Stuck in Between (Bound by Your Love)

by Bennett, Blakely

  “That is interesting. What do you make of it?”

  “Eh, it’s probably nothing. He could have been angry that I called him a Neanderthal.”

  Lainie burst out with laughter. “That might have done it.”

  “How are things going at Bella Boutique? Anything new I should check out?”

  “Our new shipment is coming in this week. Sales have been steady so that’s good.”

  “I might need something new.”

  “A hot date, I hope?”

  “Bond wants me to go to another family function, but I haven’t decided if I’ll say yes.”

  “I can help you with that one. No, no, no, and no.”

  “I thought you might say that.”

  After Lainie had left, I straightened up and started a load of laundry. I then lay down on the couch and drifted off.

  A loud melody swirled around me, and I blinked my eyes rapidly, pulling myself out of sleep. I reached for my cell phone.

  “Hi Jacqueline,” my mother said. I could already identify the tone in her voice. My sister was up to something.

  “Hi Mom, what’s up?” I said, sitting up.

  “Samantha stopped by, and I’m pretty sure she’s looking for some money.”

  “Did she ask you?”

  “Well, no, but she doesn’t have her car.”

  “Do you know where your purse is?”

  “Yes, I locked it in the trunk of my car the first chance I got.”

  “Is she spending time with Sarah?” I asked, walking into the kitchen for some water.

  “Yes.”

  “Does she seem straight?”

  “Yes, thankfully.”

  I sighed in relief and said, “Okay, so maybe it’s not as bad as we think. How long has she been there?”

  “About an hour now. I fed her some dinner.”

  “Did she mention Darren?”

  “Darren?”

  “That’s her current boyfriend as far as I know.”

  “Oh, no, she didn’t mention him.”

  My mother’s call meant she wanted to be rescued, and being a dutiful daughter I obliged. “Give her the phone, Mom.”

  “Okay. Thank you,” she said. I could hear the appreciation in her voice.

  “Hey Jackie, what’s up?”

  I placed the glass down on the counter and said, “Just getting some cleaning done. What are you up to?”

  “Hanging with Sarah for a bit, but I was wondering if you could pick me up?”

  “What happened to your car?” I asked, shaking my head.

  “You don’t want to know.”

  “And Darren?”

  “Can you come get me or not?”

  I paused for a minute and then said, “Do you have plans tonight?”

  “Jackie, it’s still early.”

  I took a deep breath and said, “I’m heading over to Red’s in a bit, but I was planning to get some more laundry done and I still need to take a shower.”

  “Come get me first, and I can hang out at your place.”

  “I’ll forgo the laundry and just take a quick shower. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  “Jackie, you know Mom and I can’t spend that much time alone together,” Sam whispered into the phone.

  “Take Sarah for a walk in the park or hang out at the coffee shop not far away. I’ll try to get there as fast as I can.”

  “Please Jackie.”

  “I love you, Sam. I’ll see you at around seven thirty, and if you leave Mom’s, call to let me know where you are.”

  “Fine!”

  The way she said “fine” sounded more like “fuck you”, so I knew she was pissed. I hoped she wouldn’t use it as an excuse to drink or worse. Our mother had a hard time setting limits with her, and I imagined Sam might get some money out of Mom if she pushed hard enough. I hoped not.

  After my shower, I twisted my hair up into a knot and debated over what to wear to Red’s. I refused to don any of the heels, which remained in their boxes at the back of my closet. I used to try to make myself taller in an effort to compete with all the statuesque women who seemed to frequent Red’s parties, but I no longer put in that much effort. Most of those who regularly attended had become my close friends—except for Red. He held me at a distance early on and I responded in kind. I figured he didn’t think Bond and me were a good match or maybe he didn’t want to lose his partner on the revolving dating track. At any rate, he was a big oaf I avoided as much as humanly possible.

  I ended up choosing a fitted pair of light-blue jeans and a scoop neck, bright purple blouse with five buttons at the top. In front of the mirror, I checked my appearance and decided to leave the top two buttons undone. Although petite, I loved my proportions. I had curves in all the right places and at twenty-eight my breasts were still round, full, and firm. I could get away without wearing a bra and did so often.

  The dark blue eyeliner I applied made the green stand out in my blue-green eyes. I added mascara and a little tinted lip gloss. Unknotting my long, brown hair, I flipped my head over and dried the underneath as best as I could in the short time I had left. It had the desired effect of making my wavy hair fuller.

  As I walked to my car, I hoped my sister was in her “good cat” mood because I didn’t think I could handle her “bad cat” ways and deal with Bond.

  I hopped onto I-95 and headed toward Fort Lauderdale. As I pulled into my mother’s driveway, I felt an intense wave of angst. “Shit,” I said, even before I got out of the car.

  My mother flipped on the light and came out to my car.

  I rolled down my window and said, “How long ago?”

  “Right after she got off the phone with you.”

  “Did she say where she was going?”

  “No.”

  “Did someone pick her up?”

  “Not that I saw.”

  I shook my head, taking in the reality of the situation.

  “You look nice,” my mother said.

  “Thanks. I guess she’ll call when she’s ready.”

  “Come in for a minute?”

  “Is Sarah still up?”

  “No, she’s been down for a while.”

  “I have to be somewhere or I would.” I got out of the car to give my mother a hug and she embraced me tightly.

  “I’m sorry to have bothered you.”

  “It’s not easy for either of us, is it?” I asked.

  “No, I guess not.”

  Neither my mother nor Samantha had recovered from my father’s untimely heart attack and death. I probably hadn’t either, still chasing the unattainable. I had a closer relationship with my mother at the time, but it was almost like losing them both. My mother was never the same and as soon as Samantha hit puberty, she became unmanageable and the focus of our lives. I love my sister, but I often wanted to strangle her.

  As I drove away, my mother waved and my heart hurt for her. I wondered if she would ever again open herself to love.

  Although Red had a long circular drive, I parked on the road so I could escape at any time. I secretly loved his home, but would never tell him. From the tall palms out front to the multiple arching windows, I even found the red, barrel tile roof and cream-colored paint appealing.

  No one sat in the front sitting room as I entered. The hardwood floors sparkled as I strolled through the wide doors and under the high ceilings. I wished I had the discipline to keep my small condo as clean and organized.

  I followed the voices I heard into the kitchen and found Bond, Red, Kev and Cat leaning against the counters, chatting and drinking beer.

  “Hey guys,” I said.

  “Hey Jacqs, love the purple shirt,” Cat said, coming forward for a hug. The nickname Cat, short for Catherine, fit her perfectly. She had a lithe body and blue-black hair cut in a long angled bob. Her dark black eyeliner came to a point, and her smoky eye shadow and pink lipstick finished off the look.

  “Oh, thanks,” I said and reached for a hug from Kevin too. He im
mediately placed his arm back around Cat’s waist, her perfect counterpart. They both looked fashion forward, including Kev’s blonde, spiked hair.

  I opened the refrigerator and grabbed a Mike’s Hard Cranberry Lemonade. I tried to twist off the top, but it hurt my hand.

  “Here, give me that,” Red said with impatience, and before I could respond he snatched it out of my hand. He used the church key hanging on the fridge.

  “Thanks,” I said when he handed back the opened bottle.

  “Yeah,” he said. He motioned to Kev and Cat to follow and they left Bond and me alone in the kitchen.

  “You look like you got some sun today,” I said. I wrapped my arm around myself in self-protection.

  “Don’t I get a hug too?” Bond asked. He wore his work clothes of black slacks, a white, button-down dress shirt and black boots. His tan accentuated his light brown eyes, which he used to bore through me. The sides of his long, brown hair were pulled back in a knot.

  He looked devastatingly hot and I had to force my desire aside. I mentally urged my body to behave.

  I stood up taller and said, “Well, I didn’t want you to think that I thought it meant anything.”

  “The hug or last night?”

  “Both.”

  “It always means something when we make love,” Bond said as he moved in to embrace me.

  I stepped back before he had the chance. “Make love?” I said. “Seemed more like fucking to me. Really good fucking, I’ll admit, but I’m not in the mood to be trifled with. Were you not just on a sailing vessel with other women?”

  “That’s separate from us and it was just sailing.”

  “To you, but not to me, and I don’t see the point of retracing this ground. I had fun last night, didn’t you? Can’t we just leave it at that?”

  “Come home with me tonight and I’ll leave it alone,” he said, holding out his hand. “Let me make it up to you.”

  I considered it for a second and said, “Were you with anyone today?”

  “Jacqs, don’t.” He dropped his hand and crossed his arms.

  “My answer is no. Most definitely no.” My body and mind played tug-of-war in my head. My body remembered the times when we were ravenous for each other and the sense of home I found in his arms. My head pointed out all the times my heart ached for more from Bond.

  He reached out again to grasp my shoulder, but I yanked it away.

  “Don’t give me that sad puppy dog look of yours, Bond. We can occasionally be sex buddies, but not much else at this point. Don’t think I’m going to stay at home waiting for you to come back from fucking the rest of the world. Don’t try to pull me back in because you’ll only end up breaking my heart again. Give it a few days and a few more women, and you’ll forget how much you love our sex.”

  “I hate when you talk like that. And you insult us both when you make it just about sex.”

  “You mean when I speak the truth? What do you want from me?” I put my hands on my hips and continued, “You could have stayed in bed with me this morning, making love all day, but instead you went out on a date with another woman. I don’t begrudge you that, but don’t act like I’m the one keeping this from being more. I’m just doing what I need to keep my sanity.”

  “I’ve been ready to try again for a while.” When he reached out again to touch my arm, I let him. “I get why you’re upset with me—Red kept reminding me all day. He’s decided to take your side. Baby, please, I want to be different for you. You keep saying no.”

  “You’ve been telling me for years that you can’t change,” I said, pointing at his chest, “and I thought you would happy that I finally believe you. I’m fine. Go to work and find another bevy of broads to bring back for you and Red to pick over.”

  “Stop it, Jacqs. You’re the only woman in my life, other than my sister, that I truly love.”

  “It doesn’t feel that way to me. It feels like I could never, ever be enough for you.”

  “Baby, that’s not true. It’s not you; it’s me.”

  I laughed but it wasn’t a pretty sound. “Please don’t insult me, okay. I told you this morning we didn’t need to talk, and we don’t. Just don’t think we’re falling back into our old ways. I can’t and won’t.”

  “I’m sorry. When you were in my arms last night I wasn’t thinking about this morning, I’m sorry for being such an idiot. I love you, Jacqs and wish I could stop being such a fuck up. It’s just when we’re alone, together—”

  He gazed down at me and I could see the pain in his eyes. He wanted to be better for me, but I didn’t think I had it in me to give him another chance.

  He checked his watch and said, “My ride should be here in a few.”

  “A woman?” I could tell by the look on his face I was right. I don’t know why, but that hurt me more than anything else he had said. “Trying to get me in bed tonight, after you fucked me last night, and some other woman on a boat today. Now you have another taking you to work and what will she get in trade? Is it ever enough?”

  Leaving my untouched drink on the counter, I ran out of the kitchen.

  He yelled after me, “It’s not like that, Jacqs.”

  I continued through the house and out the back French doors, jogging around the pool to the dock. I climbed into Red’s large cruising vessel called the Adjustable Bend and went into the belly of the boat. Why couldn’t Bond leave well enough alone and why couldn’t I stop caring about him?

  I needed to get myself together and leave. Struggling to keep my tears inside, I no longer felt like socializing, and I definitely didn’t have it in me to put up with more crap from anyone else.

  As if the cursed gods heard me, they sent big foot after me. I felt the boat rock with his weight.

  “What?” I said defensively, wrapping my arms around myself.

  “You ran through the house, so I came to see if you’re okay,” Red said, standing by the stairway in his aubergine, long-sleeved T-shirt, beige jeans, and leather flip-flops.

  “Does it matter?”

  “It matters to me.”

  “You’re right to think I’m a stupid woman who keeps making the same mistake, over and over again. Except last night, I was fine with it being just this one time, but he wants to make it more, at least in words. His behavior says something else entirely.”

  “Never assume to know what I think,” Red said, his jaw tight with displeasure.

  “Why are you always so mad at me?”

  He sighed heavily and said, “Unfortunately Bond’s past will always rule his life and his choices.”

  “You really care about him, don’t you?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Do you know why he doesn’t drive and why he’s so messed up in relationships?”

  “Only he can tell you that.”

  “So you know the truth but you won’t tell me. Great.” I stood and said, “Do you mind letting me by?”

  “Where are you going?” Red asked, blocking my way.

  “Keeping tabs on me for Bond?” I said, looking up at him, trying not to be intimidated.

  “Why are you the most frustrating person I know?”

  “Again you don’t answer my questions and I’m the frustrating one? I’m going back into the house to get my purse and drive home. Between you, Bond, and my sister, I feel like crawling under my covers and hiding for a good long time.”

  As I passed by, he reached out and touched my arm. The contact sent a frisson running across my skin, causing my nipples to tighten. I stared down at his large hand dwarfing my arm and then back up at him. I couldn’t fully decipher his expression, but he looked shaken. Could it be possible, that through all the years, this was the very first time he had ever touched me?

  I stood with my mouth hanging open. When I realized it, and he said nothing, I clamped my mouth shut and climbed up the steps out of the boat.

  I stormed through the house, noticing all the new people who had arrived. I had to get out.

  CHAP
TER THREE

  Save Room

  by John Legend

  In front of Red’s house, I paced back and forth until I decided to head home. I sat in my car, trying to make sense of Red and what happened when he touched me. My phone rang, yanking me out of my musings. I shook myself out of my thoughts and hit the speaker button hoping it was my sister Samantha calling.

  “I’m at a pub a couple of miles from Mom’s. Can you come to get me?”

  “Tell me where you are, and please don’t get yourself into any trouble.”

  “No trouble, Jackie. Let’s just have a drink and then we can head over to Red’s.”

  “I’ll come get you and take you back to Darren’s. Don’t drink Sam! I’m on my way.”

  “Fine, but come into the place when you get here.”

  She gave me the address to Dirty Joe’s and I had a feeling I knew the place. I had passed it several times on my way to the Swap Shop. It sat near Sunrise Boulevard adjacent to a bad neighborhood. She was like a homing pigeon for dives.

  I found Samantha at the pool table with an audience. She had just knocked back a shot and was lining up the cue stick for her next drop. She looked so out of place.

  Where I managed to get the curves, she got all the height. Her slight frame and long flowing blonde hair made her look more like teenager than a twenty-five-year-old. Our only commonality was our eye color. As down and out as she often seemed to be, she always managed to look put-together. Why she gravitated to dives never made any sense to me; men anywhere would buy her a drink.

  Her tight jeans hugged her hips, and when she bent over with the cue stick in hand, the top of her blouse billowed open, giving the men surrounding the table an eyeful.

  “Jackie!” she squealed when she saw me walking up, throwing her arms open for a hug.

  “Sam, let’s go,” I said, returning the embrace.

  She pulled me over to her booth and said, “Go get a drink and let me finish this game.”

  I really needed a drink, and didn’t have the strength to fight with her. “Only if you promise not to drink anymore.”