The Midwife's Son

by Sue MacKay

  ‘Jess.’ He nudged her foot with his toe. ‘Time to wake up, lazybones.’

  ‘Go away,’ she mumbled, and made to roll over.

  ‘Mummy, you’ve got to get up now.’ Nicholas bounced onto the bed and dropped to his knees so close to Jess that Jackson feared she’d be bruised.

  Her eyes popped open. ‘Hello, you two.’ Her voice was thick with sleep. Rubbing her hands down her cheeks, she yawned and then stretched her feet to the end of the bed and her hands high above her, lifting her breasts as she did.

  His breath caught as he ogled those sweet mounds pushing against her singlet top. The glass shook in his hand, spilling wine over his fingers. ‘I’ll see you outside. Do you want this wine in here?’

  ‘No, I’ll join you in a minute.’ Already she was scrambling onto her knees and delving into her bag to haul out a jersey.

  Nicholas had arranged the outdoor chairs so that they could see down the grass to the beach. Jackson sank down on one and picked up his beer. His hand still shook. He knew how it felt to hold Jess in his arms and make love to her, the little sounds she made in pleasure, the way she liked to wind her legs around his afterwards. He wanted to know all those things again and again.

  Making love to Jess was nothing like the sex he’d had with those women he usually dated. But he hadn’t really dated Jess. They’d just got together. At work, at his parents’ place, and mostly at her home, where they enjoyed each other whenever Nicholas wasn’t around or was tucked up in bed, sound asleep.

  ‘Where’s the TV?’ Nicholas asked as he crossed over to Jackson.

  Laughter rang out, sweet and clear, from the tent. ‘There’s no TV out here, sweetheart. When you go camping you don’t have power for things like that.’

  As the boy’s face began to pucker up Jackson reined in his smile and said, ‘Think about telling your friends how you spent the night in a tent and that you ate food cooked outside, and how you dug for shellfish. Isn’t that more exciting?’

  ‘Can I catch a fish tomorrow?’

  ‘We’ll give it a darned good try, sport.’

  Jess slid onto the chair beside him, her light jersey covering those tantalising breasts. ‘You have a knack with him.’ She sipped from her glass. ‘Perfect.’

  ‘Should’ve got champagne, knowing how much you enjoy it.’

  ‘You’d better stop spoiling me. I might get used to it.’ She stared out across the water, seeing who knew what. The glass shook in her fingers, as it had moments ago in his.

  Laying a hand on her thigh, he squeezed gently. ‘Jess, I can’t—’

  She turned, placed a finger on his lips. ‘Don’t say anything, Jackson. I know this has to come to an end, have known it all along, but I don’t want to spoil our time together talking about things we can’t change.’

  He could not argue with that, so he didn’t.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  ‘SO MELANIE’S GETTING a little sister or brother. That’s cool.’ And I’m fighting something very like jealousy here. Jess watched Sasha’s face light up with excitement, felt her own heart thump harder. A baby—with Jackson—would be perfect. She breathed in deep, exhaled slowly. Get real.

  ‘Yeah, isn’t it? I can’t wait. So unlike last time, when I was dealing with the defection of Melanie’s father and coming to terms with returning here, this time I’ve got Grady right beside me.’ Sasha grinned and wrapped her arms around Jess in a big hug. ‘Know a good midwife?’

  ‘I might.’ She squeezed back. ‘A summer baby.’

  ‘Not like Melanie. She kept me warm through last winter.’ Sasha stepped away and opened the fridge, where she found the salmon Jackson had placed there earlier. ‘Did Jackson go out to Anatoki for this?’

  Anatoki was a salmon farm where customers could fish for their dinner in large holding ponds. ‘He took Nicholas and let him catch the salmon. In fact, Jackson let him catch and release two before bringing this one home. I don’t think my boy will ever stop talking about that. I’m surprised he hasn’t told you every minute detail. I couldn’t get his fishing shirt off him so he does reek a little.’

  Sasha shook her head. ‘I haven’t spoken to him yet. He’s following Jackson everywhere, glued to his hip.’

  ‘There’s a certain amount of hero worship going on, for sure.’ Which would soon turn into a big problem. The weeks were speeding by and when Jackson headed away she’d be left to pick up the pieces. As well as deal with her own broken heart.

  Sasha looked up from stuffing the salmon with herbs. ‘You’re worried?’

  ‘Big time. Maybe I should’ve stopped seeing Jackson right after your wedding and kept him out of Nicholas’s life.’ Like she’d have been able to manage that easily. She’d fallen for him so fast she’d been spinning.

  ‘Maybe you should tell Jackson how you feel about him.’ Sasha cocked her head to one side. ‘Hmm?’

  ‘No way. We’ve been up front right from the start. No commitment, no demands on each other. Have a good time and sign off come April.’ Why did that sound so flippant? Because it was. Casual maybe, but not normal. ‘But I haven’t, and won’t, tell him I’ve fallen for him. It would ruin everything.’

  Her friend’s lips pressed tight for a moment and Jess knew she was about to get a lecture. ‘Leave it, Sasha. I’m not asking Jackson to stay on when he obviously doesn’t want to. Don’t forget I’m not interested in tying myself to anyone either. It wouldn’t be fair on Nicholas.’

  ‘That’s getting a little monotonous, Jess. You’ve got a big heart, big enough for more than your son. You’ve spread it around the community and he hasn’t suffered.’ Hadn’t she already heard that from Jackson? Unfortunately, Sasha wasn’t finished. ‘There are still a few weeks for you to talk to him, lay your feelings on the line.’

  Jess shivered. She couldn’t do that. Too scary. ‘Do we want to make the salads now?’

  Sasha wasn’t about to be sidetracked. ‘Think about it. What have you got to lose? A broken heart? That’s coming anyway, regardless. But you might find my brother has changed his mind about his mighty Hong Kong hospital and lifestyle. He was moody when he first arrived home, got angry at the smallest things, but that’s not happening so much now. Mum says he sometimes sings in the shower. That’s unheard of. You’ve got a role in all this. He’s keen on you, really keen.’

  Jackson hadn’t told his family about the stabbing. He didn’t want them worrying about him when he returned to Hong Kong. Opening the fridge again, Jess removed the vegetable bin containing everything needed to put together a crisp, healthy salad. Jackson might be keen on her, as Sasha put it, but he didn’t want her trailing after him all the way to Asia. That also would mean putting her needs before Nicholas’s. How could she explain to her boy that living in an enormous city was as good as being in Golden Bay with beaches and fishing?

  Loud laughter rolled through the open windows. Jackson and Grady were playing soccer with Nicholas on the front lawn. Her son wore a huge grin as he charged after the ball and stole it from under Jackson’s foot. He dribbled it towards the makeshift goal until he fell over the ball and landed on his face. Jess held her breath, waiting for an explosion of tears, but Nicholas bounced back up and took off after the ball that Grady had stolen while he was down. Her boy was lapping up the male attention. ‘Grady will still have some time for Nicholas, won’t he?’

  ‘You know he will, though it won’t be the same as having Jackson’s undivided attention.’ Sasha handed her a glass of champagne. ‘You’ll have to drink my share now that I’m pregnant. Let’s join Mum and Dad on the deck. The salmon will take a while.’

  Jess continued to keep one eye on Jackson, filing away memories of how athletic he looked, how his long legs ate up the ground as he chased the ball, how his laughter sneaked under her ribs and tickled her heart. She collected even more mental images du
ring dinnertime.

  But. Nothing was going to be the same ever again. Grady might be there for Nicholas when he had time, but he had his own children to put first. She’d do anything to make her son’s life perfect—except tell Jackson she loved him.

  But as Sasha had pointed out, what did she have to lose? Honesty was good, wasn’t it? What if Jackson had already guessed her feelings for him? Was he waiting for her to say something? Or crossing his fingers she’d keep silent?

  ‘You’re very quiet tonight.’ Jackson leaned close.

  Unnerved that he might read her mind, she shivered. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘You’re cold. I’ll get your jersey.’

  She let him go and find it. Cold had nothing to do with that shiver. But—but all to do with cowardice. She was afraid if she told Jackson she loved him he’d laugh at her or, worse, commiserate and beat a hasty retreat. So she’d remain silent. Coward. If her heart was big enough for more than Nicholas, as people kept telling her, then what was holding her back? Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as they said. Or nothing lost.

  But. She was hanging onto her belief that she’d turn out to be like her parents. Did Sasha have a point? Was this belief just an excuse to hide behind because she was afraid of putting her heart on the line? It had hurt when Nicholas’s father had done a bunk, and now, compared with her feelings for Jackson, she saw she hadn’t been as invested in that relationship as she’d thought.

  ‘Here.’ Jackson held out her jersey. ‘Have you taken to buying everything you wear in orange since the wedding?’ Those delicious lips curved upwards, sending her stomach into a riot of fluttering.

  ‘No, but I have bought things in apricot shades.’ Underwear, two shirts and the sexiest pair of fitted jeans. ‘Online shopping is an absolute boon when living here.’

  Jackson did an eye-roll. ‘Women will always find a way to shop, even if they’re living on Mars.’

  ‘Sexist.’ Jess and Sasha spoke in unison.

  Virginia added her bit. ‘So says the man with the biggest, most expensive wardrobe I’ve ever seen.’

  ‘Nicholas. Want another game of soccer, sport?’ Jackson grinned.

  ‘After dinner. I want to eat more salmon. It’s yummy, Mummy. Can you take me to catch more?’

  Giving Jackson a mock glare, she answered, ‘You’ve been spoiled today. This is a treat.’

  ‘We’ll go next time I come home, sport.’

  She’d have sworn she was trying not to look at him, but she was—staring. ‘You might come home for another visit?’ she croaked in a squeaky voice that had everyone staring at them both. Don’t. It won’t be fair on Nicholas. Or me.

  ‘We’d love it if you do.’ Ian filled the sudden silence. ‘But we understand how busy you are over there.’

  Jackson looked embarrassed, like he’d made a mistake. ‘I’ve got more leave owing but it’s hard to get away. There’s always a shortage of temporary replacement staff.’ Backpedalling so fast he’d fall on his butt if he wasn’t careful.

  Jess forced her disappointment aside. What had she expected? Glancing around the now quiet table, she saw that Jackson’s statement had taken a toll on everyone. Of course Ian and Virginia wanted their son staying home. Now that Virginia was ill it would be more important for them. Sasha would want her brother on hand to help out on the orchard and to be a part of her children’s lives. Everyone was affected by Jackson’s decision and yet he should be able to continue with the career path he’d chosen.

  Her gaze stopped on Jackson, noted the way his jaw clenched, his lips whitened. This was the first time he’d got angry in a couple of weeks. Was he angry at himself for hurting his family? Reaching under the table, she laid a hand on his thigh and softly dug her fingers into those tense muscles. ‘Do they make apricot-coloured fishing rods?’

  Green eyes locked with hers. Recognition of how she was trying to help him flickered back at her. His Adam’s apple bobbed. Then his mouth softened. ‘No, but I’m sure I can find you an orange one.’

  The chuckles around the table were a little forced but soon the conversation was flowing again, this time on safer topics.

  Not all the questions buzzing around inside Jess’s head retreated. Instead, they drove her loopy with apprehension, making her feel like she was on a runaway truck, with no hope of stopping, and only disaster at the end. When Jackson offered to drive her home, she shook her head. ‘Not tonight. My boy’s exhausted and so am I. An early night is what we need.’ She needed space to cope with the growing fear of how she’d manage when he left.

  ‘You’re mad at me for saying earlier I’d go fishing with Nicholas again some time.’ He stood directly in front of her, hands on hips, eyes locked on hers.

  ‘Not mad, Jackson, disappointed. Nicholas is young. He only sees things in black and white, and everything happens now.’ That was only the beginning of her turmoil.

  ‘Yeah, I get it. I’m very sorry. I’m not used to youngsters and how their thought processes work.’

  ‘Says the man who has been absolutely brilliant with Nicholas these past two months.’ She dug her keys out of her bag. ‘Just so you know, I’m not going home alone because of what you told him. I’m bigger than that. I really do need some sleep.’ Some space in my bed so I can think, and not be distracted by your sexy body and persuasive voice.

  His lips brushed her cheek. ‘I get that, too. I think. Let me put Nicholas in his car seat.’

  She watched with hunger as he strode into the lounge where Nicholas was watching TV with Ian. She watched when he came back with her boy tucked against his chest, Nicholas’s thumb in his mouth as he desperately tried to stay awake. Her hunger increased as he carefully clicked the seat belt around her son and brushed curls off his face. She shouldn’t have turned him down. Climbing inside her car, she watched as he bent down and kissed her, long and tenderly. So tenderly he brought tears to her eyes. And a lump to her throat. She needed to be with him. She needed to be alone.

  * * *

  Jackson watched Jess drive out onto the road for the short trip back to her place. It took all his willpower not to run after her, to follow her home and slip into bed to hold her tight.

  How the hell was he going to leave Jess? His heart ached now and he still had four weeks left to be with her. Impossible to imagine how he’d feel once he stepped onto that plane heading northeast.

  Don’t go. Stay here. Everyone wants you to. That much had been painfully obvious at dinnertime. Surprising how easy it might be to do exactly that. Stay. Become a part of the community he’d been in such a hurry to leave when he’d been a teen. If he stayed, what would he do for work? On average he’d have one emergency a week to deal with. Unless he worked in Nelson. Only two hours’ drive away. He could commute or get a small apartment, return home on his days off. Not the perfect way to have a relationship but it had worked for Mum and Dad. Nah, he did not want that for him and Jess.

  As the taillights of Jess’s car disappeared he headed for the deck and some quiet time. Inside, Sasha and Mum were arguing light-heartedly about who had the best chocolate-cake recipe. Dad was still watching TV. Or was he catnapping, as he often did when he thought no one was looking?

  Family. He loved them. Leaving Golden Bay back then hadn’t been about them. Being young and brash, he’d always believed they would be around for ever. That whenever he chose to return, family life would be as it had always been. And it was. Yet it was different. There were additions: Grady, Melanie and the unborn baby. Dad no longer disappeared to the other side of the world every second week. Then there was Mum. His rock when he’d been growing up, always there with a ready ear and a loving word. Now he should be here for her. That promise shouldn’t keep him from those he loved, yet he was afraid to ignore it. His word was important.

  He was avoiding the real issue. Jessica Baxter.

  Jess
hadn’t had what he and Sasha got from Mum and Dad, yet she’d slotted into his family: best mates with Sasha; a surrogate daughter to his parents. Often she could be found helping out in the orchard or doing the ironing or scrubbing the floor. If anyone was the outsider in his family it was him. Only because he lived so damned far away, but it was reason enough.

  ‘Want a beer?’ Grady’s question cut through the crap in his head.

  ‘Thanks.’ He took the proffered bottle, dropped onto a chair and swung his feet up onto the deck railing. The cold liquid was like nectar. ‘That’s bloody good.’

  ‘Nothing’s ever easy, is it?’

  He presumed Grady was talking about the things going on in his head. ‘Nope.’

  They sat in a comfortable silence, drinking their beer, replenishing the bottles when they dried up, not bothering with unnecessary talk. They both knew the situation. Why keep talking about it? As far as brothers-in-law went, Sasha had got him a good one.

  The temperature had cooled, and the air felt heavy with dew. Summer was giving way to autumn and the temperatures were beginning to reflect that, day and night. Soon the holiday homeowners would clean down their boats and put them away for winter. They’d lock up their houses and go home. What would Jess do over winter? Would she hunker down for the cold months or get out there, continuing to visit people: checking they had enough firewood to see them through; taking food and books to the older folk living outside the township boundaries; keeping an eye on their health?

  No guesses there. He knew the answer. Jess was generous beyond generous. No matter that she thought it was about repaying folk for the bad things she’d done as a wild teenager. It wasn’t that at all. Jess was kind and generous to a fault. Couldn’t help being so good to others.