by Kate Stacy
What the fuck is he doing in the feminine care aisle?
Most men wouldn’t be caught dead in this aisle, yet here he is looking at sanitary pads and tampons. What the actual fuck? He obviously has a woman in his life, unless this is some type of fucking joke. He’s shopping for period products.
In the back of my mind, I know I shouldn’t jump to conclusions. Too bad my hormones don’t give a fuck about being rational. I’m pissed. It’s bullshit that he’d try to pursue me, to make it seem like he wants to be in a relationship with me if he’s close enough to a woman to be buying her monthly products for her. Men don’t do that shit for just anyone.
I want to release this anger building inside of me. I want to walk up and confront him for trying to play me, but I’m too damn tired. I don’t have the energy to deal with this right now. I start to back away, but I realize I’m too late.
“Hey, Gorgeous! Fancy seeing you here.”
He walks over to me and leans in for a hug, but I pull away.
His brows dip. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. My only problem is you.” I sneer, stepping away from him and crossing my arms over my chest. “I can’t believe you. I knew it was all too good to be true. How could you? You obviously have a woman at home since you’re in here buying her personal products, yet you acted like you wanted to be with me…” My words trail off when I notice the smirk on his handsome fucking face. What the hell is so amusing? My temper flares and I open my mouth to continue my rant, but he puts his finger to my lips.
“I think it’s my turn to talk. You listening?”
I shoot him a glare, which only makes him chuckle.
“Good.” Smug bastard. “You’re right, Camille. I do have a woman at home. An incredibly special, young woman who just got her first period.” He holds up the box of pads, allowing me to see the word “teen” printed on the front. I know my confusion shows all over my face, but he ignores it. “Honestly, I’m way out of my fucking element here and could use your help. Are these the right things to get for a twelve-year-old? I’ve never done this shit before.”
I take a minute to really look at him. He’s in sweats and a tee, his hair sticking up in all directions like he’s been pulling on it. My gaze shifts to the box in his hand as I let his words sink in, and suddenly the pieces click into place.
“You have a daughter.”
“Hannah.” He nods. “We haven’t exactly had a chance to really talk yet, so she hasn’t come up. And before you ask, her mother is no longer in the picture.”
“I’m sorry, Ryan. I…”
I feel like an asshole for jumping to conclusions, but I don’t get a chance to admit it.
“No worries. You’re adorable when you’re mad,” he says as he boops my nose. “Now, help me. Please. I’m not ready. I wanted her to stay a little girl forever. I’m not equipped to deal with this shit, but unfortunately my mom is out of town and I’m all she’s got. I don’t want to screw this up.”
Any lingering frustration melts away.
He has a daughter; one he obviously adores.
And if that doesn’t make me like him more, I don’t know what will.
“You’re doing fine. Those are perfect, but they’re not enough.”
Ignoring his look of confusion, I drag him through the store and help him get all the goods. Chocolate, ice cream, chips. A heating pad and pain relievers. His eyes widen with every item I add to the cart, but he doesn’t question me.
When we reach the register, he pays for his items and mine. It’s a sweet gesture, one that has me making a gesture of my own.
“Would you like me to come home with you and talk to her about everything, woman to woman?”
The relief on his face brings a smile to mine.
My nerves go into overdrive on the way to his house. It’s a good thing I rode with him or else I would have changed my mind, turned around, and went straight home.
I’m about to meet Ryan’s daughter. His almost-teenage daughter.
Does she know about me? About the baby? Oh my God, what if she hates me? How will this affect the relationship Ryan and I might have?
“Relax.” He places his hand on my thigh and squeezes gently.
Easy for him to say. He’s not the one about to meet a twelve-year-old girl whose opinion could change everything.
He pulls into the driveway of a beautiful house and my anxiety kicks into high gear.
I follow when he gets out of the car and grabs the shopping bags. I don’t realize I’m trembling until he takes my hand to lead me inside.
“It’s okay, Camille. She’ll love you.”
He kisses my temple and some of my panic recedes.
He opens the front door and slips off his shoes once inside. Following his lead, I do the same.
“Hannah! I’m home.”
He leads me through the house until we get to the kitchen. I’m too busy trying to calm my nerves to take note of the house or anything in it until he pulls out a stool for me, insisting I sit.
“Can I get you anything? A drink? Food?”
“No, thank you,” I say as I finally start to look around, taking notice of my surroundings.
The kitchen is spacious with a large island at its center, which is where I’m currently sitting. The dark marble countertops are clean and uncluttered. Aside from a few photographs and drawings on the refrigerator, there’s nothing to give any insight to the man that lives here. The room is—for a lack of better words—perfect.
The sound of footsteps stops my perusal, my gaze darting to the entrance of the room.
I watch as she rounds the corner, stopping dead in her tracks when she sees me.
Hannah is absolutely beautiful.
I don’t have a clue what her mother looks like, but she’s all Ryan. The same light-colored hair, the same startling blue-gray eyes, the same bone structure, the same plump, pouty lips. It’s eerie how similar the two look. Makes me wonder if she has the same deep laugh lines when she smiles.
I can see the questions in her eyes as she looks me over, but Ryan does let her wonder for long.
“Hannah, this is my friend, Camille.” She looks to him, then back at me before he continues. “I ran into her at the store and I...uh...I thought maybe she could be a bit more help to you than I can.”
He rubs the back of his neck, and I realize this is the first time I’ve seen him unsure of anything. He’s usually so calm and confident, but right now, he’s a little unsettled and somehow it helps me relax. He doesn’t know how to navigate this any more than I do.
“Hi, Hannah.” I offer a polite wave.
She’s a bit shy, a bit unsure. “Hello.”
It’s the only greeting I get before she moves toward her father and begins digging through the grocery bags. She pulls out the pads, along with all the other goodies we grabbed, and looks up at Ryan with love and adoration.
“Thank you, daddy. You’re the best.”
My heart melts into a puddle of goo when she hugs him and he wraps his arms around her tight, kissing the top of her head.
“Don’t thank me. Most of this was Camille.” He tips his head toward me. “I wouldn’t have thought to grab any of this extra stuff.”
She graces me with a smile. “Thank you.”
Those damn dimples. They’ve both got ‘em and hers are no less enchanting than his.
“You’re welcome.” I return her smile, and before I can think too hard, I keep talking. “I remember my first and it was awful. I’m around if you have any questions or need someone to talk to.”
Her smile brightens. “I’d like that. Would you come to my room? I love my dad, but it’s kinda weird to talk about girl stuff with him.”
Ryan rolls his eyes, moving to put the ice cream in the freezer. Laughing, I stand and move around the island. Linking my arm in Hannah’s, I tug her away from him. “Let’s go have a little girl talk.”
I look back in time to catch the kiss that Ryan blows my way.
FOURTEEN
Ryan
“This will feel a little cold.”
I watch in fascination as the ultrasound technician, Jill, squirts some type of clear gel across Camille’s lower abdomen.
I never got this experience with Hannah. I missed everything, including her birth. I didn’t even know she existed until she was almost six months old. Elena disappeared for over a year and came back with a baby in tow. It wasn’t until weeks after her return that she finally admitted that Hannah was mine. That was the first time she disappeared. I should have known it wouldn’t be the last.
Our relationship was never healthy, and never the same after learning I had a baby she kept from me for so long. After a DNA test confirmed the baby was mine, I practically raised Hannah on my own. I loved Elena, but she was never fit to be a mother, even when she was around.
“All right, are y’all ready?” Jill asks, moving the probe over Camille’s belly. “Since this is your twenty-week anatomy scan, I’m gonna get the measurements I need first. You’ll get to hear the baby’s heartbeat, and I’ll explain everything as I go. After that, if you wanna know what this little one's gonna be, we can see if we can tell.”
My eyes meet Camille’s and she smiles, nodding eagerly. “We definitely want to know.”
We’re both in awe as Jill moves the probe around, measuring the baby and pointing out all the different parts. Head. Brain. Hands. Feet. Spine. Heart. Seeing my baby move around inside of her, literally seeing my baby’s heartbeat...I’ve never seen a more incredible sight in my life.
Minutes later, Jill’s tone changes, her attention seems more focused and I find myself watching her instead of the screen. Every so often, her brows knit, and her head subtly tips to the side. I turn my attention back to the monitor, trying to see what’s causing her reaction, but it’s pointless. I don’t see anything out of the ordinary, but it’s becoming clear that she does.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, unable to watch without knowing.
Her concern is causing my worry.
Camille, who hasn’t noticed anything different until now, turns her attention to Jill after quickly looking at me.
“What’s going on? Is something wrong with the baby?” Her eyes dart back and forth rapidly between me and Jill.
I take hold of her hand, feeling like a dick for making her worry for even a second. I lean down and press a kiss to her forehead.
“No, there’s nothing wrong with the baby, but...I need to check…”
Her words trail off as she hits a combination of buttons. The room fills with a whoosh of sound, followed by a steady beat. I know enough to know this is the baby’s heartbeat and my eyes fill with emotion.
“Oh my God!” Camille gasps, sharing a questioning look with Jill that I don’t understand.
Jill nods.
I stand here, completely and utterly confused. What the hell did I miss?
I squeeze Camille’s hand and she looks up at me with a watery smile.
She speaks, answering my silent question. “There’s two.”
Two. Two. Two.
I repeat it in my head until it finally clicks.
“Two heartbeats? T-t-twins?”
She nods rapidly, covering her mouth with her hands as tears stream down her face.
“Holy shit.” I breathe the words out as I drop into the closest chair.
Jill pushes a button and the room is bathed in silence.
“I’m gonna give y’all a couple minutes and grab the doctor. She’ll want to be here for the rest of the scan.”
She makes her exit, leaving Camille and I alone in the room.
“We’re having twins.” I repeat.
It’s nothing more than a whisper. I’ve said the words, but I’m still not quite believing their truth.
“We’re having twins.” Camille confirms.
“How? I mean...I know how, but—”
The door to the exam room opens and Jill comes in, followed by a woman who must be the doctor.
“Sounds like you two got a bit of a surprise,” she laughs. She turns to me and holds out her hand. “I’m Dr. Khaskia. You must be dad.”
I nod, shaking her hand.
“Well then, let’s have a look.”
She grabs a pair of gloves, takes Jill’s seat, squirts more gel onto Camille’s stomach, and grabs the probe.
All eyes are on the monitor. Watching. Waiting.
She moves the probe around, testing various places, eyes never leaving the screen.
The silence in the room is maddening, broken only by an occasional click of the machine as the doctor tries to get a different view.
Minutes feel like hours until she finally breaks the silence.
“There it is. Baby number two.”
The image on the monitor is still, focused on the baby, and I have no idea what she’s looking at.
“Right here,” she points out a blur on the screen.
I still don’t see it, but it seems I’m the only one.
“How did we not know until now? I’m halfway through my pregnancy.”
“It’s what we call ‘Hidden Twins’ and with today’s technology, it’s rare, but obviously, it does still occur. Baby B is positioned behind Baby A in a way which makes it almost impossible to see. Luckily, the doppler picked up the second heartbeat or we still might not have known.”
The doctor nods at Jill, who comes over and gently massages the sides of Camille’s belly. On the monitor, we watch as the baby rolls and there it is, clear as day, a second baby.
“Holy shit!”
Everyone laughs at my outburst, clearly amused by my surprise.
I’m entranced, eyes locked on the image of my babies on the screen.
Babies. There are two babies.
Camille reaches for my hand, her gentle squeeze breaks my trance.
“You okay?”
Blinking rapidly, I turn my gaze to her and answer truthfully, “I’m perfect.”
She smiles and I’m lost in it.
She’s glowing, radiating happiness and I want nothing more than to soak it all in.
This is a moment I’ll remember for the rest of my life.
Despite the circumstances of conception, one baby was a blessing. Two babies…
It’s indescribable.
They’re mine. My beautiful blessings. I never thought I could love someone so much when I haven’t even met them yet, but I do. I love them so much already. Looking at Camille, I know that I want to love her, too. A big part of me already does.
I’ll do anything to have her in my life as more than the mother of my babies.
Of course I want my children, but I want her just as much.
The night we met, I made so many mistakes. Not getting to know her better. Not getting her name. Letting her slip away from me before I could tell her I wanted more.
I won’t make the same mistakes.
I want Camille to be my everything.
This time, she’ll know it.
There were no more surprises during the rest of the appointment, thankfully.
We wanted to know the gender of the baby, but ultimately decided that the second baby was enough excitement for one day. With a bit more belly prodding, Dr. Khaskia was able to find out the gender of both babies. She wrote them down, sealing them in an envelope, in case we decide we want to know later.
Camille and I left the doctor’s office together with the sealed envelope and several ultrasound pictures where both babies are clearly visible.
I want to spend more time with her, but she’s exhausted and wants to rest, so I drop her off at her apartment and head home to wait for Hannah to get out of school.
It’s time she and I had a heart-to-heart.
The conversation isn’t going to be easy, but Hannah is tougher than most, and I’ve never hidden the truth from
her. This won’t be any different.
Once she gets home, I let her know that I want to talk to her, so she drops her stuff in her room and meets me in the kitchen.
“What’s up, dad?” She grabs an apple and sits at the island counter.
I lean against the counter opposite from her.
“Just wanna talk to you about a couple things. See how you’re doing with the move, your new school...and everything.”
By everything, I mean her mom and her latest abandonment.
She rolls her eyes, pre-teen to the core. “I’m good, dad. I promise. I really like it here, especially being closer to Grandma. I’m even happier now that Uncle Adam is here. I missed him. And I love my new school. I already have a ton of new friends, and I talk to my friends in Florida online all the time.”
Damn. I’ve got such a good kid. She just rolls with the punches.
“And your mom...how are you feeling about all that?”
She’s silent for a beat, and quiet when she asks, “Does it make me a bad person if I say I don’t miss her?”
“Absolutely not. You’re allowed to feel however you want.”
I watch her closely, needing to be sure this isn’t affecting her more than she says.
“It’s not like it’s the first time she’s left.” She shrugs. “I hate it, but it’s not like she’s ever really been there, even when she was. She’s been gone over a year already. I know she’s not coming back this time. It’s why we moved here and I’m okay with that. We’re better off without her.”
This fucking kid. So goddamn smart and strong.
“Okay, kiddo. I just wanna be sure you’re doing good. It’s kinda my job.”
“I know, daddy.”
“There’s one more thing I want to talk to you about before you run off.”
She looks at me expectantly.
“Camille. What’d you think of her?”
“She’s so nice! I really like her. I hope you bring her around more often.”