by Kate Stacy
I release the breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.
“That’s the plan,” I say. “I gotta admit...I wasn’t entirely honest with you when I brought her over here. She’s more than a friend to me.”
“Is she your girlfriend?” She bluntly asks.
“Not yet. Not officially, anyways, but I’d like her to be. You cool with that?”
“If she makes you happy, I’ll be happy.”
I turn to grab a beer from the fridge. Hannah is always easy-going, but I’m not sure how the rest of this conversation is going to go. I pop off the top and take a swig.
“You know she’s pregnant though, right?” Hannah asks, almost making me spit out the liquid in my mouth.
I swallow, choking back a cough. “I do know.”
She eyes me curiously, and I decide to just spit it out.
The truth, not the beer.
“The baby...babies...they’re mine.”
She blinks. Once. Twice.
“I’m gonna be a big sister?”
“Yes.”
I watch her, waiting for the information to sink in. Waiting to see how she’s going to respond to my confirmation.
“Wait! You said babies! There’s more than one?”
“I did. Camille is having twins.”
“Oh my God! This is so freaking exciting!”
She jumps from the stool, runs around the island, and practically tackles me with a hug.
This is absolutely the last thing I expected, but I’m happy that she can still surprise me. Hannah has dealt with a lot of shit in her twelve years of life—most of it at the hands of her own mother—so I’m happy she’s reacting with joy and excitement. This could have gone so many different ways.
Today has been full of happy surprises.
Hannah and I spend the rest of the evening talking. I order pizza for dinner and we cuddle up in the living room while we eat. I try to get her to open up more about how she’s feeling about the Elena situation, but she shuts it down, continually bringing the topic back to Camille and the babies. I knew she was excited by her initial reaction, but I underestimated her level of excitement.
She tells me some of the things she and Camille talked about on what I refer to as “P-Day.” She raves about Camille being fun to hang around, and how pretty she is. She begs me to bring her over again soon so she can get to know her better. That request quickly changes to a surprising comment about how Camille should move in with us so we can help her during the pregnancy and be a big family once the babies arrive.
On one hand, I’m happy that she’s found something to be excited about. It’s been a long time since I saw Hannah so enthusiastic about something. On the other hand, I almost can’t even imagine what Camille would say if I asked her to move in with us. We barely know each other, and we’ve only just begun officially dating. She’d probably think I’ve lost my mind. Honestly though, I don’t hate the idea.
I try to explain to Hannah that I don’t think it’s a good idea to ask Camille just yet. I try to tell her it’s too soon. I’m not sure if we’re ready for that step. She’s having none of it. By the time we’re done talking for the night, she has me convinced that asking Camille to move in is “the best idea ever” and it’ll be good for all of us because Camille is having twins and that will make her pregnancy more difficult the further along she gets. I’m not sure how much Hannah truly knows about pregnancy, but I can’t argue with the kid’s logic.
Camille living here would be easier.
I’d be able to help her more, really support her throughout her pregnancy. It would also give us more time together to get to know each other before the babies take over our lives completely.
Is it too soon? Probably.
But nothing between the two of us has been typical so far.
Why start trying to do things “the right way” now?
FIFTEEN
Camille
I’m more than halfway through my pregnancy and things couldn’t be going any better.
Finding out about the second baby was quite a surprise, but at the same time, it’s not like multiples in my family are unheard of. I am one of three.
And Ryan.
He’s unlike anything I could have expected. He may have told me from the beginning that he’s all in with me, but he’s done everything he can to prove it since then. His words, his actions. It all shows how serious he is about being here for the babies, and for me.
We’ve spent a lot of time together over the last week and I’ve enjoyed every bit of it, especially when Hannah joins us. That girl is such a doll. I love how much Ryan loves her, and how obvious it is that she adores him in return. It’s clear they have a remarkably close, special relationship. She’s a daddy’s girl, through and through.
It’s endearing, and only makes me like him more.
Between his relationship with his daughter, his excitement about the babies, and the way he looks after me and tries to take care of me...I’m falling hard.
Today, Ryan and Hannah are joining me for a Sterling family dinner.
My family has been begging me to bring them around so everyone can get to know each other. As much as I’d like to keep Ryan and Hannah to myself for a while longer, I know my family is running out of patience.
We arrive at 80 Proof late, which I know bothers Ryan, but he doesn’t let it show. I’m always late. He’s the type to always arrive on time, no matter where he’s going.
I’m still amazed at how easy-going and laid-back Ryan really is. He doesn’t give me a hard time for running late. He doesn’t question why we’re having a family meal at a bar (which is really a bar and grill now). He just goes with the flow and does it without complaint.
My family welcomes them right into the fold, just as I knew they would.
I love the way my siblings interact with Ryan, and my parents dote on Hannah as if she were their own grandchild. Holden and Ryan seem to be getting on like old friends, much in the same way they were in the hospital. Nothing could make me happier because I could never have a relationship with someone whom my brother doesn’t like. Most girls might fight with their brothers about something like a boyfriend. They might get frustrated when their brother acts overprotective.
Not me. I trust Holden’s judgement one hundred percent.
Especially after the things we went through with Madalyn’s psycho ex-husband. Holden didn’t exactly like him from the start but kept quiet because he thought Madalyn was happy. He ignored his gut about the guy, and he shouldn’t have. So yeah, I put a lot of stock into how my brother feels about someone. I’m glad he seems to like Ryan because I know I do.
After dinner, Ryan and I find ourselves alone in the outside dining area behind the bar. Hannah is inside under the watchful eye of my entire extended family. She’s in good hands, so Ryan and I can have some time to ourselves.
I’m perfectly content to cuddle up to him and enjoy the cool night air, but Ryan has other plans.
“I wanna get your feelings on something.”
Leaving my head on his shoulder, I look up, giving him my full attention.
He smiles, but I sense his hesitation.
“How would you feel about maybe moving in with us?”
“What?” I sit up, pulling away from him without thinking. “Move in? Are you serious? We’ve barely known each other for two months, Ryan.”
He takes my hand, preventing me from moving farther away, even though it wasn’t my intention.
“I know. It’s soon.”
“It’s too soon. Much too soon.”
I couldn’t possibly.
I want to believe this is a big joke, but the expression on his face is nothing but serious.
We’ve barely started officially dating. And yeah, we’re having children together, but it’s not like it’s something we planned. Moving in. Wow. I’m not sure I’m ready for that at all.
I tell him as much, a
nd I can see his disappointment. I feel awful for making him feel that way, but it’s not a step I can take right now. I like Ryan—I might even be falling in love with him—but my trust issues run deep. Ryan has done nothing to make me distrust him, but I can’t fully let him in yet either.
“It’s okay, Camille. I knew it was a long shot, but I promised Hannah I would ask.”
“Hannah?”
“It was her idea.” He laughs. “It actually took her awhile to convince me it was a good idea, but I couldn’t deny her logic when she broke it down for me.”
“Damn it. Now I’m gonna feel like shit for disappointing her, too.”
Ryan pulls me against him, and I automatically relax in his arms.
“Don’t feel bad, Gorgeous. The timing is wrong, but maybe one day it won’t be.”
I love that he still calls me gorgeous like it’s my name.
It causes a flutter in my belly, much like the movement of our babies who are nestled there.
“Can I ask you something personal while we’re alone?”
“You can ask me anything.”
I bite my lip, second-guessing the question I want to ask. Maybe I don’t really need to know.
“What is it you want to know?”
“Where’s Hannah’s mother?” I immediately want to take back the question, but I do need to know.
He sighs but doesn’t hesitate with his answer. “It’s quite a story, to be honest.”
I shrug because I’ve got nothing but time.
“Her name is Elena. Our families are close friends, so we pretty much grew up together. We were the same age, and by the time we hit high school, our relationship had grown from friends to something more. It was good for a while, but then she started to change. The older we got, the more she rebelled. Against what, I still don't know. She got in with the wrong crowd, started partying all the time, stopped going to school.
“When I found out that her partying was no longer just about having fun, things changed even more. She was drunk or high more often than not, and I tried to get her to stop using and drinking. We’d fight. Break up. She’d clean up her act long enough for me to take her back, but we’d always repeat the cycle. I loved her. I wanted to help her be better. Unfortunately, I learned that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.”
He moves to adjust his position, so I sit up to give him room, but he grabs my hand before I can move too far away. His gaze locks on our linked hands where his thumb brushes back and forth across my knuckles.
“Winter break in our junior year, we had sex for the first time. She was my first. She said I was hers, but I found out later it wasn’t true. Not long after that, Elena ran away from home. We spent a long time searching for her—my family and hers—worrying about where she was, whether or not she was okay.” He leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees, but pulls my hand with his, refusing to let go of the one place we’re connected. “A year passed with no word. I think at that point we’d all started to give up hope. Christmas that year was horrible. No one even felt like celebrating. A few months later, during spring break my senior year, I got a text from my mom. Elena came home. I was in the Keys at the time, celebrating spring break with a group of friends, but I made the drive home that day. Our relationship had long since ended, but I still cared about her. I needed to see for myself that she was all right.”
He looks at me and I nod, understanding his need. Ryan is a protector; it comes as natural to him as breathing.
“Imagine my surprise when I get home and find Elena with a baby.”
My eyes widen, but I don’t verbally react.
“The little girl looked so much like me. It was hard to believe Elena when she said she wasn’t mine. It wasn’t until weeks later that she finally admitted the truth.” A mirthless chuckle leaves his lips. “There I was, eighteen years old...about to graduate high school and suddenly I had a six-month-old daughter I knew nothing about. I was pissed. If keeping her pregnancy a secret wasn’t bad enough, Elena was still using. It was obvious to anyone who looked at her.”
He continues his story and I listen patiently as he unburdens his past.
Hannah was innocent. She needed someone on her side to look out for her best interests, so as much as he hated it, he took Elena to court for custody. He had the support of both his family, and hers. Despite loving her, Elena had destroyed her life, and no one wanted her lifestyle to have a negative impact on Hannah.
It was a long, drawn out process, but between witness statements, previous hospital records, and a series of drug tests...
The judge awarded full custody to Ryan.
With the help of their families, he finished high school and entered the police academy immediately after his nineteenth birthday. As they say, it takes a village to raise a child. Ryan had an unending system of love and support to help him raise Hannah. Everyone rallied behind him, allowing him to be the father that Hannah needed, while he chased his dreams and started a career that would support them both.
Elena stuck around, acted like a mother when it was convenient for her. Ryan never denied her access to her daughter so long as she was sober. Much like their relationship in school, Elena would clean herself up long enough for Ryan to let her get close to Hannah, but it never lasted long before drugs and alcohol pulled her back down. She’d disappear for months—sometimes years—at a time. As Hannah grew up, Ryan tried to protect her from most of it, but Hannah still knew more than any little girl should about the effects of drugs and alcohol.
He did the best he could, and really that’s all anyone can ask of a father, especially one in his situation.
When Hannah was nine, Elena came back after a long absence. She was sober and wanted a chance to be a family. It took months, but she finally wore him down enough for him to give her a chance. A year passed and things still seemed good. Over the next year, Ryan started noticing subtle changes to Elena. He wasn’t sure it was drugs, but he knew something was different. The changes escalated until he knew for sure she was using again. He discovered quite a few of the other skeletons in Elena’s closet as well. She had begged him for this chance, only to blow it by choosing drugs, alcohol, and other men over Ryan and their daughter.
“Right after Hannah’s eleventh birthday, she disappeared again. No one has heard from her since.”
“Jesus, Ryan.”
I don’t even know what to say. I had no idea he and Hannah had been through so much. His insistence on being involved in every aspect of this pregnancy makes even more sense now.
“I tried to make it work, to give Hannah the family she deserves...but in the end it did more harm than good. Elena is toxic and Hannah is better off without her. We all are.”
“You’re an amazing father, Ryan. Hannah is an incredible girl. No matter what the two of you have been through, it doesn’t seem to have held her back at all. You should be proud of the way you’ve raised her.”
“Thank you for that,” he says, wrapping me in his arms again. “I don’t talk about Elena much. I like to pretend she doesn’t exist, especially since we moved to Blackwood to get a fresh start.”
A laugh bubbles up that I can’t suppress.
“And a hell of a start it’s been.”
He laughs with me but doesn’t disagree.
SIXTEEN
Ryan
Hannah and I met Camille’s family—now I have to tell mine about her.
I haven’t seen my mom in a few months. Even though winters aren’t too bad in North Carolina, she and my stepdad, Jefferson, still like to spend the season in Florida. Right after our move, they left the country for a two-month world cruise—mom’s Christmas gift from me, Jefferson, and Adam.
This is their first weekend home and I’m excited to hear about their trip, but I’m even more eager to share my good news. My mom will be ecstatic. I haven’t told her about Camille and the pregnancy. It wasn’t something I wanted to share with
her over the phone when she was thousands of miles away. Since they’re home, and Adam finally made his way to town, I decided it was the perfect time to get everyone together to catch up.
It’s a gorgeous spring day, so we decide to fire up the grill and enjoy the nice weather. My parents’ back yard is perfect for entertaining, even though there are only five of us here today. It makes me think about the future, having both mine and Camille’s families together.
Jefferson is manning the grill, while mom brings out all the sides and fixin’s. We’ve been dismissed from trying to help several times, so Adam and I stay out of the way and enjoy a couple of beers. Hannah is being a typical pre-teen, eyes glued to her cell phone, surely catching up on all the latest middle school drama from her friends.
I can’t be mad. I’m too damn happy that she’s adjusting so well to the move and everything she’s been through because of her mother. There have been times I’ve wondered whether I should have her talk to a professional. I can only imagine the internal scars Elena’s actions have left on our daughter, but Hannah always insists she’s fine. She’s happy, healthy, and shows no outward signs of any type of suppressed problems. I’d worry more, but she and I have always kept an open line of communication. She talks to me about everything, including the way her mom’s choices have affected her and how she feels about them, so I don’t feel as though she’s holding anything back.
“Hey Dad,” Hannah hollers from across the yard.
“Yeah?”
The patio door slides open at the same time as Hannah speaks, “Did you know the babies are the size of a spaghetti squash this week?”
My breath gets caught in my throat.
The yard is so quiet, I swear you could hear ants marching.
My back is to the house. I don’t need to turn around to know that my mother has just come out of the house and heard exactly what Hannah just said. The wide-eyed look on Adam’s face only confirms it for me.
“What babies?”
My shoulders hunch and I drop my head, uttering a curse under my breath.