TWO-TAIL
Real name: Misty
Ann Wong of Carson City, Nevada, was stuck with a nondescript cat who seemed incapable of mustering any interesting behavior. But she didn’t let that ability get in the way of her dreams; she simply clipped a fake tail onto her pet and lo! Two-Tail the double-appendaged cat was born. Ordinary cat behavior—eating, chasing a toy, sleeping—becomes incredibly fascinating when performed by a two-tailed cat, as Two-Tail’s millions of fans can attest.
FLUFF
Real Name: Fluff
What do you do when your cat is so adorable that kids can’t keep themselves from petting her, and so vicious that she clamps her jaws around the first chubby little finger to cross her sight line? Estelle Smith of Cricket, Ohio, turned a bloody negative into a lucrative positive by filming the results. Controversial and attention-getting, the Wrath of Fluff video series proves that carnage and cuteness do indeed mix.
GOOD BUDDY, THE TRUCKER CAT
Real Name: Paul
When you’re haulin’ a rig ten hours a day, it helps to have a companion who doesn’t talk too much and can keep the rats away while you sleep. But when “Big” Ed Brown started sharing pictures of his tomcat via social media, Good Buddy the Trucker Cat became his ticket to an early retirement. Surely you’ve seen Good Buddy in one of his trucker caps featuring hilarious sayings like “I’d rather be vomiting hairballs” and “Same crap … different litter box.”
RIGHT-SIDE-UP CAT
Real Name: Bella
Marsha Nutella had a dream: to train her cat to lie on her back with legs sticking straight in the air, so she could film her as “Upside-Down Cat.” It was a sound plan, except that her uncooperative pet refused to learn her part. Some people would have given up at that point, but Marsha had a brainstorm: film the cat standing upright, then use editing software to turn everything else upside down. And with that began the storied saga of Right-Side-Up Cat, a lone champion who remains upstanding in a topsy-turvy world.
AFRAID OF BIRDS CAT
Real Name: Spazz
We can all identify with the misadventures of Afraid of Birds Cat. In his videos, he’ll be going about his business: eating a snack, walking down the hall, licking his bum … when without warning his greatest phobia is triggered in the form of an avian interloper released into the scene. And as Afraid of Birds Cat bounces off walls and knocks over furniture in his panicked attempts to escape, we see reflected all of our own anxieties and fears. Oh, Afraid of Birds Cat, will you ever win? Will any of us?
GOODBYE KITTY
Real Name: Mittens
When Brenda Burrows of Hangnail, Florida, trained her cat Mittens to push doors closed on command, she changed her life forever. The clips of Goodbye Kitty slamming doors in people’s faces went viral overnight, because who among us hasn’t been tempted to end a boring conversation or annoying visit in just such a fashion? Religious proselytizers, census takers, dull neighbors, tedious in-laws—all have fallen victim to Goodbye Kitty’s famous “closed door policy.” And her famous catchphrase, “Goodbye and bad luck,” is just icing on the cake.
Acknowledgments
We’d like to thank the following cats (and their agents, managers, publicists, and hairdressers) for lending their time and talent to this project. We wish you all fame, fortune, and nine lifetimes of powerful brand awareness.
fm.1, 1.6, 2.1, and 2.7: Jeebus (Emily)
fm.2: Leo (April)
1.1, 1.3, 2.1, 3.4, 4.3, and 4.22: Snacks and Chaz (Jamie)
1.2, 1.11, 2.10, and 4.2: Bach and Handel (Eugene)
1.4 and 4.22: Luna and Raygun (Vince and Tara D.)
1.5 and 4.20: Lt. Ellen T. Ripley (Timaree and Carl)
1.7 and 4.18: Nigel and Rupert (Alix and Brian)
1.8, 2.6, and 2.11: Djuna and Zora (Rachel)
1.9, 1.13, and 2.8: Miko (Joelle)
1.10 and 1.13: Prudence (Tara H.)
1.12 and 2.17: Triscuit (Jerry)
1.13 and 2.15: Eliot (Christina)
1.13 and 4.8: Preta (Kerry)
2.1: Cleo (Bobbi and Stephen)
2.1, 2.20, 2.23, and 4.24: Meemz and Boswell (Helen and Lucia)
2.2: Lincoln (Bobbi and Matthew)
2.2 and 4.18: Smokey and Dexter (Linda and Larry)
2.4: Durkadurkadurkadurka (Annie)
2.5 and 4.13: Owlbert (Poliana)
2.9, 3.1, 3.2, and 4.7: Abstract Cat and Inky Dink (Dustin)
2.14 and 4.1: Claude (Alex)
2.16: Harper Lee (Lisa)
2.21: Chops and Corn (dog) (Kay)
2.22: Stevie (Megan)
3.10: Oliver (Barry and Gina); Bootsie (Eleanor and Peter)
3.10, 4.17, and 4.20: Ronnie (Christine)
4.9: Mewmerz (Kristina)
4.10: Wally (Ilana and Jed)
4.11: Astrid (Sarah)
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Patricia Carlin is the author of How to Tell If Your Boyfriend Is the Antichrist (and If He Is, Should You Break Up with Him?). She lives in Pennsylvania. Dustin Fenstermacher is a photographer whose work has appeared in the New York Times, Vice, Village Voice, New Jersey Magazine, Washington Post Magazine, and a litany of other publications
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