by D. Kelly
“Sorry to just walk in, but I heard her yelling, and after the text she sent me I was worried,” Marc tells Connor and Mike throws his chair. I’ve never seen Mike get violent. Is this how he deals with his shit now?
“Are you kidding me with this right now? This isn’t how you were supposed to find out and you know that! You’re all pissed at me for running away and never looking back, but what are you doing right now, Kate? You’re fucking running! And with HIM! Don’t you understand how much worse that makes this entire situation?”
Marc is standing like a bodyguard between Mike and me. I’ve never seen Mike so angry, but he’s never seen me this angry, either. “It’s none of your business if I call Marc to pick me up, Matthews. I’m not your girlfriend, I’m not your fiancée, I’m nothing to you but a friend. You don’t get to tell me who I can and can’t be friends with. Hell, you don’t even get to tell me who I can and can’t fuck anymore. That was your decision, not mine, so get down off your high horse and leave me the hell alone!”
“Kate, can we please just go somewhere quiet and talk to you? We’d like to explain…” I shove my hand out in front of me to stop Daniel from going any further. “So now you’d like to talk to me? Now you want to explain how ‘sexually open’ you are? No. I’m not interested. You should have told me this the other night. We never should have waited for that in person discussion.”
Daniel glances to Mike for intervention. “Kate, we wanted to tell you together. That’s the truth and why we came over earlier, but like you said, you cut us off. You’re wrong about you being nothing to me because… dammit, Kate, you’re my everything.” And even though his tone is laced with nothing but pure emotion, I’m too worked up to care.
“Well, you have a great way of showing it, don’t you? It’s been three and a half years, Mike. Somewhere in that time, if I was really ‘your everything’, you would have let me know it! You sowed your oats and now it’s time for me to do the same. I’ve been doing my best to look out for all of you, to make sure that you’re all okay, so we can all be okay.” I’m so mad and upset, I’m sobbing through my words at this point but I don’t even care. “I’m done, you guys, it’s time to look out for myself. All this…” I say, waving my arms wildly around me, “I didn’t sign up for all of this. I don’t know much right now, but I know this is not what I want for my life. I’m done walking the tightrope between you two. Let’s just get this out in the open now. Mike, I can never be with you, because for all the times you lifted me up and made me whole, you ultimately let me crash and fall. I broke into pieces that are yet to be fixed. There’s no way in hell I’m letting the person who destroyed me try to fix me. I’d be a flipping fool. Daniel, as for you, I’m sorry but you’re just a casualty of war. You’re his friend, his family, and I’ve never been the kind of girl to be passed around an inner circle of friends.”
Marc places his hand on my low back and guides me to the gate. Everyone is still gaping at my outburst, but as we walk away, I hear Jess and April’s statements almost overlap each other. “See, guys, I told you. She’s different; now we’re going to lose her again,” says Jess, while April is saying, “She’s just drunk, she doesn’t mean it. Tomorrow things will be better, you’ll see.”
Jess’s comment pisses me off, so I pivot on my heel and storm back over, getting in her face. “Let me make something perfectly clear to you, Jessica. I’m not that fragile girl I was four years ago. That broken, pathetic excuse for a human that I was no longer exists. I’ve buried a child, my child, and I’m still standing. If that didn’t break me and send me into a padded room or into a full-blown alcoholic binge trust me, this won’t, either. Just because I’m showing some backbone for the first time in my life does not mean something is wrong with me. On the contrary, it means everything is right with me.”
Now I’ve said all I need to say, I need to get out of here before her tears make me feel bad for what I just said. As I walk to the car with Marc, it’s obvious I’m a lot drunker than I thought because he has to keep me from falling quite a few times. Marc doesn’t say anything until we get to our favorite taco place. “Come on, baby girl, let’s get some food into your overly drunk but very fine ass.” Leave it to Marc to make even the drunk nights sexual.
After he orders us both carne asada street tacos and some bottles of water, he comes and sits with me. “You look like hell; maybe you should go in the bathroom and splash some water on your face.” That’s actually not a bad idea because I’ve had to pee for what seems like forever.
“Since I need to use the facilities anyway, I’ll see what I can do.” Once I take care of business, I look in the mirror and saying I look like hell was a compliment. I look like death warmed over. My makeup is smeared and tear-streaked, my eyes bloodshot, and even my nose is red from crying.
Once I wash my face, I feel a little better and look it, too. Marc and the waitress are flirting when I get back and I’m in no mood to watch. “Don’t let me interrupt.” Damn the snarky bitch that lives inside me is on point tonight. Marc has the decency to look embarrassed as I slide into the booth but this girl…Ugh, this girl flashes me the universal look for ‘I’m gonna fuck your man’ as she passes Marc’s phone back to him. Psht. Little does this bitch know that even if they hook up she’ll only be a booty call. I doubt he’ll ever settle down, but he seems okay with that so more power to him. She lets her fingers caress his, and in what I assume is supposed to be her sexy voice says, “don’t forget to call me,” but seriously she sounds like a cat in heat, all high pitched and squeaky.
“What are you thinking, Kate? I know something is going on in that head of yours.” Marc’s eyes are sparkling; he’s enjoying this.
“I’m thinking that tequila makes me a mean drunk and maybe I should drink something different next time. And I’m also thinking if you screw that waitress you’ve got lower standards than I ever could’ve imagined.”
He lets out a good laugh, “Why? Because she’s a waitress?”
Really? Why would he go there? “What? No one should be looked down upon because of their job. A hard worker is a hard worker. It’s because…” I lean across the table and whisper loudly at him. “She’s a ho.”
Marc looks at me for a long moment and doesn’t say a word. Finally, I’m blinded by his megawatt smile. “I’ve never seen you this drunk before, baby girl. It’s a good look on you. You’re finally taking down your walls and speaking what’s on your mind.” He takes my hand in his across the table and kisses the top of it. “Now, if only we can get you to do that when you’re sober.”
“I’m already getting there, buddy old pal,” I tell him right before devouring one of the best tacos I’ve ever had. Why does food taste so much better when you’ve been drinking?
We eat in peace for a few minutes, both of us just enjoying our food. I know I’m sobering up because I’m tired and starting to feel guilty about all the things I said tonight to my friends.
“So you want to fill me in on what happened tonight? What did Mike do to set you off? I’ve never seen you go off like that before on him or on Jess.” He’s really serious all of a sudden. I do my best to fill him in and he nods and comments in all the right places, but it seems forced somehow.
“You think I’m wrong, don’t you? That I had no right to go off on them the way I did?” I really want to know what he thinks.
“No, Kate, I think that you have the right to feel however you need to in order to process and deal with this situation you’re in. But I also agree that their past is their past and they are entitled to it. You can’t tell me that just because someone has had a ménage that you would stop dating them? Especially since it’s before you were ever even in the picture.”
Begrudgingly, I admit he’s right. “No, I wouldn’t but what bothers me is that they had one together. It makes me mad and I can guarantee you if I asked them both into my bed they would turn me down. So what made those two so special?”
“Oh, Kate, you really don’t get i
t, do you? Nothing makes them special. But everything makes you special. They didn’t care about those girls. Sure enough to have sex with them and still look back fondly on it, but the fact that they wouldn’t want to share speaks volumes about how they feel about you. When you’ve got something amazing, you don’t ever want to let anyone get close enough that it can disrupt your environment. It’s like asking for trouble.”
“I guess,” I reply with a frustrated sigh.
“Think of it this way: if you and I had sex, it would be great and maybe a little awkward afterward for a quick minute, but everything would still be okay later. If you and Daniel and I had sex, it would be fun but your love lies with him. I could still walk away and we could still be friends with fun memories to look back on. I’m sure that’s how it was with those girls. However, for the sake of the argument, which by the way is weird because I don’t want to picture you all freaky deaky like this, but if you and Daniel and Mike were to do it, trying to separate after and make sense of it all would be very difficult. Trying to do it in the first place would probably be difficult because of your feelings for them and theirs for you. Make sense?”
The look on his face is so genuine. I know he’s trying to help, and I agree with most of what he’s said, but I do have a question. “Do you really think you and I could have casual sex and then just go back to being friends?” I ask him incredulously.
“Out of everything I said that’s what you’re going to focus on?” He’s amused. “Okay, I’ll play along. Yes, I absolutely think we could have sex and still be friends. You know me, Kate, I’m not the settling kind of guy and the only person I would ever try for would be you. At least at this point in my life, anyway. But your heart lies elsewhere, so I’d never let myself get attached. I’d just be in it for the smoking hot sex. You know you want to and that’s the true reason you focused on that part of what I just said.”
He’s making light of the situation because he knows me well enough to know I asked that question because it was the only part of the conversation that was safe. Talking any more about Mike and Daniel is just too much right now.
“One of these days we’re going to have sex and it’s going to be so amazing that we’ll both wonder why we didn’t do it sooner. I know that for sure. We’ll wish we’d been friends with benefits all along, but that’s all it would be. You’re right, my heart is with someone else, I just need to figure out what to do about it,” I tell him honestly.
“Keep doin’ what your doin’, baby girl. Life has a funny way of working itself out. Things happen when you least expect them to. I’ll always be your shoulder to cry on and you’ll always be mine. Take comfort in that, a lot of people don’t have anyone they can truly trust. You’ve got more than you realize; you just need to get past the hurt and come out on the other side stronger. Come on, let’s get you home.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
KATE
The last two weeks have been very peaceful. Marc ended up taking me home long enough to pack a suitcase. Thankfully, no one was home and I was able to get in and out without an issue. I ended up renting a room at the Lowe’s Hollywood hotel and that’s where I’ve been for the last fourteen days. The thing I felt the worst about was canceling on Vanessa, but what was interesting was that Daniel had shown up in my place. He told her I had a bad night and that I would make it up to her later. Even though I was thankful, very thankful since I didn’t even wake up until three hours after I was supposed to meet her, the whole thing irritated me because he knows me so well already and I wish he didn’t.
I’ve had two mani-pedi’s since I’ve been here, two massages a week, room service at least once if not twice a day and caught up, actually even gotten ahead on my assignments. When I emailed my advisor that I was having some personal issues, she assumed it was because of all the stuff going on surrounding Tom’s arrest. She was very supportive and emailed all my professors and worked things out for me.
Marc has come by a few times to take me to dinner and talk. He’s also been my go-between since my cell phone has been on silent. I see their messages and missed calls but I don’t answer them. Marc is the only one who knows where I am so he’s been getting daily calls from Jess asking me to please call. I still haven’t. I’m still a little angry, but mostly I’m ashamed I let everything get so out of control. Not ashamed of what I said, necessarily, just how it all happened.
Marc also ended up bringing me my car so I could go visit Vanessa during the day while they’re all at work or school and that’s been really nice. I’m glad I’m getting to know her; she is such a sweet girl. I told her all about my freak out on everyone and why I’m spending time away and she told me she confessed to Daniel and Mike that she did drug Mike. Not with a roofie—she thought she could slip him a couple of Xanax and he would loosen up enough to give her a chance. Mike’s a lightweight on drugs, which she had no way of knowing and she gave him two double-strength Xanax.
At least she came clean; she could have kept that secret forever and no one would’ve ever known. She said even though the guys were mad they forgave her and that Mike even felt better knowing it was only a bad reaction to Xanax. I’m really proud of Mike for forgiving her; it really shows he’s trying. I should probably follow his lead and forgive Jess but I don’t know if I’m ready yet. Ready or not, I’ll be home in about five minutes after two weeks of peace. I’ve never been an anxious person, but going home and facing the firing squad has me on edge.
When I open the garage, Jess’s car isn’t even here, which is a relief, but Mike’s truck is next door. Today must be his Sunday with Vanessa. Vanessa knows I’m supposed to be back this afternoon so I’m sure she probably told them and Mike will stop by later on. It’s okay, though, because I’m finally ready to have this conversation with him now.
After spending some time unpacking, straightening up my room, and throwing my clothes in the washer, I settle down with a glass of wine and my kindle. I’m trying to decide if I’m in the mood for romance or mystery when there’s a knock at the door.
It’s go time.
“Come in,” I call out.
The door opens slowly and Mike walks in, taking in the surroundings before speaking. God, he looks good and my heart races a little. I really wish it would stop doing that. “You know, I could have been an ax murderer,” he says cockily, leaning back against the door with his arms crossed in front of him.
“I knew it was you,” I tell him dismissively while sipping on my wine.
He walks closer and stops right in front of me. “Oh yeah? How?” He’s so close to me and I can feel the sexual tension radiating off of him. If I said I wasn’t affected I would be lying.
“Because I saw your truck out there when I got home a couple of hours ago, and I knew Vanessa would tell you I was supposed to be home today.”
“May I?” he asks, gesturing toward the seat next to me.
“Suit yourself.” Dear lord, he smells good and he’s so close.
“Look at me, Kate; it’s time we talk this out. Connor took Jess to SeaWorld so they won’t be back tonight. Do you want to order dinner and talk?”
I nod my head but I’m afraid to speak. The feisty mood I’m in coupled with being alone with Mike for the first time in years might be a bad mix. As I watch him walk from the couch to the menus on the fridge, I’m reminded of what a nice ass he’s always had. Shit! Time for a refill.
“Chinese okay?”
“Sure,” I reply as I refill my glass. “There’s beer in the fridge and more wine, or if you want something harder it’s in the cabinet next to the sink on the right.”
Once he calls in the order, he stalks back and sits down, gently removing my glass from my hand. “I’d like to be sober for this talk and I wish you would be, too.” His voice radiates sincerity but the underlying tone is need.
“I’m not drunk, Mike, I’m just taking the edge off.”
The narrowing of his eyes shows me he’s not happy. “Like you took the edge off on Saturd
ay? Talk to me, Kate. Tell me what you’re feeling. I can imagine but I want to hear it from you.”
Guess it’s time to put up or shut up. I can’t judge them for keeping secrets if I don’t talk to them. “You want to know what I’m feeling? You need to be sure, Mike, because I’m not going to sugar coat it.”
“I don’t want you to. We can’t move forward with anything until you lay your cards on the table, Kate. Don’t you realize yet that all the power in this situation is with you? Daniel and I can want to be with you until the cows come home, but you’re the only one who can make a decision. You hold all the cards here… not us.”
“Look, I said some things Saturday that…”
“That were said from a place of anger. If anyone gets that, it’s me, trust me when I say that. But tonight I want to hear from your heart, Kate. Good or bad.”
“Alright then, I’m confused and I don’t know what to feel. One minute I want Daniel and the next I want you. I know with all my heart that we should all just be friends. But then my heart, body, mind, and libido tell me I want something different.”
“Go on,” he urges and I pause, reaching for my wine, shooting him a ‘don’t mess with me’ look.
“So when I heard about what you guys did with those girls and each other…”
“I’m going to stop you right there. We did not do anything with each other; I just want you to be clear about that. Neither one of us are into that,” he states adamantly.
It’s a relief to hear that even though in the deep recesses of my mind I still agree with Jess that seeing Daniel and Mike together would be totally hot.
“Well, it sounds like you’re into a lot more than you used to be,” I snap at him, but before he replies there’s a knock on the door. Mike answers the door, pays for the food, and brings it back to the coffee table.
“Where are the forks?”
“First drawer left of the sink.” Silence has descended upon us as he gets the forks, a few bottles of water, and sorts the food. He hands me the chicken chow mein and he takes the broccoli beef, just like old times. We eat quietly, both of us deep in thought.