I knew in my head kissing him was a bad idea, there was no way that there would be a good outcome. But I listened to my heart for once, and boy did it feel good. After our embrace of sudden passion he lifted my chin and just stared at me. His mind looked as if it was trying to cope with a million thoughts at once. I knew that there must be something that is holding him back, and it would kill me if he was to leave now. After I've put so much on the line, If Ty knew i was even looking at him I would be in so much trouble. Biting my lip and taking a deep breath I lent up to his ear and whispered in desperation “ please don't say goodnight.”
His grip suddenly tightened around my waist igniting my body with a burning sensation of heat. The urge to taste his lips again was driving to the brink where i was ravenously chewing on my own bottom lip. I felt every hair on my body stand for him the slightest movement from him was driving me wild. I felt like I was about to lose my mind. That was until the feeling of light stubble from his chin grazed across my neck, causing me to lose any self control. I’d lost the only control I had left. I didn't care that we were out in the street, I didn't care who was watching I needed him and i need him now. As he seductively kissed and nibbled at my neck I slide my fingers through his luscious hair slipping out a moan of desperation. Without thinking I pulled away, a new found confidence had taken over me, smirking whilst i kept my eyes glued to his , I turned and walked to my door.
Glancing back to see if he was coming to find me, I was pleasantly surprised to find him standing right behind me. Without giving me a moment to find my keys he was back at it, this time he moved my hair to one side and the heat of his breath spiked my ear as he whispered “ you've never looked more beautiful”.
Jackson.
Boy did she taste good, she smelt amazing, i was yearning for her touch, her body on mine the thought was driving me crazy. I couldn't keep my hands off her. She’d led me to her front door, but i wasn’t patient enough to let her open it , i just couldn't control my wandering hands over her gorgeous body. With the lightest of touch she was slipping out the most seductive little moans. The rawest of moans i've ever heard and boy were they turning me on. She finally unlocked the door, I entered into the dark home behind her. She quickly said “ take a seat i won't be a minute”. So i sat on the sofa facing her so i could observe her every move. I never realised how sexy she was, i knew she was sexy but not as sexy as she looked right now, she's not full of worry or hiding herself. Snapping out of my thoughts i realised i wasn't actually watching what she was doing. But she had turned one lamp on which was very dim, so i couldn't actually see that much. But i could hear her frantically bolting locks on the door. There must have been about 15 locks on that thin wooden door i stopped counting after 7. Why was there that many locks on the door? This red flag took over the moment of lust and I was suddenly swarmed with concern.
She inhaled deeply before turning to me, whilst tying her hair to the side, she slowly stepped out of her boots, the lamp lightly glowing softly on her pale skin. My jacket gradually slipped off her shoulders to the floor. As she got closer she gently stepped out of her dress to reveal matching red lace panties and bra. She looked breathtaking. I have never had so much lust, yearning for someone. I felt out of control of everything but i was also fighting my brain. The need for her was strong, but there was something. A feeling in my pit of my stomach , that red flag as to why there were so many bolts on her door. She straddled my lap wrapping her arms round my neck. Nibbling on my ear. Dam this girl. “ April..” i gentle moaned. “ April, April i need to ask you about the locks” Fuck what did i just say. The mood suddenly shifted from 100 to 0 real quick, she quickly slid of my lap and just stared at me. The girl who a few minutes ago had been full of confidence hugged her body. Showing raw vulnerability. Withdrawing that eye contact i'd gotten so used to “ i can't tell you.” And with that she locked herself back up again, mentally. She had become so withdrawn within seconds from what i had just asked her.
What have I done.
April
Everything was going so well , I had finally let myself go and was enjoying my evening. Why did he have to ask. Why did he have to notice the locks.
I was flooded with shame, shame that he had asked me something that no one knew about. Heck he didn't even know about it but he had noticed a piece in the fucked up puzzle. He grabbed my hand in desperation “ april, you can talk to me. I can help”
The thing is, he can't help, no one can. The only way he can help is if he whisked me away from this nightmare. But that's never going to happen. “ talk to me please” he said. “ I can't”I replied wishing he would just stop pushing for more information. He stood in front of me, leaning down to my face “ you can!” he said firmly.
Without thinking I spat back “ I can't! Unless you can take me away from here and promise i never have to come back, i can't tell you anything”
I felt the hesitation stutter out of his mouth, as if he wanted to give me what I wanted but he couldn't. I knew that anyway, no one could save me from this hell. The silence was making me feel sick. I was so sick of this, I had been having the best night of my whole life and it crumbled before my eyes so rapidly and I couldn't even stop it from happening. “ see, that's why i can't tell you” I whispered, fighting back tears, my emotions had got the better of me and I was fighting the urge to fall to the floor and sob.
Rubbing the back of his neck, he quickly said irrationally “ look April I can't , I can't promise that, i mean i can't , my fiances at home..” FIANCE? He has a fiance , wow , how was i so stupid. A laugh of disbelief fell out of my mouth as I was suffering from sudden shock, “ fiance?!” I shrieked. “ no no april it's not like that i promise i don't even love her” “april please believe me it's not what you think” I couldn't listen to his lies anymore. “ GET OUT!” I screamed as I ran to my room, sliding the wardrobe over my door as I had done so many times before when Ty was home. I didn't even make it to my bed before the tears started to drop. Mascara staining my cheeks as it bled down my face.
After the continuous calling of my name stopped from outside my room I heard the bolts being unlocked, the door slamming shut and the sound of his car screeching down the road.
Jackson.
Giving myself a well deserved pat on the back, because i just handled that completely and utterly shit. I managed to in one smooth move, destroy any chance of happiness i had, i had finally felt alive. We can all safely guess she hates my guts right now, i mean i hate myself right now so she sure should. I couldn't stop hearing the sounds of her crying even though i had decided to leave well over an hour ago . The picture of her running away from me replayed over and over again like a broken record. I don't even know what i was thinking or if i was even in anyway fit to drive but somehow i had i’d subconsciously driven myself to the bar, the bar i had spent months in after my mother's sudden death. The bar where i drank my emptiness away until i renamed my emptiness Lacey Longmore. Its funny feels like a lifetime since i have been in this place but the moment i stepped in it was as if i had stepped back in time, same old guy with one eye behind the bar, relentlessly scrubbing the glasses till they glisten, i don't know why he bothers to be honest half the guys in this place look as if they have rolled off the roughest street corners round here and wouldn't even notice some dishwasher smears on a glass.
It must be about 3am by now and the only plans i have for myself is to drink, drink until this car crash of a night disappears, drink until i stop seeing her face, drink until i stop hearing the sobs of the woman who had brought me so much happiness and hope in such a small amount of time , falling apart right before my eyes. I can't believe i just stood there, i let her hide from me after i told her she didn't have to. But then i was the one who had caused her to hide so who am i to be telling her what to do . Wow i really fucked this all up.
Staring at the empty glass in front of me as it got filled with my 5th whisky, I wondered why I had even decided to come here, all this place does is bring back
pain and memories which I haven't visited since i left them here so why am i here? To feel more pain, self pity? I’m done with this, stumbling to my feet and breaking out of Deanos Dive bar, my eyes blistered with the shock of sunlight slowly appearing on the horizon, how long had i been in here? I dialed a cab, surprisingly the cab driver was with me within minutes , now that's the service i like. On the cab ride home i seemed to sober up a lot quicker than i’d of thought and i mean what would make me sober up even more than arriving home to find two cars i don't even recognise on my driveway. Oh wait and big fuck off removals lorry. Maybe i'm still drunk and hallucinating. Yeah that must be it. Nope. .Nope i definitely am not as i have just seen , wow.
I have just seen Lacey and some old hairy guy passionately making out. I haven't even stepped foot out the cab yet and i feel like i already need to be catching a new cab for a new destination. This has been one of the shittest night.
That's it, throwing some money at the guy, sorry mate not personal but there's more than a tip there to make up for it. I stormed towards my house, i have no idea of the time but it's early. All the doors are open, removal men scattered all over. I’m not sure if she has even noticed me yet alone knows i've just seen her stick her slimy tongue down some guys throat. I feel so sick. Her witches cackle echoed down the soon to be empty hallway as she draped her arms round this guy's neck. Ew. “ what the fuck is going on here” i bellowed, frightening her, i mean you know the late drives home after work where the rabbits are running all over the roads and then that unfortunate thing happens when your headlights meet its eyes and fate takes its course. Well just imagine that look of shock on Laceys face right now. I could see the cogs in her tiny little brain grinding together scrambling for some sort of story. I’m not dumb, it was quite obvious she was involved with this old fellow, i wasn't upset i was surprisingly relieved.. How funny relieved but yes good luck to the man ,he's going to need it. But why the fuck was there removal men all around my house. The vicious screech of her voice pierced my ears like a knife ``I'm leaving your sorry arse , moving in with Roger, I don't need you or your money anymore. OH! and i'm taking half of everything,!”. Now this has shocked me. Not that she is leaving me that's the best news i’ve heard since i've met her but the thing that's shocking me is that she thinks she is entitled to half of everything. Stupid girl. “ Well you didn't think this through did you darling Lacey. I don't owe you shit let alone half. If you had been a clever little girl and thought about this you would of married me before you screwed me over and left but lucky for me you left before, shall we say sealed the deal so. Listen i'm going to offer you this. 3 minutes, run grab what you want then leave my property and don't you ever come back. Also everything on that lorry is to be returned. The keys to the new Bentley i bought you for Christmas also. This fine chap Roger, clearly has a car with two seats. One for each of you to enjoy. Your time starts now. Then fuck off.”
I’m not sure if it was the alcohol running through my system which made me burst into fits of laughter or the look on Laceys face but I just couldn't stop. Tears were streaming down my face and my stomach was cramping but this laughter just kept growing stronger. Do you know what, watching Lacey run frantically around my house grabbing what she could, brought her into a whole new light for me. She was desperate, and for the first time she looked scared. For the years we had been together i had never seen her scared ,she always had such a strong and demanding persona about herself that seeing her scared was quite nice. I don't want to sound sadistic but it showed me she does have feelings. The girl had put such an act on, also she tried to screw me over so she deserves to feel the consequences of her actions.
Once she finally left with that lucky guy Roger, god help the poor guy. I had a million thoughts running through my mind. My adrenaline was on another level and I was pumped. For someone who had such a car crash of a night I'd never felt better, with all that had been going on I had managed to get April out of my mind. However once the silence hit the walls and I was left to gather my thoughts her face took over my mind yet again. I started thinking of ways I could get her back, my first thought was to tell her Lacey had left but hey. That just shouts second best, and she definitely doesn't need to to think that. What was i going to do. I can tell you one thing, this house had Lacey written all over it and I absolutely hate it. I need to make a call.
April.
It’s been years since i have cried this much, my whole body ached. My heart actually felt too heavy for me to carry at one point and i feel completely numb. More numb than i have ever felt before, i was about to give him all of me and then he said it. He had a fiance, what a joke that was. I’ve seen my fair share of players in my time, i mean a lot of Ty's friends have tried to get into my knickers, not successfully may i add but i know the type. Well i thought i did, that's why it hurt so much. All he wanted from me was a quick fuck or fling before he was tied to the love of his life. I just couldn't believe it , it didn't make sense but then who am i to know? After a lifetime of torture from my brother the psychological games, name calling and so on. But this, this hurt so much more. I trusted him , how foolish of me.
After a restless night i ended up sitting on the couch just watching out the window, some sick part of me wanted him to come back. There must be something wrong with me to want him to return even after he hurt me so bad. But he never did and i fell asleep whilst I slowly gave up hope.
The revving of engines woke me up, not just any engine, Ty’s engine. He was home early. Any other day i would of scattered to my room and made myself disappear but i didn't i just sat there , waiting for him to burst through them doors.
And that's just what he did, followed by some of the creepiest looking guys i have ever seen him hang around with, they looked as if they had just crawled out of a sewer and boy did they smell like they had to.
“What the fuck happened to you? What the fuck are you wearing?” Ty was always direct , straight to the point. No hello or how are you. He stepped closer to me , i just looked past him i couldn't be bothered to face him as i knew the result would be the same if I ignored him instead. He grabbed my jaw and directed it to his face, his eyes burning a hole in my head and his greasy fingers smothering my puffy face. I saw a brief flash of concern brace flash over him and then bam anger flooded him within seconds. As if someone had reminded him of something. “ you stupid slut, you saw him didn't you? After I told you not to!” his grip tightened on my jaw leaving nail marks embedded in my skin. I didn't flinch, like i said i was numb and I was past caring what he was going to do.
Luckily for me , one of the sewer rats caught his attention by sliding a package off of the side into his pocket. All that anger directed at me quickly diverted into Sewer rat 1 shall we call him? Ty launched for him like a tiger would his prey, now Ty is a big guy. All my life he has been powerful , strong and generally big. He’s scary to look at when he is happy so you can imagine how scary he looks right now, his veins bulging from his steroid filled neck. His heavily tattooed hands slammed into sewer rat 1s face the sound was familiar, and with that i realised i wasnt safe and tried to slowly exit the house however i was quickly thinking of a new route once Ty was heading my way with sewer rat 1 in his grip, launching him across the front lawn. Then storming up to him once he landed in a mangled mess. He took whatever it was sewer rat 1 was trying to steal and landed yet another punch to the head. Sewer rat 1 was a bloody mess, literally. He just laid there motionless , his chest slowly rising. He was alive that was good, i was also alive and I needed to be smart and get out of here pronto. Sprinting to my room, moving this heavy wardrobe giving me enough time to change and grab my sketchbook, i climbed out my bedroom window and i ran. I ran until i couldn't run anymore. I had no destination in my mind but i knew i wanted to be alive, i wanted to feel and for some reason i needed to see him. Even though i know i shouldn't.
I ended up at the only place i thought i'd be safe and that was the hotel , stupid really because it would be highly likely he wa
s here but i wanted to be in that restaurant, something about it made me feel so safe. Mr. Dark blue suit greeted me as he had before, making light conversation and he escorted me to the very table I had sat at before. I spent all day here and no one batted an eyelid that i did. I started to draw , the light beaming through the glass panels creating the most beautiful lighting in this room, light gusts of wind creeping through the bottom of the door sending bursts of the fragrance of flowers which where draped from the ceiling above.
I’ve lived in many houses but for some reason this room feels like home to me, i feel safer than i've ever felt before and i just wish i could stay here and never return back to the nightmare of a house I live in. As much as i wish that i could, i knew i would have to go back at some point and that time was creeping up on me quicker than i expected , why did what felt like minutes here become hours and before I knew it, the sun was beginning to set and I had to go back to that house.
As I made my way out of the staff kitchen exit, I bumped into Polly. I forgot she even worked here , that was until i noticed her small petite frame in the alleyway dragging on a cigarette, how someone so effortlessly beautiful feels the need to smoke something so vile and disgusting i had no idea. But surprisingly it just made her look even more beautiful than she already was. Typical. Anyway she was shocked to find me escaping via the kitchen exit and then once she took a stronger look at me her mood completely shifted from lightheartedness to seriousness in seconds.
Seeing nothing but Red Page 6