by D. Kelly
“Your arm tells the story of our life, Mike, it’s beautiful. I think you should get it here,” I say, pointing next to the catcher’s mitt. “That’s exactly what I was thinking, too.”
“It’s perfect and I want to match, so I’ll get mine in the same spot.”
“Kate, you don’t have to do that, you wanted it on your hip.”
I lace my fingers through his. “I did, but that was before I knew it was an option to do this together. I want them in the same spot. It will mean so much more that way.”
Mike pulls me to him and kisses me gently on the lips. His kisses have always been so perfect, even the little ones. I let out a sigh and he pulls me tighter. “I’m going to go get Ben; are you sure about this?”
“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life,” I tell him truthfully.
When they come back outside, I catch the tail end of their conversation. “Good thinking, Mike. I’ll do his tat but after he deals with it first. I won’t do it while he’s been drinking and he knows that. Hopefully, by the time I’m done with the two of you, he’ll be passed out.” I’m assuming they’re talking about Daniel but I have no idea what tattoo he wants to get now.
Mike goes first and it takes about an hour and a half. I’m a little worried about the pain but he doesn’t even flinch. When Ben finishes, it takes my breath away and I can’t wait for him to do mine. Ben’s an amazing artist; he’s done all of Mike and Daniel’s tattoos so I’m not the least bit concerned when I hold out my arm for him.
It’s uncomfortable and it takes forever to do but it’s such an exhilarating feeling knowing that Mike and I are going to be bound forever like this. A huge part of my heart was missing while he was gone and I’m over the moon happy to have it back again. I’m a little sad Daniel has stayed away from me all night and I wonder if I should even go and talk to him.
Once Ben finishes, I can’t stop looking at it. All the shading and colors he put into it make it look magical—like something an angel would have created. After he gives me the aftercare instructions and covers it up, I hug him through my tears.
When he sighs, I let him go. “I guess it’s time to face the music and go talk to Daniel. Fingers crossed he’s passed out already and won’t give me hell for not doing his tat tonight.”
This is the perfect opportunity for me to go and talk to him. “Wait, Ben, I’ll go…we’ve got a lot to talk about, and if he gets obnoxious I’ll show him mine and tell him your hand is tired or you ran out of ink or something.”
“Daniel knows I can do a twelve-hour tat without taking a break and this is my road show case and I’d never run out of ink, but it was a nice thought. I will take you up on you talking to him first. In the meantime, I’ll have a few beers and then I won’t be able to do his tat.”
“See, that’s an even better idea; just don’t let Connor talk you into playing truth,” I tell him as I get up “Last time it didn’t go over so well.” Mike laughs and smacks me on the ass as I walk away.
Ben’s voice carries as I walk inside, “I like that one, she’s feisty.” But it’s Mike’s response that makes me smile all the way up to Daniel’s room. “I’m pretty fond of her myself, have been all my life.”
I don’t even bother knocking once I reach his room in fear of rejection, so I quietly open the door and peek inside. Daniel is sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. Whatever It Takes by Lifehouse is on his iPod playing softly in the background. It looks like he’s crying but I can’t tell since his head is down. I try to close the door softly, but he must hear it snap close because he looks up at me. It’s one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever seen in my life. There are tears streaming down his cheeks, dark circles under his eyes, and an almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the floor next to him, which he promptly picks up and drinks from once he sees me taking in the surrounding situation.
I cross the room without taking my eyes off of him and sit down beside him on the bed. I lean across him, taking the bottle from his grasp and take a big swig of his Jack before setting it on the nightstand. I can tell from his appearance alone that he doesn’t need any more, but I sure the hell do if I’m going to have this conversation with him. Taking his hand in mine, I hold on tight as we sit in silence with only the music in the background as our soundtrack. Suddenly, he starts sobbing, grabs me, and hugs me and I’m flooded with emotions. My heart breaks with each and every sob that comes out of him knowing I’m the reason for his pain. “Daniel, I’m so sorry, please forgive me. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“Don’t you know I would never do that to you, Kate? I know you’re all screwed up with dating two guys, but that screws me up, too! The only thing I want is you, Kate—in my bed, in my life, as my wife. But you took that away last night. I saw firsthand how little I actually mean to you. You are my whole world and I am nothing.” He spits out the last word so bitterly. I know he’s angry, but his words break my heart. They also flare up my possessive side.
“Don’t you ever say you are nothing to me, Daniel. I might be confused, and one of those stupid bitches who just can’t make up her mind, but I love you. For three years I was dead inside! Dead, Daniel! And in one night you made me feel alive and gave me something I hadn’t felt in so long. Daniel, you gave me love, and not just any love, but the purest kind of love.”
I’m crying now, too; the both of us make quite the pair. I get off the bed and kneel in front of him, holding his hands. “Daniel, last night was a big miscommunication. I was coming over to ask you to go out with me and when I saw…well, what I thought I saw sent me reeling. So I decided to do what I had said I was going to do all along—loosen up and see where the night took me. Things happened and I don’t regret them; it was a long time coming. What I regret is hurting you and losing your trust. I’ve always been able to keep my distance from Marc, but last night I just didn’t think I had any reason to anymore. I knew Mike was sexually promiscuous, even though he’s trying to reform, but I never would have expected it from you. I figured if you both were, why couldn’t I be?”
The entire time I’ve been talking he’s been rubbing his fingers up and down my arms, careful to avoid my bandage. “Can I see it?’ he sounds like a scared little boy.
“Of course you can,” I say as I peel the bandage back.
“Wow, Kate, that’s perfect.”
“It is, I sort of feel like she’s finally a part of me now. Like we’ll always be together. Mike got one, too.”
He nods. “Makes sense; he’s been wanting to finish his sleeve. It’s kind of the perfect fit.”
“I don’t know if I can get past this, Kate, and I’m not sure if I even want to try. This pain sucks and if I have to feel it again after you choose…I don’t think I’m cut out for that.”
“That’s understandable, I hate that you feel that way. I hate that I destroyed your faith in me and in us but I totally get it.” Pushing up on his knees, I get myself into a standing position. “I’ll see myself out.”
“Kate, wait!” he calls out as I reach the door. “Baby steps?”
He wants baby steps?
“You want to take baby steps?” Hesitating for only a second, he nods. “I do, but to friendship, Kate. Losing you from my life completely would suck.”
My heart falls.
Forcing a smile, I don’t feel I reply to his question. “Sure, Daniel, I’d love to take baby steps with you.”
Daniel pulls off his shirt and I forget to breathe. I’ve missed that view.
“That doesn’t look like a baby step,” I joke, and for the first time tonight, he smiles. That’s the smile that pulled me from the dark.
“Actually, I have to show you something. I don’t want you to feel bad or freak out, but too many people know and Ben won’t fix it until…you know.”
What?
In slow motion, he crosses the room and stands directly in front of me. “Remember the surprise I had for you at the wedding?” Biting down on m
y lip, I nod as he slowly turns around and my world spins on its axis. My fingers reach out on their own accord and trace the lines of my name in his infinity sign.
His forever.
His always.
He thought it was me.
He really wanted me to be his forever; he was in this for the long haul. My tears are falling uncontrollably, my body shakes until I can no longer stand, and for the first time ever I resent Mike coming back into my life. We killed Daniel’s love, his grand gesture just another thing wiped out in the catastrophe Mike and I know as love.
“Don’t cry, Kate. Please don’t cry,” he says, kneeling down and pulling me to my feet.
“I’ve wrecked your life, Daniel, and your beautiful tattoo that was supposed to be reserved for someone special. You’re trying to cover it up now, right? That’s why Ben came over?”
“Yes.”
It’s just one word but that one word officially brings down my house of cards and I wail. This isn’t just about Daniel or Mike; it’s everything that has been locked up since Grant died coming out in a force of nature. Then Daniel, sweet and caring Daniel, in the midst of his pain tries to ease mine. Daniel picks me up and carries me to the bed, removes my shoes, and covers me up. Then he turns off the light and crawls in behind me. Without speaking, he lays with me, my back to his front and wraps his arms around me tight.
My tears are falling and my body is shaking but I’ve never felt as safe or as loved as I do in this moment. We are all so screwed.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
MIKE
“New tattoo?” Misty asks as she pours a refill into my coffee cup.
“Yeah, Kate and I got matching ones last night to honor our daughter.”
The look on her face is almost fearful. “You have a child?” her complexion pales as she chokes out the question.
“No, she passed away and I never got to meet her. I didn’t even know about her because I was off finding myself.” She looks relieved. I’ve been texting Misty a bit the past few days, kind of getting to know her again, too. I forgot how well we got along in the first place. I can’t believe she even forgave me for being such an ass.
Her hand covers mine and she gives it a soft squeeze. “I’m sorry to hear that, Mike, I know that had to have been Kate’s worse nightmare come to life. I couldn’t even imagine.” I think that’s one of the things I always loved about Misty is how empathetic she is. It’s the thing that made me fall in love with Kate, too, all those years ago. A woman with empathy knows the secrets of the world. Or at least they seem like they do.
“Misty, take your break,” her boss says as she walks by.
“Oh, okay,” she tells her. “Sorry, Mike, we’re down a girl today so I’ve got to take my breaks when they come.”
“Sit with me, have some coffee.”
I’d actually really like the company.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.”
She flashes me a blinding smile and I remember how much her smile used to make me feel alive. Misty was the only person besides Bev that I ever confided in about Kate. She was such a good friend to me and I treated her like garbage.
As she pours herself a cup of coffee, I take the opportunity to apologize again. “Misty I’m really sorry about what happened before. I was messed up back then, and I know it’s not an excuse, but I’m really trying to not be that way anymore.”
“Actually, I can tell, Mike. It’s weird in a way…before you were hard to crack but now you seem happy and open. It’s Kate’s influence, right?”
Absolutely.
“It is to an extent, but the longer it takes Kate to get to know me the more I realize I want other people to get to know me, too. Kate spent three years miserable and I spent three years hiding from my feelings. We’re both learning how to be new people and it’s exhilarating to get to do it together. It’ll be easier once Vanessa has the baby.”
Her eyebrows scrunch together. “Who’s Vanessa?” she demands, probably a little harsher than she meant to by the way her cheeks flush.
“Sorry, I forgot you weren’t around for that. Vanessa is Daniel’s pregnant ex who drugged me and had sex with me. We don’t know if her baby is mine or Daniel’s. Odds are that he’s mine but I just don’t feel it. Maybe it’s because I’m still reeling from learning about my daughter, Lila Hope, or maybe it’s intuition.” I give her a few more details about Vanessa and our rocky history and tell her about how Kate is now supporting her.
She’s shocked and it’s an adorable look on her. Misty is a pretty girl; she’s petite but curvy, blonde and has gorgeous eyes. Did I mention she’s smart, too? She works at the diner to put herself through law school. “So you got Kate pregnant and she lost it and you never knew and now you were taken advantage of and might be expecting a baby with a girl you can’t stand?”
“That’s the gist of it,” I reply, thumping a sugar packet before pouring it into my coffee.
“Wow, you must have super sperm or something.” She’s trying to be funny but her tone comes out uncomfortable.
“Ha! Hardly. Kate was on the pill but we were out of the country and she got sick. They failed to give her the antibiotic warning. Vanessa, well, that was a big fucking slip…since she drugged me, there was no condom. Hence why the baby is likely mine; Daniel bagged it every time he slept with her.”
“Well, condoms aren’t one hundred percent effective, either. Whenever you have sex you take a risk. That’s why I’ve pretty much sworn off sex with anything that isn’t battery operated.”
My jaw drops. “You’re kidding, right? You’ve got to have guys lined up at your door. Misty, you’re gorgeous.”
She blushes and shakes her head. “I’m okay but I’ve got too much going on to mess up any more than I already have.”
“What do you mean already have?”
“Oh, it’s nothing I can get into right now but sometime soon, okay? My break is over, anyway, but let’s keep talking, Mike. I’ve really missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too.” And I actually mean it. Misty isn’t like other girls, but she also isn’t Kate.
I’m on my way back to the house and trying not to dwell on the fact that Kate slept in Daniel’s room last night. I know they had a lot to hash out and I’m sure it couldn’t have been easy. Between her tattoo, and his, that could have only added fire to the flames.
When I’m about halfway there my phone rings and it’s Chad. “Hey, Mike, it’s time; the baby is coming today.”
“Wait, what? It’s too early; I thought Vanessa was okay and it was just a pulled muscle. What’s going on?”
“Calm down, it is just a pulled muscle. This is because her blood pressure skyrocketed and it’s the only way to get it under control. They’re worried about her and the baby with it this high. She’s being prepped for a C-section now and they gave her an injection of drugs to help make sure the baby’s lungs are ready for the world.”
“Alright, I’m on my way. Have you called anyone else?” Holy shit, Vanessa is having the baby. We’ll know who the father is by tonight.
“Yeah, I got hold of Kate. She was having breakfast with everyone else and said they were on their way.”
“Okay, see you in a few.”
After disconnecting the call, I seriously start to lose my shit. I’m not ready to be a dad, not with Vanessa. All the years I wished for a baby with Kate and I’m wishing this one away. It’s not that I won’t love Lucas…I already do…one way or another, he’s family. I’d just rather be his uncle than his dad. Does that make me a horrible person?
For a hot second, I debate about calling my mom but decide against it. There’s no need to bring her into this mess unless this baby is actually mine. Kate, I just need Kate right now. Speak of the devil, they just parked three spaces down from me. Everyone is tense as we walk inside; Kate takes my hand in hers and squeezes it. I notice that she and Daniel are keeping their distance. That’s interesting.
“How are
you holding up?” she asks me sweetly.
“I’m okay,” I tell her, placing a kiss on her forehead. We all anxiously pile into the maternity waiting room and the guy Rick has doing the DNA test is already here waiting for us. The only reason I know this is because he greets Daniel by name and announces where he’s from.
Forty-five minutes later, Lucas Hunter M… makes his way into the world. Thirty minutes after that, his DNA has been swabbed and is on the way to the lab. So far so good. He’s a little tiny, just over five pounds, so they are taking him to the NICU for overnight observation, but he’s breathing on his own which is a great sign.
Vanessa is still in recovery. They are having a difficult time getting her blood pressure under control and Chad is with her. Kate promised them she would keep an eye on Lucas and she does. She’s glued to the window just staring at him in awe. At first I thought she was trying to figure out who his dad is, but she’s not. Kate is literally taking in the wonder of a newborn child. I look down at my new tattoo and let my heart bleed a bit for the loss of my own daughter.
In the meantime, Connor is trying to figure out whose baby it is but he’s not having any luck. Lucas is red and tiny and wrinkly. He doesn’t look like anyone but himself—his eyes are a blue-grey color but the nurse said all babies have eyes that color. The next eleven hours are going to take forever to pass.
Jess took a trip to Starbucks and brought everyone back some coffee. I’ve been texting a little bit back and forth with Misty. She’s trying to distract me and I still can’t get over the fact she is being so nice to me and actually forgave me after the way I treated her.
“Mike, do you want to come and see the baby?” Kate asks sweetly but I decline. Frustrated, she goes to Daniel. “How about you, Daniel, do you want to see the baby?” Daniel declines as well. She’s getting even more frustrated. The nurse said someone can go in with Lucas and feed him. Chad won’t leave Vanessa’s side and Vanessa isn’t stable enough yet to even come to the NICU and hold the baby. Neither Daniel nor myself want to get attached until we know how he relates to us and Kate doesn’t feel comfortable doing it because she wants his parents to feed him first.