Secret Maneuvers

by Jessie Lane

  Not knowing what else to look for, Charlie asked what my symptoms were. I told him that I was fine. I’d only been sick to my stomach for a few days and it was probably just a stomach bug of some sort. By the look on his face, my friend didn’t seem convinced. Charlie studied me for a few minutes before he mentioned that I looked as if I’d lost at least fifteen pounds and asked if I was depressed. I shook my head, then a pensive look crossed Charlie’s face, and his eyes seemed to grow weary. When he asked me next if I was pregnant, he paid no attention to Seth’s gasp, who was now hovering at the end of my bed and waiting for my answer.

  At first I was too shocked to answer him. Then, I denied the likelihood because, really, what were the chances of me not having a miscarriage after what I’d endured in Mexico? However, the longer I’d thought about it, the more memories from Seth’s pregnancy came back to me, and the more it made sense. One pregnancy test, bought by Charlie later, complete with two faint little blue lines, and I had my answer.

  For the second time in my life, I was having Bobby Baker’s child. Only this time, I would do what I should have done the first time. I would let him know about the impending bundle of joy. Or at least, I was hoping with all my heart that he considered this baby a joy. No matter what had gone wrong between the two of us, this baby should be loved unconditionally. While I was also worried about his initial response, a part of me knew that he would undoubtedly love any child of his own, even if he couldn’t forgive that child’s mother for her past wrongs.

  Pulling myself back to the present, I took a quick glance at my son to see that he was watching me intently. “I’ll call him tomorrow, honey. I promise. We’re pulling into the Lake’s entrance now. Where am I going?”

  “Go park over by the far end where the picnic tables end, towards the dock.”

  There wasn’t another vehicle in sight, the lake and the park around it looked completely empty. This could end up being a peaceful outing for my frazzled nerves. Pulling the truck over to where Seth had indicated and parking it, I turned to question him. “So, what are we going to do now?”

  Rolling his eyes, he opened the truck door and hopped out. “Come on, already, it’s a surprise.”

  I got out of the truck and followed him as he started walking in the direction of the far end of the lake. The sun was starting to set, casting a gorgeous gradient of colors across the sky from orange to purple. The wind was blowing gently off the calm lake waters, making the leaves sway on the trees around us. My curiosity for my son’s adamant demands that we come here today were finally dying down. I was starting to relax, assuming we were here to walk around in the fresh, crisp, autumn air, when I spotted a blanket laid out on the ground with a bag sitting on it.

  Putting a hand out to grab Seth’s arm I stopped him. “Someone’s already over here. Let’s turn around and walk the other way so we don’t disturb them.”

  “That blanket is for you, Mom.”

  Shooting a confused look at him, I asked, “How could that be for me?”

  That’s when he stepped out from behind one of the trees near the blanket. “Because our son helped me plan a surprise picnic for you.”

  My heart dropped to somewhere around my toes and my lungs ceased to work. With the way he’d broken my heart two months ago, I should have turned around and walked away without a word. I knew, without a doubt, that I couldn’t take another blow to my heart like that. Yet, I couldn’t seem to move my feet away, or take my eyes off him for that matter.

  He looked a bit ragged with dark circles under his eyes and five o’clock scruff on his face. I couldn’t be sure since he was naturally a big buff guy, but he might have lost a few pounds, too, because his face looked a tad leaner. Besides that, he still looked like the heart-stoppingly handsome man who invaded my dreams every night. He was wearing those jeans I loved so much, the ones that hugged his thighs a little bit and cupped that perfect ass, with a plain white t-shirt on top, and I damn near drooled at the sight of him. Of course, the fact that he looked so good only reminded me that I did, in fact, look like utter shit.

  Dropping my hand from Seth’s arm, I smoothed my now sweaty palms down the front of my thighs, and managed not to cringe when my hand pressed a little too hard into my left leg’s stitches. Bobby was slowly looking me over from top to toe and, the longer he looked, the more tense little lines seemed to appear around his mouth and eyes.

  My stomach suddenly felt like it was doing cartwheels and I had to take a few deep breaths to try and stop the nausea that was trying to bubble up my throat. Why in the world did doctors call it morning sickness? They should have named it ‘All-damn-day’ sickness instead. Now was definitely not the time to toss cookies because of the growing peanut in my belly, either. Wouldn’t that just be wildly romantic?

  “What are you doing here, Bobby?” My voice cracked, revealing how nervous I was.

  “What I should have done fifteen years ago.”

  “Huh?” I asked, totally confused as to what he was saying.

  “I’m here because I’ve finally come back to get my girl.”

  Seth started backing up. “I’m just going to go over by the picnic tables ‘til Charlie gets here to pick me up.”

  Bobby held his hand up to stop him as he walked towards me. “Wait a minute, Son. You deserve to hear this, too.” Dropping to both of his knees on the ground right in front of me, he grabbed my hips when I went to take a step back from him, and held on tightly. “Please, just give me a few minutes to hear what I’ve got to say.”

  It was unnerving, considering my circumstances, how his face was right there, next to my belly, where his child lie, and he had no idea. It made me feel uncomfortable and more than just a little bit guilty about not having told him yet, but his eyes looked almost tortured as he pleaded with me, so I ignored my discomfort and nodded.

  He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, baby. I was wrong and hypocritical. We both made mistakes, but you were good enough to forgive me of mine. I was an ass to not forgive you of yours. I’m tired of thinking, If I could only go back and change this… because I can’t. I can’t undo leaving you in Georgia, just like I can’t undo my pigheadedness here in Texas.” The breath seemed to hitch in his chest and I watched as his eyes grew watery before he blinked to clear the tears away. “What I can do is say, I’m sorry. I feel like we’ve overused that word these past few months, but it’s the truth. I am sorry. I also forgive you. I’m hoping that you’re willing to forgive me again, too, because I meant everything else that I said in your hospital room. I can’t live without you, Belle. If you’re not around, it feels like there’s no reason to wake up every day. You seem to be the reasoning and motivation for everything in my life and I want that back. Say you’ll give me another chance, love. Please?”

  Tears were streaming down my face. My nose was running. I probably looked like a red-eyed, puffy-faced, hideous nincompoop. Yet, none of that mattered because all I could think was that if this was real, it was like a dream come true. What scared me the most right now was that it might not actually be real, but in fact a dream. So I reached over and pinched myself hard in the fleshy part of my arm and yelped in pain right in front of Seth and Bobby.

  Bobby quickly grabbed the hand I’d used to pinch myself and looked at me like I was certifiable; which, at the moment, I was feeling anyways.

  “Babe, what did you do that for?”

  Wiping my eyes and then the snot running from my nose away with my free hand, I laughed. “I had to make sure I wasn’t asleep and this wasn’t a dream. It seemed too good to be true.”

  A slow smile spread across Bobby’s face as he tightened his grip on my hips and pulled me closer to him. My thighs were touching his chest now. His head tilted back to keep looking me in the eye. “This is not a dream, sweetheart. This is very real and I’m asking you for another chance at our long ago planned happily ever after. What do you say?”

  I wanted that so badly. More than anything I’d ever wanted besides the ch
ildren that Bobby had given me. I had to come clean with him first before I could tell him yes, though. I refused to renew a relationship with him when I, once again, had a secret that he needed to know about.

  “I have to tell you something first, Bobby.”

  His brows furrowed, lips turning down at the corners, clearly displeased to not be getting the answer he wanted yet. “It can’t wait?”

  “Absolutely not. You have to know this before we go any further. I won’t have you mad at me for keeping secrets anymore, Bobby Baker.”

  “What other secrets could you possibly have, Belle?”

  God, here it was. The moment where it could all go wrong again. My teeth bit down into my bottom lip in fear and I took one last second to memorize his face in this moment in case it all went south. One last memory to save in case this finally pushed him too far away emotionally for anything to be saved. His fingers flexed into my flesh in impatience, and I knew I couldn’t wait any longer.

  “Remember the night we played poker with Declan and Riley?”

  His frown deepened. “Yeah, what about it?”

  I took a big breath of courage. “Remember what happened between us that night?”

  His irritation morphed into confusion. “One of the best nights of my life, babe. I’m not going to forget it anytime soon. What are you getting to here?”

  Reaching down to grab one of his hands, I dragged it slowly up my body until it laid over my stomach. He looked from my face, down to our hands, and back up to my face again. Clearly not getting what I was trying to hint at here.

  “I’m pregnant, Bobby.”

  He looked dumbfounded now. The color slowly draining out of his face as the hand that had still been gripping my hip quickly snaked around my legs and hugged them tightly. In a shaky voice he said, “You’re telling me… that when you were kidnapped, you were pregnant?”

  Oh, no. Did he think I knew that I was pregnant even then and hadn’t told him? There was no way I could have known then. I would have only been two weeks along. Terrified that this was the beginning of the end, yet again, I whispered with a tear laden voice, “Yes, but I swear I didn’t know, Bobby. I swear! Apparently, the San Antonio hospital hadn’t caught the pregnancy because my HCG hormones were on the low side. I didn’t figure it out until three weeks ago.” Babbling now, “I know I should have told you sooner than now, but I just needed some time before talking to you again. I was hurting so badly, both physically and emotionally, that I just couldn’t face you yet. That’s all. I swear—”

  Bobby moved our hands and buried his face into my stomach. His shoulders started slightly shaking and it took me a little bit to realize that he was crying. I laid a shaking hand on top of his head tentatively, waiting to see if he would jerk away from me in disgust or anger. When he didn’t, I slowly ran my fingers through his short, military cut hair, trying to soothe both of us with the comfort of it.

  Suddenly, his head jerked back to look at me, thin streaks of wetness clearly running down his face, and he croaked, “I could have lost you both! And if I had, I would have never known of the gift you were giving me because I was too much of an asshole to be man enough to forgive and be forgiven in return. Christ, I’m so sorry, Belle. Please, tell me you’ll forgive me. I can’t believe I could have lost both of you.”

  Framing his face with my hands, I felt my heart beat in double time as it practically exploded with hope and love over this man on his knees, begging me for the one thing I never thought I’d really have. A future together.

  My throat was tight, choked up with overwhelming emotions. Still, I managed to push the words out that I needed him to hear. “I love you, Bobby. Always have and always will. There’s nothing more that I want in this life than you and our family.”

  “Does this mean we’re moving to Virginia?” Jumping in surprise, I looked over to where Seth stood a few feet away. His hands tucked shyly in his pockets, as if he were embarrassed to be intruding, and a big smile plastered on his face. Looking back down to Bobby, I realized he looked almost as shell-shocked as I did. We’d both forgotten that our son was standing here with us. Dag-gum. You definitely didn’t earn the parent of the year award by forgetting all about your kid. No matter how quiet they were.

  “I’m moving you guys to Virginia. We’ll pick out a house with a big backyard to throw the pigskin in and buy it right away. You’ll have to help me paint a nursery, too.”

  Seth nodded his head excitedly. “I can do that, Dad. No problem. I know you told me to stay and all, but can I go now? Charlie’s over in the parking lot waiting… and I figured you two would want some time to…” He waved his hand in the air to indicate both of us. “You know.” His cheeks blushed bright red. “Yeah, so can I go now?”

  Bobby nodded back to him. “Go on so your mother and I can… you know.” He smiled at his son’s renewed blush and then we both watched Seth jog away to Charlie, who was indeed waiting in the parking lot. We watched as Charlie’s truck disappeared out of sight, and then we were left alone in the park by the lake.

  Bobby got up off his knees and dragged me by the hand over to the blanket. “Sit down, babe. You should still be resting.” He pushed me gently to take a seat on the blanket and then sat down across from me, stretching his legs out on either side of me so that I was surrounded by him. “How have you been healing?”

  “Pretty good. They took the staples out of my leg and replaced them with stitches. I’ll have my stitches for a couple of more weeks before they all come out.”

  “What about the pregnancy? Have you seen a doctor yet?”

  “I went to my OB/GYN a few days after taking the home pregnancy test to have it confirmed. She was amazed the baby had survived the trauma I’d endured in Mexico, but she says it looks healthy. I’m two and a half months along now.”

  “It? When can we find out the baby’s gender? I don’t like the idea of calling it ‘it’.”

  I smiled indulgently at him. This pregnancy would be a first for him since he’d missed Seth’s, so everything was new and exciting. “In about two months they should be able to tell us from an ultrasound.”

  He leaned forward until our faces were only a few inches apart. “Do you want a boy again? Or a girl this time?”

  “I want a healthy baby with ten fingers and ten toes. I don’t care what he or she is.”

  “Me, either, babe.”

  I closed the distance between us and softly placed my lips on his. They were warm, familiar, and too good to be true. They felt like I’d come home. Bobby quickly took the kiss further, slipping his tongue inside my mouth to intertwine with mine, and I quickly got lost in the feel and taste of him. So beautiful. So masculine. And all mine.

  Just when I thought things were about to get infinitely better, he pulled away, leaned back to snag the strap on his bag, and pulled it to his lap so that he could start digging through it.

  Confused at the abrupt change of plans, I asked him, “What are you doing?”

  “Hold on just one second. I’ve got something important to give you.” Digging out a folded piece of paper, he held it out to me and said, “It’s long past time for you to have this.”

  Unfolding the paper, I noticed that it was a bit dingy looking, as if whatever it was was old and had been handled a lot. Looking up at the top, it didn’t take long to realize that I was right because it was dated fifteen years ago, about a week after Bobby had sent the letter breaking things off with me. My heart plummeted.

  Looking back up to him in alarm, I said, “This better not be another break up letter, Bobby Baker. After everything you just said to me, if you are handing me another breakup letter, I will do things to you that most others would consider anatomically impossible.”

  With a gentle grab of my wrist to the hand that held his letter, he started rubbing slow circles on my skin with his thumb. “Just read it, Belle.”

  So, with nothing else to do except take a giant leap of faith, I read it.

  Dear Belle,
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  I’m sitting here, waiting to hear from my parents. Praying that they found you and explained that I’m a moron for sending you that letter. That I didn’t mean it. It was a temporary moment of insanity; just the fear that if I tied you to me too young, you would resent me for it down the road, but I can’t let you go, Belle. If you end up hating me later for us getting married so young, I’ll just have to find a way to make you love me again.

  So, like I said, I’m sitting here, hoping they found you. My buddy here in boot camp told me I had to think positive. So I’ve decided, that in the spirit of positive thinking, we should write our own vows when we get married. I’m proud that you’re going to be my wife and I want anyone and everyone at our wedding to know it. Here’s what I was thinking about saying for mine:

  ‘I’m just an ordinary man, but you make me feel like I’m the strongest man in the world. I’m not worthy of the gift of your love, but I promise to work each and every day to become worthy of it. Today, you do me the honor of becoming my wife. To putting on paper with pen and making it official for the world to see what I already know. That you were made for me, as I was made for you. With that gift, I promise to always love and cherish you. To be the strength you need when you feel weak. To hold you in my arms and make you feel safe when you are scared. To catch you if you should fall. Be your shelter from any storm. Most importantly, though, I promise to be your faithful best friend and lover from here until eternity.’

  I hope you like them. They may be short and simple, but they’re from my heart. Hopefully I’ll get to hear from you soon. A letter saying that you forgive your dumb Army grunt. I miss you so bad it hurts, baby. Please forgive me. Can’t wait to see you and hold you in my arms again.