No Shame

by Nora Phoenix

  Seconds later, Connor had dropped his pants as well, and he bent Josh down over the table, his shirt still on. Josh turned his head sideways at Indy, who flashed him a sexy grin that he reciprocated.

  Lubed fingers were inserted in his ass, and he pushed back. He kept his eyes fixed on Indy, who was subtly grinding his ass against Noah’s cock. Josh expected him any second to… Noah’s hands found Indy’s pants, dragged them down in one move. Indy bent over the table right next to Josh, so close their arms were touching.

  Josh reached out and took Indy’s hand, kissed it as Connor impatiently prepped his ass. Josh was still loose from their early morning fuck, so it wouldn’t take long. Indeed, seconds later Connor pulled out his fingers and replaced it with the Beast. Josh bore down as Connor pushed back in one, deep surge.

  Josh moaned loudly, not holding back. Being filled like that was such a rush. It was burning, pain, pleasure, fullness, all wrapped into one. He held on to Indy’s hand, his eyes never leaving Indy’s as he adjusted to the huge cock breeding him.

  Noah had fingers inside Indy now, but Josh had heard them fuck earlier as well, so that wouldn’t take long either. Connor was fucking him slowly, deeply, every thrust maxing out. Indy’s hand tensed as Noah slid inside him, but then he relaxed again.

  There was something profound about watching your soulmate get fucked. Josh slid closer to Indy, who did the same. Their faces were pressed together, their breaths intermingling. Indy gasped into Josh's mouth, as his body shook with the force of Noah’s thrust. They couldn’t kiss, the impact of both their men too hard to stay still, but they couldn’t have been closer.

  Josh took in every moan, every soft gasp of pleasure, every groan as Indy was fucked thoroughly, and gave back his own pleasure equally. They were one in every way that matters, two souls merged.

  Noah came first, grunted hard. How telling it was that he allowed himself this pleasure without always ensuring Indy came first. Noah, too, had found freedom. Indy’s body shook with the tremors of Noah’s release, but Indy kept smiling at Josh, their eyes transfixed on each other.

  “Did you come?’ Noah asked Indy.

  “No, but that’s okay.”

  Connor halted, buried balls deep in Josh. “Suck him off,” he ordered.

  Both their breaths caught at the same time. Was this for real? Was Connor telling them what they thought he was?

  “Hurry the fuck up, Joshua, or he can watch you get your ass paddled.”

  Connor sounded gruff, but Josh recognized the sincerity. Emotion rolled through him, constricting his throat. It was happening. Connor was giving his blessing.

  “Thank you, Connor,” he said, his voice breaking. “Thank you so much.”

  Noah sat down on a chair, dragging Indy backward on his lap, his cock still inside him. “Like this,” he said, shooting Josh a dirty smile. Like Josh cared how and where he got to suck Indy off. It was the fact that he could.

  Connor pulled out, slapped his ass. “Get us two pillows.”

  Josh hurried into the living room, snatched two pillows from the couch and threw them on the floor in front of Indy. He kneeled, bent over and took Indy in, his friend’s hands immediately reaching for his head, caressing his short hair. Noah grabbed Josh’s arms, held him steady, as Connor kneeled behind him, lined up, and slammed back in with a powerful thrust.

  Heaven. This was heaven.

  “Oh, Josh,” Indy sighed, pushing his dick deeper into Josh's mouth.

  Because Indy was so much smaller than Connor, he could take him in all the way, suck him deep and tight. It was sweet and perfect, especially with Connor still fucking him—though he was careful not to jolt him too much, lest he injured Indy. That Connor was allowing this, sanctioning it, it made it all the more perfect.

  Indy came fast, his fingers digging into Josh's skull as he filled his mouth with his release. Josh swallowed, tears forming in his eyes. He’d missed him so fucking much. He licked him clean, then let him go. Indy cradled Josh's head tenderly in his lap, while Connor intensified his thrusts, and Noah kept steadying him.

  “I love you, Josh.” Indy’s voice was soft, rolling over him like a caress. More tears formed, rolled down. “I love you so, so much.”

  He couldn’t find words that adequately expressed what he was feeling. It was simply too much. So he held on, content to let his tears speak for themselves, as Connor unloaded in his ass with a loud grunt.

  He lay there for minutes after, even as Connor pulled out, unable to stand up because he didn’t want this feeling to ever end. “Come on, baby,” Indy said at a certain point.

  Even the gentlest push from him spurred Josh into action, and he got up, stiff from the extended uncomfortable position. He looked like an idiot, probably, with his shirt still on, but his ass naked and his cock cage still on, but he didn’t care.

  Connor watched him with guarded eyes, already dressed again and sitting back at the table. Josh stumbled over, hugged him, pulling Connor’s head close against his stomach. “Thank you, Connor. I love you.” He kissed his head, then leaned over and kissed his mouth. “Thank you.”

  Connor smiled, his face breaking free from the tension that had been there before. “Go,” he said. He reached for Josh's cock cage, took it off with steady hands. “It’s okay. I love you, Josh. Always.”

  Indy took his hand, pulled him, and together they walked into Noah and Indy’s bedroom. He was tired, emotionally more than physically. “Lay on your stomach,” Indy said. “I’ll clean you up.”

  He took his shirt off first, then crawled on the bed and plopped down. Seconds later, the bed moved as Indy crawled in beside him. He washed Josh’s ass with a warm washcloth, returned to the bathroom where he presumably washed himself as well. By the time he came back, Josh's eyes were drifting shut. He hadn’t even orgasmed, but he didn’t need one. Everything he needed was right here, in this house.

  Indy cuddled close and Josh reached for him, pulled him on top of him until he could no longer tell where his body ended and Indy’s began. They fell asleep with their bodies and souls completely entwined.

  * * *

  Fuck, he loved Sunday mornings. Noah sighed with contentment as he took a sip of his tea, the newspaper laid out in front of him. He was starting with the sports section today, while Connor had the front page. They’d come to a silent agreement to share, and the first one got the front page. It was just the two of them in the kitchen for now, as everyone else was apparently still sleeping. A lovely, peaceful way to start the day.

  Josh and Indy had napped together for an hour or two the day before after that intense kitchen fuck. When they’d come back, Josh had been worried about Connor, about him changing his mind on Josh and Indy together. Noah had seen it in the somewhat skittish way he’d approached Connor, but he needn’t have worried. Connor was truly okay with it.

  When he and Indy went to sleep yesterday evening, there had been two people in his bed, but sometime during the night Josh had walked in, presumably to cuddle again with Indy. Apparently, Connor hadn’t wanted to be left alone, and had followed suit. When Noah woke up, his bed had been filled to the max with four men.

  He’d smiled, first with amusement, and then with love as he’d watched Indy and Josh completely entangled with each other. Connor had woken up at the same time, and they’d shared a look of understanding. They were crossing into new territory, the two of them, but it was strangely okay. They’d left Josh and Indy in bed together.

  It had become more and more clear Connor got off on exhibitionism, both being watched while he fucked or worked Josh over, or watching others himself. It was one of the reasons why they’d done their proposal to Miles. Noah didn’t mind watching or being watched. He didn’t get as much a kick out of it as Connor did, but he’d be lying if it didn’t exhilarate him a little.

  Connor had come a long way, from being highly possessive of Josh to being willing to share him with Indy and to a certain degree, Noah. But it hadn’t been as easy for him as for
Noah, who was deeply jealous of anyone else even looking at Indy, but had no problems at all with Josh. How could he, when Indy had been willing to share him with Josh when they’d met? The three of them had always been together in a way.

  Noah wasn’t sure what had changed for Connor, but it seemed he had truly accepted Josh and Indy belonged together, as much as Connor belonged with Josh, and Noah belonged with Indy. Sure, it was unconventional and many people would have a strong opinion, but Noah couldn’t care less. Anyone could see those two loved each other, and that the love didn’t diminish the love they had for Connor and Noah. The two of them had such big hearts, it held more than enough love for two people.

  “You done staring at that paper, or were you planning on actually reading it?” Connor asked.

  “Yeah, sorry. Lost in thought. Wanna trade?”

  They switched sections, as Connor’s phone rang. Noah frowned. Who would call Connor on a Sunday morning? Connor dug up his phone from under the newspaper. He looked at the screen, and his face went blank.

  “O’Connor,” he answered, listened.

  “Yes, sir.”

  Tension in Connor’s tone alerted Noah something was going on. Suddenly, Connor, the proud man who so rarely showed vulnerability, grabbed his hand, clung to him desperately. Noah steadied him with both hands, turning toward him.

  What the fuck was going on? Was it his family? Surely, he wouldn’t be so upset about that.

  “How…? Connor stammered, then listened.

  “When?”

  More listening.

  “Oh, God…Yes, Sir. I’ll call to make arrangements. And I’ll let you know if I can make it tonight, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”

  The phone dropped from his hands as he turned to Noah with a face as white as Noah had ever seen a patient look. He didn’t ask. Connor would tell him as soon as he was able to.

  “They’ve found him. They’ve found his body. Lucas.” Connor swallowed. “They finally managed to find where the Taliban dumped his body. He’s coming home.”

  Connor’s breaths were shallow, fast. The guy was hyperventilating. No wonder after that shock.

  Noah got up, yanked Connor’s chair back. “Head between your legs, buddy, or you’ll pass out.”

  Connor looked at him with clouded eyes, breaths still speeding up. Noah clamped his hand down on Connor’s neck, pushed it down with force. The guy’s heart was racing under Noah’s hands. “Come on, big guy. You’re not fainting on me here.”

  Connor let himself be pushed down. “That’s better. Slow down, Connor. You’re okay. Listen to me. Four counts breath in, four counts out. Breathe with me. One…two…three…four. And out….two…three…four.”

  He repeated this for a minute or two until Connor’s breaths had found the rhythm. “You’re doing good, man.” His fingers curled around Connor’s wrist. His pulse was still fast, but nowhere near where it had been. He was coming around.

  Noah stepped around the chair, let go of Connor’s neck. “Look at me, big guy. Let me see your face.” Connor slowly raised his head. His color was coming back, too. “There you go. Good to have you back. You with me, Connor?”

  Connor noted, as his eyes refocused. “They found Lucas,” he repeated. “They found him. I didn’t think they would. Not anymore.”

  Noah nodded. “I know. I know.”

  Something broke in Connor, and Noah watched it happen. The tight band he’d tied around himself, containing his emotions about what had happened to him—it snapped. Noah knew Connor had never talked about what happened, not really. He’d been able to recount some basic facts, but it had been like listening to a robot. Now, the flood was coming, and Connor had to let it out.

  “God, Noah, they just dumped his body somewhere, you know? What the fuck did they care about some American Marine…”

  Connor drew in another shuddering breath as he dragged a hand through his hair. Noah sat down again next to him and held his other hand tight.

  “He was so fucking brave. They waterboarded us, did you know? Thought it was funny to use our own techniques on us. Fuck knows how they found enough water in that godforsaken place, but they did. Every day. He was so brave. In the end, he knew. He knew he wasn’t gonna make it.”

  Connor’s voice broke, and Noah felt himself tear up. The things this man had been through, it was unspeakable.

  “His body wasn’t as strong as mine, maybe, I don’t know. His will was, though. They never got more out of him than his name, rank, and number. He never told them shit. He was my best friend. He knew about me, knew I was gay, and he didn’t give a fuck. I held his body after he’d died. For hours.”

  A mighty tremor tore through Connor’s body. Fuck, Noah wished Josh and Indy were here to help him, to help Connor. He needed them, all of them.

  “It was so hot and his body got all bloated… And I still thought he was the most beautiful man on the planet. They left him with me for days, continuing their torture of me. Every time they brought me back to him, I threw up because of the smell. And yet I had to look at him. God, Noah, I loved him. I loved him so much.”

  Noah’s eyes were filled with tears. Connor probably hadn’t even realized the depth of his feelings for Lucas until right now. If he had, he would’ve said something to Josh and Noah would have known. It wasn’t like there were any secrets between them. No, Connor had held all of this in, for way too long.

  “I know, baby.” The term of endearment flew easily out of his mouth.

  And then Connor opened his mouth and screamed. Heart-wrenching, sobbing screams that originated in his very soul. Noah stepped closer to Connor, and the man slung two arms around Noah’s waist, leaned on him with everything he had. And wailed. Noah held him close, tears rolling down his face.

  Within seconds, footsteps came running from both bedrooms. Miles arrived first, weapon drawn. He disengaged it quickly when Noah shook his head, put it on the kitchen counter.

  “Clear,” Miles shouted out, presumably to Brad and Charlie. They arrived at the same time as Josh and Indy, both still putting on clothes as they came running in.

  “They’ve found Lucas’ body,” Noah said. Nobody would need more details than that right now.

  “Oh, God,” Josh said, immediately stepping in behind Connor, hugging him from behind. Indy stepped up, too, kissing Connor’s head. Connor never acknowledged their presence, but held on to Noah with all he had, sobbing loudly. It was disconcerting, yet at the same time humbling to see Connor leaning on Noah like this, finally surrendering to his emotions. God, the man had kept this in for so long.

  Noah held him, aided by Josh and Indy until finally, Connor’s sobs were dying down, his body trembling and shaking. Noah’s hands cradled the cop’s head, stroking his dark hair. He needed a haircut, Connor did. His hair was longer than Noah had ever seen on him.

  Miles’ boys had found shelter in his arms, one around each of them, as they huddled together and watched quietly, Max at their feet. He was a good man, the agent. Indy’s instincts had been spot on, as usual. Miles had been so fucking lonely. The man probably hadn’t even realized the depth of it until he’d moved into their crazy home. What a ride he’d been on. Noah was truly happy Miles had found a family with Brad and Charlie, and hopefully with the four of them.

  It took a few minutes before Connor spoke. “His body is arriving at Andrews Air Force Base tonight. They’re flying him in today, but it will be late. But I could be there, if I wanted to, to receive him. They told me I could be present when he arrives. I also need to make arrangements for the funeral. He’ll be buried at Arlington, where he belonged. I need to call the office tomorrow and tell them what he’d want. I’m listed as his next of kin, you know.”

  He was babbling, Noah noted, another sign of Connor’s emotional state. This man did not babble. Ever.

  Noah looked up, locked eyes with Indy, then Josh. There was no way Connor was going by himself, but who would go with him?

  “Noah will come with you,” Josh said softl
y.

  Connor raised his head and looked up at Josh, finally letting go of Noah’s waist. Noah’s shirt was drenched with the man’s tears. “What about you?”

  Josh bent over, kissed Connor gently. “I can’t come with you, baby. It would trigger too much for me, and you need to focus on yourself now, not take care of me. Noah will come with you to Maryland, to be there when Lucas arrives.”

  Noah loved that Josh was deciding for him, for all of them. It said so much about the faith they had in each other. Then Indy bent over, too, kissed Connor just as gently, on his lips. “I’ll take care of Josh, I promise.”

  Connor’s hand cupped Indy’s cheek for a second. “Thank you. He’ll need…”

  Indy nodded. “I know. I’ll make sure he’ll get what he needs.”

  “Come on, baby. Let’s get you dressed,” Josh said. He gently pulled Connor until the man got up from his chair, followed him into the bedroom.

  Noah waited till they were out of earshot. “How will you…?” He couldn’t find the words, didn’t want to insult Indy by pretending he doubted him, or that he wouldn’t know what Josh would need after this.

  Indy hugged him tight. “Miles will help me. You take care of Connor, Noah. He needs you to lean on.”

  Miles. Yeah, that would work. He wouldn’t have Connor’s expertise, but the man had good instincts. He turned his head, made eye contact with him. Did he sense what was being asked of him?

  “We’ll take care of him,” Miles said with confidence. Noah exhaled. Yeah, he understood.

  20

  An hour later, Noah and Connor left for Albany Airport, where they’d catch a flight to DC Josh had been able to book for them last minute by calling the airline directly. Indy’s heart broke for Connor, who had looked like a fucking zombie as he got in the car. He hadn’t even bickered with Noah about who was driving, their regular argument whenever they were going somewhere with the four of them. Indy sighed as the car disappeared out of sight.