After spending the day mooching around the house, watching some tv, eating some not so healthy food, taking some extremely dull and time consuming business calls and being a really boring adult. I decided to get my arse in gear and get ready for when Tommy was picking me up. Tidying up my man stubble, was a good start. These past few weeks my mind had been focused on other things I'd let myself go a little, so tidying up my stubble was a good start. Leaving it all nice and tidy along my jawline. Lacey hated my stubble, moaned it made her itch. Thinks that's why i've kept it for this long, starting realise i do a lot subconsciously without even realising to avoid Lacey or her touch. Pathetic really considering we are about to be married and stuck with each other for life, but despite that, I would never end things because she was there when I needed someone. And as much as i hate her at least i know she will always be there, i mean the girl barely knew me and she saw me drowning myself in pity night after night , she was there whilst i took that big step to stop drowning my sorrows and sort myself out. She was a distraction from the pain and without that distraction all that pain would come flooding back devouring my life in one big bite. I was addicted to her, not romantically , not sexually even. I was addicted to her being there, she was like furniture, there, i knew as long as i had her around, i was okay i could swim steadily through life do what I needed to do. Lay foundations and live a normal life. Like i was doing so, i didn't necessarily need to be happy, i just needed to be okay. That's what Lacey did, she made everything feel ok.
I wore my dark blue denim jeans with a casual white shirt, which I must admit was far to small for my arms, the gym never warned me I'd need a new wardrobe for my newly jacked up biceps.. Leaving the top two buttons undone, revealing my bronze chest, hoping to catch a little bit more of that gorgeous sunshine today. Hanging my sunglasses from my shirt I was ready to go. As if reading my mind i hear a car pull up on the driveway, well i hear Tommy’s car pull up on the driveway, beeping his horn making his grand arrival. It's a good thing I don't have close neighbours otherwise i'd be dealing with a lot of complaints about my friend Tomny and his driving. Grabby my dark green jumper, i head out. Knowing how quickly it gets cold on the beach it's always safe to have a jumper with you.
As we pulled up to the carpark near the beach, i noticed Tommy starting to get jittery, tapping his fingers ferociously on the steering wheel, rubbing his forehead and taking deep breaths. Anyone would've thought he was having some sort of panic attack, suddenly and swiftly he turned to me with a face full of anxiety. “ look mate” he blurted out. “ i know, you're going to have an opinion” well he was right i had an opinion on everything, everyone did it was natural.. “ but this is the happiest i've been in a long time, i’ll never feel like this again with anyone. She just means so much to me man.” with that i put my hand on his shoulder “ look Tommy , chill out. As Long as your happy , im happy, now get out the fucking car man and lets get this barby on the go.” Grabbing the bag of food Tommy had prepared earlier we made our way to the private spot i had bought last year, it was where me and Tommy would always hang out, have barbeques , chill and think. It was practically our spot anyway , seeing as this town had a limited population we did not need to worry, it's was only till last year when we had planned to chill at our spot and found a family of tourists trashing it i, I decided to buy it and made it private, area i added glass panels around the rocks to stop the wind blowing sand into our food , added a nice table and stairway down to the beach. It was perfect and it was ours. Me and Tommy had joint ownership as it was mine and Tommys spot. Always would be.
Arriving to our spot and finding two women, two women I knew I was stunned, shocked and baffled to why they were here. Then it clicked why one of them was here, the second though. The second was what was making my jaw drop so much, the second woman I saw was the only woman I'd ever truly see. The woman who had walked into my hotel one day and never left my mind since. She was truly gorgeous and boy did my body feel it. She hit me like lightning every time I saw her, shocking my system like she was too much for me to handle. Yet I was yearning so much to touch her, to touch her and never stop. To feel her body on me and her lips smothering mine. Without her realising i was standing there, watching her she turned to take in the view in front of her leaving me with a view from behind I'll never forget, caressing her wine glass whilst doing so.
When she turned she revealed the most gorgeous sight, her dress she was wearing was backless, and the way she looked was giving me an uncontrollable urge to take her right there and then. I needed her. I didn't care who was around i just knew that i needed her and the sight she was giving me, was driving me insane. She was effortlessly sexy and she didn't even know it. Which evidently made her even more attractive. Somehow withdrawing my focus from April. Tommy strutted past me swooping Polly into his arms, whilst Polly squealed with excitement. My eyes quickly bolting back to April i noticed the flush of embarrassment appear upon her face, keeping her eye contact locked with mine she raised her hand and released the pin in her side hairdo, which had been revealing her gorgeous face. Her loose red curls effortlessly fell onto her face surrounding it like armour. I was disappointed with the fact she had chosen to hide so quickly, but at least she had greeted me with the most beautiful view i’d laid my eyes on. A smirk grew upon my face. Tonight was going to be interesting.
April
I can't believe it, if i had known this was the way this evening was going to go , for one i wouldn't of come and two if i had come i definitely wouldn't of worn what i was currently wearing. All my confidence fled from my body with one big swoop, onces my eyes met his. It was torture because the way he made me feel with just a look wasn't fair, i wanted to lunge at him like Polly had Tommy. I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and embrace every part of him. But I can't , even as much as I wanted to , I can't give in. If I give in to this almighty urge i put him in a situation I'd wish no one to be put in. Evidently i would be putting him in danger because Ty is dangerous, and he warned me once. That's all it takes , one warning from Ty, and i know, i know whatever i do it is not worth the consequences of crossing Ty . The warning he gave me about Jackson was strong and clearly received.
There was far more to that warning, as much as he was scaring me, i think he was in fact scared himself. It was as if he was grasping onto desperation, almost pleading me to not take a step further , as if the consequences wouldn't just affect me, but him also. He was desperate, scared and angry. And we all know desperation can lead the nicest of men to do the nastiest of things. So what would it cause Ty to do , because he was already bad enough. That thought stayed with me,every time my thoughts would wander to jackson, the warmth he made me feel. It would soon be suffocated with the harsh coldness of Ty and his words.
As soon as I saw Jackson's face, that's how I felt. Cold. Alone and trying desperately to do what I knew in my head to be the right thing. Keep my head down, keep quiet , engaged in the littlest of conversations, get home, out this outfit and forget this night ever happened. And try my hardest to forget id ever seen him. If i had to distance myself from Polly to stay away from this ever happening again i’d have to do so. The risk was too high and I would hate to get anyone involved in my nightmares.
My eyes started to water, i was so fed up of living my life this way. I decided to take my hair down quickly to cover whatever emotion was appearing upon my face, not wanting to draw anymore attention to myself. Discreetly glancing back at jackson i caught his gaze yet again, and then he smirked. He was smirking at me and i had no idea why, and it wound me up so much. Why was he smirking at me. Huffing i turned to Polly and Tommy and politely introduced myself. With that we sat and talked as a group whilst Jackson started cooking the food. Halfway through him cooking , Polly and Tommy were practically devouring each other and I was sat there like a third wheel, twiddling my thumbs. Looking round i had two options, one, i go and talk to Jackson as i was desperate to speak to him, even to stand near him , for him to look at me the way he d
oes as if he's memorizing every inch of my body which made me feel things i'd never felt before or two i could sneak off down the stairs to the beach. The view was truly magnificent , the air was still and the essence of peace swarmed my body. As much as i wanted to spend any time i could with Jackson, I thought logically and snuck off down the stairs. Out of sight out of mind right?
Walking five minutes along the seafront, turning i could still just about see Polly and Tommy up on the decking area, i sat down. Feeling the soft sand slipping through my fingers tips. I felt as if all my worries were swimming out to sea leaving me fresh and somehow happy. It's fascinating how a little beach air and beautiful view can make you feel so much more alive and awake. The fresh breeze had left the hairs on my arms standing and goosebumps pricking my skin. The sky was a mesmerizing pink as the sun had begun to slowly set. A gentle waft of cologne spiked my nostrils and the sound of someone clearing their throat behind me made my turn my head quickly. And there he was, My eyes met him yet again.
With the warm breeze tugging at his loosely buttoned shirt, revealing a toned groomed chest and the sunlight beaming off his gorgeous green eyes, I felt like I was seeing him for the first time all over again.
“ Polly and Tommy have just left, they were 2 minutes away from ripping each others clothes off on the decking. I offered to take you home. I hope that's okay? Also before you panic, i will take you home at any given moment you choose. Just say the word.” his husky voice was invitingly friendly this evening. “But, I have cooked a lot of food up there, would be a shame for it to go to waste, if you'd like to join me for some dinner?” I hesitated and thought long and hard for all of 1 minute. “ Okay, yes that would be nice thank you.” I knew it was a bad idea, a really really bad idea. But if I could just have this one evening, and enjoy it, because that's all I wanted to do this evening, was to have a nice night out. Not having to worry about going home, or what mood Ty is going to be in.
As I walked up the beach to the decking he followed behind me, I could feel his eyes watching every move I took, our eyes were like magnets because no matter where I tried to look my eyes just kept going back to him, and his face. I felt like a little school girl whenever he looked at me, my cheeks began flushing bright pink i was hoping he hadn't noticed the effect he was having on me. I'm quite glad I was forced to wear my boots with the dress as if I had been wearing any different I wouldn't of made it back up the beach, the sand was so soft I felt like I was sinking half the time.
We just approached the steps to the decking when i placed my foot forward and it sunk a little too much and fell forward hitting my shoulder on the metal step as i fell to the ground. Why was this happening to me, this evening was going quite nicely until i decided to go and make a tit of myself. A firm hand around my arm made me flinch, i hadn't meant to it was just habit. Hopefully he didn't realise. I quickly scrambled to my feet with a little help from Jackson. Feeling so embarrassed i looked at my boots to distract myself. That's when Jackson lent forward and placed his thumb on my chin, forcing me to lift my head so i was looking at him. Nice try i will just close my eyes. There is no way i'm looking at him after i have made such a fool of myself. A soft toned voice whispered to me “ open your eyes” . Nope not doing it , being stubborn i closed them shut even more firmly. A stern more demanding tone suddenly appeared “ Open your eyes” fuck sake. Why does he want to torture me more than i'm torturing myself right now? Opening my eyes i saw him staring completely into my soul, he was looking like he was trying to read my facial expressions. “ you hurt?” he gently asked as he ran his thumb across my chin making all the hairs on my arm stand up. To be honest i wasn't in any pain compared to what i was used to. “Not at all i'm fine” i sniped back at him. “Well i'm not buying the act you're trying to sell me!” he sniped back.
Jackson.
I wasn't buying it at all, there was no way she wasn't in pain, that was a heavy metal step she fell on and if that was me i would of been in a lot of pain. Plus i could see the bruise instantly appearing across her shoulder. I knew so little about her but i knew this much, she was fighting something and i needed her to stop fighting when she was around me. I see the way she flinches as if i'm about to hurt her and it kills me but what hurts me more is the smile she blasts across her face straight after. I’ve seen her smile of happiness when i gave her the sketchbook back. But that smile she just gave me wasn't a smile at all, it was an act. Not knowing what to do , i did the only thing my gut was telling me to do and that was to hold her, i gently pulled her into my arms, inhaling the sweet smell of coconut which was radiating from her gorgeous red hair. After a while, she had let me hold her for a lot longer than I'd expected, i whispered into her ear “ you don't have to pretend with me Miss Valentine .”I heard the sound of her breath hitch. As if i'd cut off her airway with that small sentence.
I knew she was hesitant to spend time with me but i managed to persuade her to stay for some food, whilst I iced her freshly bruised shoulder. I could spend what would feel like minutes with her and it would in fact be hours. Time just went too quickly and I felt it slipping through my fingers. Before I knew it, the sun had set on the horizon the orange glow from the sunset left the gorgeous woman in front of me looking ever so breathtakingly gorgeous. Id never seen someone so unknowingly beautiful. I loved the way she tucked her hair behind her ears, it was like she was opening up to me, usually if she isn't comfortable i've noticed her fiery red locks guard her face. But she was soon lost in conversation and we were talking about the most pointless crap but it didn't matter because, She was mesmerized by every word that fell out of my mouth , lapping it up like a thirsty little kitty.
Her laugh was so raw it gave me this weird sensation in my stomach, not a feeling I'd felt before, it was as if my stomach aches but it felt nice. And every time I hear that laugh, Oh boy, it sent a flutter of this sensation over my body.
As the darkness of night crept in, I was fighting the urge more than ever to kiss her, to feel them soft plump lips on mine. But I didn't have it in me , i was going to be married soon, and as much as Lacey Longmore is more my arch enemy than lovers. I’m no cheat. IT's one of the things in life I just do not condone, after my mum bending her back to the point of breaking for my dad, and seeing that worthless piece of shit bring countless women home whilst I was too young to understand at the time what was going on. Hooker after hooker, whilst she worked double shifts. She never even knew, which i'm glad about now as i would've hated for my mum to have seen how much of her life she wasted on someone she loved so dearly and worshiped the ground he walked on to find out he clearly didn't feel the same way in the slightest.
It was getting late, I was tired from all the fighting I was doing with my head and my heart. “ shall I take you home now?” I asked as she stared out to sea, the moon was glowing on the reflection. Without breaking her gaze from the sea she replied“Yes that's a good idea” wow a good idea? Was I being sensitive or does that mean i was bad company. She lifted herself out of the chair, packed up some plates and chucked them in a trash bag. I lent down to grab the bag, there was no way I was letting her clear up this mess, but she quickly moved it away from me, she just looked me right in the eye and carried on. What was this sudden mood change for, she was being so cold.
Driving her home the mood was still, there was no hearty conversation, no laughing no smile no nothing. It was driving me insane, i hated this. If i had known the idea of me dropping her home would have such a catastrophic effect i wouldn't of spoken a word. Not being able to take it any longer i pulled over the car a block from her house. “What's going on? Why won't you look at me?” i could see she was just staring at her hands, rubbing her thumbs along the insides of her fingers. In a gentle tone i asked “talk to me please?” as i suspected i heard nothing, boy was this girl hard work. Agitated, mentally and sexually i lost my patience “look, i don't know what the problem is, or why you have suddenly switched into a completely different person. But all i did was offer you a lift
home? And now you are acting as if i’ve done something terrible. Betrayed you , disgusted you? Hurt you? Can you just tell me what's going on and put me out of my misery.” . Nothing, i heard nothing. “ urgh fine then” I shouted in even more frustrated than earlier , probably came across a bit short tempered but i was feeling all these emotions in one night , that I hadn't felt for a long time or even ever. It was really messing with me.
But once I turned my back to walk back to my car door, I heard the quiet innocence of a broken voice shaking behind me. “ i.. I just didn't want to come home.” I turned to face her. “But it doesn't matter now” she shouted back, fear and frustration echoed out of her voice. She turned towards her house and started walking. I reached for her hand. “Don't touch..” without giving her anymore time to speak I placed my lips onto hers and the feeling I felt was like a switch has been turned on i felt alive, more alive than I ever have done before. Some cliches would say rainbows and unicorns appeared around me but I honestly felt like I'd just won the lottery. The feeling of warmth flew across my body.
I opened my eyes after the sudden embrace, and as I stared at this gorgeous woman before me i realised i had spent all theses years with Lacey and I'd sleep walked through all of them. Yet since this April Valentine had appeared in my life ,she has lit a flame in me which had been burnt out for so long.i forgot it even existed. I felt alive. More alive than i’ve ever felt before.
April
Maybe i was acting crazy but being held in his arms was addictive, i felt safe, safer than I'd ever felt in my whole life . There was something about him which felt like home, which is crazy because I have never had a home so how would I know what one felt like. No matter how hard I tried to resist him i just couldn’t, he was a drug and i was addicted. Before I even knew him i was drawn to him and now i can’t even keep my eyes off him.
Seeing nothing but Red Page 5