‘You know something?’ Katie hurried out the gate and stood in front of them. ‘My mommy’s going to have a new baby. It’s in her tummy. Right there.’ She poked Briony’s slightly rounded belly. ‘But it won’t come out her bottom, like I saw a baby cow coming out of its mammy’s bottom once on the television.’
‘Katie!’ exclaimed Briony, mortified.
Lorcan turned away to hide his amusement, his shoulders shaking.
‘Really?’ Tessa was delighted. ‘When is it due?’
‘In the spring.’ Briony smiled, pink-cheeked. She’d have to have a talk to Katie and explain that there were some things you didn’t announce to the world.
‘What joy that will bring,’ Tessa predicted happily. Another great-grandchild coming – who would ever have thought she would get to meet Jeff’s grandchildren?
‘Congratulations, Briony, that’s wonderful news.’ Lorcan turned back to her to offer his good wishes. He was as pleased for Tessa as he was for Briony. His wife’s eyes were sparkling and animated. He hadn’t seen that spark in her for many years.
‘This day is just getting better and better,’ Tessa said to Katie, giving her a cuddle. Katie snuggled in against her happily before going to get into Briony’s car.
Tessa got into her own car and waited for Lorcan to fasten his seat belt. She was dying to introduce Briony to Lisa over lunch. For the first time since Jeff’s passing, all those years ago, Tessa left the graveyard with a light heart, full of optimism for the future.
‘Hasn’t it been a wonderful day?’ Tessa sat beside her husband on the sofa watching the fire crackle and dance in the grate.
‘It’s the best day we’ve had in years,’ Lorcan agreed. ‘And to think I wasn’t going to go with you this morning. Look what I would have missed.’
‘Something was telling me to go and visit the grave. I just knew I should go today. Isn’t that amazing? We were meant to go, Lorcan.’
‘We were indeed. You’ll get no argument from me there. God was good to us.’
Tessa remained silent. She had given up on God a long time ago. She rarely went to Mass now. God had been too cruel to her – why would she want anything to do with Him? Or Her or It or whatever it was.
Once, after one of her rants about Jeff being taken from them so young, Lorcan had said to her, ‘Tessa, we all have to go back to where we came from. No one escapes it. Some of us are just left longer than others. It’s not something that’s “done” to us. It’s not the end of us. Life is just another chapter and so is death.’
‘But why, Lorcan? Why did he have to go so young? Why do mother’s lose their babies? Why are there wars? Why is there genocide? Why do the crooks that ruined our economy and our country get away with it? Why, why? Why?’
‘Why is there goodness? Why is there self-sacrifice? Why are there many acts of love and compassion and kindness? Why do miracles happen sometimes?’ he replied. ‘We don’t know. And the more we think we know, the less we know. But one thing I do know. Jeff is still around us. I know that very, very well,’ he said emphatically. ‘My parents are around me. They all really are only a thought away, you know.’
‘I’m fed up having one-sided conversations with him. I want to talk to him and get answers from him,’ Tessa snorted.
‘One-sided!’ He arched an eyebrow at her. ‘Remember the year after he died and we were going to Christmas Mass and you were crying? And what song came on the radio?’
‘That was a fluke!’
‘“No Woman No Cry”! I don’t think so. What about the day we were coming up to Dublin to move into Sally’s house and you were having a weep?’
She didn’t answer.
‘“Always Look on the Bright Side of Life”! When I used to be out on the boat I always knew he was with me because this one lone seagull would always follow us into port, even when all the others were gone. Every single time. And sometimes when I’d be down fishing off the South Wall, a seagull would come and fly around me for a while, squawking his head off. “There’s Jeff,” I’d say to myself. And I can’t explain it but a sort of peace would come over me. So that’s how I keep going, Tessa, because I know he’s there and I know I’ll see him again.’
Lorcan had never railed against God but she did often, even to this day, Tessa mused as she sat in the firelight with her husband’s arm around her, tired after the day’s events and all the driving. Lorcan had even made them a cup of tea when they’d got home, telling her to go and sit down and he’d bring it in to her. Another minor miracle, she thought.
‘Isn’t Katie a right little character? She goes on just the way Briony did when she was a child,’ Lorcan smiled, remembering the look of horror on Briony’s face when Katie had announced that she was expecting.
‘And isn’t Briony beautiful? So like Jeff around the eyes. I can’t wait for them to come and visit. I’m going to make an apple crumble; Briony used to love that,’ Tessa yawned.
‘It certainly will be something to look forward to. This is going to be a good Christmas, Tessa. The best in a long time.’ Lorcan kissed her forehead. His shoulder ached a little where she was resting on it, but he didn’t care. They were on an even keel again after a very long and rocky voyage, and for that he was truly grateful.
‘And how did they look?’ Valerie couldn’t hide her curiosity.
‘You were right, Mom, Gramma’s very elegant. She’s tall, with grey hair cut in a bob, and she was wearing black trousers and a lovely lilac jumper. She doesn’t look her age at all. I can’t believe she’s in her mid-seventies.’
‘Believe it. And Lorcan?’
‘Ah, isn’t he lovely? A real gentleman. He’s tall, but a bit stooped, with white hair—’
‘White? He used to be salt and pepper. He was a very good-looking man.’
‘You can see that in him still, in a craggy sort of way. And Lisa’s very like Gramma. She’s lovely too, good fun.’
‘And did any of them say anything about me?’ Valerie had to know.
‘Lorcan said to give you his regards,’ Briony said easily. She wasn’t going to tell Valerie that Tessa had been far from pleased when her husband had said that.
‘But did Tessa say anything?’ Valerie probed.
‘No, Mom,’ Briony said firmly. ‘She kept it very general, we just talked about old times and they’ve invited me to visit them in Dublin. We’re going to look at old photos. Did you get the photos of the grave I emailed you?’ She deftly changed the subject.
‘Yes, thank you, love. It’s good to see the grave. I just saw it again very briefly at Dad’s funeral, and then again when I left Rockland’s. The headstone wasn’t erected for months after the funeral to let the ground settle so I never got to see it properly,’ Valerie explained. ‘So when are you going to visit them?’ she asked diffidently.
‘Next week.’
‘Enjoy it,’ Valerie said, trying to keep her tone neutral.
‘I will, Mom. I’d better go and put Katie to bed. She’s wall falling. It was a long day but I just wanted to let you know how it all went.’
‘I bet they were entranced with little Miss Moffat,’ Valerie smiled, using her nickname for her grandchild.
‘Ah, she’s a great little trooper. She told them I had a baby in my tummy, but it wouldn’t be coming out of my bottom like a baby cow! I was mortified.’
‘Oh God, kids are a hoot. No inhibitions. I’m glad it turned out so well, darling. But what a coincidence that you bumped into Tessa and Lorcan at the grave.’
‘I got the impression from Tessa that she visits very regularly. At least first contact has been made and that hurdle has been jumped; it can only get better from now on,’ Briony said brightly. ‘’Night, Mom.’
‘’Night, love. Give Katie a kiss for me.’
‘I will, but sure, it won’t be too long until you’re home for Christmas. The year is flying by.’
‘Tell me about it,’ Valerie said drily.
‘Talk soon, sleep well,’ Briony said
and hung up. She could see her daughter’s head drooping. She needed to get her into her pyjamas pronto. It had been a great day for both of them. Briony had found her family again. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. How often did that happen, she thought happily, dying to get her daughter to bed so she could ring Finn and tell him her great news.
As Briony had said, ‘First contact has been made.’
Imagine, after all these years, Tessa Egan was back in her life again. Briony had been bubbling with excitement when she’d phoned to say what a wonderful day she’d had and how she had met Tessa and Lorcan so unexpectedly.
It was awful to feel jealous, but Valerie did. She wasn’t proud of that, she thought with a sigh. But if Briony was happy to have the Egans back in her life, she could hardly stand in her daughter’s way. Jeff would have wanted it and she couldn’t help but think he had helped to orchestrate this reunion. What were the odds of Briony going to visit the grave the same day and the same time as her grandparents? Lizzie would certainly say there had to be divine intervention involved, Valerie thought with wry amusement.
A thought struck her. When Briony’s baby was born in the spring, would she be inviting the Egans to the christening? Her stomach lurched. Whatever about meeting Lorcan, how awful would it be to have to come face to face with Tessa? ‘Oh, no,’ Valerie groaned. Whether she liked it or not, it now seemed inevitable that their paths would cross once more.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
‘We have a present for you,’ Katie said gleefully before she had even taken her coat off.
‘You can’t keep anything secret with this one,’ Briony laughed, helping her daughter divest herself of hat and gloves. It was a cold, windy day and the easterly breeze blowing in off the seafront in Clontarf had reddened their cheeks.
‘You have a present for me?’ Tessa exclaimed, her eyes lighting up as Katie presented her cheek for a kiss.
‘An’ for Granddad Lorcan,’ Katie assured her. ‘Do you want them now? Can we give the presents now, Mom?’
‘Just let me get my coat off, for goodness’ sake,’ Briony urged, shrugging out of her black woollen coat that soon would not fasten on her. She could feel it tight over her chest, her boobs having gone up a cup size, much to Finn’s delight.
‘I’ve the fire lit in the sitting room; we can sit in there later. Even though we have the central heating there’s something about a fire, isn’t there? Lorcan loves the fire.’
‘Where is he?’ Briony asked.
‘He’s just gone down to the Butler’s Pantry for me. They do a lovely coffee cake. I always get one as a special treat for very special visitors.’ She smiled at Katie.
‘Is we very special visitors?’ Katie was chuffed.
‘Very, very special,’ her great-grandmother assured her. ‘And I made an apple crumble for your mammy because she used to love it when she was a little girl like you.’
‘Gramma, I hope you didn’t go to too much trouble now,’ Briony remonstrated, following her grandmother into a light, airy, oak kitchen. ‘This is a lovely house,’ she remarked.
‘It is,’ Tessa agreed. ‘Of course, there was a lot of work to do on it when we got it first. It took us over a year to get it the way we wanted it. We were going to sell it and then we decided to move up here.’
‘And do you miss living in Rockland’s?’ Briony asked, sitting down at the kitchen table, which was set for the four of them.
‘I do and I don’t.’ Tessa bustled around filling the kettle. ‘But it is easier living here. There aren’t so many memories.’
‘Mom said the same about coming to live in Dublin,’ Briony said matter-of-factly. She had decided she was not going to skirt around the subject of Valerie. Her mother was not going to be the elephant in the room.
‘I can see that now that you say it,’ Tessa conceded. It was the first time it had occurred to her. She had always considered Valerie’s move to the city as an act purely to spite her, she thought, a little ashamed.
‘Hello, ladies.’ Lorcan appeared at the door and Katie beamed at him. He placed a large white cardboard box on the table. ‘One Butler’s Pantry coffee cake, as requested,’ he said to his wife.
‘Thank you, love. That was quick.’ She smiled at him, lifting the lid, taking out the caramel-coloured cake and putting it on a cake stand.
‘We’ve a present for you,’ Katie informed Lorcan excitedly, going to stand beside him.
‘A present for me?’ he echoed, pulling her ponytail gently.
‘Yep, for you and for Gramma Tessa. Mom, can we give them now?’
‘Go on,’ said Briony, knowing there’d be no peace until the presents were handed over. Katie hadn’t an ounce of patience. ‘Just something to say thanks for your kindness and to say how glad we are to be with you again, isn’t that right, Katie?’ Briony said lightly as her daughter rummaged in the gift bag.
‘You shouldn’t have!’ Tessa exclaimed when Katie joyfully handed her the present.
‘There’s three things in it,’ she revealed. ‘They’re so pretty. One’s a—’
‘Stop, Katie. It’s a surprise, remember?’ Briony warned.
‘OOPPS!’ Her daughter’s hand shot to her mouth.
‘And what’s this?’ Lorcan felt his present carefully.
‘It’s a book and a C— OOPPS!’ Katie glanced guiltily at her mother.
‘Oh, Briony! These are beautiful,’ Tessa exclaimed, opening the blue box in which reposed an elegant pearl necklace.
‘An’ there’s earrings an’ a bracelet,’ Katie announced, unable to contain herself.
‘It’s from The Princess Grace range in the Newbridge Collection. I thought they would suit you. Mom always said you were very elegant and she was right.’
‘Elegant, me?’ Tessa looked surprised. And was equally surprised that Valerie would pay her such a compliment. She held the pearls up against the neck of the black jumper she wore.
‘Let me fasten them,’ Briony offered, and smiled with satisfaction when they were settled right. ‘Very classy. A good choice, Katie,’ she approved.
‘I helped pick them, didn’t I, Mom?’
‘You did indeed,’ agreed her mother.
‘I like the Newbridge jewellery,’ Tessa said, walking out to the mirror in the hall to view her new gifts. ‘Lisa got me a beautiful diamanté bracelet one year. I’ll always treasure these. But you shouldn’t have.’
‘And look what I got,’ Lorcan said delightedly, showing his wife a copy of a book of seafaring poems and a CD of sea shanties.
‘I remember you singing “Heave Away, Haul Away” when you used to push me on the swing.’ Briony explained her choice of gift for him.
‘Do you remember that?’ he said, his blue eyes twinkling at the memory. ‘Aren’t you the thoughtful girl?’
‘Do you have a swing?’ Katie asked hopefully.
‘We don’t,’ he said regretfully. ‘But we can get one. I have a glasshouse, though. And I’ve got two big fat pumpkins for Halloween. Would you like to have a look at them?’
‘Oh, yes, please, Granddad,’ she said eagerly.
‘When we’ve had our tea,’ Tessa said firmly and for one delicious moment, Briony was transported back to Rockland’s, remembering Tessa making her wait to do something until the tea was over. It was something her grandmother had said often in those happy, carefree days. She had never thought she’d hear her say it again.
‘And do you miss work?’ Tessa asked an hour or so later as she and Briony sat at the kitchen table chatting, while Lorcan showed Katie his pumpkins and the bird feeder and birdbath and the two ornamental herons that stood, one-legged in a flowerbed in the garden.
‘Sometimes. I miss the crack and the chat and the laughs. I miss adult company and I certainly miss my pay cheque,’ she said wistfully. ‘But I love spending time with Katie. We used to have so little time together when I worked full time. Even to be able to come to visit you on a weekday afternoon is a treat. If I was working it would hav
e been at the weekend and there was always so much to have to try to fit in on Saturday and Sunday. Mom used to find that too. Monday morning was upon you before you knew it.’ Briony nibbled at a few crumbs of the delicious coffee cake that remained on her plate.
Tessa felt a little stab of guilt, remembering how Valerie had once told her that unannounced weekend visits were not a good idea. She had thought Valerie was being vindictive. She hadn’t understood how precious her free time was. She had been a bit pushy in those days, and thoughtless, she thought contritely. She hadn’t understood what it was like to be a mother working outside the home. She’d never had those issues herself when her children were young.
I have something for you,’ Tessa said, going to the hall-stand where her bag was. She came back in and handed Briony a hardbound notebook filled with writing. ‘These are letters I wrote to you over the years. They’re all about my life, about all our lives. Read them to get to know us again.’ She handed Briony the notebook.
‘Oh, Gramma! How lovely! Thank you so much.’ Briony was very moved.
Tessa cleared her throat. ‘Do you think your mother would be willing to meet me when she’s home for Christmas?’ she asked, busying herself clearing the table, not looking Briony in the eye.
‘Eh . . .’ Briony was thrown. She hadn’t expected this. ‘I can ask her,’ she said, putting the cake plates in a pile.
‘I’ve just been thinking it would be good to try and make our peace now that you and Katie are back in our lives. Jeff would like it. And so would Lorcan and the rest of the family.’
‘And what about you?’ Briony asked quietly.
‘I need to talk to your mother. There’s one little matter that has to be cleared up and set to right, and even if it’s only to meet for that, I’ll be glad of it,’ Tessa replied frankly.
‘I’ll be talking to her tonight and I’ll certainly say it,’ Briony promised, standing up and giving her grandmother a hug. Tessa rested her head on her shoulder and Briony held her close. Her grandmother was elderly now and had endured a lot of sadness and grief. It would be such a step forward if she and Valerie could put their enmity behind them. Was her mother ready to emulate Tessa and make a conciliatory gesture? For all their sakes Briony truly hoped she was.
With All My Love Page 40