by D. Kelly
“Will you come somewhere with me? Please.” What am I going to say…no? He went somewhere with me not too long ago with no questions asked.
“Sure, let me grab my sweater and some shoes.”
It’s weird riding in his truck. He’s changed, not just because of his car but he always had that preppy boy feel to him before. That was Claire’s doing… and the Porsche… that was his dream car but it looks like his dreams have changed. Just as Sara Bareilles belts out the last notes of Gravity, we arrive at the beach. I had a feeling he was bringing me here, to the place where I’m the weakest because every single memory of this place that I have includes him.
As we exit the truck, he grabs a blanket and takes my hand, leading me to our spot. This place looks the same but I haven’t been here since that night. The sun just finished setting and there’s no one around except us and the stars.
“Why are we here, Mike?” I ask hesitantly.
“I’ve always been able to talk to you, Kate, but what we need to talk about tonight is hard and emotional. This has always been our safe place. So whatever happens tonight, whatever we say, it needs to happen in a safe haven. I need you in my life, Kate, and I know that’s selfish after everything I’ve done, but it’s the truth. If we’re going to talk about my many transgressions, I feel it’s important to do it here.”
“Okay.” My voice comes out strong, which is good because I feel anything but.
Once he lays out the blanket and we both get comfortable—and by comfortable, I mean me between his legs with his arms wrapped around my waist just like old times—he finally starts to open up.
“You’re right, Katie Grace, I am into a lot more than I used to be and I feel like I need to explain it.”
I cut him off quickly, “You don’t have to explain anything to me.”
“Yeah, I do. I owe it to both of us to get this off my chest, even if it’s hard for you to hear. Just know that I’m not telling you this to hurt you, but for you to understand. When I left, I was a mess; my mind wasn’t in the right place. I was grieving, and after all the proof my mom and Tom showed me that you and your dad were behind everything I was beyond devastated. I couldn’t reconcile how the girl who I knew and loved could do anything like what I was being shown. Even so, I knew my mom and dad wouldn’t manufacture proof. Tom, I wasn’t so sure about; I always thought he was a shady fucker.”
His arms wrap tighter around me and I feel him tense up a bit. “Once I left, I just drifted for a few weeks. I finally came back this way and stopped off for coffee about fifteen minutes from your house. By then, I knew in my gut you had nothing to do with it, but I still wasn’t sure about Joseph. I was embarrassed and angry at myself for treating you that way. I didn’t want to give you a chance to forgive me for something I couldn’t even forgive myself for. I should have never doubted you or your love. I realized then that I needed time to figure out who I wanted to be. I never fit into that preppy boy mold, but I filled it well because it’s what was expected of me. All I ever wanted was what I told you that day on the beach.”
“Me, you, and a few kids for Jess to watch in our own island paradise,” I whisper.
“Exactly. God, Kate, the only thing I ever knew was real in my life was that you were meant to be my wife, my happily ever after. Everything else I was never sure of. I never wanted to work with my dad, never wanted to even go to college. The best thing that could have ever happened would have been us having a baby and me being Mr. Mom. At least for me, and when that didn’t happen and my world started to fall apart… I let it.”
A shiver runs through me as I try not to let my emotions get to me after finally hearing his side of the story. Gently, he tucks the blanket around my legs to keep out the cold; it’s a sweet gesture. He continues, “When I went into the coffee shop, that’s where I met Aimee and Julie.”
Ugh, I so do not want to hear this but I let him continue.
“Aimee gave me her number and invited me to her birthday party. Initially, I told her probably not, but as the day went on I needed a distraction. I was running out of money and had no clue what to do with my life. I had to become the man you deserved before coming back. When I got to the party, I found out the girls were lesbians. Well, technically I guess they are bi and they have a real BDSM fetish. They are also now happily married; I think it’s important you know that.”
He pauses then kisses me on the cheek and whispers in my ear, “I missed you so much, Kate. Every breath I took without you by my side felt like it was stealing the air from my lungs instead of keeping me alive.”
Damn him.
A single tear escapes from my eye and I quickly wipe it away, hoping he doesn’t notice.
“That night we got drunk, very drunk, and Aimee and Julie showed me a new way to have sex. Yes, it was a threesome but it was more than that. I don’t think it was their intention at all, but I learned you can have sex without emotion by doing a few simple things.”
My body tenses up, bracing itself for all that’s about to come and he hugs me tighter. He knows this is going to hurt.
“There’s no way to sugar coat this. I’ve had a lot of random sex the past few years. The vast majority of the girls, if they told me their names I don’t even remember them. There were always rules in place; not being allowed to touch me was rule number one. Most of them let me tie them up. They thought it was part of the kink, but for me it was insurance they couldn’t touch me. I don’t like intimacy with my sex, Kate; that’s reserved only for you.”
Deep breath in and exhale.
“Nothing crazy, I promise, all light stuff. Usually with my belt or a tie, it’s not like I have a closet filled with BDSM tools, so you can relax. Although, I have noticed over time I enjoy it, especially if she lets me spank her. There’s just something about a woman submitting themselves completely to me that’s a major turn on.”
Holy fuck, why is this turning me on?
“Even so, I still missed you. I’ve thought about what it would be like to tie you up, to spank you, to make you come over and over again. We never got to do any of that but I know if we did it would be so fucking hot.”
Oh good god, I’m going to have to go jump in the ocean to cool off if he doesn’t stop.
“You need to understand this is all one hundred percent consensual. They all know ahead of time that I like it rough and it’s a one-time deal. The only other rule I had was that no one could even come close to looking like you. Anyway, I’ve gotten completely off topic here. The night I met Daniel and Connor was the night I was with Aimee and Julie. If I had never met them who knows what would have happened. I was sad and desperate and quickly running out of money. Daniel gave me a home and a job… he rescued me from myself. If I wouldn’t have met those girls, I wouldn’t have my family.”
“I’ve heard some of this from them, it’s just when they told me the story I didn’t know we were talking about you,” I say sadly.
“Yeah, I know the feeling, Connor talked a lot about his friend Kate but I never knew it was you, either. Let me fast forward a bit here. Obviously there were girls, lots of them, and after Daniel was with those two I inadvertently found out about it. He can tell you his story, but when they asked for a foursome, well, we’re guys and we like sex… I don’t know what else to say. It’s something that happened and I, well, we all enjoyed it. That was actually the night Daniel met Vanessa.”
“Wait, what? So that was only a year ago?” I ask incredulously.
“Yes, but a lot can change in a year, Kate. People can live a lifetime in a year, especially if it’s a bad one.”
He’s got me there; I know that all too well.
“Anyway, I was getting really burned out by then and thinking about you more and more. Finally, on your birthday weekend I decided enough was enough and I had to do whatever it took to get you back in my life. Unfortunately…”
“That was the weekend I met Daniel,” I finish for him.
“Exactly, and to be honest with
you, I’ve always thought part of the reason I kept intimacy out of my sex was because to let someone in would be like cheating on the best part of us. Sex is physical but love and emotions are connected to the soul. The only person connected to my soul is you, Kate. I’m not saying that sex isn’t cheating, but we weren’t together and I still felt like an emotional cheater. Then the other day, Jake pointed something out to me.”
He pauses and all I hear are the waves crashing against the shore and our hearts beating as one while he holds me tight.
“What did he say?” I finally ask him, not able to take the wait any longer.
“Jake said that in all the years he’s known me I’ve never dated and I’ve never once approached a girl. He reminded me I always let them come to me. I realized how extremely true that was and took a while to think about it and figure out why that was. And then he said something else: he kept calling you my April and I finally figured it out. In my mind, sex is just a physical act when there’s no emotion going into it. No feelings for the other person, no love being poured into it. But to approach someone, to let them in, to let them touch, in my mind that would have still been cheating, and even though we were apart I never wanted to cheat on your heart, Katie Grace, not ever.” He whispers those last words and tingles caress me from head to toe.
He didn’t want to cheat on my heart but he sure as hell just stole it with those words. Not that I agree with his line of thinking but I can completely understand it.
“Daniel and I have done some talking the past few days and we think we might have an idea about how to deal with things. Before we go there, I want to know if you came to any conclusions while you were gone the past few weeks. I cut you off back at the house when you were getting ready to talk.”
Do I tell him? Mike was just brutally honest with me about things I never wanted to know about him and yet somehow the fact that he was comforts me immensely.
“When I was at the hotel, I tried not to think. I got massages, manicures, room service, did tons of homework, basically anything to keep my mind off of you guys. But at night, when I would close my eyes, you two were all I could think of.”
His hand is tracing circles on my thigh, slowly inching up higher. My breath catches but I try to ignore what he’s doing and continue.
“What I said Saturday night is true, Mike. I might have been drunk but I wasn’t lying,” I say breathlessly and the circles stop. When they do, I tense up a bit…out of reflex maybe? Out of want most likely, because I’m still turned on by his words. He picks up on it and starts up with the circles again. My body instantly relaxes. Damn him.
“I know you meant what you said, but I also know that we’re working on this, and over time you’ll trust me again.” His hand is now stroking my upper inner thigh. He’s so close to me and my body floods with need.
I need him.
“You’re right; eventually, I will trust you again. I’ve never been able to stay mad at you for long.” My heart is racing and I’m so distracted by what he’s doing it’s hard to stay on topic. I should push him away, I know I should, but my body wants him, or maybe it just needs what he’s doing and I’m beyond caring anymore.
“Go on and tell me what you figured out,” he says, but his hand is now cupping my pussy and my body betrays me by leaning back into him as a moan escapes my lips.
“I’m…I’m trying…to tell you…distracting…you’re…” It feels so good, I can’t even form the words.
“I’m distracting you, Kate? Let me make you feel good and then maybe you’ll be able to concentrate. Can I make you come, baby?” he asks, whispering in my ear, with a slight nibble on my earlobe.
Fuck it; I deserve to have some fun don’t I?
“Yes, Mike, make me feel good.” As soon as I finish saying yes, he already has my shorts unbuttoned. He slides his middle finger up and down my slit, spreading my wetness around and circling my clit while he still continues to cup me in his hand…hard. It feels absolutely amazing. Maybe it’s the wine I had beforehand, or maybe it’s him and this setting. Hell, maybe it’s just because I’m horny as hell but I don’t remember it ever being this good with him before.
His tongue traces down my neck, and as he connects with my shoulder, he bites down gently but with just enough force that I moan in a combination of pleasure and pain. At that exact moment, he slides a finger inside me while still circling my clit. My arm finds its way behind his head and I run my fingers through his hair. He slides another finger in, and then another and I’m fucking his hand with wild abandon. The presence of his erection behind me makes itself known, and for a fleeting second I feel bad. Then I begin to grind harder against him and he turns my head to his with his free hand and captures my lips with his. There are no words; I’m absolutely captivated by his kiss. There’s so much passion and fire between us and I’m building higher and higher with every stroke of his tongue. Each thrust inside me and every flick of my clit bringing me higher and higher until I finally explode, and when I do he kisses me even deeper and releases himself. It’s so fucking erotic and all I want to do is take him home and fuck him but I know I can’t.
One by one he pulls his fingers out of me and slowly licks them off. I gaze up at him curiously because he’s never done that before “I have always regretted never tasting you, but damn, Kate, that taste was worth the wait. So. Fucking. Exquisite.” I feel myself blushing at his words, thankfully he can’t see me. That was so un-Mike but so damn hot.
Then he laughs, a huge rolling laugh, and as I feel a little wet underneath my backside I realize why and I laugh, too.
“I haven’t come in my pants since that night on the boat when you agreed to be my girlfriend.” I love that he’s still laughing; I’ve missed that sound.
“Here you go,” I tell him as I pull some tissue from my purse. Thankfully, there are two packs. I’m still loaded up from our trip to the cemetery so there’s enough for both of us to clean up. Once we’re all clean, I sit between his legs again and take a deep breath of ocean air.
“So I have to ask, was that you one-upping Daniel because of the phone sex?”
“What? No absolutely not! That was only about me and you and what was happening in the moment. Anything that is between us is between us, Kate. Daniel has nothing to do with it. Now that you have a clear head, can you tell me what you decided at the hotel?”
Clear head, my ass.
“The only thing I decided at the hotel is that I need to learn to be more forgiving. I need to get to know Daniel better, and I need to get to know you again. Oh, and also that tequila makes me a mean drunk and if I’m going to get wasted I need to do it with something else.”
He chuckles at that last part. “So no big decisions on who you love and who you want to be with?”
“The point of this whole thing is that I’m not dating either of you, remember?”
“Yeah, I can see how well that’s working out for you,” he replies sarcastically.
“That obvious, huh?”
“Well, maybe just to me,” he teases.
“I love you both in different ways and in the same ways. I thought I loved you enough to let you both go but now I’m not so sure I can, or how that would even work. I just need some time.”
Mike places a kiss on the top of my head. “Well, we think we figured out a way to give you that if you’re open to it. Don’t get all freaked out; just hear me out for a minute. Daniel and I talked about the three of us having a threesome.”
“WHAT?” He did not just say that to me.
“Calm down, Kate. We talked about it and there’s no way we could do it even if it was what you wanted. There are too many emotions that are all over the place and you’re admittedly in love with both of us, and us with you. It couldn’t work.”
I breathe a sigh of relief because I seriously don’t think I’m ready for anything like that, especially not with them; it would make everything worse.
“So what did you figure out then?”
&
nbsp; “We think you should take some time and get to know both of us better by dating us both.”
“You guys think that’s a solution?” My mind is officially blown.
“Yes, we do.”
“You actually got Daniel to agree to this?” I don’t buy it; there’s no way Daniel would capitulate to this idea.
“Actually, no, the other way around; Daniel got me to agree to it. After a lot of convincing, too, I might add.” What kind of alternate reality have I stepped into? Then I hear Daniel’s voice resonating in my head ‘I’m very sexually open’. I really don’t know anything about him.
“I’m not a whore!” I yell, jumping up and walking down to the water. The waves wash up over my feet and the waters freaking cold but I don’t care because I’m flaming hot.
Mike’s arms wrap around me from behind. “I’m sorry, Kate, truly. We don’t think you’re a whore and we would never want you to feel like that. And what I’m suggesting doesn’t have to be like that at all.”
That makes me relax a bit but I feel like I’m going to cry. My emotions are all over the place lately. I hate feeling this way.
“So what are you suggesting?”
“Just what I said; you date us, separately not together, and never around each other. I don’t want to see him with you any more than he wants to see you with me. You don’t have to sleep with us, or make out, or anything. But we’ve both kind of accepted that those things could happen and it’s just going to have to be part of this process.”
“Sounds like a whore to me,” I snap back at him
“Stop it, Kate. You’re not a whore, you’ve never been a whore and no one will think you’re a whore. WE all know you’re in an impossible situation. This is a way to allow you to get to know Daniel because obviously you don’t know him as well as you thought.”
What… is he reading my freaking mind?
“But it’s also a way for you to get to know me. The man I am now is a lot different than the boy I was back then. The only thing that’s ever been consistent is my love for you. That’s why I agreed to this because it’s what’s best for you.”