amount of allowed protein and I don't know the counts. Honestly, I don’t know how Alex is able to keep up with it! I figured she would write it down somewhere, you know, like make a list or something, but she doesn't. She does it all in her head.” Wow that must take some serious skill and confidence to be able to keep track of something so important, all in your head.” Kelly thought to herself.

  As Angie busied herself cleaning up in preparation for the potentially ravenous brood that was currently turning a game of tag into an all-out battle royal, Kelly excused herself to go find Alex. Leaving the house, she was unsure where to start. Kelly was not familiar with the neighborhood, but did know there was a park at one end of the street, and a small patch of woods near a cemetery at the other. Taking a chance, Kelly headed towards the park. The day had started off with clear blue skies, but at some point, dark rain clouds had moved in. Kelly was used to the rain, living in Florida for over a decade she had known more rainy days than she cared to admit, but the rain in Oregon was different. It was cold rain, for one, which Kelly found a little bothersome, but the fact that it had rained approximately four days a week since she first arrived, annoyed her. Resigning herself to the impending storm, Kelly hugged herself to keep the chill at bay. As she walked down the street, admiring some of the homes and yards, Kelly felt a familiar tug in her abdomen. Startled by the feeling, she looked around. Without even realizing where she had gone, Kelly noticed that she had ended up at the Cemetery, which was opposite her intended destination. A movement to her left made her stop. Alex was sitting cross legged in front of a large headstone shaped like a heart, two rows ahead of her. Kelly noticed that the woman's shoulders shook with what appeared to be uncontrollable sobs. Curious as to why Alex would be here, but not wanting to disturb what was obviously a private moment, Kelly decided to get closer but stay out of sight. A brief glance around revealed a large crypt three plots from where Alex sat. Careful to stay out of sight, Kelly made her way to the back of the crypt. Slowly inching her way around to get within earshot of Alex, she hunkered down behind the shrubs and listened. What she heard made her heart soar, but sent her mind reeling.

  Chapter 10

  "Baby, I don't know what to do. I miss you every day. Zane talks about you a lot lately, and Dej still talks to your picture on her dresser. Some days it's hard to even get out of bed, because I know you won't be in the kitchen, making your famous pancakes with Zane, when I get up. I know it's been four years, but every day is still a struggle. Sometimes, at night, I can still feel you crawl into bed and cuddle up to my back. I miss the way you used to hold me, and nuzzle my neck, and whisper in my ear all of your plans for the future. Zane has stopped playing soccer completely, but he has taken up baseball. He really seems to like it, and he even asks his coach every year if he can have number twelve, just like you used to wear when you played softball. So far he hasn't had any other number.” Alex chuckled through her sobs as she spoke of her son's actions. Wiping at her tears, she continued sadly.

  “Dej has grown so much since you passed. She is so smart, and such a little shit! She is so much like you, it's scary sometimes. She has mastered sarcasm, and she has your look. You know the one, where she raises her eyebrow and looks at you like you just stuck your tongue to an electric fence? She uses it on Zane and it drives him nuts. Sometimes I find her in her room, sitting at her tea table with the picture of the two of you from the day she was born sitting at the seat across from her. She doesn't know I watch, but she has tea parties with you and she talks to you about her day, just like I am now. It's so sad, but so beautiful to see at the same time.” Alex sighed heavily, the weight of her grief still readily evident, even after four years.

  Taking a deep breath, she continued, determined to give voice to what was really bothering her. “Sweetheart, I need your advice. I know you would want me to move on with my life, and not live in the past, but I need to say this. I met someone. Her name is Kelly Taylor, and she is the facility Doctor at Serenity Home. She is also Angie's best friend from school. She is beautiful, honey, just beautiful. She seems to really like the kids, and Zane keeps asking me when I am going to ask her out.” Alex laughed between her tears, and paused for a short while before continuing. After a few moments of internal courage summoning, Alex said what she had been longing to say. “Callie, baby, please know that I love you, and you will always be my first true love. I guess the reason I came out here today is to ask your forgiveness. I have feelings for Kelly, feelings that are just as strong as the ones I hold for you. I haven't acted on them, and I don't know, I guess I feel like I should get your approval before doing so. I wish there was a way you could let me know if you are alright with me moving on. I don’t ever want you or the kids to feel like I have replaced you. And to be honest, I don't even know if Kelly would understand how important it is to me to keep your memory alive, no matter who I choose to spend my life with.” Alex finished sadly, laying on her stomach in front of Callie's headstone.

  Alex cried now, harder than she had before, all of the emotions she kept hidden and bottled up, spilling forth like a rush of water from a broken dam. Kelly fought the urge to go to her, reminding herself that Alex may not appreciate that she had been eavesdropping on something so private. Kelly looked up as the rain began to sprinkle and sent up a silent plea. Please, Callie. I know you don't know me, but please, give Alex a sign. Let her know she doesn't need to be sad anymore. She carries so much weight on her shoulders trying to do what she feels you would want her to do. Give her this one break. At that exact moment, the clouds thinned out, and a small ray of sunshine broke through, bathing Alex where she lay by her deceased wife's headstone in bright sunlight. Alex sat up, and looking around, she wiped her tears. As she stood, Alex leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Callie's name. Before she walked away, Alex whispered, “I love you Callie Baxter. Always and Forever.” With that she turned and walked slowly toward th
e entrance to the Cemetery.

  Kelly waited a few moments before emerging from her hiding spot. When she was sure that Alex had left, she made her way to Callie's grave. Kelly took a few moments to admire the beautiful marker that announced Callie's final resting place. The headstone was polished granite, adorned with small images of butterflies scattered across the face. Callie's name and dates were scrawled in what appeared to be a recreation of someone's handwriting. Kelly read aloud, “ Here Lies Callista Rae Baxter, March nine, nineteen seventy- four, to June twenty - eight, two thousand eleven. Beloved Wife, Mother, Sister, and Friend.” Kelly couldn't help but thank the woman she would never meet for relieving Alex of her insecurities. Wiping away the tears that had gathered, she laid her hand atop the stone and smiled. “I will take good care of your family, Callie. I promise you that. And I will never ask that you be removed from their lives in anyway.” Kelly stood as she was for several minutes before the clouds opened up and the sprinkling rain turned into a torrential downpour. Shivering, Kelly headed back to Angie's house, a newfound determination in her heart. I need to do something to help Alex realize that we belong together... but what can I do? Kelly thought to herself as she hurried back toward the house. She decided to let herself think on it, and hoped inspiration would strike.

  Chapter 11

  “Then, this little patch of sunlight broke through the clouds, and landed right on me. I'm telling you, Angie, it was a sign. Callie was telling me to go ahead and ask Kelly out!” Alex finished telling Angie about her experience at the Cemetery, delight apparent in her voice. Angie smiled at her sister, happy to see her with a genuine smile on her face. “I wonder where she went,” Angie mused. “She said she was going to find you, but that was almost two hours ago. I hope she didn't get lost.” Angie finished loading the dishwasher, and began tidying up the rest of the kitchen. “Aunt Gigi, I'm all done. Can I go play on the Xbox in Uncle Steve's den?” Dej asked after climbing down from the table. Nodding at her niece, Angie cleared the child's dishes. Watching Dej run off, Angie just smiled. “She is so much like Callie,” she said to Alex. “I know, I was telling Callie that today. Dej talks to her and she repeats memories she still has of her. A few days ago, I heard her tell Callie's picture that she remembers the day Callie went to live with God. It broke my heart, Angie, that my little girl still remembers seeing her mom die. And Zane. He will sit in his room and talk to her about his day. He is pulling away from me, and I don't know why. I am hoping this birthday party will help him cheer up.” Alex said, some of the sadness creeping back into her voice.