by Amanda Miga
It's a relief to hear. She doesn't know my history; unless Alex told her. I hope that she won't ever find out about the monster I truly am. If I'm to live here I want to leave that all behind.
"Goodnight, Gabriel." She says kindly and closes the door leaving me to myself. My lips grow to a wider smile. I give my bed a bounce and letting out a laugh. Before writing about it all in my new notebook, I peek out of the door and watch Violet turn out the living room lights. She goes into Red's room and closes the door. I thought about what she might be doing in there. She must have a room of her own. The light under the door goes out. She must really miss Red.
Chapter Sixteen
Gabriel
I'm used to getting up with the sun. Always on the move to avoid going home, I often leave where I've slept for the night as the sun comes up. This morning my internal clock forgot I'm in a safe place. Rising with the sun is an old habit. My body feels particularly heavy this morning, I don't want to move. Beneath my head is the softest pillow I ever rested upon. I bury my face to whiff the smell of washed the linen. I'll stay in bed a little longer.
I make myself at home at the kitchen counter for breakfast. I snack on an apple while writing about the only thing I've thought of all night—Violet. The girl that stalked me, chased me, bumped into me and invited me into her home—all in one night. I don't know her, but there's definitely something about her. Maybe, it's because we briefly touched each other, but usually that would make her the one to swoon over me. It's not the case with Violet. She seems pretty normal as far as girls go. Maybe it's me? I'm the one crushing. That's the weird part. I've never had feelings like this.
"You write?" I slam my journal shut.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." She's wearing a loose fitted t-shirt and jeans like she's hiding herself on purpose. Her hair is a bit wild, like maybe she forgot to brush it. Maybe she doesn't realize no matter how much she tries to hide, she's still nice to look at. There goes that ache in my chest.
I realize I have nothing to worry about with Violet keeping her distance. She won't be able to read my secret thoughts. "It's okay." I'm too embarrassed to look at her after what I had written about her.
"Writing about everything, huh? Are you any good?"
"I've been told I am, but I'm not so sure. I love writing, though."
"Plants. Writing. Is there other talents or hobbies I should know about?"
"No, not really." This is about the longest conversation I've had with a girl. She makes herself comfortable on the other end of the counter. To see her big brown eyes connect with mine brings an instant smile to my face. I blush at the question and shake my head.
"I wish I was good at something."
"I thought you said you could see auras?"
"Yeah, but I'm not good at it." She rubs her arm as if it were painful. Then her head perks up. "Hey, I could teach you that today!"
Both her eyes and lips smile together. It's contagious. "Yeah, that would be awesome."
"How about now? ...or when you're done writing." Her smile falls slightly.
"Actually, now would be great. I can write about it later." There's slight bounce in her heels when she goes to the door. It makes her seem like a kid. She's so cute.
"Come on we'll do it outside." I can't keep my eyes off her. She's so excited, it makes me excited. I follow her to the lake, keeping the appropriate distance.
The Sanctuary is alive. I can feel it in my being like when birds sing to announce the arrival of spring. The city parks and suburbs are not as lush as this. There's no one but us here. It's like a dream I never want to wake from.
"I'm sorry for acting like an idiot it's just..." She swings her arms slightly displaying another child-like quality about her. "... it's been a while since I practiced with anyone. Actually I've been alone so it's nice to have someone around. This is going to be fun." She clasps her hands. "Red used to help me practice." There we go again. Red. Being compared to him isn't bad if he's her boyfriend. I could be that.
Violet plops in the grass and I do the same. It's particularly annoying to have to be so far apart. She shows me how to relax and breathe, and focus on lifting my energy. I like listening to her voice describes what it looks like to see an aura of light around living things. I've seen the auras she described, but only around plants. I don't want to interrupt the heavenly flow of her voice with my questions. She tells me practice makes perfect. It takes a lot of eye training to adjust the eyes to see auras. Once I get it down, I could learn to decipher what the colors mean.
"So what color am I?" I ask.
"Well, you have mostly red, with gray and some blue mixes here and there."
"What does that mean?"
"The red means, you're very physical. You're very conscious of your body that is. Makes sense because of your ability."
I can feel my face heat up. "The blue means you're sensitive and affectionate."
Affectionate—that's strange to hear. "And the gray?"
"The gray's not good. Its mix with the red, looks kind of pink in areas," she hesitates. "It's murky which is negative; a disturbance or maybe its immaturity. I'm not sure. I told you I suck at this." Violet hugs her knees to her chest. "What happen to you?" she says softly.
I don't know how to respond. Immature, maybe because I'm sixteen, but the disturbance is a whole other story. Things happened to me and I did things.
"Alex told me that you're home life is not safe. You know you can talk to me, Gabriel. I'm here. That murkiness could be an unresolved issue that maybe talking about would help. Do you want to talk about it?"
I shake my head. It's upsetting that the colors she sees shows my disturbance. Like a scar, it's there for her to see. I will never talk about those things with her—ever. It would mean reliving those nightmares.
"You know I can see your mood change too," she pouts.
Great.
"Your red is brighter. You're thinking physical thoughts, about your body. I know you hate your ability."
I'm physical. Keenly aware of my body in relation to others is a constant in my life. The monster that lives inside of me is part of this body—I'll never tell her that. I'm not going to confirm it.
"What about you? What color aura do you have?"
"I'm not telling. When you get it down, you can tell me." She hides her smile behind her knees. I can't help, but smile too. That will be nice to see what she's feeling or thinking through her aura. If Alex can read minds, then this is a step in that direction.
"So you said you're not even good at this?"
"No. I suck. Sometimes I can't and sometimes I lose the sight. And sometimes I don't know what the color means. Red never had a chance to show me much." Her smile droops followed by an awkward silence. She's thinking of Red, I'm sure of it.
"So how do we do this again?" I ask to distract her thoughts from thinking about Red.
"Relax your eyes, and look at me, but not directly at me. Look to either side of me. Remember relax your eyes. Kind of like those 3D pictures."
I'm good at those.
"Your eyes may go in and out of focus but that's okay. Your eyes are looking for the aura. You might see wavy lines—that's the energy. You might only see the aura color for like a second and it disappears. That's okay too. You'll get better at it. You're a lot stronger than I am."
"How do you know that?"
Violet looks guilty all of a sudden like she said something she shouldn't have. "Bumping into you on the street... you felt like Red a bit. Red is strong."
I always wondered what it feels like for the other person. Sometimes they seem to enjoy me and sometimes it seems I'm hurting them. I remember feeling Red in my dream. It was an intense touch for only few seconds. What would if feel like for her to touch me? Do I feel dangerous or do I feel enticing. "What does Red feel like?" I'm really asking 'what do I feel like'. I want to know. It may give me a hint of what she might think of me.
She slouches and bows her head. She can see through
tmy words by the way she hides her smile.
"Overwhelming."
Chapter Seventeen
Alex
I meet Dash at the street corner where we had left each other the night before. I know a mouth full is coming when Dash takes a deep breath.
"Don't say anything to her, but I took the journal on Red's desk. I didn't go to school—I played sick. It's the end of the school year anyway and testing is done. I couldn't put the journal down. I know it's wrong but I had to. Red said it was okay."
"You only just met her and you're stealing shit? It better be interesting."
"It was." He's drowsy and his crooked smile looks way too content. "Don't tell her I took it."
"Did you find Ryan Grey stuff?"
"Yeah and then some. I can't imagine what's in those other books." His eyes widen like a mad scientist.
"You read about Violet?" I pretend not to care.
"Yeah." Dash blushes.
Bingo. I dive into his head to pick off the Violet info, but it's a complete mess. I stop walking. "This sucks. I can't read your mind to see any of it. It's all cryptic."
"It's the journal. But I think there could be a way for you to see what I read. Red has the ability to come into our dreams and Violet said you have the same ability."
"Yeah, but I can't do that."
"Yes, you can. Your mind is always open so that can work in your favor."
"Dude, how much do you know? I'm trying to tap into that thought, D-man, but I don't see what you mean."
"I think I might know a way where I could share what I've read. But you're not going to like it."
"Whatever. If I can get to help Violet this way then I don't care."
"You mean get to know Violet?"
I have to give it to him. My flaring cheeks are a dead giveaway. "Yeah." I clear my throat. "So how do we do it?"
"Red is a telepath. That means he can go inside your head. When the other person is sleeping, he can enter their dream."
"I told you. I can't do that."
"Actually you can. You're telepathy is open and kinda out of your control so it'll be easy for you to slip into my head. The thing is I need to be close."
"How close?"
"Like in your bed close."
I rub my chin. Violet is so worth it. "Okay."
"Really?" Dash is surprised.
"Hey, man if sleeping with a guy will get me closer to Violet then so be it."
Dash turns flaming red.
"Ugh—that came out wrong. You know what I mean. So, my head is open?"
"Yeah, I could help you with control if you want—"
"Nah, I'll pass D-man. We'll let Red do that."
We see the abandoned building in the distance. It looks just as God-forsaken as it did last night. I follow Dash as he recalls exactly what floor and room the mirror is, like a mouse sniffing his way to the cheese. It’s amazing that we'll enter a mirror to see the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on. Dash is grinning because he feels he's created her. What a weirdo. He's got some strange ideas. Whether it's a premonition that he'd meet her, Dash isn't sure, but he's just as happy as I am to see her again.
"Telling from the grin on your face, you're thinking about her. I don't have to read your mathy mind to know that."
"Mathy?"
"Looks like Einstein took a shit in your brain. Do you know how old Violet is?" I ask before taking the step into the mirror.
"She's nineteen."
"I'm seventeen. Nineteen isn't old at all." I block his way through the mirror with my arm. "What else?"
"You can read her mind." Dash adjusts his backpack on his shoulder.
"She's hiding things. Her brain has dark spots. I want to know everything. "
"She's got a boyfriend." His stare challenges me.
"So what?"
Dash is debating on retracting his offer on viewing the journal with him. He doesn't need me knowing everything about her. He sees me as a rival. I smirk. He isn't sure his thought filtered through. I nod, "I heard you just fine. Tonight, we're doing this."
We walk through the mirror.
In the day light, the Sanctuary looks more like a meadow in the middle of a forest. The field of wildflowers I had not seen last night blooms in rich reds and yellows. Their fragrance slips into my nose. The breeze welcomes me. Violet walks to us from the cabin, rivaling the scenery. Her bouncing chestnut colored hair and her smiling face greets us. It warms my heart just like when my parents used to come home from their business trip. It's been a while since I've felt full in my chest.
Passing the lake I notice a black void that's oddly out of place in the lightness of the day. It’s like a huge hole in the middle of the long line of trees that surrounds them. The sun doesn't penetrate the line of trees there.
"That's the Black forest," Violets says. "Don't ever go in there because you'll never come out. I can't even get you out. It's seriously creepy."
Dash grins at me.
Bastard, you already know about the forest, don't you? I’d wipe that grin off if I were you. You don’t want to hint you had read Red's journal without her consent.
Dash bites his bottom lip.
I almost didn't see Gabriel. With the hood up he looks like a black shadow casted from the forest. He's sitting on a log staring into it the dark abyss.
"I'll catch up with you guys in a bit." I break away from Dash and Violet. I know too much about his history, but I don't know what he's going through now. What kind of a person is living with Violet?
I sit on a log well away from him like Violet had said. I feel bad when he takes notice I've purposely keep my distance. It's a constant reminder that something is wrong with him. It hurts even if he's used to it. It hurts him even now.
"Hey, what's up?" I try to sound casual.
"Nothing." His hood hides his face well. He can't really hide, not from me.
"It doesn't look like nothing."
Gabriel is wondering why I'm making conversation with him if I hate him.
"I don't hate you," I say. "I just didn't know you. That's all." I shift on the log. "I'm sorry. I don't know if what I see is—"
"Can we not talk about it? I thought being here I wouldn't be questioned."
We sit in silence staring at the eerie Black Forest until I can't stand the awkwardness any longer. "What is it about this place you like so much? I'm a little freaked out just sitting here."
Gabriel lets out sigh. "Not sure. I feel like it has a purpose besides scaring everyone. Why would Red make it?"
I look at the blackness but I avert my eyes elsewhere. It feels like its staring right back at me. "Maybe it was an accident."
"It feels alive; like a living, breathing thing." Gabriel's head turns. I watch his face and his mind work into a greater curiosity for the dark trees standing before us. He sees himself in it, or that he is similar to it. Like an unintentional reflection upon himself. The forest is a living, breathing nightmare like Gabriel.
"I agree." I surprise him. He turns to face at me. His green eyes are a striking contrast to the black clothes. He looks as haunting as the forest; dark and surreal, yet memorizing like the Sanctuary itself. "I think there must be a purpose for it. It might look horrible on the outside but maybe inside it's nicer." I shrug my shoulders averting my eyes so I don't rudely stare into Gabriel's.
"I have a feeling it's just as bad as the outside. Violet said it's completely black in there and you don't know which way is which." Gabriel says disappointingly. "Even she's afraid of it."
"Maybe deeper there's something?" I try to help. But Gabriel still looks disappointed. "You're right. Why would Red make it if it didn't have a purpose?"
"What if its purpose is evil?"
"You're not evil, Gabriel."
He cringes. It's hard to manage thoughts, even if they are metaphoric. "How do you know?" He sneers. "You've seen what I've done. How could you say that?"
"You're not evil." I repeat. "You're just lost. Like all of us."
His lips purse firmly. He doesn't care what I think. He thinks I'm wrong. I'm not sure myself. I didn't know what evil looked like until I met him. He's remorseful for what he's done. The man that's continuously hurt him isn't. There's a difference. I don't think he should entertain the dangerous ideas he's contemplating in his head. We've all had those suicidal thoughts. Dash. Violet. Me. He needs to know that he's not alone, but for some reason I don't want to tell him that. I don't want to get involved.
I rise to my feet. I don't feel like being around him. "Don't think about going in there if you don't want to worry Violet."
Gabriel lowers his head. "What do you care?"
"I don't," I lie and walk away.
Chapter Eighteen
Dash
Asking for water is a good idea to distract Violet while I take the opportunity to place the journal back. I quickly skim the more recent journals and pulls out one with Violet's name repeatedly in it. I quickly place it back on the shelf when Violet enters the room with my water. "I was putting it back, just curious." I point to the rolled up map sticking out of my backpack to distract her. "I read the map."
"Did you find anything?" She’s so excited I wish I had found something.
"No. It doesn't mean anything." I lied. It’s not that it doesn’t mean something. I just don't know what. I'm ashamed to tell her that.
"Oh." She sits on Red's bed. She’s so disappointed it looks like she’s about to cry.
"Maybe there's something else in the room. I could take a look at."
"Yeah, okay." I can barely hear her. I place my hands in my pockets as she starts to cry. I don't know what to do with myself. I've never been alone with a girl—ever and to have one crying is awkward. I contemplate putting my arm around her until Alex steps in the room.
"Dude, what did you do?" He sits next to her without hesitation. "Hey, look at me, Vi."
Alex has a nickname for her? I roll my eyes as a snicker escapes my mouth. Alex glares at me. Violet wipes her tears away.